The Day You Went Away
by mpg
Summary: Two lives. One with everything she ever wanted, the other with heartache worse than she can hope to endure. How can she tell the difference between what is real and what is pure fantasy? BxE AU/AH Canon/OOC
1. Chapter 1

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**CHAPTER ONE**

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_A/N:- This story was inspired by a beautiful banner which FatesLoveQueen had up for adoption. _

_Something about it struck me the first time I saw it and I knew I had to adopt it. _

_Since then, this little plot bunny has been bouncing through my mind. _

_Hopefully it will be different to anything you've read before._

_Here's the banner - http:/yfrog(dot)com/oed60p _

_I own nothing. _

_Boydblog deserves tones of praise for pushing and probing me, she knows where she helped and I'll be forever thankful. _

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"You...don't...want...me?"

I felt a numbness settle into my limbs as the finality of those words sank in. I looked into Edward's eyes, imploring for this to be some kind of mistake; a miscommunication that we would laugh about in a few hours, but nothing on his face contradicted his words.

_He doesn't want me_.

"I'll always love you, in a way. But I'm tired of pretending to be something I'm not. I am not human Bella. What happened the other night made me realize things have to change."

I shook my head. I didn't want the words to penetrate any deeper than they already had. Maybe if I could stop them from reaching my heart, I could stop it from shattering.

I reached my hand out to him and he took a step back. His expression was ice cold and hard as stone as he spoke. "You're not good for me, Bella."

I stifled the cry that threatened to rip from my throat.

_How long had I been telling myself that? _

I knew I wasn't good enough for him, but I had allowed myself to believe. I had opened my heart to Edward. That decision had left me vulnerable, and now I was to suffer the consequence.

_Never again_, I vowed.

I could almost feel the thick wall of emotions building around my heart to protect it from the pain that threatened to break through the staggering numbness. I knew I would never love another, ever again.

I looked to Edward's face. I had always seen him as an angel, a carved Adonis that had somehow found _me_ worthy of his affection. Only I _wasn't_ worthy. He had just confirmed that in one horrid sentence.

_Had I ever held his heart?_

The torture of the pain I could no longer fight burned the numbness from my limbs. A searing agony radiated through my chest, starting at my heart, where the metaphorical knife he had plunged, twisted sharply.

I finally saw Edward for what he thought he was; a monster with no heart. I had to agree with the assessment. I couldn't find any other way to explain his callous disregard for my feelings.

_If he'd ever actually loved me, surely he would have considered what I wanted? _

If not, had he just pretended to love me for months? I wondered if I was nothing more than a big joke to him and his family.

Anger simmered inside. Anger at him for this masquerade, anger at myself for believing the lies he had been telling me for so many months. As usual, my tears were hardwired into my anger and pricked my eyes. I brushed them away fiercely, determined not to let Edward see me cry. No doubt that would be another tick on some mental checklist Edward had of human experiences he wanted to witness before moving on.

I bit my lip to keep myself from saying anything I would regret. I couldn't believe how stupid I'd been. I quickly re-examined our entire relationship to this point. My first instinct when I'd found out about Edward and his ability to read all minds but mine was that he thought of me as a science experiment.

_Was that all I was to him? Hadn't he just confirmed it?_

When he stopped speaking to me after the incident with the van, it had only been _after_ the other boys had asked me out that he started talking to me again. He was just like the child who, upon seeing someone else with a toy, wanted to play with it. If they had never spoken to me, would he have?

I didn't understand. He didn't want me, but no one else could have me either? Was I an item to be possessed before someone else staked a claim? Was that all I was to him?

The anger that had been simmering boiled over into a monstrous rage.

I clenched my fists to brace myself for the words I needed to say, "That's fine."

His face registered with emotion for the first time, the blank mask stripped away to show something else. _Surprise_?

"I don't want to be just some plaything anyway," I continued. "I would rather find someone who will treat me the way I _deserve_ to be treated."

His eyes widened and for half a second, he looked like he wanted to say something. Then his eyes melted into pool of liquid honey that seemed to swirl in confusion. He closed his mouth, and his brow furrowed. Finally, he opened his mouth again.

"Bella?" His voice was a fervent whisper. He leaned forward, reaching his hand out toward me, but he didn't actually touch me. "Do you honestly feel that I did not treat you right?"

"You. Don't. Want. Me." I fumed, repeating each word slowly to allow the truth of them to sink in.

"It doesn't matter," he whispered, almost to himself. As each word came out, his back straightened and he shifted further away from me.

My anger raged, burning quickly until there was nothing left but the simmering coals of devastation. We'd been together for months, and it was all a lie.

"Did our time together mean nothing to you?" I challenged.

"Does it matter?" his quiet calm a complete contradiction of the swirl of emotions racing through my body.

My mouth formed a hard line as I fought desperately to contain the rush of emotions I felt over his callous disregard for me.

_He doesn't want me; he never really wanted me_.

"No," I said forcefully. It was all I could get out before my voice broke. "I-it doesn't."

My own words confirmed that _this_ was _it_. There _was_ no more us, no more Bella and Edward. No more nights held securely in his arms as he hummed the song he claimed I had inspired. I wasn't sure about that anymore; I couldn't trust anything he'd ever said to me. I only knew that I wasn't good enough for him and that knowledge was enough to shatter me.

I could almost hear the click of the lock on my heart, sealing it away from further damage. I would never allow anyone else to claim it, not if it meant that I had to suffer through this heartache when they realized what I had known all along, that I wasn't worthy of true love. I wasn't enough to hold anyone's attention for anything more than a few fleeting moments. In Edward's lifespan, our time together was nothing more than a blip on the radar. A first date that spanned just a few short months before I was deemed unworthy of a second one.

"Well, if we're done here," I said, trying to stop my voice from breaking and giving away how close to tears I was. I wasn't sure if he wanted to speak again or not but I didn't give him the opportunity. I took one last lingering look at his face, which was filled with a range of emotions I couldn't recognize, and then turned and fled as fast as my legs would carry me.

The one thing I hadn't considered was my ability to be a klutz at the worst possible time. I tripped on a fallen tree branch. I put one arm out in front of me automatically to try and stop my fall. My wrist twisted on impact, and I screamed in agony. I rolled over onto my back as quickly as I could, taking the pressure off, but that didn't stop the pain in my arm. I figured at best I had sprained it, but was seriously worried that maybe it was broken because the pain was almost unbearable. I felt a warm trickle spreading across my skin and the smell of rust and salt pierced the air. The stitches Carlisle had carefully placed, had ripped loose.

I struggled to keep conscious as the smell and sight of my blood overtook me, but it was a battle I was quickly losing. The last thing I saw before I lost the fight were the black eyes of a beautiful vampire staring at the bleeding wound on my arm.

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I woke up in a place I knew well—Edward's room—but I didn't know why I was there, not after what had just happened. _Or was that just a horrific nightmare?_

I sat up and looked at my surroundings. The rows of CDs on the shelves were gone. The stereo was packed away. All of Edward's personal belongings had been cleared from his room. All that remained was one piece of furniture, the piece that I was currently occupying: the black leather sofa.

A light knock on the door drew my attention. I saw Edward standing in the doorway. His face was apprehensive and he seemed hesitant to come any closer.

"Can I come in?" he asked.

I shrugged, trying to bite back the tears. "It's your room."

He looked at the blank shelves. "Not really, not anymore."

His words, and the expression on his face, confirmed what I already knew. What had happened was not a nightmare. It was real and as that hit me, I couldn't stop the tears. I sat staring at the bandage that was now wound up the length of my arm. "Why?"

In my periphery, I saw Edward's head rise and his eyes dart to the place I was staring. "I... I couldn't let you bleed to death. I have enough medical knowledge to stitch a wound back together. I know how you feel about hospitals, so I didn't want to take you there."

"You think I care about my arm!" I shouted, scrambling to my feet and immediately feeling woozy. I swayed, but just before I fell, I felt Edward's arms surround my waist. I hadn't even seen him move.

His face was inches from mine and I could smell the sweet scent of his breath wash over me. My eyes half-closed of their own accord as my lips fell open into a soft pout. My tongue slipped forward and glided across my bottom lip. Another inch and our lips would touch. '_YES'_, screamed the part of me that would always want Edward. '_PROTECT YOURSELF_, screamed the part that was just beginning to try to 'stitch up' the damage he had just caused.

As soon as I knew my footing was stable—as stable as my footing could ever be—I stepped back out of Edward's embrace. He didn't protest. I looked deep into his eyes, mesmerized and unable to turn away.

"Why wasn't I enough for you?" I whispered.

His eyes burned into me, it seemed as if he were imploring me to understand something, but I didn't. The only thing I was capable of understanding was that he didn't want me.

His eyes left my face. "You are so fragile and corruptible," he murmured, his voice taking on a quiet, thoughtful tone. "You are just a human, so it doesn't matter."

His eyes settled back on my face, and he watched impassively as my tears ran freely down my face. I was unable to control them even if I wanted to, but I didn't care anymore, he deserved to see the pain he was putting me through. He took another step closer to me.

"Why did you follow me then?" I asked, my voice shaky from his proximity and not my tears.

"I heard you scream and," he took a deep breath, "the _scent_ of your blood hit me. I couldn't leave you there, _bleeding_."

He had covered the distance that I had put between us again but he wasn't reaching out to try to touch me.

"Did it smell good?" I asked.

He'd smelled my blood, just days earlier. There were other threats around then. Now, there was just him and me, and the questions I needed answered.

"Bella!" Edward's eyes snapped to mine almost begging not to be asked _that_ question.

"I want to know if my blood smelled as appealing to you when it was being spilt."

He closed his eyes and whispered, "_More_."

I held up my arm. "Do you want to taste it again? Untainted by venom and running freely."

He stepped back away from me. "Bella, stop."

I began to unwind the bandage on my arm. I may not have been enough to keep him interested, but my blood did appeal to him. I looked away as I continued to loosen the bandage.

Instantly, I felt his hands on mine, halting my progress.

"Stop!"

When I looked at his face his eyes burned into me, full of unreadable emotions. His hands didn't move from mine.

"It took everything I had to be able to stitch you up with your scent in the air," he whispered dangerously. "I don't know if I could resist it a second time."

"Then don't." I met his eye.

I had known for so long that there was no one else I wanted. Now I knew without doubt that there was no one else I could _ever_ want. At some point—possibly even the first time I'd ever seen him—my entire world, and being, had become wrapped around him.

"You don't know what you're asking," he said, shaking his head slowly.

The way he had looked after me and the fact that he seemed to need me to understand made me certain that he did in fact care for me. _Maybe he did love me?_

"I know _exactly_ what I'm asking. It's what I've wanted since I met you. You want it too, don't you? I'll be enough for you then, won't I? When I'm no longer a fragile human."

He shook his head, dragging it from side to side as though the tension in the air was physically thickening it. When his eyes focused on me again, I saw hunger and need. I tried to steady my breathing as his hands clamped around my wrists and he guided them around behind my back.

He had complete control over me. My lips were close enough that all I would need to do is stand on tip-toes and claim them.

Before I was even able to close that small distance between us, Edward took a step towards me, forcing me to take a step backwards. His face had switched from needful to the mask of hatred I remembered from the time before we were together, when he had tried to frighten me off.

"Is that what you want?"

I nodded. He took another step, propelling me backwards.

"You _want_ to be in agonizing pain for days on end?" he asked, taking another step. "And when you are just beginning to think that it can't possibly feel any worse than it does, your senses increase and shift, giving you many new and varied ways to endure the agony?"

I didn't know what to say as I stared into his eyes as he spat out his invective.

"To be slave to a thirst that makes you crave the blood of the one person you want more than anything to keep alive? To put your parents through the grief of losing their only daughter so early in her life?"

I felt my legs hit the sofa and I was being held against it. I tried to pull my hands from Edward's grip but he didn't relinquish his hold. My wrists were beginning to ache from the death grip he held them with.

"Is that what you want?" he asked again.

Adrenaline coursed through my body and I felt myself nod. Tears flowed freely down my cheeks.

"And you want to force me to be the one to inflict that on you?" he asked finally.

"Edward, please," I sobbed. "_Don't!"_

"Don't what, Bella?" he spat. He bent his face down so that his lips were touching my neck. "Don't change you? I thought it was what you wanted?"

I shook my head 'no', unable to talk or see through my tears.

In an instant, I felt myself falling onto the sofa, my arms free of their cage. I choked back a sob that was fighting its way into my throat as the coolness of Edward's hands left me.

"No," I whispered. "Don't do _this._"

The room was silent.

"_Don't go!"_ I called out to the emptiness around me.

It was too late. The whole house was silent.

Edward was gone.

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I didn't know how much time had past when I registered a shrill ringing in my mind.

My face was sweaty from being pressed against the leather, or maybe it was just soaked with tears, I couldn't be sure. I tried to identify the ringing. The sound was familiar, yet my brain couldn't identify the source. Instead, I rolled over and inhaled Edward's scent on the sofa. It brought a fresh round of tears and a renewed fog in my mind.

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The ringing continued regularly throughout the night, but I couldn't force myself to respond. It was as if a heavy darkness had settled over my whole body as night had closed in.

Since Edward's departure, it felt like sun had left my world permanently. Even his familiar scent—which had been so strong when I'd first woken—was faded to my _human_ senses.

Everything I thought I knew was suddenly wrong. I had thought Edward had loved me. My mind instantly created a thousand excuses for what had just happened. A tiny, hopeful part of me imagined that there was more to the situation, but I saw the simple, inescapable truth. Despite loving Edward with everything I had, it wasn't enough. I was nothing more than a human girl, one that he could easily dispose.

_It doesn't matter._

The words he'd said came back to haunt me, swirling around my mind until they changed and morphed into what I saw as the reality of the situation.

I_ don't matter._

I pressed my head to the soft, black leather and willed myself away from the pain.

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	2. Chapter 2

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**CHAPTER TWO**

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_A/N:- Banner by FatesLoveQueen http:/yfrog(dot)com/oed60p _

_I own nothing. Boydblog helped and I'll be forever thankful. _

_She fixed. I fiddled. Any mistakes that remain are on me. _

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The harsh knocking at the door woke me.

I wasn't ready to acknowledge it, so I kept my eyes shut. I reached my hands out to stretch; the way I'd been curled on the sofa wasn't comfortable. I stretched my neck slowly from side to side, feeling the kinks loosen just a little more with each pass.

It took a few moments for the memories of what had happened before I'd drifted off to come back to me. Edward's words, the accident, the pain. _Oh God, the pain! _

The knocking on the door continued. I pushed myself upright. I knew I wasn't ready to face the reality of a life without Edward, but reason had sunk in. I'd left home over twelve hours ago, Charlie was sure to be worried.

The sound came again.

"I'm coming!" I shouted, hoping they'd hear me despite the distance between _his _room and the door.

"I'll get it shall I?"

I jumped with surprise as Edward's voice filled the space behind me.

I stood quickly, turning to see whether he was really there.

_What had changed? What was different?_

He walked passed me toward the door with a smile and a wink. I was in a lounge room, not his bedroom.

I held my breath for a moment in shock. I glanced around at my surroundings; we weren't in his home in Forks. We weren't at Charlie's house. I wasn't sure _where _we were.

"Edward?" I asked, turning quickly as he welcomed whoever was at the door.

He turned to me and I realized something was wrong. His skin was slightly tanned, his eyes a piercing green. I staggered back, knocking my arm against the wall. A sharp pain radiated from the wound. I stared at the bandage remembering that Edward had stitched me up after I'd fallen in the forest.

"Bella, are you okay?"

I pressed myself further into the wall, feeling the pressure of the wound and trying to ground myself in reality.

"I can come back later if you're not feeling well?"

I looked up as the voice spoke. It was Alice.

I'd thought I'd never see her again when Edward had left for good. I propelled myself across the room and into her arms. I ignored the warmth that was radiating from her and the grey color of her eyes.

She laughed nervously. "Well, that's certainly an interesting greeting. What happened to 'hello'?"

"I thought I'd never see you again," I murmured, as much for my own benefit. I needed to hear something that made sense.

"I just saw you a few days ago." She was frowning at me. "Are you feeling alright?"

I shook my head. "I just want to know what's going on."

I finally faced up to the one thing that had been staring me in the face since I'd woken.

"Why are you all…_human_?" I asked, whispering the last word.

Alice looked at me like I had lost my mind.

I backed away from her, edging back to the wall where I could feel the sharp pain in my arm as a reminder that this was all just a dream.

_I'm still on a leather sofa back in Forks, pining for Edward; this is just a fantasy in my mind to counter the pain._

"I think that it might be best if you do go," Edward said under his breath to Alice. "I'll call you later."

She nodded as he kissed her cheek. She shot me one last concerned look before heading back out the door.

Edward was in front of me almost as soon as he'd shut the door. It took me a moment to realize that he hadn't moved with his usual speed, I just hadn't been paying attention to him.

He raised his hand so that it caressed my face gently. His thumb traced small circles on my cheek. "Are you still sore from the accident?" he asked quietly.

I frowned. _Accident?_

I realized I had spoken aloud.

"The car accident, when you hurt your arm."

I shook my head. "That was from falling in the forest."

He laughed loudly. "Forest? There isn't a forest around for miles."

"Where…where am I?"

"You're in our home, Bella…where you belong."

"_Our_ home."

His lips turned down into a frown. "That's it. I'm taking you back to the hospital."

"No." I didn't want to go to hospital. I was certain I was just dreaming. Everything would be fine and back to normal when I woke. Although, when I woke, it would be to a world without Edward. I wasn't sure if I was ready to face _that_ reality.

His hand still caressed my face gently and his eyes implored mine softly, bouncing from one eye to the other as if he was silently assessing my sanity.

"Okay, I won't take you yet. But at the first sign of anything else odd, I'm calling your neurologist."

I nodded. I wanted to ask why I needed a neurologist, but I was certain that would fall under Edward's definition of 'odd'.

"Do you want some lunch?"

I nodded again. His concern for me was evident and I wanted so badly to believe that this world was real. This Edward loved me. More than that, he _wanted_ me. He smiled and gave me a quick, chaste kiss on the lips. He dropped one of his hands so that his fingers entwined with mine and led me to the kitchen.

I couldn't help but silently appraise the house as he walked me through it. It wasn't massive or as opulent as the Cullen house was back in the real world. Instead, it was homey and comfortable. It reminded me of the house I'd lived in with mom in Phoenix, but much more modern. It was very close to what I had always imagined my house would look like when I grew up and got married, which cemented the thought in my mind that this was definitely just a dream.

Edward let go of my hand after we reached the kitchen, stalking with a definite purpose toward the fridge. I climbed onto one of the stools that rested beneath the bench and watched as he moved around the kitchen with perfect ease. I was watching him so intently, I barely registered that he had started talking to me.

"Sorry, what?" I asked.

He gave me another one of those inquisitive stares for a moment. "I was talking to Mom earlier. She said Rosalie was back in town."

"That's nice."

He dropped what he was doing and stalked over to me. "Okay, Bella, the game's up. What's wrong with you today?"

"I'm fine," I lied.

He chuckled. "Now I know that you're not. You hate Rosalie."

"I don't hate her," I answered, thinking of the Rosalie I knew. "She scares me, but I don't hate her."

"You bristle every time her name is mentioned. You hate the fact that Mom and Dad are still close with her."

I wondered why I would do that, and realized again that I was completely lost in this world. The real world might have been Edward-less, but at least it made sense.

"I just don't think it's that big a deal," I bluffed. "I'm over it."

He snorted. "You're over it?"

I nodded.

"So even though we've fought about her more times than I can recall, you're over it?"

I nodded again, trying to plant a smile on my face.

"And the fact that she's my ex and my parents are dying for the day we get back together, that means nothing to you anymore?"

I sat stunned. _Edward and Rosalie?_ I shook my head slowly, telling myself again it was all a dream. It was some weird fantasy my mind was concocting. I wondered if my sub-conscious was picking up a trashy daytime soap on TV in the real world.

"I knew it," Edward said, a sudden smile playing at his lips. "You can't fool me you know."

My heart raced at his words. _Does he know this is all a dream?_

"You _are_ jealous. I can see it in your eyes." He leaned across the breakfast bar and took my face in his hands. "Baby, I love you. You know that. I can't help the fact that my parents think the daughter of a cop isn't good enough for their son."

My breath caught in my chest as his lips met mine again, only this time there was nothing chaste about the kiss. His tongue slipped into my mouth and explored eagerly. I moaned at the barrage of new sensations washing through my body.

"How about we hold off lunch for just a while longer?" His eyes darkened, like the lush green foliage deep in the forest where Edward used to take me. He kissed my lips once more before releasing me and rounding the breakfast bar. He picked me up into his arms and his lips were on mine in an instant as we headed toward the bedroom.

I moaned loudly into his mouth. I'd dreamt so often about being intimate with him, but it was always impossible. Edward and I had discussed so often how he could inadvertently hurt me; either his desire for my blood or being unable to restrain his inhuman strength.

This Edward had no such concerns. He was flesh and blood. It was a fantasy I'd indulged in often. I couldn't help the desire that built within me knowing I could experience it with the richness of my current fantasy. I knew that it would cause me insurmountable grief when I returned to my reality, but I couldn't resist.

He placed me lightly on the floor just inside the bedroom door but kept his arms wrapped around me. Before I had time to take stock, Edward took control. Lips met lips and clothes were shed eagerly. Edward's cell rang as I wrestled with the button on his jeans

"I'll ignore it," he murmured into my mouth.

His hands caressed the curves of my shoulders, as if they had been designed for that very purpose. With obviously practiced skill, he ran one hand up into the hair at the nape of my neck as the other toyed with the strap of my bra.

We had already passed all of the carefully constructed barriers that usually existed between us, or at least the '_us' _that I knew. As that thought seeped into my mind, I grew self-conscious. The Edward in front of me may have been a dream and he may think he'd seen me naked a hundred times before, but I hadn't experienced it.

Edward's phone rang again and I took it as an excuse to break off the kiss.

"You should get it," I murmured. "It might be important."

Edward shot me a disappointed look, but nodded. His phone was out of his pocket and at his ear in seconds. He greeted whoever was calling, held up one finger to me to let me know he would just be a moment and then walked out of the room.

I looked around, taking in the tiny details; the pieces of evidence of a life, _my life_ with Edward. Framed photos of the two of us covered most of the surfaces. I picked up the closest one, on a dresser near the door, and almost dropped it again immediately. I was not prepared for the image I saw surrounded by the ornate guilt frame. I wasn't sure whether to believe what my eyes saw.

Edward looked handsome—and human—in a black tuxedo as he stared lovingly at me, his smile wide and bright. My own face was turned to stare back at him, my smile matching his, and the veil secured in my hair falling delicately over my shoulders. The white dress wrapped my body tightly, figure-hugging down to my knees where it flared out delicately like a mermaid's tail.

I put the picture down slowly with shaky hands, before I looked to the fingers of my left hand. More specifically, to the thin platinum band set with many tiny diamonds that rested on my forth finger. I hadn't noticed the weight of it before, but now it felt heavy on my finger.

_How can I be married to Edward and not know? _

I traced the images of Edward and I in the photo and strained to remember something, _anything_, about the wedding.

_Whatever lays ahead, good or bad, we will face it together. Distance may test us for a time, and time may try us, but if we look to each other first, we will always see a friend. Bella, look to me for all the days to come. Today I take my place as your husband._

The words came to me slowly, whispered on the breeze of memory. I closed my eyes and allowed the murmurs of recollection to overtake my mind, hoping to make some sense of the insanity into which I'd been thrust.

As if allowing the memory in had flicked some switch in my brain, my head was suddenly filled with recollections of my time with Edward. My life, my real life here in this reality with Edward, flooded back to me and I realized how foolish the fantasies of vampires had been. I leaned heavily against the dresser as the extent of my insanity raged through my thoughts. Random pieces of our history flittered through my mind.

Arms slipped around me, and a warm breath whispered across my neck. "What are you thinking about?" Edward murmured.

"Our wedding."

His arms tightened around me. "It was such a beautiful day. _You_ were so beautiful that day."

I turned around in his arms and virtually attacked him. I needed to feel him in my arms to cement the memories invading my mind. I craved contact with him, desperate to reconnect with my own body which I now felt distanced from.

I wasn't eighteen and living in Forks. I was twenty-six and living in California, with Edward as my husband. The visions of my life with Charlie—of vampires—were imaginary. They were fantasies created in my mind while it recovered from trauma. My neurologist, Dr Laurent, had explained it all. I remembered that now.

I kissed Edward as though my life depended on it, as though his presence rooted me to reality. His practiced hands raced across my body, touching and caressing. It seemed he was acknowledging my sudden recognition, or maybe he was just responding to my obvious desperation.

We tumbled onto the bed as a mess of tangled limbs, clawing at the last of our remaining clothes urgently.

I cried out in pleasure as Edward slid into me. His eyes met mine.

"I love you," I declared.

"You too." He kissed my throat.

I was surrounded by him; by the aura of love he was radiating. I'd never felt such an overwhelming sensation before.

My hands burned deliciously as they trailed along his sides and down to his back. He moaned as I dug my fingernails into the base of his spine to pull him closer to me, and deeper into me.

"Christ, Bella!" he exclaimed, thrusting as I lifted my hips to grant him access.

He fisted the sheet beside my head, gaining more leverage. On his next drive, he pushed deeper still, eliciting another low moan from my mouth.

He pushed his body up, and I almost cried at the loss of warmth and feeling of security his weight had given me. He smirked, obviously finding amusement in the emotions printed on my face. His plan became apparent quickly as he lifted my leg, hooking my knee over his shoulder and leaning his weight down over me again.

My moans were replaced with small cries of pleasure as he found new depths and new angles. He sat up again, clasping my captured leg tenderly in his hand and kissing my calf.

My hands found the bed, fingers digging for purchase that I could no longer find on his body.

I tilted my hips as he thrust into me once more, lifting my leg over his head and hooking it over his opposite shoulder. My hips were twisted in my new position and he ran his hand lightly over my ass cheek, before digging his fingers in.

He pushed me, tilting my hips into my stomach slightly, causing a new sensation of pleasure and pain. Then he pounded into me, his hips smashing against my pelvis as I cried out repeatedly. I had my memories again, but I couldn't have ever expected this to _feel_ so…so…heavenly. I screamed loudly as his constant rhythm brought me to the very height of ecstasy and then dropped me suddenly from the top.

As my panting slowed slightly and my sanity returned, I realised he was pulsing inside of me, having found his own relief. Edward slumped against me and kissed my breasts tenderly. He released my leg and my hips were able to find the mattress again.

"Wow, Bella," he murmured. "It hasn't been like that in so long."

I grinned. "Well, you're the one who's been too afraid that you'd hurt me after the accident."

He chuckled. "True."

We lay there in each other's arms for a few moments more before he pulled me up and into the shower.

~ 0 ~

Edward had already left for work and I was getting ready. I had no idea what for exactly, I had no real plans. I still had four hours before I needed to get ready for my job at the diner. I decided I would give Alice a call and see if she wanted to come over. I owed her an apology for wigging out earlier.

I was on my way to find where I'd left my cell when something silver caught my eye on the dresser. I reached for it and realized it was a key. I rested it on my palm, staring and wondering what it opened. I tightened my fingers into a fist around it and closed my eyes.

~ 0 ~

**A/N:- Thank you to everyone who favourited, alerted &/or reviewed the first chapter. I'm really excited by this idea & I hope you will be too. **


	3. Chapter 3

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**CHAPTER THREE **

~ 0 ~

_A/N:- Banner by FatesLoveQueen http:/yfrog(dot)com/oed60p _

_I own nothing. Boydblog helped and I'll be forever thankful. _

_She fixed. I fiddled. Any mistakes that remain are on me. _

~ 0 ~

My palm was starting to ache.

I opened my eyes and stared down at my clenched fist. I knew something was wrapped within my fingers; I just couldn't remember what it was.

I pushed myself up from the black leather, warmed by my body, and looked around.

I blinked in confusion as I saw blank white shelves in front of me. Shelves which I knew once held an impossible number of books and CDs, as well as a state of the art stereo system. I was in a room that I had once associated with love: first love, new love, eternal love. Only nothing of the former inhabitant, or the love I thought we shared, was present any more.

I closed my eyes again and took a deep breath, willing myself to be back in the real world. I wanted to return to the place where vampires existed only in books and movies. Where Edward and I lived happily as a couple and where I'd never had to endure the heartbreak of his words.

I opened my eyes again, and was greeted once more by expansive empty, white shelves. I sighed, thinking that maybe it was just a dream after all. Maybe that perfect world I'd created was nothing more than my mind granting me wish fulfillment.

The things Edward had done to me though, I never knew such things were possible. I never imagined sensations so intense. I couldn't see how my mind could possibly have dreamt up such pleasure.

As if to pull me from my dream, I felt a twinge in my palm. It was a protest over the pain of whatever object I had fisted into it. I opened my fingers slowly, frowning as I saw the glint of silver.

A key.

_A key to what?_

The phone downstairs started to ring and I shook my head to clear it. Everything that had happened in the moments before my sleep came flooding back to me. I had no idea how long I had lay catatonic, but I knew Charlie must have been out of his mind with worry.

I stumbled to my feet, my legs wobbly from disuse. I took one last look at the sofa and the bedroom, and wondered whether I would ever be back there again. Then I wondered whether _he _would be.

I turned and walked down the stairs. There would be plenty of time to fall in a heap when I was home, but at the moment I needed to get out of the Cullen house.

My legs were jelly by the time I reached the ground floor. The phone had long stopped ringing, but it didn't matter. It had been the excuse I'd needed to raise from the sofa.

I walked toward the now silent phone. I wanted to pick it up and call Charlie so that he could come and get me, but I had to gather the courage first. I knew he would be concerned, but I knew his worry would quickly give way to anger. I just wasn't sure whether that anger would be directed at me or Edward.

_Does it matter?_

I took another deep breath and stared at the key in my palm as if it would somehow give me strength. I began to question my sanity that something so small and meaningless, so cold and shiny could have quickly become a source of comfort.

My breathing spiked as I dialed home.

"Hello?" Charlie's voice was pinched and tired.

"It's me…"

"Bella?"

I heard my name repeated again and again in the background getting further away with each new murmur, like a ripple spreading from an epicenter.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly.

_Am I okay? _I thought about the question. I was okay when I was dreaming, or whatever that was. I was okay yesterday when Edward was still at my side. As fresh tears slid from my eyes and the twisting in my chest made the pain evident again, I didn't think I was. I tried to answer aloud, but it came out as a hitched sob.

"Bella!" Charlie called to me urgently. The stress was even more evident in his voice than before. "Where are you?"

"I'm at…Edward's." It had tumbled from my lips without any thought. It hurt so badly just saying his name. I squeezed the key in my hand, the sharpness drawing the pain from my chest just a little.

"Wait there."

It was obvious that Charlie had his 'Chief Swan' hat on. He didn't even say good-bye before he was barking orders to all and sundry. I held the phone at my ear as a fresh round of sobs ripped through my body. Before he'd even hung up the phone, I sank to the ground against the wall. I clutched my hand tightly around the phone in one hand and the key in the other. Sob after sob left me in agony. I brought my arms around my body, desperate to hold myself together.

~ 0 ~

"Bella!"

Charlie pounded on the front door, but it was too hard for me to get to my feet and cover the short distance. I had no idea how long I had sat wrapping myself up to try to hold the pieces together, but I hadn't succeeded. Every ticking second was another fissure in my heart.

"Bella! Are you in there?"

I wanted to call out to him, but my grief had stolen my voice. I could barely breathe with the sobs ripping through my chest.

"Go check if any of the doors are unlocked."

I raised my head and tried again to call out to him. I saw shapes move passed the drawn blinds on the windows. I could hear people rattling the doors and windows, trying to find a way in.

"I'm in here," I called as loudly as I could. It came out as a tired whisper. Knowing that Charlie was there waiting for me somehow made the last of the fight leave my body. My head slumped forward onto my knees and my arms wrapped everything into a tight bundle.

Arms enveloped mine and held me tightly.

"Bells."

I raised my head when I heard the voice.

"Jacob?" I croaked. "What are you doing here?"

"Your Dad's had half the town looking for you. I had to beg, but he let me join in too."

"He left me," I murmured, unable to contain the horrid truth a moment more.

Jacob rested his cheek on the top of my head. "I know."

Another set of tears, and horrid, gut-wrenching sobs, wracked my body as I took comfort in the arms of my friend.

"C'mon," he said finally. "Let's get you back out to Charlie."

I nodded, but had no strength to help him as he lifted me to my feet. He pried the phone out of my hand and placed it back onto the bench before wrapping his arms around me. He held me tightly as he guided me from the house. He called for Charlie a couple of times, and Charlie rushed to my side, brushing Jacob off with a quick thanks.

"Are you okay?" he asked. I could almost feel his eyes burning into the partially unwoven bandage around the wound on my arm.

What could I say? Physically, I was fine. Emotionally, I couldn't be certain. I had a vision which not only seemed real, but felt real. Unfortunately, it was something I could never tell anyone else about. I nodded. "I just want to go home."

Charlie looked like he was going to argue for a moment, but then he nodded.

The drive back to our house was silent, despite the look on Charlie's face which told me he had a thousand questions burning him just below the surface. I was glad the fire of them was contained for the moment. I certainly wasn't ready to face the inquisition that I knew would come soon.

The car had stopped. I had no idea how long we'd been parked, but I sat immobile as everything ran through my head on repeat. Edward's words in the forest, in his bedroom, the strange dream I'd had and then the desolation of knowing he was gone. A biting pain stabbed my palm and I stared at my hand, wondering what had caused it.

I turned my fist over and forced my fingers open. They felt like they'd been clenched for hours on end. A glint of silver made me remember what I was holding.

The key.

_But the key to what? _

I remember picking up a key in my fantasy, or dream, or whatever that was, but I wasn't certain that this was the same key. I turned it over on my palm, and then turned it again. I became mesmerized by the way the rare Forks sunlight reflected from the key and into my eyes. Almost the way the light would reflect off the Cullens skin, but nowhere near as dazzling.

"Bella?" Charlie's voice broke through my thoughts.

"Huh?"

"I asked if you needed help."

I shook my head, before clenching my fingers around the small sliver of silver. The key had become something of a talisman for me, something tangible I could hold onto.

~ 0 ~

"Are you sure this is the best thing for her?"

"Bella has experienced a severe trauma. In order for her arm to heal, her body needs a chance to recover. These will help that."

"What about the…other thing."

"I'm afraid only time will tell how she will respond to that. She is extremely emotionally withdrawn. She wouldn't say what happened to her while she was missing. I would like to schedule an appointment with her in a month to assess her overall condition."

I listened intently to Charlie's and Dr Gerandy's hushed conversation.

I had spent the last hour being assessed and analyzed by Dr Gerandy. He wanted to know everything that had happened since I left the note telling Charlie I was going for a walk in the forest. He'd looked at me strangely when I asked which note. As soon as I saw the almost-perfect replica of my handwriting I'd realized Edward had planned everything. He had even counted on me being reckless, leaving the note so Charlie knew where I was.

Dr Gerandy wanted to know how I'd ended up at Edward's house and why I was there alone. He asked questions about what Edward had done to me. His questions started out gentle, but as they went unanswered, he pressed for more details. He questioned whether Edward had forced himself onto me. I flushed as he asked, thinking about the fantasy I'd had of my human Edward. If I closed my eyes, I could almost feel his lips burning across my heated skin. The memories of his gentle caresses made the absence of his touch, his voice, even his face, that much more excruciating. I sobbed softly as his cruel goodbye taunted me in my mind.

After asking the same questions in a hundred different ways, and getting no response to any of them, Dr Gerandy had simply nodded and thanked me for my time. He'd been whispering in the hall with Charlie since.

"What if she won't take them?" Charlie sounded like he was just outside my door now, leaning in closer.

I hated that they were discussing me and my life so freely, making decisions for me, just outside of my bedroom door, I didn't have enough of anything left in me to argue or make a fuss. Instead, I pulled my blanket over my head and curled myself up into a tight ball.

I let my tears have me.

~ 0 ~

I heard my bedroom door swing open.

"Bella, are you hungry?" Charlie asked quietly.

I shook my head, hoping that he would see the movement despite the layers covering me. I still wasn't ready to face him. I kept expecting to experience his wrath for staying out for so long without letting him know where I was. Instead, he was being very delicate with me; as if he was afraid I would shatter if he spoke the wrong word.

I wondered whether I really looked that fragile, before realizing I _was_ that fragile.

"Dr Gerandy left some pills to help you sleep."

I shook my head again.

"Please, Bella. Let us help you."

I didn't want their help. There was only one person who could mend the wound in my chest and he was probably thousands of miles away already. _Or in my fantasy._

I wondered whether sleep would bring nightmares of Edward leaving me, or the blissfulness of my earlier dream. I couldn't help but think that maybe the risk of nightmares would be worth it. Maybe I could live the rest of my days in slumber, living out a human life with Edward.

I pushed the blanket off of me.

"Okay," I whispered to Charlie. "I'll try."

The relief that washed over his features was palpable. I hadn't realized how much older he looked in less than twenty-four hours.

I swallowed the tiny pills and washed them down with some water before lying down, back into the fetal position. I hoped I wasn't making a mistake. The terror of relieving Edward's words in the forest or the in his room was unimaginable. It left me breathless and shaking. I was sweating and crying by the time the fuzziness of the drugs began to settle over me. My eyes became heavier and heavier until finally I sank under the weight of them.

~ 0 ~


	4. Chapter 4

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**CHAPTER FOUR**

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"Bella!"

I turned to see Angela scowling at me from the other side of the counter. I looked down to see I was dressed in a bright-pink retro-style diner uniform with a black cotton apron. _Renee's _was neatly embroidered in black on the left-hand of my chest and _Bella _on the other.

I shook my head to clear it, trying to figure out where I was and why.

"You're in your own little world so much lately." She was frowning still, but I could see the concern on her face.

"Sorry, I guess I'm just a little distracted," I said truthfully.

She smiled finally. "I'm not surprised with everything going on."

I tilted my head to the side in question.

"Edward's promotion," she stated.

That was something I should know about. I should also know why I was dressed as a diner employee.

Angela huffed. "Get yourself a coffee and go get sorted. Renee will flip if she sees you having another episode. You know you're on thin ice as it is."

I nodded, pretending to know what she was talking about. I poured myself a coffee from the pot under Angela's watchful eye. I gave her a weak smile as I headed into the kitchen. I put the mug on the sink before leaning onto the counter, holding the weight of my head in my hands.

_What's happening?_

I remembered the pills, sleeping, fantasies, but they were all faded and fuzzy like an old family movie ravaged by time.

"Resting on my time again are we, Bella?" My mother's voice was sharp, a tone I'd never before heard her use on me. I turned quickly, bringing my hands behind my back.

"Mom?" I asked quietly.

The lady before me was my mother, but not. She looked like my mother, except all of those tiny things that made her and I look alike were somehow missing.

"_Mom_?" she repeated, laughing heartily. "It's been a long time since anyone has called me that dear."

It took a moment for me to comprehend what she was saying.

_She _isn't_ my mom?_

"I've been more than lenient with you since the accident. I've even ignored your little blackouts as best as I can, but you need to snap out of this funk, honey. But just know," she pointed an inch-long cotton-candy pink fingernail at me, "I won't be this supportive forever. You've got two minutes."

I nodded, blinking back the tears that threatened. I was feeling even more overwhelmed than I had in my other life, before taking the pill that brought me here. I had come for Edward and yet he wasn't here. Instead, I was being raked over the coals by Renee, who apparently wasn't my mother.

I turned back to the sink, splashing my face with water to try to clear my thoughts. Slowly my memories began to filter into my mind. I was with Edward this afternoon. After he'd gone to work, I'd spent some time alone at home before getting ready for my job. At the diner. At _Renee's_.

"Thank goodness," I murmured to myself.

I was starting to think I was definitely going crazy. Maybe I should have taken Edward up on his offer to take me back to Dr Laurent. I shook my head and splashed my face once more. I stared at my distorted face in the stainless silver bench.

_You are not eighteen, you are a grown woman. It's time to get over these visions. _

I nodded before straightening out my apron and heading back to work.

~ 0 ~

I smelled like grease. The stench of oil and fat from the kitchen seemed to cling to my hair and the fabric of my uniform. It permeated into my skin, clogging and blocking every tiny pore. I knew I would have to go home and scrub thoroughly to rid myself of the feeling of being suffocated.

It wasn't like there anything specifically unusual about the putrid scent. I smelled the same every night after finishing my shift. It was a link though; one thing I could hold on to as evidence that this was the real world, and that the other world—the one with vampires and heartbreakers—was the illusion.

I drove my little Yaris home, ready to shed my filthy clothes and step into a nice warm shower. My feet were killing me, yet another thing that proved _this_ was reality. It didn't seem likely that I would fantasize about wearing plain, flat shoes all day and having swollen ankles after being on my feet for seven hours straight.

I pushed the remote for the garage door, and sat waiting for it to open. I noticed the absence of Edward's car immediately. I had been hoping that he'd be home to greet me. I had known that his upcoming promotion would mean longer hours, but I hadn't expected that to mean he would arrive home after me. It was almost midnight after all. Surely there weren't that many sales made at that hour?

I pushed it out of my mind though. I knew he would be home as early as he could be. He probably just expected me to be at the diner for a little while longer. I kicked off my shoes, put the key on the hook by the door and headed to the bedroom, already stripping off my uniform on the way.

By the time I reached the bathroom, all I had to do was turn on the water and climb into the thick stream. I groaned as the warm water rushed over my tired muscles. I rested my head back against the tiles and let the water flow down my chest, making a little river between my breasts.

"Mmm, that looks tasty."

I shrieked and jumped a mile as I heard Edward's voice. I had thought I was still alone in the house. He was laughing heartily in the knowledge that he had got me.

"Jerk," I chuckled while I waited for my pounding heart to slow just a little.

"You make it too easy."

I pouted.

He began pulling off his shirt.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I would have thought that was obvious? I'm getting into the shower with a hot woman."

"Is that something you do a lot?" I teased.

"Oh yeah," he murmured as he started unzipping his pants. "All the time."

He slid open the glass door and stepped in toward me, grinning. Suddenly his lips were on mine and his hands were massaging the small of my back lightly. His gentle fingers changed to gripping hooks, pulling my body tightly against his. His hard length pressed against my stomach. His lips attacked mine relentlessly and I was powerless to stop him. I didn't _want _to stop him. His hands grabbed and groped and all I could do was moan as my body responded to his pleasurable touch.

We finally crawled—naked—under the warm covers of our bed some time after one in the morning. I curled against Edward as he wrapped his arm around me, holding me securely.

~ 0 ~

I opened my eyes slowly, not sure what I was going to wake up to. A pressure rested over me, constricting my chest tightly and making it difficult to breathe. It was hot, almost too hot. A weight rested against my back and as I tilted my hips back, they met another body. A warm body which issued a low, throaty moan as my ass met his hard member.

He pulled his arm tighter around me, holding me in place as his hands slipped across my breasts, teasing each of my nipples in turn. I pushed my head back against his warm chest, his other hand twisted underneath me to come to rest on my neck. He splayed his fingers along my throat and over my chin, tilting my head upwards into him as he bent his head to kiss my shoulder.

He rocked his hip against mine, as he pulled every part of my body closer to him, sending waves of pleasure cascading through me. The hand that massaged my chest slowly trailed down my body until he captured my thigh. In one swift movement, he pulled my leg backward against him and thrust forward into me. My body was bent like a bow around him as he moved inside of me. His fingers danced across my skin, caressing and pinching as his mouth nipped and sucked at my neck.

As his thrusts became more pronounced, his fingers made their way back down my body, heading teasingly toward my clit. A small cry escaped me when they found their spot and he began to massage tiny circles against the sensitive area. My hips began to shift of their own accord and Edward became a man possessed.

His fingers held my hips tightly as he rolled, shifting his entire weight on top of me and pinning me tightly against the mattress. He grunted with exertion as he thrust into me roughly. My body was shifted up the bed further with each one only to be pulled back into place by his vice-like hands.

"Fuck, Bella," he groaned, his breath warm and wet along my neck. He pushed himself upright a little, forcing his legs into the space between mine and gripping the headboard with one hand for extra power. His other hand secured my pelvis in exactly the right place for him to pound again and again, each time sending me further into the oblivion that awaited me. The sheets—peaked as a result of Edward's earlier pattern of thrust and return—were trapped between my body and the bed. They rubbed against my clit as Edward continued his relentless drive into me. All too soon, it was all too much. I fell apart beneath him, and collapsed even further into the sheets as wave after wave of my climax crashed over me, leeching my muscles of all of their strength.

Edward wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling my hips with him and he shifted into a kneeling position. He held my body against his and slammed into me until his own climax overtook him. He leaned forward over me, dropping his head onto my shoulder before we both collapsed into a laughing, panting pile on the bed.

"Good morning," he murmured as he kissed my cheek softly.

I just moaned in response. I wasn't ready to break out of our cocoon and face the day just yet.

"I've got to head into work."

I turned and gave him a pout. "But it's Saturday."

"I know, but I've got a deal that I need to keep on top of. I'll be a few hours, tops."

"I'll be at work in a few hours," I complained.

"I'll be home when you finish."

"Fine, if you have to," I said.

"I do. I'm sorry, but I promise I'll make it up to you." He smirked and I knew what we just finished would feature heavily in his plan to make it up to me.

"Okay," I relented. "Go if you have to."

He leaned into me, planting one last sweet kiss on my forehead before climbing out of bed and heading for the shower. I debated getting up before deciding to take a few more moments to luxuriate in the warm bed.

~ 0 ~

I smoothed the creases out of my apron as I stepped out of my Yaris and headed inside the diner.

"You seem a little more, well more yourself tonight," Angela said with a soft smile.

"I'm feeling a lot better."

It had been almost a full day since I'd slipped back into my delusions of vampires and rain.

I settled straight into my normal work routine, feeling more secure with every additional minute that I didn't slip into a trance and dream of other places. I worked my allocated tables well, smiling and flirting appropriately to ensure I got maximum tips. I didn't want to work in the job forever and I needed lots of tips in order to give it up, although Edward's promotion would no doubt help too.

A new customer slid into one of the booths in my section. I headed to his side, flashing a smile that I hope would earn me just a few extra dollars.

"Hello, my name is Bella and I'll be your—" My words died at my lips when he looked up at me.

Unusual eyes, deep amber pools, stared up at me from a face of cool, hard porcelain. Deep purple circles rested under his eyes. He smiled up at me with a set of perfect, glistening white teeth. I didn't recognize him, but my body went slack and my brain fuzzed over as I recognized the signs of a vampire. My pen clattered to the floor and the sound snapped me out of my daze.

I shook my head.

_He's just an attractive man that looks a little bit unusual. That's all._

I ducked down to pick up my pen, but the stranger beat me to it. Our faces were inches apart as he held the pen up for me. His dark hair framed his face, his fringe flopping across his eyes. His jaw was perfectly shaped, similar to Edward's—or at least, the vampire Edward I'd dreamed up in my delusion.

"Sorry I startled you," he said, his voice honey-sweet and perfect in my ears.

"That's okay," I murmured back, flushing so much that my face probably matched my uniform. "You just reminded me of…" _what was I supposed to say? A vampire_. "Someone I used to know."

"Someone nice, I hope." He laid the pen in my hand and smiled at me once more.

I wasn't sure what to say. I stood slowly, wishing my shaking hands would still. I was certifiably crazy; my delusions were now bleeding into my everyday life.

"I'm Kieran," he said.

"It's lovely to meet you, Kieran."

I plastered a smile on my face before slipping back into my waitress persona. He placed a large order, which surprised me until I remembered the tray full of 'props' that Edward, the vampire Edward, grabbed each lunchtime in the cafeteria. Maybe it was the same thing.

I watched with particular interest as Kieran surveyed the tray I had placed in front of him. He smiled and gave me a little salute. Then he flicked open his newspaper and ate one handed. I could see that he was genuinely eating. Not just a single bite like Edward had taken with the pizza.

I shook my head to clear the thoughts that were running through it. I almost laughed aloud at the absurdity. I needed to get my head back on track and stay grounded in the real world. _For Edward, and for our life together. _

I hovered around Kieran just a little more than any other patron even though I was certain there was no such thing as vampires. I worked hard to convince myself he was just pale, but otherwise normal.

After he finished, he handed me some notes in payment. His fingers brushed against my palm and I blew out a little breath of relief. His skin was regular room temperature and soft, not ice-cold and rock hard.

"Keep the change for your troubles," he murmured as he brushed by me to leave the booth.

I smiled genuinely and thanked him.

~ 0 ~

I'd spent almost four months cemented in one reality. Each night my last thoughts before I fell asleep were centered on whether I would wake in my delusional world of pain and confusion. Each morning when I felt the warmth and weight of Edward I experienced a moment of perfect bliss. I felt content when he wrapped his arms around me or kissed me softly.

His promotion kept him away from me for longer and longer, but whenever he came home, he was more amorous than ever. We spent hours twisting and writhing in one another's arms; all arching backs and panting breaths.

Besides the time I spent in Edward's arms, my favorite time of the day quickly became the time when Kieran would come into _Renee's_. At first he came in sporadically; a day here and there, never at the same time. As the weeks wore on, he began to come in almost daily, an hour before closing time.

He always greeted me warmly and was a very generous tipper. Over the weeks, we started to talk about other things: books, movies, and everything else that interested us. It turned out we had a lot in common. Each time he came in, I took a moment to remind myself that despite looking similar to the vampires in my hallucinations, he was a living breathing human; each day it became easier to convince myself. I had seen him eat often enough to testify to that. It wasn't a carefully constructed illusion of eating either; he heartily ploughed through everything he ordered, often filling up on dessert as well.

He would walk me to a car like a gentleman, I would remind him I was married and he would give me a sly smile and whisper into my ear what a shame that was. I knew I should have broken off contact, but it felt nice having someone walk with me and give me a little attention that wasn't a prelude to seduction. Not that there was anything wrong with seduction, it was just nice to have conversation too.

I sat in my car, having just said goodbye to Angela and Kieran for the night. I smoothed my hair back in place, and wondered what Edward I would be going home to. Generally he was either insatiably amorous or fast asleep.

The engine turned over with a loud bang, breaking through the silence of the night. I closed my eyes as my heart began to race at the sound.

~ 0 ~


	5. Chapter 5

~ 0 ~

**CHAPTER FIVE**

~ 0 ~

_A/N:- Banner by FatesLoveQueen http:/yfrog(dot)com/oed60p _

_I own nothing. Boydblog helped and I'll be forever thankful. _

_She fixed. I fiddled. Any mistakes that remain are on me. _

~ 0 ~

- Some dialogue is from New Moon -

~ 0 ~

I opened my eyes. The loud bang from moments earlier still reverberated in my ears and my heart still raced. My eyes searched for the cause of the sound before resting on Charlie's fist, which was pressed against the kitchen table, the underside white from the force that he'd brought it down with.

_But that sound had come from my car. _

I shook my head to clear it.

"That's it, Bella!" he repeated. "I'm sending you home."

I blinked as I took in my surroundings. Once bright yellow cabinets lined the wall, standing like silent sentinels watching the passage of time. Charlie told me once that Mom had picked the color.

"I am home," I whispered, confusion permeating my mind.

_Why am I here again? Why now, after so long living happily in the other place? _

"I'm sending you to Renee, to Jacksonville."

I shook my head slowly.

_What's going on?_

I tried to breathe deeply. I wrapped my arms around my body, trying to hold in those things that had already been torn from me so intentionally by Edward's horrid words.

"What did I do?" I wondered to myself.

_How did I get ripped from the place where I was happy and settled?_ _Where Edward was by my side and loved me?_

"You didn't _do_ anything," Charlie answered my question. "That's the problem. You never do anything. It's like you are sleep-walking. You barely eat. You _never_ smile. In fact, this is the longest conversation we've had in months."

I wondered what he meant. The last thing I remembered of this place was the overwhelming darkness that had settled over me when Edward left. I looked down at my open palms. Had I been clutching a key? Where was it now? I panicked when I could no longer see it. I put my hands into my pockets, touching a small plastic container. I pulled it out and placed it on the table as I continued my frantic search for the key.

My hands found their way to my neck, where my fingers twined around a chain. I followed the chain down to find the key dangling from the end. I ran my fingers along the length of the key, closing my eyes momentarily to calm myself enough to focus on what Charlie was trying to tell me. My breathing slowed a little as I took comfort from the cool metal, which gained precious little warmth from my skin.

When I opened my eyes, Charlie was staring at my fingers and he sighed as he watched them caress the key.

"How did your meeting with Dr Gerandy go?" Charlie's question was slow and measured, as if he anticipated a bad reaction.

"Meeting?"

He nodded toward the plastic container I'd pulled from my pocket. I stared at the orange bottle until the letters written on the label began to make sense, and then continued to stare until they blurred and became meaningless again.

A surge of recollection rushed through me: pulling myself out of bed each morning, forcing myself to go to school, ignoring the hushed whispers of those around me, a schedule of anti-depressants and sleeping tablets. Charlie was right, I was sleep-walking, or perhaps the walking dead.

"It was fine," I murmured, picking up the bottle and pocketing it again.

"I just don't know what to do, Bells. You seem so lost. It's been months and you haven't changed."

I bit back the sarcastic laugh that threatened to escape me.

_How quickly does he expect me to move past losing the love of my life? _

I didn't want to be angry with Charlie though. I was sure he was probably already worried about the fact that I had to rely on tiny pills to be able to function.

"I promise I'll try harder."

He frowned. "I don't want you to _try_ harder. I've never seen anyone try so hard. I just wish that I could remember your smile. It's been so long since I've heard you laugh. I only just got you back and now it feels like I've lost you again…"

My lip quivered as he spoke, which he obviously noticed because he trailed off.

"I do know what you're going through." He reached his hand out to me in one of those rare father-daughter moments. "I had such a hard time when your mother left."

His eyes closed as he no doubt experienced his own version of the grief which had overtaken my heart. I wondered briefly whether it could really compare, but one look at the pain etched into his features told me it did. Maybe I was my father's daughter in more ways than one.

"I just think that maybe it will be easier for you if you left Forks."

"Don't you want me here?" I asked.

"I don't think I could survive someone else not wanting me," I whispered, talking to myself as much as Charlie. I knew it was more information than I'd given him since that dreadful day in the forest.

He nodded. "I just don't want you waiting for him, Bells. It's been months and there's been no contact."

"I know. And I'm not _waiting_ for anything."

_I just don't want to forget._

I could never tell Charlie that though.

"In fact, I have plans with a friend after school." I said. I hoped he couldn't detect the lie.

His eyebrows knotted together in confusion or disbelief. "Really?"

"Yep." I kept my answer short so that he wouldn't discover the deception in my voice. "And I'm going to be late if I don't leave now."

"Who are you going out with tonight?" he asked.

"Jess," I mumbled, using the first name that came to my mind.

I ran from the table, leaving him frowning at the tablecloth.

~ 0 ~

As I drove my behemoth red truck through Forks, I thought of my zippy little Yaris. It was a car of my fantasy—although it struck me as odd that of all cars I could possibly dream of driving my mind would offer up such a small, unimportant car.

_Why not something more impressive, like a sporty red BMW; or meaningful like a silver Volvo. _

Just thinking about the car that had once been my chariot to school sent a painful stab through my chest. As I pulled into the school parking lot, I resisted scanning all of the vehicles already parked, as well as all the empty spaces. Both were reminders of cars I would never again see in the school lot, and students who would never again grace its halls.

The feeling that I'd just woken from a months-long sleep brought all of my pain flooding to the surface. The pills, which had kept me in a stable haze for so long, had all but worn off. The prescription seemed to have grown ineffective over time. Tears pricked my eyes and my breath lost all rhythm, coming instead in shallow, staccato bursts.

Somehow, I managed to pull myself together enough to wipe the tears away and face a mind-numbing day of school.

Each time I saw Jess, I thought about my lie to Charlie. I knew I could have asked the simple question and turned the lie into a truth, but I had no desire to spend an evening with her. I knew I couldn't ask her to cover for me either, as we could hardly be classified as friends anymore. I also knew Charlie was probably curious and worried enough to check up on me.

By the time trig rolled around, I debated one last time trying to arrange a girls' night with Jess, but I just couldn't stomach the idea. In the end, I decided to go out by myself because I wouldn't be good company for anyone.

Besides, there was something I needed to try.

~ 0 ~

The truck rattled up the winding drive. My heart wouldn't stop pounding against my chest. It was thumping so hard I began to think it was about to break free. Each second that ticked by was another second further away from the time I had spent with _him_, another second into my meaningless life drifting through time neither loving nor loved.

The big house came into view much sooner than I anticipated. I'd hoped for some time to prepare for the onslaught of emotions I knew I would feel. The drive wasn't nearly long enough to prime myself; then again, I wasn't certain any amount of time would be.

The grass had grown since I'd last been there, the front yard a waist-deep sea of green and brown. The white house stood out like a beacon in the water, an island offering shelter and warmth after months spent cast away.

I climbed from the truck and stood, watching the silent house cautiously. The absence of life—the void created by the covered windows and absolute stillness—was almost a silent warning to stay away because heartbreak lay within. I pressed my back against the truck, trying to back away, knowing that I no longer I belonged there.

I touched the key around my neck briefly. I had decided to flee, but something stopped me—a fluttering curtain in one of the upper level windows. I stood, fixed to the spot, eyeing the curtain that I was certain had moved just a second earlier.

My mind reeled. I tried to explain away the movement I'd seen, but I couldn't.

For over five minutes, I watched carefully, but noticed no further movement. I wondered whether I had imagined it. My mind was so far beyond my own control, I couldn't be sure of anything.

There was one thing that was certain; turning away was no longer an opinion.

I waded through the long grass, pushing it aside as I moved toward house.

I wondered whether someone from the family would come by to maintain it, or whether it would stand forgotten and discarded until finally the years weathered irreversible damage on the façade and whole thing fell to pieces.

_Like me._

I wondered whether _it_ mattered.

I pushed the errant thought from my mind before I lost confidence.

I had to do this, for me.

I had to see whether something—some_one_—was inside the house.

More than that, I had to know whether the key I'd been carrying with me for so many months meant something. I needed to know whether there was a reason it had become my talisman, quietly calming the screaming inside. It seemed to grow heavier the closer I got to the door. Despite trying to recall where it had come from, I couldn't.

I finally stepped onto the landing, breaking free of the waist-high grass. I closed in on the front door, slowly unfastening the chain around my neck and clutching the key tightly in my hand. My whole body shuddered with violent tremors, so bad that I could barely hold the key straight as I guided it toward the lock.

My hand froze halfway.

_What am I doing?_

I knew that if the key unlocked the door, I would have to walk inside. If I got that far, I would be assaulted by whatever was—or worse, wasn't—inside the house.

_Would I notice what had changed? _

_What am I walking into?_

The last time I'd been in the house, I had been nursing the worst of my heartache. I scoffed at my own thoughts—as if there was a _worst._ There was nothing but a constant tear through the fabric of my heart, running so deep it would be impossible to repair.

I couldn't recall whether the furniture was still in place when I'd rushed down the stairs to call Charlie. There was only one thing I knew for certain—_his_ room was all but empty.

I thought about the movement again, it had been so fleeting I couldn't be certain I'd seen it. But then _he'd_ covered the entire length of the school parking lot when Tyler's van had been hurtling out of control.

I took in a deep breath to calm my nerves.

_I have to know for certain. _

When I pushed the key into the lock, it glided in easily. I twisted and the door creaked open. I stared at the small opening, uncertain what to do next. My hand rested against the door for another moment before I stepped backwards, falling unceremoniously onto my ass. I wrapped my arms around myself as I struggled to breathe.

_Why do I have a key for _his_ house?_

I took big panting, gulps, trying to suck in enough oxygen to supply my brain as I struggled to process what it might mean, why _I_ had a key. Had I stolen it without thinking and without knowing?

My eyes travelled over the façade once more, drinking in every detail. Another flicker of the curtain drew my eyes to the upper rooms. I clambered to my feet, my new determination set the second I had seen the movement. I stepped forward, pulling the key free from the lock and clasping the chain around my neck without thinking.

I pushed the door all the way open and ran for the stairs, stumbling up the first few in my haste. I pushed myself higher, refusing to stop until I reached the room where I'd seen movement. I paused as I stepped through the threshold. It wasn't just Edward's room that had been stripped of everything personal. Carlisle's study was also bare except for the shelving and desk. Their personal effects obviously _mattered,_ even if the furniture didn't.

_Even if _I _didn't._

I crept into the room, darkened by the drawn curtains. I was on edge. Something, or someone, had been in the room moments earlier, I was sure of it. I could almost feel the residual energy reverberating at me from every surface. It almost felt like a tiny spark of life had existed there, something that was completely absent in the rest of the house.

The room was completely empty though. The desk stood silent and steady in the middle of the room. The absolute stillness was palpable, taking on its own life and completely surrounding me. It was as if the house was calling me in, drawing me into the dark recesses so that I would never be able to find my way out again.

I looked around the room again slowly. I had been so certain I had seen something at the window. I was almost positive that it was the outline of something human-shaped behind the glass.

I stepped closer to the curtain, watching around me for any signs of movement.

The curtain fluttered in front of me and I held my breath.

I could see with my own eyes that there was nothing there, but I couldn't believe it. I stepped closer slowly, reaching out tentatively toward the empty space, as if my fingers would suddenly connect with something I couldn't see.

I covered the distance slowly, cautiously.

Reason finally began to kick in, warning me that this was a house that belonged to vampires who were no longer around. Maybe trying to find out whoever—or whatever—had shifted the curtains was a bad idea. My body didn't relent as easily as my mind though. I covered the last step and my fingers tightened around the curtain.

I could almost feel eyes on me, watching my every move. In my mind, I could hear slow, deep breaths as the curtains shifted once more.

In one swift motion, accompanied by my ear-splitting scream, I pushed the curtain aside. A cold breeze blew through the open window, tickling my face and whispering through my hair.

My heart pounded against my rib cage. Fear and adrenaline coursed through my veins.

I felt so stupid as I stared through the window.

_Of course there's no one here. _

I could have sworn the window was shut when I was watching it from the ground. I must have been wrong. My mind must have been playing tricks on me; it wasn't the first time.

Instantly it was all too much: the house, the fear, the ever-present heartache, and the hallucinations of a perfect world with Edward. It was too much for me to handle. This latest stupid scare was just one more thing I could mentally check against a list of my ludicrous behavior. His leaving me was justified. I wasn't sane. I wasn't worth staying for. I wasn't wired right. _I didn't matter. _

I suddenly realized why he had kept me beside him for as long as he had: my comedic value. Who else would traipse through a house so absolutely certain they had seen something? Who else would have screamed stupidly as they pushed back the curtain?

A tiny giggle bubbled in my chest, rising ever so slowly to burst from my mouth unexpectedly.

I jumped at the sound seconds before realizing I had issued it. Another tiny burst of laughter threatened to escape. I tried to hold it in, but failed. It rang from my throat in giant waves, overtaking me completely until I was helpless. I fell to the floor as laughter peeled from me uncontrollably. My total loss of control left me terrified, tears tracked down my throat, but still the laughter ripped from my chest, alternating horrifically with uncontainable sobs. I couldn't breathe around the horrid deranged sounds.

I clutched the fabric of the curtain to my face, hoping it would anchor me in reality. I held it in my fingers in a death grip, refusing to relinquish my hold. I curled into the fetal position, gasping for air and certain that I had completely lost my mind.

~ 0 ~

**A/N:- Thank you all for your reviews/favs/alerts & for sticking with me. I promise answers. I won't say when or where or even how, but they are coming ;) **


	6. Chapter 6

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**CHAPTER SIX**

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_A/N:- Banner by FatesLoveQueen http:/yfrog(dot)com/oed60p _

_I own nothing. Boydblog beta'd and I'll be forever thankful. _

_She fixed. I fiddled. Any mistakes that remain are on me. _

~ 0 ~

"Bella, are you okay?"

Warm arms wrapped around me protectively.

"I think so," I murmured.

A hand cradled my head and gently guided me to a sitting position.

"What happened?" the voice asked.

"I…don't know," I opened my eyes, but the bright sunlight made it difficult to focus.

"You scared the hell out of me."

My head was still being cradled gently and another hand found its way to my knee. I shifted my attention there; it was easier to focus on because it was close and I didn't need to look up into the bright sun. The light fell almost directly onto me, so I assumed it was close to midday. I could feel the intense heat on my skin.

I watched the hand carefully, waiting for my eyes to focus completely. His skin was lighter than my own, pale and unaffected by the usual tanning effects of the sun.

Long, slender fingers wrapped around my bent knee, caressing it gently to soothe my racing heart.

I took a deep breath, trying to remember what happened, and why I was on the sidewalk.

"Where are we?" I asked, turning to meet a pair of breathtaking amber eyes.

"We're down the road from _Renee's_."

'_Renee's,_' I mouthed silently.

"You asked me to meet you for coffee before you started work, remember?"

I frowned as I considered Kieran's words.

"Did I?" I murmured.

Snippets of our conversation the previous evening began to run through my mind. It was hazy, like trying to remember a dream, but I finally was able to grab onto it and hold on tight.

I recalled telling Kieran that it was a shame we never got time to just talk, without Renee hovering over us, or without him feeling obliged to leave me a tip. I had asked whether he wanted to meet up for a coffee before I started my shift. The truth was I just needed to get out of the empty house for a while. With Edward's promotion came more travel and longer working hours. He was almost never home and I was lonely.

All of our friends had been his friends first, by his side since the beginning of our relationship, and many were hangovers from when he was with Rosalie. They barely bothered to hide their disdain when in my presence, so I couldn't exactly call them for a coffee date. It was hard to see the hatred deep in their eyes and know that they blamed me for the estrangement between Edward and his parents. I was the harpy who'd broken apart Edward and Rosalie's 'perfect' relationship for my own evil intentions. Somehow the fact that Edward had already split from Rosalie three months before we started dating meant nothing.

I smiled at Kieran. It was nice to have someone on my side for once. It was probably why my Forks delusions cast all of Edward's friends in roles where they were on my side; at least until he left, and then suddenly they weren't.

My thoughts were bitter. _Even my own mind is against me. _

"Are you feeling better now?" Kieran asked quietly, moving the hand on my head down to rub small circles on my back between my shoulder blades.

I wanted to shake my head 'No'. I missed Edward; I wished he was the one I was meeting for coffee. I couldn't tell Kieran that though. We may have known each other for a little over three months, and maybe I even considered him a friend, but I didn't feel right involving him. It almost felt like I was betraying Edward, which I would never do. Instead, I nodded. I was fine; at least, I would be fine.

"Here, let me help you up." He closed one hand around my arm and circled the other around my waist.

"Thanks," I said, stepping away from him slightly as soon as I was upright and confident that I wasn't going to end up back on the ground.

I shook off the embarrassment that I felt about collapsing in the middle of a busy street. People brushed by me and Kieran as they went about their day, completely oblivious to what had just happened.

"Shall we?" I asked, conscious of the wary glances he kept casting in my direction.

He nodded. "The sooner you are sitting down, the happier I'll be."

I rolled my eyes.

"At least that way I won't have to worry about you doing sidewalk acrobatics again."

"Ha ha, you're so funny," I said, knocking his arm lightly with my shoulder.

He smiled warmly. We continued a little further along the street before we arrived at my favorite coffee shop. _Quake_ was a dark and tiny hole-in-the-wall place about a block and a half down the road from _Renee's, _which served perfect blends made by trained baristas.

With the competition _Quake_ offered, I always found it a little surprising that _Renee's_ had any patrons at all. Then again, with cheap, brewed coffee and greasy food, _Renee's _appealed to a different type of clientele.

I showed Kieran to my booth down the back. It was a place I had found a few months earlier to while away the minutes before it was time to head to work. He was the first person I'd ever shown this little piece of myself to.

"Nice," he said, his eyes taking in the cozy corners of the tiny coffee house. "Intimate, almost."

I blushed profusely. I hadn't even considered that when I'd asked him to meet me here. I just wanted…

_What _did_ I want? Someone to talk to?_

"I'm just teasing," Kieran said as he reached his hand across the table and touched mine gently.

I realized just how dangerous it was asking him to come to a secluded coffee house alone. He was sure to misinterpret my desire for friendship for something else.

"Thank you for being a friend. I've needed one lately," I said with a smile.

I slid my hand back so that it rested on my lap. I didn't want to give him the opportunity to misinterpret things again.

He smirked at me and opened his mouth. Before he had a chance to say anything the waitress delivered our order. I inhaled deeply to enjoy the aroma of the fresh coffee. Instead of relaxing me—like it had every other day—it made my stomach twist and bile rush to the back of my throat. I pushed the coffee away from me and took in a few settling breaths, swallowing heavily to try to settle my stomach.

"Are you feeling alright?"Kieran asked softly. His face was traced with concern. "You've gone white as a ghost."

I swallowed heavily again before nodding. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure? First the sidewalk-diving incident, and now this?"

"I'm sure. I think I just have a bug or something."

He nodded, but didn't look convinced. He took a slow sip of his coffee, assessing me carefully. "Can I be honest with you?" he asked finally.

"Always."

"From the first moment I saw you, I've been absolutely mesmerized."

I shrunk back away from him at his confession.

He held up his fingers, implying he had more to say.

"That was before I knew you were married of course. Do you remember?"

I nodded. I could easily recall the way he'd made me pause the first time I'd seen him. His looks were so similar to everything I had come to associate with my fictional vampires. Yet he'd proven over and over that he was anything but, even moments ago when we were out in the sun. His pale skin didn't shimmer like _theirs_ had.

"I'd never do anything to come between you and your husband. I respect you and our friendship too much for that."

I was relieved that he was at least acknowledging Edward.

"But if there ever is anything wrong, you know you can come to me, right?"

He slipped a business card across the table. It had nothing but his name and cell phone number on it. As I studied the card, it occurred to me that I had absolutely no clue what he did for a living.

"Nice card, but it doesn't actually say what you do." I raised my eyebrow in question, hoping that it might also divert him back to safer conversation topics.

"I'm a party planner."

I tried not to laugh.

"What?" he asked, clearly affronted.

"It's just, well, I don't know, it's an unusual job isn't it?"

"Why? I make people dreams come to life. It's very satisfying."

I nodded. Put that way, it made perfect sense.

"What do you when people don't have a clear vision of what they want?" I wondered.

He didn't hesitate. "Sometimes people need to be shown what they can have before they can decide what it is that they want."

"And you're the right person to show it to them?"

He laughed. "Let's just say I have a knack for it."

"I just get people coffee," I joked.

He laughed. "No, you're making people's dreams come true too."

I laughed with him. "Ah yes, fulfilling those coffee and bad food dreams is just _wonderful_."

"Maybe you could come and work for me." He winked at me.

"I don't know," I hedged carefully.

He turned his palms up and made a movement that clearly indicated he wasn't fazed either way. "The option's there if you ever want to explore it."

Somehow I knew he wasn't only talking about the job.

"I've got to go," I said, standing quickly.

I pulled out my purse to pay for my drink but he waved me off and threw a handful of bills down onto the table.

"I'm sorry if I offended you," he said, chasing after me. "_Please_ talk to me?"

"It's not you, it's me," I replied. "I've just been feeling out of sorts lately. Now this, it's all just too much."

He grabbed my hand. "I'm sorry if anything I've said has made your life more complicated. I just wanted you to know that there are options out there. And I meant it when I said that if you ever want to talk, about anything, I'm here."

I nodded. "Thank you."

I saw the time on his watch and panicked. I hadn't realized we'd been in _Quake _for as long as we had, and I was dangerously close to being late for work. "Crap, I've got to go."

"I'll swing by _Renee's _later," he said before touching my elbow lightly to say goodbye.

I hurried out the door and back to my car to get my apron. I'd worn my diner uniform beneath my coat but I didn't see any point in wearing my apron too. I was just trying it up when I entered the restaurant.

Immediately, the smell of grease and stale coffee that hung in the air had me running for the restroom. I couldn't push away the scents as easily as I had with the coffee earlier. I raced into the small room, barely making it in time before I lost all control.

I emptied the contents of my stomach, heaving again and again and I felt completely empty and drained. By the time I finished, my body shook and I felt cold but feverish. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and flushed the toilet.

I leaned back against the wall of the cubicle, bracing myself as another round of nausea struck. I managed to fight it off eventually and made it to the basin to wash my hands and rinse out my mouth. I splashed my face a few times, the water felt cooling against my heated skin. I sucked in deep breaths between my clenched teeth.

_Something isn't right. _

I knew it wasn't. My mind reeled, trying to think. I hadn't been in prolonged contact with anyone lately who had been sick, and working at _Renee's_ had built my immunity to all manner of illnesses. There was only one random thought floating through my consciousness that I just couldn't shake. One possibility that seemed almost too surreal to consider.

I headed back to my post, but my stomach began to churn again. I shouted a quick apology to Angela. I knew I wasn't going to be able to finish my shift. I fled from _Renee's _and ran to my car.

I drove home, only stopping to get some vital supplies. As soon as I parked the car in the garage, I rushed into the house. I was eager to test out my theory. I raced through the rooms—making a beeline for the bedroom. I threw the bags onto the bed before rummaging through them in search of the test I was desperate for. My hands shook as I contemplated how much life might change if it was positive.

I sat on the bed and scanned the instructions. I realized it was probably simple, but I didn't want to risk getting it wrong.

Ten minutes later, I sat on the bed, utterly shell-shocked. Tears pricked my eyes and I couldn't suppress my broad smile. I kept looking down, wondering whether things would have changed since the last time, but they hadn't. I picked up the phone and called Edward.

"What's wrong, Baby?" He was immediately on edge because I never called him during my shifts.

"I'm at home. I left work because I wasn't feeling well."

"Are you okay?"

"I think you need to come home." My voice hitched as a sob broke free. I could tell I was worrying him, but I couldn't help it. I needed to tell him, and I didn't want to do it over the phone.

"I'll be there soon." His voice was icy. I could tell he was stressed.

I opened my mouth to tell him not to do anything stupid and rush, but he'd already hung up.

What seemed like only minutes later the sound of the garage door opening broke the silent trance I was in. I heard Edward throw his keys down on the table and his worried shouts echoed through the house.

"Bella!"

"I'm in the bedroom," I called back.

"Bella, what's—" He cut short as soon as he entered the room.

I must have looked like such a mess, sitting completely upright in my work uniform, surrounded by shopping bags and discarded boxes with tear streaks down my cheeks.

I held up the stick of plastic I'd been staring at for the past hour. My smile grew even wider as I watched his face, realization seeping in very slowly. We'd never really discussed the possibility of children, so I felt a tiny bit apprehensive about his reaction.

"What does this mean?" he asked quietly.

"It means that we're going to have a baby."

His eyes searched for mine and the love I saw in their depths was overwhelming.

"I'm going to be a daddy?" he asked.

I nodded.

"I'm going to be a daddy!" His shout was filled with nothing but joy.

He swooped down and collected me into his arms before shifting us both up the bed. He hovered above me before kissing me fiercely. Any slither of doubt I'd felt about the way he would react melted away with the first touch of his lips.

Edward continued to kiss a trail along my throat and collarbone. Then his lips were gone, as he sat back on his haunches. His hands clutched at the bottom of my dress and he pushed it higher, to reveal my stomach.

"Hi, baby," he whispered before pressing his lips softly to my skin just on my pelvic bone.

He wrapped his arms around me and rested his ear on my stomach, before twisting around for another gentle kiss. Then he looked up at me and beamed. I felt my own smile grow exponentially. I thought it was impossible to smile so widely.

He climbed up my body tenderly, pushing my dress higher as he went, planting lazy kisses on all of my exposed skin. Finally, he gave up trying to free me by pushing the dress up and just attacked the buttons one by one, leaving the dress to fall open around me. He zeroed in on my throat, kissing it before nibbling on it ever so softly.

"Is it going to hurt the baby if I fuck you?" he asked.

I shook my head.

He pushed the sleeves of the dress off my arms, slowly turning me over until I was on my stomach. Then his knee slid between my legs and I understood his intention. I raised my hips, moaning lightly as he slid my panties down over my thighs. I heard the sound of his belt buckle scraping open and I whimpered once again.

He traced one finger along the length of my spine. When he reached my hips, he ran two fingers down each side before reached one hand beneath me and trailed his fingers along my stomach. When he reached my pelvis, his fingers circled my thighs before he traced my clit lightly. The sensation was unbelievable and had me moaning in delight.

Two fingers dipped inside me, just a little at first, but then deeper with each pass.

"Fuck, baby," he groaned sensually.

He removed his fingers and anchored my hips before thrusting himself deep inside me.

"Oh God," I cried out.

He slammed himself into me again, holding me in place and folding his body over mine. His hands caressed me until they found my nipples and then he twisted and played as he moved against me continuously.

Edward pushed me until I came apart beneath him. My release triggered his own and with a final grunt he came inside me and then collapsed over me, spent. Moments later, he pulled himself away from me, and disappeared into the bathroom.

I was totally exhausted after the day I'd had and was more than ready to curl up in a ball and sleep. I glanced over and noticed Edward had barely undressed for our lovemaking. He'd pushed his pants as far down as necessary to free himself.

"Come back here," I complained.

"I can't." He pouted, as he redressed. "I have to get back to work. I've still got hours of stuff left to do."

I felt the smile fall from my face swiftly.

"I am really excited about this," he consoled. "But I do still have deadlines and targets. You understand, right?"

I nodded slowly, but I felt traitorous tears prick my eyes. I did understand, but that didn't mean I had to like it.

"I'll be back later, and then we'll talk about this some more." He kissed my cheek softly and then left.

I waited until I heard the sound of the garage door closing again before wrapping my arms around myself. I knew he hadn't meant to hurt me, but intention and result aren't always one and the same. I sobbed quietly. I was exhausted and knew he'd be late. I decided there wasn't much point staying awake waiting for him. I figured we could talk in the morning.

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**A/N:- Okay so there are lots of hints in this chapter as to what's happening here. However, they are very subtle. Shall we play a little game called 'tell me _your_ theory?' ;) **

**'Til next time. **


	7. Chapter 7

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**CHAPTER SEVEN**

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_A/N:- Banner by FatesLoveQueen http:/yfrog(dot)com/oed60p _

_I own nothing. Boydblog helped me with this and I'll be forever thankful. _

_She fixed. I fiddled. Any mistakes that remain are on me. _

~ 0 ~

"Bella, are you okay?"

Warm arms wrapped around me.

"I think so," I murmured. I placed my hand over my stomach protectively.

A hand cradled my head and gently guided me to a sitting position.

"What happened?" the voice asked.

"I…don't know…"

I opened my eyes but the darkness made it difficult to focus.

"Why are you back here?" the voice asked.

My head was still being cradled gently and another hand found its way to my knee. I shifted my attention to that hand, experiencing a major case of déjà vu. I could tell, even in the dimness, that the skin on the hand touching my knee was a few shades darker than my own.

My eyes slowly adjusted in the darkness and, as they did, I looked around. Carlisle's study was pretty much the same as it had been when I'd fallen to the floor.

I recognized the voice then, but it felt out of place inside the Cullens house.

"Jake? What are you doing here?"

He chuckled softly. "I just asked you the same thing."

"I…I came to find something."

"What?"

_Peace_.

I couldn't voice it, but I knew that's what I wanted. I also knew I wouldn't find it, not for a long time, if ever.

"Why are you here?" I asked him again, hoping he would take the hint that I didn't want to talk about why _I_ was there.

"Charlie called me when you didn't go home. He wanted to know if I'd seen you."

"I told him I had plans after school," I muttered.

"Apparently a girl named Jessica didn't know anything about them though," he chuckled.

Guilt ate away at me, twisting savagely in my stomach. I hadn't wanted to upset Charlie. In fact, the whole reason I hadn't gone straight home was to ease his mind.

"He's just worried about you," Jacob said, rubbing my back gently with his hand.

"I'm just a little late, surely it doesn't require a full-scale search party."

His eyebrows scrunched in confusion. "School finished almost five hours ago."

_Five hours. _I could only imagine what my absence would be doing to Charlie. "I didn't realize I'd been gone so long."

Jacob nodded in acknowledgment. He knew that I'd never deliberately do something so thoughtless.

"How did you find me?" I asked.

He shrugged. "I thought about the places you might go. This place seemed farfetched, but I decided to try anyway. I saw your truck in the driveway. I knew you were in here somewhere."

I nodded, unable to say anything more. Jacob wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

"How are you coping? The last time I saw you…" He trailed off.

I could imagine the multitude of endings to his sentence. I shook off the feeling of grief and guilt that washed over me. I'd put everyone around me through hell.

"I'm…I'm…I don't really know."

I couldn't tell him about the ridiculous visions I'd been having; of the overwhelming joy of discovering I was pregnant and the crushing blow of Edward screwing me and leaving almost straight away to go back to work. None of that was real, and Jake would have me committed if I voiced any of it.

"You shouldn't be here," he said after a moment.

"I know." I glanced around the dark study. "There are too many memories here."

He chuckled. "I meant more the fact you're breaking and entering. You don't want a criminal record, do you?"

"Is it breaking and entering if you have a key?" I mused, more to myself.

"Wait?" he asked, pulling away from me and dropping the arm that was across my shoulders. "You have a key?"

My fingers closed around the key hanging from the chain on my neck. I dragged it back and forth a few times before allowing it to fall back against my chest.

"_Why_ do you have a key?" he whispered.

I turned to look at him, feeling nauseous. "I don't know," I admitted in a quiet whisper. "I don't remember much from…"

Jacob nodded before I'd even finished, which was good because I wasn't sure I couldn't finish.

I didn't add that my life had been a blur of half-dreams and I was struggling to comprehend what was real and what wasn't. Tears pricked my eyes as I thought about the pain I'd experienced in this reality, compared to the joy I'd felt when I'd saw the pregnancy test was positive. I had to admit the intensity of the feeling surprised me because I'd never thought I wanted to experience motherhood.

Jacob wrapped his arm around my waist and rested his cheek against my hair. For a split second, it almost felt like the tiny threads of what was left of my sanity, might one day knit back together.

"You'll get there, Bells. I know you will." He nudged me lightly.

"I don't know." I nudged him back, I actually felt almost normal talking to him. "I'm pretty crazy right now."

He laughed, but I could tell it was only to humor me.

We sat in silence for a few minutes more.

The last few months, the routine of drugs and seemingly endless dreams, weighed heavily on my mind. Maybe I did need a friend after all. I thought about Kieran's offer. If he really was just a figment of my imagination, maybe it was my mind telling me I needed to find someone to talk to.

"Jake?" I asked after another minute.

"Yeah?"

"What are you doing tomorrow?" I asked, knowing that Charlie would be working all day and I had time to fill. "Do you want to come over to my house?"

"I'd like that." He said softly. "Do you need a ride home? I can come and get your truck for you later?"

The fact was Jacob shouldn't have been driving at all.

"I'll be fine."

~ 0 ~

I held the slim silver device in my hand, before turning it over. I looked up at Charlie in surprise; the new cell phone must have cost him a fortune. He shuffled from one foot to the other awkwardly as I watched him cautiously. I'd expected fire and brimstone for scaring him like I had.

Instead, he'd quietly handed me a box as soon as I'd walked through the door.

"You bought me a cell?" I asked, a little skeptically. I was still waiting for the moment his temper snapped.

"I got it for my own peace of mind," he muttered with a non-committal shrug. "Now I'll be able to call you at any time and find out where you are."

It would have been next to impossible to miss the warning in his tone.

"Thanks, Dad," I murmured, flicking the phone open and trying to figure out how to turn it on. I wondered how much it cost.

"I'm trusting you with this, Bells."

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. I knew he meant well, and I really did understand how he felt, but his words were like lighter fluid to my incendiary inner-teen. "I know."

"Now, try not to give your old dad a heart attack."

I nodded before walking upstairs to get ready for bed.

Jacob had been a warm comfort and since he went home, the cold, darkness that seemed to reside in my chest, had begun to spread.

My eyes scanned the medicine bottles on the shelf in the bathroom. I still felt the absence of Edward like a physical weight in my chest. It pulled at me and threatened to drag me down.

In contrast, knowing that I might have Jacob to share some of that load helped, at least a little; maybe enough that I'd no longer need the pills. My finger touched the bottle, resting against it while I tried to decide whether I should maintain my routine or whether I could be strong enough to survive without relying on medication.

I _wanted_ to be strong; I hoped that would be enough.

I decided to ignore them for the night.

I pulled my fingers back from the bottle and finished getting ready for bed.

Instead of a restful night of sleep, I tossed and turned. Each time I closed my eyes, I saw Edward in the forest or standing over me in his room. I relived each horrific second on repeat. The world darkened and time slowed; sinister shapes moved through my mind.

_Edward took a step towards me, forcing me to take a step backwards. His face was a horrid mask, his features twisted and grim. His eyes were black and hungry._

_"Is that what you want?"_

_My head felt like it was too heavy as I nodded. He took another step, propelling me backwards. The coolness of his body seemed to permeate through my skin and settled deep in my heart._

_"You want to be in agonizing pain for days on end?" he asked, taking another step. _

_I couldn't help thinking that the pain of the change couldn't be worse than the pain I'd suffered after he'd finished his horrific speech._

_"And when you are just beginning to think that it can't possibly feel any worse than it does, your senses increase and shift, giving you many new and varied ways to endure the agony?"_

_I wished I'd spoken some magic words to stop what was happening. Even though I was reliving it in my dream, I was unable to speak or change what was happening._

_"To be slave to a thirst that makes you crave the blood of the one person you want more than anything to keep alive? To put your parents through the grief of losing their only daughter so early in her life?"_

_My body shook violently as I tried to muster the courage to change the outcome. I needed to change it. I couldn't live without Edward. _

"_I won't do that to you, Bella." Edward's voice was soft again, his face serine. He looked at me with love in his eyes. "I can't let you become a monster." _

_I reached my hands out for him, but he faded away. My fingers brushed through air that was left vacant as the smoky vision disappeared._

"_Edward, come back!" _

"Bella!"

My whole body shook.

"Bells, wake up."

My eyes slowly fluttered open.

My head throbbed. A regular pulsing ache pounded my temples. A wave of nausea washed over me, and I rolled my body to one side, shaking loose of the hands that were holding me. I took a few deep breaths until my head stopped throbbing and the illness passed. My throat was dry and desiccated. I tried to push myself up off the bed when I felt a weight holding my blanket. My heart pounded rapidly. For just one second, I hoped Edward leaving me was just a nightmare, and that he really was here with me, and still loved me.

Instead, I looked to see Charlie sitting on the edge of my bed. His face was pinched with concern, but also an expression of quiet resignation was written across his features.

"You were screaming," he stated quietly.

I felt like I was always screaming at night lately, even if it was only on the inside.

"What time is it?" I asked, looking towards the clock.

"It's late. You should try to get back to sleep." His tone was completely devoid of emotion and life.

I knew that Edward leaving hadn't just affected me, the waves of pain that rippled from the epicenter affected so many people: Charlie, Jacob, and even Mom had to watch me spiral deeper into a pit of despair. They all suffered alongside me. I wished I could ease their suffering, but I couldn't even think of a way to ease my own.

"I'm sorry, Dad. I'll try."

Charlie winced as I said the last word. I twisted so that I could sit up better. I wrapped my arms around him tightly. At first he stiffened, the embrace something neither of us would usually have initiated.

"I'm going to get better," I promised him quietly.

His arms wrapped around me in return and he patted my back gently. "I know you will. We Swans are strong."

I wished I felt strong, but I promised myself in that moment that I would try. I wouldn't skip my medication and I'd try as hard as I could not to wallow every time I so much as thought Edward's name.

My night continued in the same pattern of horrid nightmares and brief awakenings. Yet, I could have sworn a velvet voice whispered soothing words and cool hands brushed lightly across my forehead until the nightmare faded.

I couldn't be certain whether it was real or just the remembrance of a dream, but I still felt comforted by it.

I woke the following morning with my heart just a tiny bit lighter; the promise I'd made to Charlie and to myself, ringing through my mind.

Although we hadn't arranged a set time for Jacob to come over, he was at my door relatively early.

He eyed me with concern. I was certain I looked a frightful sight. If my sleepless night had taken the toll on my body that it had on my mind, it almost certainly would show on my face.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

I gave him the best smile I could muster and nodded.

He showed me the movies he'd brought over, more than enough for the whole day, and I picked the one that interested me the most. The selection was limited, mainly brainless action and a few horror movies. I wasn't sure whether he'd selected them thinking only of himself, or whether it was because he sensed I wouldn't be in the mood to watch romance or comedy.

We sat side by side for the day, mostly in companionable silence. Occasionally, Jacob would ask a question or two, but he never pushed for an answer. Once or twice he pulled me to snuggle against his side, then he'd pull back and we'd simply hold hands. It was…comfortable. I prepared lunch and found I was actually able to eat more than the usual one or two mouthfuls.

Somehow the day made me feel better and _worse_.

Jacob left some time after dinner, long after Charlie returned home. The two of them acted like my simple request for some of Jacob's time was a significant improvement. I knew the truth—his presence merely delayed the inevitable pain. That knowledge didn't stop me from trying to enjoy the reprieve though.

When it was time to go to bed, I didn't hesitate before taking the medication residing on the small shelf in the bathroom. I was certain I couldn't handle another sleepless night, and I _knew_ Charlie definitely couldn't. The pills may not have held the nightmares completely at bay, but they did seem to reduce the frequency and severity. Combined with my utter exhaustion, I was certain I would sleep for a solid eight hours.

~ 0 ~

**A/N:- I was so onto it with review replies for the last chap...until FFn broke & wouldn't let me access the links. Typical that the one chap I promised myself that come hell or high-water I would review reply for (cause I do usually suck at it) would be the one that FFn would stop me on. But anyway...**

**Wow I have some switched on readers based on my little game at the end of the last chapter. Some of you are warm, some are cold, but I love hearing your theories. I wonder if anything in this chap will change your mind, or solidify theories for you? **


	8. Chapter 8

~ 0 ~

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

~ 0 ~

_A/N:- Banner by FatesLoveQueen __http:/yfrog(dot)com/oed60p_

_I own nothing. Boydblog helped me with this and I'll be forever thankful. _

_She fixed. I fiddled. Any mistakes that remain are on me. _

~ 0 ~

"Bella? Are you awake?"

I groaned in protest at being woken. I'd been having strange dreams about teenage heartache, the rainy town of Forks and a day spent in companionship with someone who wasn't Edward. Someone who I'd thought might be able to offer friendship and heal the hurt I felt. I tried to recall details and picture the boy's face. I couldn't, but I knew he looked very familiar.

"I've got to head into work early this morning." Edward ran his nose along the length of my neck as he whispered the words.

"No," I murmured, turning over and wrapping my arms around him. "_Stay_ with me, please?"

I knew I was facing a losing battle, but I had to ask just in case I could change his mind. We still had to talk about the baby, and what that meant for us both.

"I'm sorry, you know I can't."

He placed his hand on my stomach and caressed it lightly, scrunching the fabric of my pajamas into his fist.

I pouted but twisted my body so that it was aligned with his.

"It's for us that I'm working so hard, you know that, right?" he whispered, before kissing the side of my neck and folding one of his legs over my body, tucking me tightly into him. "For the three of us."

He seemed so enthusiastic about becoming a father; I couldn't deny that it warmed my heart. I just wished we'd had the opportunity to talk about what would happen leading up to the birth.

"I know," I sighed. "I just wish I could see you more in the meantime. The baby won't be here for a long time yet."

Edward's hand shifted from my stomach to caress the side of my face.

"I could probably spare a few minutes." He leaned forward and touched his lips to mine. I knew where it was leading, and I let it follow that path. My crazy hormones meant I was just as willing a participant as he was. I only wished I knew how to express to him that I didn't want this to be our only quality time.

~ 0 ~

Since the moment I arrived at _Renee's _the scent of the grease from the kitchen was making my stomach turn. The whole pregnancy game was a lot harder than it appeared on TV and in movies. I'd already had numerous trips to the toilet because of how nauseous I felt all of the time.

It was still early in the afternoon so we didn't have many patrons.

When the buzzer rang and I looked up to see Edward standing in the door, I couldn't help the smile that lit up my face. Jacob followed him and they sat at one of the booths by the window. Memories of my dream flooded my mind. It was Jacob—a slightly younger, smaller Jacob—that had been sitting beside me watching movies in my dream about Forks.

_Why would I dream about him? _

_Why would I dream about him comforting me?_

I walked over to take their order. Edward kissed my hand lightly and smiled at me.

"Hey babe."

I bent down to kiss his cheek.

"Do you greet _all_ customers that way?" Jacob asked, tilting his head slightly to grant me easier access to his cheek. His black hair was bound at the nape of his neck in a low ponytail.

"Afraid not," I replied, running my hands lightly through Edward's hair.

My emotions were all over the place and the sight of Edward in his suit made it next to impossible not to touch him, even though he'd done a fantastic job of satisfying my body before heading off to work.

I kissed him softly once more before pulling my pencil and notepad out of my pocket, ready to jot down their orders.

"So, what will it be today?"

"The usual," Edward muttered without even looking over the menu. He was already in the process of laying a number of brochures down on the table and it became evident that this was a working lunch.

Jacob gave me a wolfish smile as his eyes trailed over my uniform. "I want something _hot_," he said finally, his eyes settling on my swollen breasts.

I turned toward Edward, feeling very uncomfortable in Jacob's presence, as usual. I wasn't sure what it was, but there was something altogether predatory about him. I began talking quietly to Edward while I waited for Jacob to pick from the menu.

While I was turned away from Jacob, I felt warm fingers on my thigh. I jumped instantly, shying away from the touch. Bile rose in my throat. "Don't touch me," I warned.

Jacob's response was another wolfish smile. "I just wanted to get your attention."

He laughed and Edward chuckled along with him. Flashes of past arguments ran through my mind.

_'I don't like him, Edward. He touches me and it just makes my skin crawl.' _

_'He just comes from a touchy-feely family, baby. It's nothing to worry about. He's harmless.' _

It never felt harmless.

I scribbled down Jacob's order quickly before scuttling to the kitchen. I felt sickened that Edward's first visit to _Renee's _in what felt like forever was marred by Jacob's attendance. Then I realized the sick feeling I had could only partly be attributed to Jacob. Another wave of nausea had me racing to the restroom. After I'd washed out my mouth and splashed my face I walked out of the ladies', only to be blocked by Jacob's solid build.

Taller and stronger than me, his hands came to my shoulders and he pressed me against the wall. I looked desperately from left to right to see if there was anyone else in the deserted corridor.

"Leave me alone, Jacob," I hissed.

He kept me pinned tightly with one hand; the other came to rest on my stomach.

"Edward told me about the baby." He circled his hand around slowly. "Congratulations."

He dipped his head down so that I could feel his putrid breath washing over my collarbone.

"There's something so sexy about motherhood."

I shuddered. "Let me go now, or I'll scream," I growled.

He chuckled and rested his lips against my ear. "Don't take yourself so seriously."

He pushed away from the wall, shoving my shoulder against it briefly. I held back the tears that threatened. I considered telling Edward about the confrontation, but I knew it would just be the cause of another argument. Sometimes I thought Edward wouldn't believe anything bad about Jacob until he caught him red handed, and even then I wondered whether he would just chalk it up to being friendly.

I heard the order up bell chime and took a few deep breaths before heading out to deliver the food to their table. I stood as close to Edward as I could and leaned across the table. Jacob winked at me and a shudder ran down my spine.

The diner was empty other than Edward and Jacob so I tried to go about my business as best as possible, but I kept feeling eyes on me. Each time I looked over, Edward was buried in a brochure and Jacob was staring openly at me. Once or twice he even winked.

All too soon, Edward began throwing his things back into his briefcase. I was saddened that I'd barely had the opportunity to see him or speak to him and he was already leaving. I raced over to his table.

"Leaving so soon?" I asked, trying to keep the emotion out of my voice.

"I'm sorry," Edward said as he absently handed me some cash. "I have to get back.

I nodded absently.

"Thank you for the delicious lunch," he murmured against my cheek as he kissed me softly.

"And the great view," Jacob added.

Edward chuckled again, even as my skin crawled.

I tried to focus my attention solely on Edward and push the lecherous Jacob out of my mind.

"Will you be at home when I get there?" I asked.

His grimace answered my question better than his words ever could. I blinked to hold back the tears which rushed into my eyes again.

"I'll do what I can to be home before you," he offered.

"Thank you," I said, uncertain whether his offer actually meant anything in reality or whether I would be facing yet another evening alone.

Angela arrived for her shift shortly after Edward had left. I took the opportunity to have a break and sneak out the back. As soon as I breathed in the fresh air, the stress of Jacob's rough treatment caught up with me. I stepped back and fell against the wall heavily as my head began to spin.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as a tingling sensation crept over my body. A metallic, acrid taste surged into my mouth. I couldn't control my limbs or my voice. I felt helpless and overwhelmed in the seconds before my legs gave way beneath me and I fell heavily toward the cement.

~ 0 ~

"I've got you."

I recognized Kieran's voice instantly. I tried to wade back through the murky darkness of my mind to find him.

As I became aware of my body, I felt his arms supporting my head and torso.

"I've got you," he repeated.

When I opened my eyes I realized how close he was. His eyes watched me carefully, and when he saw I was focused on him, he smiled brightly.

"Hey, there," he breathed.

I blinked, waiting for my mind to catch up with what I was seeing and feeling.

"What are you doing here?" I asked quietly.

"Saving you from eating pavement again, or at least that's the way it seems."

I tried to right myself. Kieran wouldn't let me go completely, holding my waist as I tried to right myself. The bitter taste still filled my mouth.

"I guess I must have passed out," I said.

"I'd say that's a good guess. It's been happening a lot lately. Have you been to see a doctor yet?"

I couldn't help the smile that crept slowly across my features. "Not yet, I will need to though. In fact, there will be a number of doctor's appointments over the next few months.

He tilted his head slightly in confusion.

"I'm pregnant!" I exclaimed before biting my lip. I hoped that he would be excited for me.

"Wow, Bella, that's great." His smile was warm and genuine and I knew he was truly happy for me.

"Thank you. Edward and I are both thrilled."

"So are you going to keep working at this place even though you've got that little one to think about?" he asked.

"I don't know what you mean."

"Well, I just don't think it would be good for you: all the hustle and bustle, being on your feet for hours on end, not to mention the lifting."

I thought about what he was saying. "I don't know. Maybe you're right."

"You know I am." He winked. "I meant what I said. There will always be an opening for someone like you at my firm. Just think about it."

"I know." I shrugged out of his arms. "I better get back to work."

"Are you sure that's a great idea? It wouldn't be a good idea to faint in front of the customers would it?"

I laughed. "Probably not, but I can tough it out. I'm a big girl."

"If that's the case, I hope you don't mind me hanging around for a while, just to make sure you don't need rescuing again?"

I wanted to deny him, but I couldn't. I had to admit it was nice to feel like someone cared about me enough to be concerned.

The rest of my shift passed quickly. True to his word, Kieran perched himself at one of the stools along the counter and watched me like a hawk. Unlike earlier with Jacob, it was actually pleasant having his eyes on me. Rather than salacious thoughts and horrid leering, Kieran offered cautioned glances and concern for my welfare. He even walked me to my car at the end of my shift.

I drove home wishing that I'd see Edward's car in the garage when I arrived.

When I did arrive, I noticed a strange car was parked on the road directly in front of our house. I looked around for the driver as I opened the garage door, but became distracted when I realized Edward's car was there.

_He's home, waiting for me! _

I parked the car and raced into the house.

"Edward?"

"In the kitchen."

I followed the sound of his voice, coming to a sudden stop when I saw the back of Jacob's head; his greasy black hair no longer tied back. I swallowed heavily in disappointment. Edward was home, but once again, we wouldn't be talking alone. I craved his company; I needed our long nights talking like we used to do. I had to try to get him to understand that I just wanted him all to myself.

"Hello, Bella." Jacob's voice sent shivers down my spine.

"I'm not feeling well, Edward," I said. "I'm going straight to bed."

He looked at me briefly, nodded and then turned his attention back to his laptop.

"Goodnight, Bella."

I shuddered as Jacob's voice carried down to hallway to me. I decided to lock the bedroom door while he was still here, just to be safe. It was terrible that I couldn't even enjoy spending time with my husband in the sanctity of my own home anymore.

I showered and changed into my pajamas. I heard a car drive away from the house and felt relieved that Jacob was gone. I wanted desperately to have a conversation with Edward. Maybe he'd be ready to talk to me now. I unlocked and opened the door.

I stepped back in shock when I saw Jacob standing in my bedroom doorway.

"Eddie's just gone to buy some milk. You guys ran out."

I shook my head in disbelief. _Surely Edward wouldn't have left me alone with this creep_?

"What a lovely bedroom."

"Thank you, but can you wait for Edward in the kitchen? We don't usually entertain people in this part of the house." I tried to sound polite, but even to my own ears I didn't sound sincere.

He smiled his horrific smile and reached one hand out for me. I should have just shut the door in his face as soon as I realized that it was him, now it was too late. His fingers entwined into my hair and he leaned his face close to mine.

"I don't know," his voice was like fingernails trailed down glass. "This room looks very entertaining to me."

His lips were inches away.

"I have to admit I was surprised when Eddie married you. You're not his normal type."

I stepped back again, only to realize I'd allowed him to back me up against a wall.

"You're _my_ type though."

Jacob's lips pushed against mine. I held my mouth in a tight line and tried to twist my head away from him, but the hold he had on my hair made it infinitely more difficult.

My sense of self-preservation finally kicked in, and I no longer cared what Edward thought of how I treated Jacob. He was threatening me in my own home. I brought my knee up and enjoyed the satisfying whimper that accompanied the forceful connection. Even though he was tall and strong, Jacob dropped like a sack of potatoes.

"Don't ever touch me again," I hissed and then I turned and ran for the bathroom, locking myself inside.

I didn't move until Edward's worried voice called out to me. I unlocked the door and raced straight into his arms. I pressed my face tightly against his chest, inhaling the scent of him and using it to calm my nerves.

He wrapped his arms around me and held me close.

"Jacob was gone when I got home," he said. "What happened?"

"He came into our bedroom, he…he…" I couldn't force out the words.

"Bella, what happened?"

I buried myself into Edward's chest, trying to find a safe place to hide.

"Bella, please tell me what happened?" He seemed exhasperated.

I shook my head.

"I'm here for you. Talk to me?"

My tears were soaking his clothes, but he didn't seem to mind.

"I'm sorry," he whispered against the top of my head. "I should have thought before bringing him here. Especially tonight."

I sniffed loudly against his chest as I brought my tears under control.

"It was the only way I could still work and be home before you got here. I really wanted to be here for you. It's just, well, you know how crazy work has been. I thought this was win-win. It won't happen again."

He stroked my hair lightly.

"Why don't I run you a warm bath?" he asked quietly.

I shook my head.

"Do you want to talk?"

I breathed a sigh of relief. He seemed to sense that I needed a change in the conversation.

I'd been starting to think that he was slipping away from me. I wanted to believe we'd be okay, but I had started to doubt. We stood in silence, wrapped around one another, for a long moment.

Edward's finger caressed my chin and guided my face toward his. "Do you want to talk?"

He gently led me over to the bed and we sat side by side, talking for the first time since I'd discovered I was pregnant.

~ 0 ~

I sank into the bath, luxuriating in the knowledge that I was loved. Edward loved me, and together, we'd be extremely happy. After Edward and I had talked for over an hour, I relented when he offered once again to draw me a relaxing bath.

I rested my head against the side of the tub, as a tiny giggle escaped my lips. I may not have been seventeen anymore, but I felt like a teenager in love thinking about the life Edward and I shared, and the new life we were creating.

My fingers hovered over my stomach, to rest over the tiny bulge that I kept telling myself was there. I knew it was just because I wanted to see tangible proof of our baby.

My long hair floated around my shoulders in a silky tangle. I sank further into the warmth, enjoying the feeling of the bubbles hovering on the water just above my bare skin.

I closed my eyes and submerged myself completely, feeling the water caress my nose and cheeks like a lover.

Instantly, something began to weigh me down, and hold me under. I panicked and grabbed at the sides of the tub, trying to grip hold of something, _anything_, to wrench myself out of the water.

The last of my breath escaped in a rush of bubbles and my lungs burned in protest, aching for oxygen. I tried to force my mouth closed, but my body resisted. I cried out silently in my mind before my mouth opened as I took the instinctive breath that would flood my lungs with water.

~ 0 ~

**A/N:- Sorry for the delay in this chap (I know, I know, I've been saying that a lot lately). I had my eyes lasered and then xmas, new year etc. On the other side, there are two chaps after this one already with my beta and one more hopefully about to be sent to her soon. **

**Would love to know what you think and whether your theories have changed. **


	9. Chapter 9

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**CHAPTER NINE**

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_A/N:- Banner by FatesLoveQueen http:/yfrog(dot)com/oed60p _

_I own nothing. Boydblog helped me with this and I'll be forever thankful. _

_She fixed. I fiddled. Any mistakes that remain are on me. _

~ 0 ~

**Recap: **

**I was asked for a quick recap by one reviewer, was going to do it in a PM but then I thought maybe some other people would like one too, so here is the best (spoiler-free) recap I can do: **

**Edward left Bella (as per New Moon) but she fought back and fell in the forest as she fled. Edward took her back to his house before leaving her there. **

**Bella woke into a world where she was married to a human Edward. Since she discovered herself in that world, she has been falling back and forth between the two, unaware of and unable to determine what is real and what is not. **

**Within the all-human world, Edward and Bella are largely estranged from his family and she feels that she has no-one to turn to. She met Kieran while working in her job at _Renee's, _an old-school cafe. He offers her friendship and a job, amongst other things. Before long, she discovers she is pregnant to Edward and life takes an unexpected, but not unwanted turn. **

**Within the vamp world, she started on a course of anti-depressants and sleeping tablets to help her cope. She feels guilty about what she is putting Charlie through and wants to get better, but doesn't know how. At least until Jacob comes back into her life.**

**End Recap**

~ 0 ~

I struggled desperately to push myself out of the water.

I forced myself upright, gasping for air.

"Are you alright Bella? Are you okay?"

A hand rubbed my back gently.

I breathed deeply, almost waiting for my heart to stop.

"Bella, will you look at me please?"

I blinked my eyes open and twisted my head, meeting a pair of black eyes, staring at me with a mixture of confusion and concern.

"Jacob!" I croaked.

He frowned. "You just jumped a mile and frightened the hell out of me."

I looked around. I was in Charlie's living room. The TV played a movie about the ocean or drowning, or something. I tried to remember what I was doing only moments before. Movies and idle chatter with Jacob were at the forefront of my mind. Somewhere in the recesses though, at the very edge of my memory, I could have sworn I'd been talking to Edward.

I shook my head. I was trying, but failing, to fight off the tears that threatened. All I could think about was what I'd lost by returning to this harsh reality.

_Why can't I stay cemented in one place? Why can't I stay in the other place, where Edward's human? Where we're expecting a baby together and would be a happy family? _

Just thinking about everything I had there, compared with everything I had experienced in Forks, made me desolate.

_Why is this happening to me?_

I knew without doubt that I was losing my mind. Then I wondered whether you could actually be conscious that you'd lost your mind?

_Does the knowledge that you are insane preclude you from actually being insane?_

I wished I knew what I needed to do to stop the visions. I wish I knew for certain which world was real. Part of me hoped it was the other world. That place held so much more—a promise of a happily ever after with Edward—and while it wasn't perfect, it was preferable. I had Edward and we were expecting our baby. I could see clearly the life I would lead there in a way that eluded me in my Forks existence.

It was all too confusing. While I was _there_, I was certain it was real; it didn't feel like I was dreaming. I could touch and I could feel. _Gosh, how I could feel. _

Yet, when I was back in Forks, it felt genuine too. I could feel, and I could hurt. A new pain stabbed at my chest where my heart lay in tatters, as testament to the agony I'd endured by Edward leaving me. Proof of how much I had hurt.

Jacob's heat surrounded me as he pulled me backwards, drawing me effortlessly into his arms and trying to offer whatever comfort he could. He wrapped me tightly in his warmth, just as he had previously. There was nothing different in the way he touched me. It was the caress of friendship. Only the feeling of his skin against mine reminded me of being pinned against my bedroom wall.

My heart began to pound and my eyes began to water. I wanted to scream and shout at him to release me. I wanted to shout that he wouldn't get away with what he'd done to me. I knew I was crazy because it hadn't _really_ happened. _Had it?_

Jacob was my friend and I knew that he'd never hurt me, but I couldn't shake the images of everything the other version of him had done.

"Let me go," I whispered, twisting in his arms.

"What's the matter?" His voice was filled with confusion, but he didn't move to release me.

I began to feel clammy and hot. I needed to be free from his hold.

_Desperately. _

I tried to shake him off, but his arm was heavy around my shoulder and I felt trapped.

"Let me go!" I demanded.

He dropped his arm from my shoulder.

I pushed away from him and off the couch quickly. I tried to remember that this boy was my friend. He wasn't the man who had threatened me, but it didn't matter. My mind rebelled against our friendship and I couldn't even look at him without feeling sick.

His head tilted to one side. He emanated an aura of concern that only seemed to increase by the second. When I looked at him again still sitting on the couch, he seemed almost buckled under an invisible weight. I knew I was the cause of it, but I couldn't help him. I could barely help myself.

Seeing his concern and how my behavior was affecting him should have calmed me, but it didn't.

He stood, reminding me just how much bigger he was than me physically. He extended his arm to cover the distance between us. I retracted immediately.

"Don't touch me," I hissed.

"Bells?" He took a step to close the distance. Even as he reached for me, his fingers curled into his hand, away from my body, as if he needed to protect himself from an invisible fire. I knew I was the flame, burning him with my panic, but I couldn't stop it. I just couldn't help but see the man who pinned me to my bedroom wall and kissed me against my will until my body shook with terror.

"Don't come any closer!" I cried.

"What's wrong?" His voice was desperate and needful.

"You need to leave. Now."

"Why?"

I shook my head. I couldn't think clearly while he was near me, my mind kept returning to his doppelganger. "Just go!"

He looked like he wanted to argue, but he didn't. He cast me one more sorrowful glance before leaving. As soon as he'd passed through the front door, I pushed it shut and locked it behind him. I rested against it, taking huge gulping breaths.

_When did I become a lunatic who throws her friends out of her house?_

I felt bad for the way I'd treated Jacob, but each time the thought of calling him entered my mind, images of everything he'd done in the other world swam through my memory. I felt vulnerable and lost. All I wanted was something to give me the strength I felt I was missing. I had no idea where I could find it.

I wanted a friend, someone to help me understand what was happening to me_. _I was terrified by the fact that I'd thrown out the one person I was even partly able to confide in. Tears pricked my eyes as I realized I was alone, completely alone again.

I trudged up to my bed and climbed under the blankets on my bed. I hoped that in their depths, I would find some escape from the mess I'd made. I wanted to go back to the other place, where I was with Edward. He wasn't perfect, but he was there for me when it absolutely counted.

I closed my eyes and prayed to be in the other world when I opened them.

All I got was darkness and guilt instead of the shift in reality I wanted. When I realized my mind wasn't going to be kind and release me from my pain, I embraced it and wrapped it around my being. My tears began to fall heavily in the soft cocoon surrounding me.

~ 0 ~

By the time Charlie came home and found me, I was curled in on myself and sobbing loudly under my blanket.

I heard him move around downstairs for just a moment. Long enough to take off his boots and hide the bullets from his gun no doubt. His heavy footfalls hit the stairs and I tried to hold my breath for a moment. Moments later, a shuddering sob wretched my body.

I felt the bed shift as Charlie sat on the edge of it. His quiet breathing seemed louder to my own ears than the uncontrollable sounds ripping from my chest.

"What happened today?" He asked finally, so quietly I almost missed it. "Did you and Jake have a fight?"

I shook my head, because we hadn't actually _fought_. Not really. I'd just thrown him out without a single explanation.

"Billy called me at work. Jake was really upset when he got home. I called, but you didn't answer."

I felt guilt for hurting Charlie again. I never wanted to. If I could spare him and Renee from enduring pain because of me, I would have done almost anything.

"I tried to get home sooner, but I couldn't get a replacement in at such short notice."

My stomach twisted with guilt, but alongside the guilt came flashes of being pinned to the bedroom wall by Jacob. Part of me still reasoned that it hadn't been _my_ Jacob in Forks, but the memory of it was as strong as the horror of Edward leaving, and equally unshakable.

"Are you alright?"

I drew in a deep breath and released it, shaky and pained. At least the sobbing had abated for the moment.

"I thought you were starting to get better." I wasn't sure I was meant to hear his words, but I did.

I nodded. I'd thought that too.

I took a deep breath. "I'll call him tomorrow," I promised.

Charlie sighed and stood. "I don't want you to do anything you don't want to."

"I want to," I whispered.

"I just want my daughter back." His words were once again nearly silent, almost certainly meant for himself.

I didn't need to tell him I was trying. In fact, I was certain that statement would only have hurt him more.

~ 0 ~

I drifted off to sleep shortly after Charlie left my room, only to wake less than an hour later. Nightmares of Edward leaving intermingled with the horror of what Jacob—the older, sinister Jacob—had done to me. The two images twined themselves around each other in my mind until I felt my throat constricting as Jacob held me against the wall while Edward whispered words of hatred against my cheek.

Cool hands caressed my face when I woke. A cool, sweet smelling breeze gave me air. A weight on my bedding signaled I wasn't alone. I reached my hand up to touch the cool skin resting against mine, but it was gone by the time my fingers had finished their slow, groggy path. In the same moment, the weight lifted off my mattress and I was left wondering if it was just a delusion.

There was no moon hanging in the sky to light my room, so the darkness felt absolute. I stared through the inky blankness, trying to recall the words that had been whispered against my skin. In my dream, they had been horrid words whispered by Edward, but in that blissful moment between slumber and consciousness, I could have sworn I heard other words; words of comfort.

When I saw and felt nothing further, I sat up. As my eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness, I looked through it, but didn't notice any movement.

"Hello?" I whispered into the black night. I felt like a fool for even entertaining the thought that someone else was with me, but I couldn't shake the feeling that I was being watched.

I sat with bated breath for a few moments more.

_Was that something over by the lamp? Or maybe there, by the window?_

"Who's there?"

There was no answer.

I hadn't necessarily expected one, but I felt disappointed by the silence.

"It's okay," I whispered. "I know you're here."

Out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw movement, but when I focused, everything was still.

"Edward?" I asked.

My heart pounded in my chest at the thought. The mere possibility that _he_—or a member of his family—might be back was almost too much for me to consider.

I waited for something, anything, to happen that would confirm my suspicion.

Nothing came.

Eventually sleep began to press itself upon my unwilling body until my heavy eyelids began to slip closed and I sank into my bedding.

It was then—when I was balancing on the precipice of sleep—that a beautiful, velvet voice whispered quietly in my ear. "Sleep now, my beauty. I'll see you soon, in your dreams."

I wanted to fight my way back into consciousness to see his face, but I was too far gone. I was unable to resist his instructions and I fell into a heavy slumber.

~ 0 ~

***peers out from between fingers* still with me? **

**I wanted to get this up as quickly as possible because, well I heard the pitchforks and torches being pulled from their shelf. Chapter ten is also written and has literally just hit my inbox back from my beautiful beta. I will work on editing it & finishing chapter eleven as soon as possible to keep things moving. **

**I would love to hear your thoughts.**


	10. Chapter 10

~ 0 ~

**CHAPTER TEN**

~ 0 ~

_A/N:- Banner by FatesLoveQueen http:/yfrog(dot)com/oed60p _

_I own nothing. Boydblog helped me with this and I'll be forever thankful. _

_She fixed. I fiddled. Any mistakes that remain are on me. _

~ 0 ~

Kieran reached his hand across the table and touched the back of mine gently before withdrawing it and taking a sip of his drink.

"I can't tell you how happy I am that you're at least willing to consider my offer." He smiled.

During my talk with Edward, he'd shared his worries about our financial situation. He explained in more detail than ever had before that he didn't want me going back to _Renee's _after the baby. He also confessed that he wanted to take some time off. He worked for commission, so any time he had off would undo all of his hard work and would affect us financially. He wanted to make sure we had a good nest egg before then. There was no way we could go to his parents for help; he'd turned his back on their assistance when he married me instead of the ever-perfect Rosalie.

After listening to the reasons Edward was practically killing himself with the hours he was working, I knew I had to help out more. I decided to call Kieran. I wanted to find out whether he was serious and discuss the job offer he'd made. Maybe a few extra hours during my pregnancy would be enough to see Edward and I through the first few months after the baby was born.

Technically, our current meeting was a job interview; which explained the butterflies fluttering wildly in my stomach.

A tiny, nervous smile tilted up the corners of my mouth. "I still don't know that I've got anything to offer you."

He splayed his hands open on the table. "I'm not exactly looking for a rocket scientist."

I quirked my eyebrow as I tried to work out if he was inferring I was stupid.

He chuckled. "I just mean that I have the management of the business completely under control. I just need an extra set of hands to help out around the office."

I gulped. I'd never worked in an office and only had a vague idea of what it would entail. "So what exactly would I be doing?"

"The basics: answering the phone, appointment setting, and maybe a little light data entry. Oh, and you'd have to fetch me coffee." He winked. "Seriously though, I think you'd be a good fit for me. I think we could work very well together."

I couldn't help but smile in response. After the day I'd had yesterday, and the dreams of the other life in Forks, I was glad I could just converse normally with someone—even if it was only to discuss a job opening.

"I need someone two, or maybe three days a week. Is that enough?"

I nodded. "I've already thought about it, and if I keep up my shifts at _Renee's_—at least in the short term," I added, because he looked like he was about to protest, "as well as finding something less strenuous for a few days a week, I should be able to save a decent nest egg by the time this little one makes an appearance." I patted my still flat stomach gently.

He frowned. "I'm not sure if I like the sound of you working so hard. I worry that it might be too much for your body to cope with."

"I can't leave it all on Edward's plate. He's already over-worked. Besides, I want to actually see my husband at some point after this baby is born." I took a sip of my hot chocolate.

We were back in _Quake _again, but I decided to steer clear of the coffee this time. Kieran had done the same out of sympathy for me.

He smiled and reached over, touching my hand gently again. "You're a strong, wonderful woman, Bella. If you'd be willing to join my team, I would be very lucky to have you."

He said it so sincerely that a blush stole across my cheeks. The familiar heat flooded my face and poured down my chest.

He smiled in response to my reaction. "It's true," he said levelly when I could finally look at him again, once my blush had faded.

"So," he paused dramatically. "When do you want to start?"

Although it all sounded easy enough as he explained it, part of me was still worried about how terribly my inexperience could screw it up.

"Tomorrow?" I asked around the lump forming in my throat.

"That sounds perfect." He spent a few minutes instructing me on what I needed to bring for my first day at my new job before offering to walk me to _Renee's_.

An offer I accepted readily. After all, he was not only my employer, but my friend as well. Remarkably now that all the details about the job were finalized, a weight seemed to lift from my shoulders and we were able to talk about other topics.

As he left me at the door of _Renee's_, he touched my shoulder briefly.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he promised.

I nodded, somehow knowing that my first day in his office would be the start of something new and maybe monumental.

~ 0 ~

My eyes focused groggily on the ceiling.

_Something is wrong. _

A weight rested on my bed. A cool hand touched my cheek. I swallowed heavily, not allowing myself to believe that it could possibly be real. Despite what I'd thought I'd seen and heard during the night, in that e moment moment—where the cold reality of what would sure be another overcast day in Forks and the shadow of a dream met—, I knew it was impossible. No one could have whispered in my ear. No one had watched me fall asleep.

Impossible or not, I felt the weight of someone sitting beside me on my bed.

Impossible or not, their cold hand stroked ever so softly against my cheek.

My breathing was slow and steady; each slow inhalation deep and purposeful, thinking that any fast moment would shake me from the remnant of my dream where Edward was sitting beside me. I couldn't bear to wake to the reality where he was no longer nearby.

A cold finger pushed a loose strand of hair away from my face.

I knew he would know I was awake, but he didn't move to talk to me or do anything but continue his languid exploration of the curve of my cheek.

I wanted to turn my face suddenly and clutch at the hand to hold it as evidence of my sanity or insanity, whichever the case may be.

I didn't though, because I knew no matter how fast I could force myself to move, he could move faster, if he was really there. If the whole scenario wasn't just dreamed up by my imagination, he could—and probably would—be gone by the time I turned my head his way.

My heart hammered against my rib cage.

I took his continued silence as further evidence that he didn't want to be discovered, or I _was_ actually insane.

I wasn't entirely ready to find out what was true.

"Sweet, _beautiful_, Bella."

It was little more than a quiet whisper, quickly swallowed by the space between us.

I froze because the voice wasn't quite right.

It wasn't Edward.

It sounded more like a velvet-over-chocolate version of a voice I knew from another place.

I held my breath, tilted my head ever so slightly in the direction of the sound and then opened my eyes.

For one blinding second, I saw Kieran smiling widely down on me, his black eyes boring into mine from beneath his floppy, brown hair. The breath I held whooshed from my body in a rush.

I stared—certain that I _was_ completely insane—until my eyes stung and I was unable to avoid blinking. By the time my eyes opened again, a fraction of second later, the room was empty.

I sat up and clutched my hair between my fingers, trying to prove to myself that I was in fact awake. My heart pounded in my chest as I wondered what seeing Kieran in Forks could possibly mean.

~ 0 ~

By the time I made it downstairs for breakfast, I knew what I thought I'd seen was actually just a hangover from my dream. I'd been dreaming of talking to Kieran in the moments before I woke, and that spilled over into my conscious mind_. _

_I think._

I disregarded the fact that, like all my other visions of that other place, it hadn't felt like a dream. It had felt as real as the place where I was sitting, chewing on a granola bar for sustenance.

I knew if I was left alone all day, I would go out of my mind turning over every detail about the dream and the lingering presence it had left in my bedroom. Already my mind had analyzed it a hundred times.

I decided to try a reconciliatory phone call to Jacob. He didn't deserve the treatment I'd given him.

However, just the thought of him conjured up memories of being pinned to the wall by his weight. I tried to push the thoughts out of my mind. I had to remember that it _was_ only a dream, or make-believe, or _something_. There is no way Jacob, _my Jacob_, could be that callous or would hurt me like that.

His phone rang out the first time I tried his number.

I tried the number again a few minutes later, and it was answered by a voice I didn't recognize. The gruff voice practically barked down the line at me, informing me that Jacob wasn't there and he wasn't sure when Jacob would be home.

I sat at the kitchen table for half an hour, chewing my nails to stubs while I waited for Jacob to call back. I tried once again, only to receive a similar response.

I tried watching TV, then reading a book, but my mind kept returning to one of two things—Jacob's absence and Kieran's ghostly presence.

After lunch, I tried calling him again. The same voice that had answered earlier told me that Jacob had gone away. There was an inflection in his voice that made me think he was lying.

After another hour, I tried Jacob's number once more. I thought I was in luck when Billy answered, but he just told me sadly that Jacob didn't want to see me anymore and to _'please stop calling'_.

Tears flooded my eyes as I struggled to come to terms with the fact that I'd destroyed the one friendship I'd thought survived Edward's departure. I thought Jacob understood. I thought he realized I was broken and crazy. He'd seen my collection of pills and bottles; he knew why I had to take them. I thought he might have forgiven me for at least one bout of insanity before shutting me out of his life.

_I'm not worth the effort._

I bent over the kitchen table and let my tears fall silently with the phone still clutched in my hand.

"I wish I could choose," I murmured to myself eventually. "If I could, I would choose to live that other life."

I forced myself to stand and walked toward the front door, determined to get out of the house for a while, but each step I took felt heavier and heavier. I'd barely reached the stairs before my head began to spin and I toppled forward. Someone stopped my trajectory just before I cracked my skull on the bottom stair, but I couldn't determine who it was.

"As you wish," a voice of smooth honey and melted chocolate whispered coolly against my cheek, before everything went black.

~ 0 ~

"Absolutely not!"

Edward was furious when I told him that I was going to take a second job.

"Why not? It means you won't have to work as hard once the baby comes."

"That's why I'm doing what I can to get ahead of things before then. I don't want you stressed about it too."

"I'm not stressed. I _won't_ be stressed. It's an easier job than _Renee's_, and everyone there will know I'm pregnant, so they won't expect me to do any heavy lifting."

He raised an eyebrow at me.

"It's an office job," I said. "I'll be sitting down all day and answering the phone."

I could sense he was calming a little.

"I can give it up at any time if I find it's too much of a struggle."

His eyes softened.

"It will mean I'm not alone in the house while you're at work."

He smirked. I realized my reasoned arguments were working on him.

"I've already got something lined up, all I need to do is accept."

"What is it doing?"

"It's working for an event planner."

His whole demeanor relaxed considerably. "Are you certain it won't be too much for you?"

"I'm certain."

"And you promise you'll let me know if it's too much for you?"

I nodded.

"I guess it can't hurt to give it a try."

I kissed his cheek. "Just remember, I'm doing this for us."

I knew I was using his words against him, but it was worth it.

He smiled. "I know. We'll get there together. I promise."

I didn't need Edward's permission to start the new job with Kieran, but it meant the world to me to know I had his support.

Thinking Kieran's name made me pause. I was almost certain he had featured in my latest psychotic delusion, but I couldn't for the life of me think why. I was starting to work it all out—at least, I thought I was. I assumed that my delusions were a way of assigning new and different roles to everyone of relevance in my life. It was too coincidental that each person I knew seemed to be appearing in one form or another there. My visions were a way of dealing with people in a way I couldn't in real life.

I was terrified of losing Edward. That thought above all others had the ability to immobilize me, especially after my accident. It would be so easy for him to be hurt or leave. In my mind, he was an unbreakable vampire who _had_ left me; proving that it would hurt for us to be apart, but I could physically survive it. H, and he certainly could.

I wanted to see the good in Jacob, so I imagined him as a friendly, young man, who couldn't hurt anyone; who was as bright as the sun and a warm, caring friend.

I wanted Renee to be less domineering and more caring toward me and her other staff, hence she filled the mother role. Albeit the absent mother, which I took as proof that my theory was correct. As much as I wanted Renee to be nicer, I didn't want to be around her.

Even Edward's friends and family, who hated me with the passion that could only be applied to the 'other woman', had been cast in roles where they, for a time at least, had cared about me.

I just couldn't figure out where Kieran fit in to my make-believe 'Forks world'. I realized that his inclusion was because part of me wanted him to be involved. My mind just didn't have a role for him to fill, because there was nothing more I needed from him. He was _exactly_ what I required.

He was my friend, my only real friend, and I couldn't deny that part of me cared for him very deeply. He was a confidant, and now, he was also my employer. I couldn't deny that he cared for me too. It was obvious in his glances and his offers. Maybe I shouldn't have continued the friendship when I knew he was obviously after more, but I couldn't deny part of me reveled in the attention. He looked at me the way Edward had before we were married.

A tiny part of my psyche recognized that if I wasn't with Edward—and I was 100% committed to Edward—I could do much worse than a guy like Kieran.

Maybe that was the perfectly innocent reason for why he'd been in my bedroom.

~ 0 ~

_Aisling Milis_

_Proprietor: Kieran MacLeod _

I was embarrassed as I read the sign on the door. For all my assertions that Kieran was my friend, I realized I hadn't even asked what his company's name was. I was mortified that I didn't even know his surname. It dawned on me suddenly, given what I recently admitted to myself, that I could be making the biggest mistake of my life.

I knocked timidly on the glass, uncertain exactly what I should do next. I was at the time and place he'd given me, but didn't know what to expect.

Kieran rushed out to meet me almost as soon as I'd knocked. He showed me around the office with a wide smile plastered on his features. He pointed out my desk and showed me how to use the phone system. He explained the meaning of the sign on the door. Aisling Milis: sweet dreams in his native tongue. *****

By the end of the day, I had an aching back from sitting in the chair for so long and sore cheeks from smiling so often. The hours had rushed by in a flash of clients, calls and calendars; it was a much easier first day that I could have ever imagined. Kieran took a few moments out of each client's appointment to show me off. I felt his pride and his absolute confidence in me, and it gave me confidence in myself.

My first week passed just as quickly as my first day had. Between my two jobs and the doctor's appointments for my pregnancy, the time vanished. I barely saw Edward, our free-time rarely aligned, but when we did see each other, it was like a deep breath after drowning.

Before I knew it, a month had passed without visions of, or visitations to the other world in Forks. It was the second longest stretch of stability since I'd had my accident and I felt that this time, it might just be permanent.

My life finally seemed in order, just the way I had always hoped it would be.

Everything was perfect.

~ 0 ~

***Aisling Milis - literal translation is Dream Sweet in Scottish Gaelic (at least that is what I've been told by a few sources so I hope it's correct). **

**If you want an image of how I (and funnily enough my beta without my mentioning my inspiration) see Kieran, go look up David Tennant (and if you have great taste, you probably won't need to look him up). Here is one in particular that I really like: ****http:/www(dot)celebritycashrocks(dot)com/tgpimages/1376_453787(dot)jpg ****or maybe this one: http:/bestof(dot)provocateuse(dot)com/images/photos/david_tennant_94(dot)jpg**

**I wonder whether this chapter has changed or cemented your theory? Would love to find out? And which world would you choose if given the choice?**


	11. Chapter 11

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**CHAPTER ELEVEN**

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_A/N:- Banner by FatesLoveQueen http:/yfrog(dot)com/oed60p _

_I own nothing. Boydblog helped me with this and I'll be forever thankful. _

_She fixed. I fiddled. Any mistakes that remain are on me. _

~ 0 ~

**EDWARD CULLEN**

~ 0 ~

I was curled in on myself when Alice found me.

I hadn't moved an inch since my family had all but dragged me into the room—my new room in a house far away from Bella.

When I first returned to them after fleeing my old bedroom in anguish over what I had said to push Bella away, their wall of thoughts that welcomed me provided no solace. They all worried about Bella, and they all regretted leaving Forks. The guilt they felt echoed my own, and it was too much for me to bear.

Contrary to my own desires, I'd shouted at them that we weren't going back to Bella. Over the months, they thought less about Bella. They never truly forgot about her, their minds drifted to thoughts of her intermittently—especially Esme, worrying as only a mother could—but it wasn't like that for me.

My mind never needed to drift back to memories of Bella, because it never stopped thinking about her. There was no reprieve for me, nothing to distract me, but neither did I want one. If the memory of her was all I could have, I wanted to live with it constantly. I wanted to wrap the time we'd had together around me like a cloak and wear it with both pride and shame.

I didn't move to acknowledge Alice. I knew she would say, or think what she needed to communicate—regardless of whether or not I was paying attention—yet she was staying uncharacteristically quiet. Her thoughts were chaotic and…_panicked_? She had something urgent to tell me, something she'd seen despite my requests for her not to look.

Jasper sensed her concern and appeared beside her almost instantly. He kept his mind as blank as he could to make it easier for Alice to share her thoughts as he sent his calming influence over us.

'_Edward, there's something wrong with Bella.'_

My body locked in place at hearing her thoughts; Jasper's calming influence seemed ineffective. Alice's words were the last ones I ever wanted to hear, but ones I'd been anticipating for months.

"What?" I croaked.

Around the house, I heard a series of shocked thoughts. No one had heard my voice since I returned after leaving Bella. I hadn't needed to say anything. After all, what was there left to say after I'd lost—not lost, _left_—the only thing I'd ever truly loved.

The rest of my family began to gather around us, concerned by the one-sided conversation. Each of them was well aware of the implications.

I watched as Alice replayed a vision she'd had while out hunting. I creased my brow in confusion. It was just Bella watching TV with Charlie, there didn't appear to be anything unusual. There was a vacant look in Bella's eyes which hurt to see, but I'd seen the same emptiness in each one of Alice's visions since we'd left Forks.

'_It's the same,' _Alice thought. '_Always the same. The haze in her eyes. No matter how far in the future I look, it's there.' _

I felt responsible for what Alice was seeing; it was too much for me to witness it. I wanted to run back to Bella's side and confess my love until the look left her eyes, never to return.

'_It's _always_ the same', _Alice repeated. '_At least until…' _

The words in her thoughts silenced, replaced by images.

Bella: immortal, red-eyed and crazed. A shadowy figure stood by and watched on as Bella destroyed a campsite and drained the inhabitants.

I felt like I was going to be sick. There were no words to describe the horror I felt seeing the shocking vision of my beautiful, innocent Bella as a monster—a harbinger of death. I wondered whether my thoughts of returning to Forks were the catalyst for the change. I betrayed my heart's desire and instead focused on staying as far from Bella as I could.

The vision remained unchanged in Alice's mind.

I finally managed to form a word. "How?"

'_I'm not sure. It's almost like something is stopping her from healing now. Somehow that leads to...' _

I repressed the shudder that wanted to trace up my spine.

"We need to go back to Forks," I said. It wasn't a question or a request for permission. It was a statement.

Immediately I heard Esme's overwhelming joy and Rosalie's scornful disbelief.

"We can't just move back to Forks," Rosalie said bluntly.

Images ran through her mind of having to force our way back into a community that just barely accepted us before. We would be firm outsiders now.

I knew moving back to Forks wouldn't help Bella. I just wanted to find out what was wrong and fix it. I couldn't even let her know I was there, it was sure to make matters worse.

Carlisle jumped to my defense. "Rosalie—"

"She's right," I cut him off. "We can't _move_ back there."

There were thoughts of dissent amongst my family, but they were short-lived. Even Esme—who would have given almost anything to move back to where Bella was, if only to see me happy again—was relieved that I had some life in me again.

'_That's enough for the moment,'_ she thought.

I couldn't even look at her out of shame for what I'd done to my family with the stupid choice I'd made. I began to wonder whether there was a way we could move back, but I couldn't concentrate on it until I knew my Bella was safe.

I looked at my family members. I wanted a contingent that was big enough to deal with any threat, but small enough to move without detection.

"Carlisle, Alice and I will go."

Emmett's outrage at being excluded passed quickly when he saw Rosalie's relief at not being listed.

Jasper's thoughts were firm. '_Alice is not going without me_.'

I nodded at Jasper to indicate that he could come. I realized that his talent might be handy depending on what exactly we were dealing with.

I shook my head when Esme made a similar mental note. Four was possibly already too great a number to pass into town unnoticed.

We spent a few hours gathering everything we would need and getting ready to leave. Alice kept a constant watch on Bella, trying to detect anything that would tell us what we were dealing with. I concentrated on Alice's thoughts above all others and watched as the shell that used to be my Bella interacted groggily with the world.

By the time night fell, we were loading into Carlisle's Mercedes. Our plan was to return to Forks late at night while no one was watching and leave it at our deserted house. From there, we would move on foot if needed so that no one would realize we had returned.

It might have been quicker to run the whole way from Alaska, but we would have had difficulty moving together, especially during the day.

Carlisle took over the driving while Jasper, Alice and I discussed our plan.

The first step had to be surveillance. I had to know whether Bella was so lifeless because of me or whether Alice was right and something else was affecting her.

With each mile that passed beneath the tires, I felt life returning to me. I knew some might argue that it was because I finally had a sense of purpose, something to focus on aside from the ever present pain. I knew better though. I knew it was because each extra inch we traveled was an inch closer to my love. She was the only one that could fix my shattered heart. It was too much to hope that maybe I could help mend hers.

~ 0 ~

The instant we exited the car, everyone was on high alert—most of all me. There were fresh scents saturating our house. One of them made sense: Bella's. I had pressed a spare key into her palm moments before leaving her. I knew it was a mistake even as I was doing it, but I wanted to leave her a token. It wasn't a surprise that she'd come back to this house.

The other scent was unknown but was one that made my jaw clench and my body sink slightly into a crouch. It was a vampire, but one I'd never encountered before. The thought of another vile creature—possibly even a non-vegetarian—being near my Bella was enough to send me into a rage.

It was only Jasper's and Carlisle's firm grip around my waist—advantage gained in the moment it took to process the scent—that prevented me from tracking the demon and killing it immediately.

Both Carlisle's and Jasper's minds were in unison as they attempted to calm me. They knew, as I would have if I'd been able to move past the madness, that rational thinking and investigation were needed before we could make any assumptions.

'_Perhaps it was just a nomad passing through who came to investigate after detecting our scents in the forest. Alice would have seen if Bella was in any danger,' r_easoned Carlisle.

My jaw was clenched so tightly that the sharp edges of my teeth ground together noisily.

"We need to do a little reconnaissance," Alice said.

"I have to go to Bella's." I left no room for argument in my statement.

It was late enough in the evening that Bella would be asleep. I'd always been able to run to her house unseen. The only question that remained was whether I could force myself to leave again before the sun rose in the morning.

"I'll come with you," Jasper said quietly. He had sensed my uncertainty and, although he didn't know why I felt it, he wanted to lend me his support.

'_It's the least I can do after the trouble I caused.' _

"It wasn't your fault," I said. "I made the decision to leave. If her birthday party hadn't been the catalyst, something else would have been."

He shifted his eyes away from mine as Alice whispered her support in his ear. No matter how many times we told him otherwise, he would always blame himself.

He nodded to Alice before turning to me. "Let's go."

The trip to Bella's house made my heart feel a thousand ton lighter. I could barely believe how much freedom and joy I found in retracing steps I'd run so many times before. Even the worry of another vampire nearby was dampened as the realization sank in that I was going to see her again. She was alive—Alice confirmed it—and that was enough for me.

As the house came into view, my pace increased. I was loping through the trees faster than ever before. Jasper was left far behind me as I sped toward the black window; to my ultimate goal.

_Bella's bedroom._

Everything else fell away.

I heard nothing. Even Jasper's thoughts seemed dulled, as if they were coming through gauze—or more appropriately, a Bella-induced haze.

As soon as I judged I was close enough to the house, I leapt silently for the window. My fingers caressed the windowsill and I felt whole. If my heart had still been beating, it would have thudded a rhythm to rival the world's fastest drummer.

It had been a few months since I'd left Bella—a blip in the length of my existence—but somehow it had seemed like forever had passed since I was by her side.

I took a deep breath of the air that contained just the lightest concentration of her scent, enough to remind me of how much I burned for her. My throat flamed instantly, but I could easily overpower the urges of the monster within me.

By the time the breath had touched the back of my throat another scent registered, intermingled with Bella's.

I recognized the scent and had to stop myself from crying out in rage.

_Why is that scent here?_

I peered through the closed window. Had my heart still thundered, the sight I saw would have stopped it cold.

Slowly the Bella induced haze faded away and Jasper's thoughts returned in Technicolor, as well as the thoughts of another.

Another man—another _vampire_—was sitting on the edge of Bella's bed.

My fingers tightened around soft wood of the windowsill, leaving splintered indents.

I wanted to know what was happening, and why he was in her room. I wanted to throw open the window and issue a challenge to him.

_She is mine!_

A growl built in my chest, but I managed to suppress the sound before it issued. What I saw in his mind silenced my immediate concern for her safety, even as it stoked the flame of jealousy. Not for the first time I wished I could read Bella's thoughts, if only to know whether his feelings were reciprocated.

I released the sill and fell silently to the ground. Jasper was at my side in a flash.

'_What is it?' _

I shook my head to indicate we couldn't talk yet; the silent sentinel on Bella's bed may hear even a whispered conversation. I glanced back at the window, wishing it were me in there with Bella.

The thought of challenging him shouted to my mind once more, but I knew I needed further information. I worried that if I made my presence known before I had all the details of their relationship, I could risk alienating Bella further.

Originally I'd come to save her and leave, but now that I'd caught the slightest glimpse of her through a window—even if she was in the company of someone else—I knew I would never be able to leave her again. Even taking the time to move away from her house and talk to Jasper felt like a slow form of torture.

My mind reeled with the image of Bella's visitor. Maybe during the time I'd been away, Bella had moved on, just as I'd thought I wanted her to. That she would fall in love with, let alone meet, another vampire, had never crossed my mind, and the notion terrified me. He would give in to her requests more readily than I could—Alice's vision all but confirmed that to be the case. Unlike me, he obviously didn't see himself as a soulless monster; or maybe he did, and just didn't care.

There was one overwhelming certainty.

_He loves her. _

It broke me to admit it, but the love and warmth he felt for her, radiated in his thoughts. He wanted to be there for her, to help her mend and find her own inner-strength.

'_We'll be in Canada soon if you keep up this pace,' _Jasper thought.

I ground to a halt. We'd run for miles, there was no chance the vampire would overhear our conversation.

"There was someone with her."

'_Who?' _Jasper asked silently. '_A friend?'_

I shook my head minutely. The intimate position the stranger had taken on her bed—the position that had once been mine—and the thoughts he was thinking confirmed he wasn't merely a friend.

'_A boyfriend?' _

Jasper studied me carefully, seeing my involuntary flinch as he said the dreaded word.

'_I know it's not what you want, but maybe it's for the best? Maybe he'll be enough to stop Alice's vision coming true. Strange that Alice didn't see him_—_'_

I shook my head. "He's like _us_, Jasper."

Jasper's eyebrows shot up in surprise.

'_Another vampire?' _

I nodded.

There was a flicker of amusement in his thoughts, but he suppressed it quickly. I would have been upset with him, but I saw that he hadn't intended any harm by it; he was merely recognizing the irony of the situation.

"_Thanks._" I grimaced.

His mind grew apologetic, but I shook my head. I didn't need apologies for the unintended direction of his thoughts. I needed the strategist within him to help me.

"We need to find out more about him and what he means to Bella."

I slumped as I thought about the fact that she might return his love in kind. I didn't have the certainty of her thoughts to guide me.

"We need to gather information as soon as possible. If he's intending to turn her, as Alice's vision indicated, we need to work quickly. He's going to notice your scent at Bella's window and might move forward any planned timeline."

I felt like I was in a conscious nightmare. Just as I drew close enough to reach for Bella once again, she was snatched away and I was left running to catch up. My head felt groggy and my heart ached with the pain of a thousand deaths. In that moment, I would have taken the agony of transformation over the heartache I endured.

"First, we need someone with an in—someone that Bella trusts—to help us get information about her suitor."

The word _suitor _stabbed through my chest more effectively than any saber, the wound greater and more gaping. I struggled to remain upright as the consequence of my rash actions played out before my eyes.

I'd hurt Bella by leaving, and now I was possibly hurting her further by coming back.

Jasper had continued talking while I broke down internally, but was now staring at me in silent expectation.

'_Do you know of anyone who might be able to help?'_

My mind finally provided details about what he was asking: someone that Bella trusted. I thought hard, but came up with no one. Our relationship had been so insular when we were together. In the months before we left, my family and myself were Bella's closest friends. I had stripped all of that friendship away when I'd made the choice to leave her. My guilt increased a thousand-fold. I couldn't comprehend that I'd abandoned her so thoroughly. I hated myself more than I ever thought possible.

Slowly one name did surface in my mind. One who knew the legends of the cold ones and would be willing to help Bella.

_Jacob Black. _

I wasn't sure whether he believed the stories, but he did belong to the tribe of shape-shifters. If they knew what was happening, they would want Bella safe—and any human drinker dead.

It was a long shot, but it was one that was definitely worth investigating.

~ 0 ~


	12. Chapter 12

~ 0 ~

**CHAPTER TWELVE**

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_A/N:- Banner by FatesLoveQueen http:/yfrog(dot)com/oed60p _

_I own nothing. Boydblog helped me with this and I'll be forever thankful. _

_She fixed. I fiddled. Any mistakes that remain are on me. _

~ 0 ~

_**Warning:**_

_**This chapter deals with sensitive subject matter, including touching on issues such as miscarriage.**_

~ 0 ~

My pregnancy was finally showing. It might not have been obvious to the outside world, but I could see the slight swelling of my abdomen. Even my enhanced cleavage seemed to be growing more prominent. I relished every new outward sign. Each little indicator was evidence of the child growing inside; confirmation of the love I shared with Edward.

It was proof that I desperately needed as I reached the fifteenth day in a row where I was asleep before Edward came home and woke after he'd already left. The only tangible proof I had that he was even coming home at all was the crumpled sheets on his side of the bed and the lingering scent on his pillow.

I spent my days floating on the promise of what it would be like, after the morning sickness had past, after the first ultrasound, after the baby was born.

The only bright point each day was the moment Kieran came into _Renee's_.

It was easy to assume that after spending three days a week working with him, I would be sick of his company, but somehow when we were at _Aisling Milis,_ it was different. I was able to distinguish him as my employer, separate from him as my friend. When he was at _Renee's_ he was a friend, a confidant and a customer.

He knew my shifts—he fit my hours at his office around them—and came in regularly for lunch. Occasionally, he would stop in for dinner too. I hovered around his table just a little more than any other and when he was in for my dinner shift, he would walk me to my car after I'd finished.

I almost stopped dead when Edward walked in through the door at lunch one day. I practically ran to his side and threw my arms around him. He held me tightly for a moment.

"I've missed you so much," I murmured.

"Me too."

I couldn't give him the lingering welcome I wanted to, because I had other customers, and a bitch of a boss who was watching me like a hawk.

A happy giggle burst out of me as Edward rested his hand on my stomach.

"How's everything?" he asked.

It almost felt like he was an old friend and we were catching up after a number of years apart, rather than my husband who I lived with and loved with all my heart.

"Are you coming to the doctor's with me next Tuesday?" I asked him.

I'd left a note to let him know the details, but hadn't had time to talk to him about it.

His expression told me the answer before his words did.

"I'm sorry, I want to, but I can't. There's an important meeting that could possibly lead to a multi-million dollar sale."

I frowned, not wanting to give voice to the disappointment I felt.

"I'll be there for the next important appointment," he said soothingly. "I promise."

I nodded. "I was just excited to see our baby _with_ you."

He took my hand and rubbed his thumb along my knuckles. "Hey now, I was excited to see it too. If I could get out of this meeting, I absolutely would."

My lips pouted involuntarily.

"Just think of the commission I'll get if I can close this sale."

I forced a smile on my face, the complete opposite of what I actually felt like doing. I felt like crying, but then I remembered I had a job to do. I was about to ask for his lunch order, but he preempted me.

"I'll just have the usual, baby," he said, his voice almost bordering on dismissive.

As I turned, I saw Kieran slide into his usual booth. I smiled and gave him a small wave before giving Edward's order to the kitchen staff.

I walked to Kieran's table to take his order.

"What's the matter?" he asked with a small frown. He looked in Edward's direction. "Customers giving you grief?"

I laughed. The sound of it drew Edward's attention. I gave him a wink and waved before he went back to his work.

"Hardly." I smiled, warm and genuine. It was easy to be happy when Edward was so close by. "In fact, that's my husband. Maybe we could go over there and I could introduce you?"

I looked back to Kieran just in time to see the remnants of a grimace on his face. "Yeah, maybe," he said without enthusiasm.

_I wonder what that was about._

I glanced back toward Edward's table again—wondering if I was missing something—just in time to see Jacob sit across from him.

"Or maybe not," I muttered.

Kieran shot me a confused glance.

"Let's just say I'm not a fan of the company he chooses to keep sometimes."

I received a knowing smile in response.

"Ready to order?"

He grinned. "Always."

I ran Kieran's order to the kitchen just in time to collect Edward's. I was so disturbed by Jacob's presence I almost considered asking Angela to watch their table, but decided face-time with my husband was much too valuable.

I slid his plate in front of him.

"Jacob isn't eating," Edward said quickly. "He's only dropping some documents off for me."

I shrugged as if it didn't matter.

In truth, my stomach dropped each time I even passed the table because of Jacob's presence. I hadn't seen him since he'd invaded my bedroom a few months earlier and it was terrifying being so close to him. Edward hadn't questioned me further about what happened that dreadful evening, and I hadn't offered any information either. He'd stuck true to his word and never invited Jacob back into our house, a contributing reason why Edward wasn't at home either.

"Let me know if you need anything else," I said before slipping away from the table.

I felt the weight on someone's eyes on me as I headed to collect Kieran's order. I turned back to glance at Edward, but he was concentrating on his paperwork. My eyes skipped involuntarily to Jacob, but he too was busy with the documents. I grabbed the plate and made my way back to Kieran. He smiled brightly. It was a smile I couldn't help but return.

~ 0 ~

On Friday, I was at _Aisling Milis _when I realized something was wrong.

Terribly wrong.

It started small, just an uncomfortable pain in my abdomen. I pushed it out of my mind because at almost thirteen weeks, I was used to the little niggles that accompanied pregnancy.

By mid-morning, the pain stretched across my entire stomach, enough to cause me concern, but it didn't raise any serious alarm bells. At least, it didn't until I noticed the spots of blood that had soaked into my underwear.

"What's wrong?" Kieran asked immediately when I returned to my desk to gather my things.

Instead of answering his question, I doubled over, as agony worse than I could ever comprehend seemed to rip my stomach in two. I screamed and tears began to fall. I began to silently beg whatever god was listening to save my baby.

"Edward…" I forced out through clenched teeth. "I _need_ Edward…"

"I'm taking you to hospital," Kieran said. "We'll call Edward from the car."

I wanted to argue with him, but my body was in agony and my mind was distraught. I nodded and clutched at my stomach. "Just hurry, please."

Before I could comprehend what was happening, I was at the hospital. Kieran had tried Edward's cell three times with no luck. He left a voice mail message, asking Edward to call as soon as possible, explaining that it was an emergency. He called Edward's work phone, only to be told he was out for lunch with a client and they had no idea when he was due back.

"I need him here," I sobbed as Kieran helped me through the hospital doors.

"I'm trying," he said. "I promise I'll stay with you until he comes, okay?"

I nodded through my tears.

~ 0 ~

I rested with Kieran hovering close by. The pain had stopped shortly after I arrived at the hospital but the doctors had still taken me through a number of examinations and needles, all without any reassurance that the baby would be fine.

It had been almost three hours since the pain had first struck and my panic was slowly subsiding, giving way to a subtle nervousness of not knowing what was happening and a simmering anger directed at Edward. He hadn't even called to see if I was okay.

I tried calling his cell again from the hospital but it was still going straight to voice mail. The knowledge that he was unable, or God forbid unwilling, to be by my side when I'd needed him most pressed upon me, like a physical ache. My anger scalded my eyes and made them water. It was only Kieran's presence that forced me to hold myself together.

When the doctors finally signed my release form, after giving me next to no information about what had caused the pain or the spotting, Kieran was by my side. He demanded answers for me, and I had to admit it felt good having someone willing to stand up for me. He held my hand tightly in his own as words like 'subchorionic hematoma' and 'threatened miscarriage' rang in my ears.

Once I'd been given the details for my follow-up consultation, Kieran offered to drive me home. I tried to argue with him. After all, I didn't want to inconvenience him by forcing him out of his way. He waved off my arguments and reminded me that I'd had a major scare and I needed someone to look after me—at least for a little while. It was a sharp reminder that I'd been let down once again by the person I wanted to be able to rely on most of all—who I should have been able to count on.

I finally relented and let Kieran drive me home. He made me a cup of chamomile tea and sat with me, at least until I shooed him out of the house because he'd already shut his office for too long on my account.

I crawled into bed to try to erase the day. I was supposed to be working a shift at _Renee's _but I texted Angela and asked if she could cover for me. Facing a packed diner during the dinner rush was the last thing I needed with the stress I was already feeling. I pulled my blankets over my head and tried to sleep.

~ 0 ~

I must have drifted off easily after returning from the hospital because the next time I opened my eyes, it was dark. The bed beside me was empty and I had no idea whether Edward was home, or when he would be returning. A bubble of grief built inside me, threatening to spill over as I considered the fact that maybe he didn't love me after all. He didn't care enough to rush to the hospital to see if I was okay—if our baby was safe. I sat up in bed and checked my phone. He hadn't even called to find out what was wrong.

One tear sprang up from deep inside me and trailed slowly down my cheek. As if they were waiting for the pioneer to complete its journey first, a flood of tears rushed to my eyes just as the first landed wetly on my hand.

"_Bella_."

Edward's voice had never before held the musical quality it possessed as he whispered my name in the darkness. Even through the veil of sleep, I could hear the quiet reverence in his tone. I wondered what gave it that quality.

I brushed my tears away. I didn't want him to see me crying because I knew he would see it as a sign of weakness when I needed to be strong and tell him how hurt I was.

"Are you alright my love?"

My stomach clenched at his question. The dreaded M-word hung over my pregnancy like a dark presence looming in the shadows, ready to spring at less than a moment's notice.

"Isn't it a little late to be asking me that?" My voice sounded dull and lifeless even in my own ears.

"I'm sorry I didn't return earlier. I was…delayed."

My breath hitched. "What does that even mean?"

I clenched my fists and took a deep breath. I needed him to know how angry and hurt I was, but I couldn't risk putting undue stress on my body, and on the baby.

"It means I'm sorry I wasn't there for you." He sounded apologetic. In fact, he sounded desperate for me to listen to him, to understand and accept his apology. "Maybe things could have been different."

"_It's not enough!" _my voice was only a little more than a harsh whisper.

"What's not enough?"

I inhaled deeply, allowing my anger to brew deep within me. "Your words." I swallowed heavily. "They're not enough to erase the pain you caused me."

His hand caressed my face gently.

"Isabella Swan, I made a grave mistake. The words I said in my bedroom, they were a lie. I didn't mean them—" his voice broke. "I didn't mean _any_ of them."

My stomach clenched. He'd used my maiden name and admitted to making a mistake. I had no idea what he meant by _the words in his bedroom_, but I wasn't thinking straight. I was barely holding myself together.

"Bella, did you hear me?" his voice was gruffer, deep and rough just like it always was.

I shook my head.

"I said I didn't get back to the office after my lunch meeting, and my cell went flat. I only got your messages a few minutes ago when I charged my cell."

I turned away from him. I needed a moment to collect my thoughts, I almost felt as though I was having two conversations.

"Are you okay? Is the baby alright?"

Finally, he had asked the one question I'd been waiting for. I broke down.

"I don't know," I whimpered.

He wrapped his arms around me and let me cry into his chest. Part of me wanted so badly to stay angry with him, but I couldn't maintain my rage. That didn't mean I didn't want to make him aware of exactly how badly he had hurt me.

"I was so scared today."

He stroked my hair silently.

"I felt so alone; I _needed_ you."

He held me tightly. "I'm sorry that I let you down."

"You did."

He lifted my body gently and laid me down onto the bed, wrapping his body around mine and continued to offer his near-silent comfort. "I'll do better next time."

My heart leapt into my throat at the thought of 'next time'. I didn't want there to be a next time. I wrapped my arms protectively around my stomach. Edward continued to gently comfort me.

"I just have one question," he murmured after a while.

I tilted my head against his chest in a silent signal to continue.

"Who's Kieran?"

I thought about his question for a moment.

_How can I possibly describe Kieran?_

He was quickly becoming an integral part of my life. I couldn't imagine not working alongside him at _Aisling Milis. _I couldn't imagine not seeing him sitting at his usual table at _Renee's_: smiling face, cheeky smirk and untamed hair.

He was the one person I knew that I could rely on. I felt like he put my needs above all others, including his own. He made me feel good about myself. He gave me the confidence I felt I'd lost in other areas of my life. He was a confidant, someone I knew I could trust implicitly. He was my lifeline.

I pushed down the awareness that he really shouldn't have been so important to me. Those attributes should have belonged to Edward, and at one time, they had. I wasn't entirely certain they still did.

"He's a friend," I replied, as much to quieten the voice in my own mind as to answer Edward's question. "Just a friend."

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	13. Chapter 13

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**CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

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_A/N:- Banner by FatesLoveQueen http:/yfrog(dot)com/oed60p _

_I own nothing. Boydblog helped me with this and I'll be forever thankful. _

_She fixed. I fiddled. Any mistakes that remain are on me. _

~ 0 ~

**EDWARD CULLEN**

~ 0 ~

I paced the length of the meadow, impatient for my visitor. For the past hour, I'd alternated between standing like a statue in the middle of the clearing and pacing rapidly between the outer edges.

I hated being away from Bella, especially when I'd returned to Forks because she was in danger. I felt helpless, and inadequate, yet I was doing what I could to protect her; at least, that's what I was working desperately to convince myself of.

Before long, I heard Jacob's mind—along with several other thoughts that were linked with his in some type of pack consciousness. Jacob's mind was full of anger and blind hatred. Then another mind—the leader, Sam—reminded Jacob of the treaty that we'd made with their tribe. Sam ran with Jacob because he didn't trust me. He'd commanded four wolves to wait silently behind the trees in case anything untoward happened.

When I'd decided to seek Jacob out for information, I wasn't certain whether he actually believed the legends of his tribe. I was worried that I'd need to convince him of the truth, to make him understand the danger Bella was in. I never imagined that he would now be one of the pack. It had been an awkward and tense phone conversation. I had to swallow a great deal of pride to ask him to meet me. He pressed for details, but I told him I'd rather meet in person. He was reluctant until I told him it was about Bella.

"What exactly do you want, _leech_?"

Jacob stepped out from between the trees at the edge of the meadow. His eyes were pitch-black and full of hatred. He was barely holding himself together, his entire body shook with rage and I could tell from his thoughts that he was close to phasing back, clearly uncomfortable being in human form around me.

The repulsive scent of him became more prominent as he approached me. His proximity to me—his natural enemy—and the pain I'd inflicted on Bella when I left incensed him.

I was just as uncomfortable in his presence. I wanted to tear off his limbs and then demand to know what happened after I left. I fought against my desire to sink into a crouch as he came closer. I intended to be civil to him. I knew I needed his help to protect Bella.

I waited until Jacob had come to a complete stop, mere feet away, before I raised my eyes to meet his. Unsure where to start the conversation I stared until Jacob's thoughts provided a prompt.

'_Why the hell did the leech bother to meet me if he isn't even going to speak? He said this was about Bella, but I don't see why her safety or security would concern him, not after the way he left her.'_

"I didn't mean for Bella to be hurt," I said quietly, before castigating myself for practically telling him I could read his mind.

His thoughts scoffed at my words. _'Who does he think he's kidding? He's a monster. All his kind can do is inflict pain. If only I'd _known_ what he was before, I would have torn him to pieces to keep him away from her. I would have made her listen to Billy's warnings.'_

His mind began to bombard me with images of how he found Bella: huddled up on the floor the loose bandaged wrapped around her arm, her tears flowing freely and her quiet voice broken and defeated.

I resisted the urge to hang my head in shame over what I'd done to her. I'd nearly decided not to leave. I had considered ways to make it work, but I'd never considered the possibility that another Vampire would go anywhere near Bella. I'd thought she'd live a normal, human life and would eventually forget about me. Seeing Alice's vision had shattered my cold heart.

"I think she's in danger," I said quietly.

"Why? Isn't your _guard_ enough to keep her safe?"

Jacob pictured the vampire I'd seen at Bella's bedside.

_Why would Jacob assume _he_ had anything to do with us?_

My confusion must have been printed clearly on my face. I shook my head slowly.

"He's not a friend of yours." Jacob stated and paled considerably. "But he's been watching Bella's house for months."

I made an involuntary strangled noise.

"He's even been feeding like you do. The pack investigated him before I…_joined_."

He tried to make it sound like it was voluntary, but his thoughts told me it was anything but.

"His stench is in almost every room of your house, and in the forest." Jacob began to blather as his fear for Bella overtook his focus. I knew he was telling me far more than he ever meant to.

The wolves nearby howled, their minds telling me that they could hear every word of our conversation. They had assumed the vampire was part of our coven and that Bella was safe with him. Now that they knew differently, they were feral. One of them shot off toward Bella's house.

"_No, don't!"_ I said sharply, the authority clear in my voice.

My command was so absolute, the wolf stopped in its tracks.

It pained me to deny them the opportunity to destroy the monster that threatened _my_ Bella's soul, but I couldn't be certain of her feelings for him. He'd been in her room the previous evening and it was likely that he'd been there before. He hadn't hurt her so far, in fact, he loved her. That fact was still the hardest for me to admit; even if I couldn't be certain if she felt the same for him.

"I don't think it's wise to destroy him yet, at least not until we know how Bella feels about him."

"What does it matter?" Jacob spat.

"It matters because _she_ matters."

"If she's in _any_ danger…" His voice was little more than a low, menacing growl.

"If he intended to hurt her, he would have done so by now." My voice sounded weak and strained. I knew I was trying to convince myself just as much as the wolves.

"How do you know that?" he shouted. "Tell me how you could _possibly_ know that?"

"I just know."

I was starting to regret seeking Jacob out. Each time Bella was mentioned, his thoughts were colored with the same emotions that I felt in Bella's bedside visitor's mind. Jacob's memories played on repeat, swinging between the day he'd found her, the time he'd helped her heal, and her screaming at him to get out of her house.

I'd approached Jacob because I thought he would still be a close friend to Bella, but I realized I was mistaken. They were no longer friends, but I couldn't decipher from his mind the reason why, because it was just as much of a mystery to him.

I needed to find another solution. I needed more information, and I wasn't certain Jacob could actually help.

"What happened after I left?" I asked quietly, the images in his mind where too powerful for me to ignore.

His lips twisted in disgust. "She was broken, utterly crushed. For almost three months she walked around in a daze. Then she finally started to heal."

I felt his pride; he'd been the one to help her.

"But every now and then, she'd still have this look. It was almost like she was daydreaming or something. She would respond to questions if she was asked, but she wasn't _quite_ there."

I looked down as his thoughts confirmed my own. It was my fault that she was like that.

I swallowed down the guilt, pushing it deep within me. I could examine my actions and torture myself with remorse after Bella was safe. She was the most important thing to me, and that was the one thing that stopped me from storming into her room and stealing her away. I couldn't do that to her, because it would kill Charlie and Renee, which would in turn hurt her. I couldn't risk startling the other vampire and having him speed up his goal of turning her—if that was _his_ goal.

Since talking to Jacob, I began to worry that maybe Alice's vision was the result of Bella's own desires. I wondered whether she would ask her visitor to do the unthinkable, and whether he would say 'yes'.

Jacob watched me with interest. "Why are you back? Why now?"

I paused for a moment. If I told him what led to our return, I would be forced to admit one of my families' secrets to an enemy. I was momentarily torn between protecting my family and protecting Bella. My desire to ensure Bella's safety won out, after all I was about to ask them for a favor, it wouldn't hurt to show them a little faith.

"Am I correct in assuming your legends mention members of my kind gifted with unique talents, over and above the usual abilities?"

Jacob barely nodded, but his mind filled with recollections of stories told around a campfire that confirmed my question.

"They are true." I stated.

His thoughts, along with those of his pack-mates, were impatient. He wondered whether I was referring to myself or to someone else in my family. He wanted more details, and he wanted to know how it related to Bella.

"One of my family has the gift of foresight."

"What, like telling the future?"

I nodded. "Seeing visions of things which may come to pass."

"And whoever it was," he looked at me like he suspected _I_ was the one who'd seen the future, "had a vision of Bella?"

I didn't know how to explain Alice's vision in detail so that Jacob and the wolves would understand. If Alice's vision was the result of Bella's choice, I couldn't let the wolves know. Instead, I would attempt to change her mind. However, if I was unsuccessful, I wouldn't allow the wolves to destroy her. As much as it would pain me for her to lose her soul in exchange for immortality, I would rather see her happy with another vampire—even though just the thought of it tore at my heart—than for her not to exist at all.

I saw myself through Jacob's eyes. The agony of my thoughts was evident on my face.

He frowned. "That bad, huh?"

I just nodded.

"How accurate are these _visions_?"

"They're not necessarily accurate."

Alice had, after all, seen Bella as an immortal by _my_ side at one time.

"They are based on current decisions."

"Then who has decided to hurt her?" The menace in his words, and in his thoughts, was undeniable.

"I don't know, but that's why I'm here. I _won't_ let anyone hurt her," I said emphatically.

He scowled and began to shake. My anger had set off a natural reaction within his body. "What do you need me for then?"

I knew I couldn't tell him my initial plan. He didn't have the friendship with Bella that I'd been hoping for. Regardless, it wouldn't hurt to have the pack on our side, to watch over her house and ensure _he _couldn't escape with her in the middle of the night. It was a task I wanted to do myself, but I couldn't risk drenching the area in my scent and alerting the vampire to my presence. He was an unknown entity and that terrified me.

"I just need you to watch over Bella."

Jacob rolled his eyes. "We're already doing that."

"Thank you, please just keep doing that. Keep her safe."

He laughed bitterly. "I'll keep watching out for her, but I won't be doing it for you."

I saw no reason to argue with him further so I nodded my acceptance.

I had to change my plan. I had to do _something_ to find out what was happening with Bella.

I could only see one alternative.

~ 0 ~

I couldn't even begin to describe the emotions that surfaced as I stared at the buildings of Forks High School. Carlisle sat in next to me in the driver's seat of his Mercedes.

'_Are you sure about this?' _He asked silently.

"It's too late to turn around now," I said.

He looked at me before glancing at all of the curious eyes staring at his car. "I guess you're right."

We nodded in shared understanding; we both knew how difficult my day was going to be, between trying to deal with the gossip and seeing Bella again, especially if she wore the blank expression I'd seen in Alice's vision.

Carlisle exited the car and I followed behind him dutifully, playing the part of a teenager being re-enrolled in school. Once people had seen me, and confirmed that the car did in fact belong to a Cullen, the rumors began to fly. By the time Carlisle and I reached the office, my name was in the thoughts of over half of the students.

I sat quietly waiting while Carlisle spoke to Mr. Greene to arrange my return. Alice had already hacked the school computer system and memorized Bella's class schedule. The plan was for me to slip straight into as many of her classes as possible. I would rekindle our friendship. I would find out what was happening and try not to scare her away.

I listened to Carlisle explain how he was in the process of moving the family back to Forks, but that it was just the two of us at the moment. Even the principal began to consider the reasons behind our return. I knew the gossip would be annoying, but I would blank it all out. What I was more afraid of was Bella telling me to leave. If she ordered me away, I would be torn between ensuring her safety and following her desire. I suddenly thought of Jacob and wanted to know what had happened between them.

Eventually, Carlisle stepped out of the office. "I convinced him to allow you to start classes again today."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you."

He patted me on the back. "Good luck."

After parting with Carlisle, I walked to the next class on my schedule. I thought about going to Bella's classroom, but didn't want to shock her.

I waited patiently, looking for Bella in the minds of others, until I saw a flash of brown hair as she walked my way.

"Bella," I called as soon as she was close enough. I couldn't help the excitement that inflected my voice, and those around me noticed it too.

She blinked a few times, the blank look present in her eyes.

"Edward."

She pushed straight past me and into the classroom. The students gathered nearby found great amusement in Bella's casual brush off.

I followed her in to the room and sat at the desk beside her. The depth of emotion and sorrow I felt at her dismissive attitude almost froze me in place but I managed to turn to her.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

A ghost of a smile—completely devoid of sincerity—graced her lips. "What for?"

My head locked into place, my face no doubt a look of utter confusion.

_She doesn't know why I'm apologizing?_

I couldn't comprehend it. The girl in front of me was definitely Bella. Her eyes, once deep pools of brown, showing wisdom beyond her years, were flat and dull. She was physically in front of me, but _she_ wasn't there. I could not see her spirit, just like Jacob's thoughts and Alice's visions, but in person it was more horrifying than I could have imagined. She smelled the same, but _my_ Bella was gone.

I tried to ask her questions, but she just smiled weakly and pointed to the front of the classroom indicating that I should be paying attention in class.

~ 0 ~

The days slipped by in the same manner. Each overcast morning I would wait in the parking lot until Bella arrived. Then I would try all day to bring _my_ Bella back. I knew when I did I would face anger, sorrow, and a barrage of other emotions from her, but at least she would be seeing, and feeling.

During the day, I caught the occasional glimpse of either the other vampire's mind or the joint consciousness of the pack. Over time, I realized the timing of the two wasn't coincidental; Bella's nightly visitor was aware of the wolves and avoided the school when their scent was strong. I wondered whether I could find a way to use this to my advantage.

Each night, I followed the familiar path to her house, travelling just close enough to hear her companion's thoughts. Her visitor was a constant in her room from the moment she was asleep until the time she began to stir. The one thing I noticed was that they never actually spoke. The vampire moved around her like a planet orbiting the sun, but aside from words whispered far too low for her to ever hear, he never actually spoke to her.

I watched—growing more insane with each passing minute—and waited for an opportunity to be alone with Bella; completely alone, without the prying eyes of students, wolves or other vampires.

I enlisted Alice's help, and that of the wolves, to get my opportunity.

Finally, the time came, about seventeen days after we'd arrived in Forks. It was just after the final bell had rung, as I watched Bella climb into her rusty red truck, when Alice called my cell.

"He's gone hunting," she said. "He's about halfway to Port Angeles. I've called Jacob and he's going to have the pack run a line to block his return. He'll be back at Bella's early tomorrow morning, so they won't be able to keep him out forever, but you will have a window to go and see Bella."

A tiny, hopeful smile shifted my mouth in what felt like a too unfamiliar occurrence.

I waited until nightfall before running to Bella's house. By the time I climbed into Bella's window, she was already in bed, fast asleep. A number of pill bottles littered her bedroom, covering almost every surface. I scanned the labels quickly, taking note that the majority of them were anti-depressants and sleeping tablets. I knew, without needing it confirmed by anyone else, that _I_ was the reason behind her need for medication.

I turned toward the bed. Bella's eyes were half-open and she seemed to be looking at me. I almost thought I saw a flicker of recognition flash in her eyes.

"Bella," I whispered. My voice was filled with emotion that threatened to choke me.

Her eyelids were heavy and I still wasn't sure whether she was awake or dreaming.

"Are you alright my love?"

She stared at me for a moment, a blank look crossing over her features. I expected her to give me the response she'd given each time I'd asked her the same question when we were at school together.

"Isn't it a little late to be asking me that?" she said finally.

It was painful to hear the soft accusation in her tone, but it was a thousand times better than the blank nothingness I'd been getting.

"I'm sorry I didn't return earlier," I whispered. I was desperate to reach out and touch her, but terrified that doing so would alert her visitor to my presence. "I was…" I tried to think of an adequate explanation, but I couldn't find one, "delayed."

"What does that even mean?" Her body grew rigid and the volume of her voice increased.

"It means I'm sorry I wasn't there for you." I knew how completely inadequate my apology was, but she didn't even seem to realize that I'd left. That I'd hurt her.

"It's not enough."

The statement ripped through my chest, but I had to clarify. I couldn't rely on half-truths and misinformation. I needed to know the truth. I needed to know what _would _be enough.

"What's not enough?" I asked quietly.

Her chest rose and fell with sharp, shallow breaths.

"Your words," she said finally. "They're not enough to erase the pain you caused me."

I saw her tears begin to fall and suddenly, nothing could keep me away from her bed. I was at her side in an instant and my fingers traced her cheek softly. It was almost surreal to be touching her again, I reveled in it for as long as I could.

"Isabella Swan," I said. "I made a grave mistake. The words I said in my bedroom, they were a lie. I didn't mean them. I didn't mean any of them."

She looked like she was about to respond, but her eyelids fell shut, and her breathing evened out. She'd fallen asleep.

I watched her for hours until the sun finally began to creep up over the horizon. I heard Charlie preparing for a fishing trip in his room.

I heard the mind of her visitor returning, but I didn't care. I needed answers and I was going to get them from the one source left untapped. _He_ was going to tell me what had happened to Bella or he was going to pay. We had the whole weekend if necessary. One thing was certain in my mind; nothing could tear me from her side again.

Not unless she sent me away herself.

~ 0 ~


	14. Chapter 14

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**CHAPTER FOURTEEN**

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_A/N:- Banner by FatesLoveQueen __http:/yfrog(dot)com/oed60p_

_I own nothing. Boydblog helped me with this and I'll be forever thankful. _

_She fixed. I fiddled. Any mistakes that remain are on me. _

~ 0 ~

I'd expected to wake up beside Edward after everything that had happened the previous day, especially after his whispered apology. But when I woke up, the bed was already empty and cold, even though the sun had barely risen.

I looked around to see if he'd left me anything to indicate why he'd left so early, but there was nothing. I checked my cell to see one message.

It was a message from Kieran, telling me he would come by my house to check I was okay. I sighed as I dragged myself out of bed, draping a hand tenderly over my stomach as I stood. By the time Kieran arrived, I was dressed and ready for my shift at _Renee's_.

I shook off his argument; he insisted that I should stay at home. The last thing I needed was to be stuck for hours and hours alone in my own home—and in my own head.

From the time I'd woken, all I could think about was whether the baby would be okay and whether Edward and I would be…better.

I spent every second hoping for it, for both. I knew if I locked myself away from the world I'd drive myself crazy.

Kieran had reluctantly driven me to _Renee's _and then taken up residence in his usual booth. He'd set up his laptop and made it clear he wasn't leaving until I finished my shift. It was actually kind of sweet of him.

Now I just had to make it through the day.

I placed the coffee pot down on the counter; nausea was making itself known again. The smell of the thick black liquid was exacerbating the problem. My stomach had given me niggles and pain intermittently through the morning, but I'd experienced none of the other symptoms the Doctor had warned me to watch for. I was hopeful that I'd soon be able to put the miscarriage scare behind me, but part of me wasn't ready to accept I was out of the woods just yet.

"Are you okay?" I looked up and met a pair of concerned, golden eyes.

I smiled and nodded. "I'll be fine, just as long as you aren't ordering this _tar_."

"I wouldn't dream of it." Kieran winked at me.

"Good, I'm glad. Now what _can_ I get you?"

He placed his order and returned to his table. Somehow just knowing he was there made the tension I'd felt since waking up alone slip away. We were relatively quiet, and Renee wasn't in, so I was able to talk to him throughout the morning.

I felt elated that even though he'd seen me at my worst, at my most vulnerable, he was still there for me. He still wanted to be my friend. It was unexpected, but definitely not unwelcome. I just wished Edward could support me the same way.

During the morning, there was a moment where I made myself take a quick break. I snuck out through the kitchen and tried calling Edward. Just like the previous day, I left a message on his cell and was told he was out for the day when I tried his office.

I must have looked upset when I came back into the diner, because Kieran jumped up from his seat and rushed over to me.

"Are you okay?" he asked with concern.

I nodded. "I'm fine, I just tried to call Edward."

He frowned, but said nothing. He took my hand gently in his. "I'm here if you want to talk about it, okay?"

I heard the bell over the door tinker and looked over just in time to see someone leaving. I wondered briefly what it was about the diner that put them off, and I hoped it was because I hadn't had the chance to deliver a menu. I then decided I needed to be more switched on, because the lunch rush was about to start. _One less customer wouldn't exactly hurt business. _

I thanked Kieran before insisting that he return to his seat or leave—not that I really wanted him to do the latter, but I had a job I needed to do.

As _Renee's_ slowly filled with customers, I hit my stride. I was glad to be busy; it kept the constant niggling concerns over Edward and the baby out of my mind. I raced around waiting tables stopping occasionally to refill Kieran's drink whenever I could. Each time, he would do or say whatever he could to make me smile.

The lunch rush was just beginning to slow when the door opened and Edward thundered in. His face was a mask of rage and hatred. I'd never seen him so angry in all the years I'd known him.

"Where is he, Bella?" he shouted as soon as he met my eyes.

My heart began to pound. He'd never spoken to me that way before.

"_Where is he_?" his boomed through the tiny café and every eye in the place was on him.

"Who?" I squeaked.

"Leave her alone," Kieran said at exactly the same time, drowning out my pathetic sounding voice with an authoritative tone. He stepped in front of Edward, effectively blocking the path to me.

"It's _you_, isn't it?" Edward sneered. His voice was full of contempt as he looked between Kieran's face and my own. "You're _Kieran_." He spat the world out like a curse.

Edward's fist thumped onto the counter. I was shocked into silence. I didn't understand what caused him to react so violently.

He stepped closer to Kieran, his eyes wild and flaming with rage. Just the look of him scared the living wits out of me.

"You're the one who's fucking _my _wife."

"What? No!" I barely recognized my own voice. I certainly made no conscious decision to talk.

"Don't lie to me, _Bella_," Edward spat.

It seemed like speaking my name was a curse.

He rounded on me, his body towering over mine and my first instinct was to protect the life growing inside of me. I stepped backward, hugging my body tightly, until I hit the wall.

"I know all about the two of you."

My knees buckled beneath me as I continued to shake my head in denial. Tears pricked my eyes instantly. Kieran knelt beside me and his hand caressed my back lightly. Considering the accusations Edward was hurling at us, I wanted to ask him to move it, but I worried I would fall apart completely if he did.

"I asked you last night!" Edward shouted. "I asked you outright who he was and you _lied_ to me!"

I shook my head and swallowed. "I…I never lied. He's a friend, Edward, just a friend."

I hated that I was cowering before my husband—the man who had sworn to love and protect me for as long as we both would live. I hated him for making me scared. I hated myself for making him angry.

"How can you continue to lie to me? You disgust me, you fucking little whore!"

"How dare you speak to her like that!" Kieran's face turned red with rage as he stood and barreled toward Edward, pushing him away from me and toward the door.

Edward snorted. "Of course you would defend the little slut."

"Leave. _Now!"_

I thought Kieran's voice left no room for argument, but Edward's anger still motivated him. He turned and swung his fist toward Kieran's face, but Kieran was too fast. He gripped Edward's arm and used the momentum against him, twisting until Edward's chest was flush against the door.

"She's your _wife_ for crying out loud."

A sob ripped through my chest as Edward looked over his shoulder at me. His eyes pinned me to the spot and for a moment, they seemed to darken; dense forests rather than glittering emeralds. None of the love that I'd once seen was there any more. My stomach dropped and my eyes flooded with moisture until my vision blurred.

He shrugged out of Kieran's hold, but the fight in him was gone.

"She's not my wife," he murmured quietly as he twisted the gold wedding band from his finger and dropped it onto the floor. "Not anymore."

Kieran grabbed Edward's arm to stop him from leaving. "She's carrying your baby."

"That…_thing_ is not mine."

He didn't even glance back at me as I sat on the floor whimpering.

Kieran looked incensed. I thought he was going to chase after Edward, but it wasn't his fight. Edward had chosen to believe whatever he wanted without even attempting to find out the truth first. I had no idea why he thought there was anything going on between Kieran and I, but his complete lack of faith in me was the greatest betrayal I could think of.

I knew I would have to face him sooner or later. I knew we would have to talk it over, but for the moment, I just needed time to recover from the shock.

Seconds later, Kieran was by my side, scooping me up into his arms. He carried me into the kitchen and ordered the cook to watch over me.

He immediately set to work trying to find someone to cover the rest of my shift while tending to the orders of the few, shocked customers who remained.

Less than half an hour later, we were in his car and he was driving me to his house. I felt the weight of Edward's wedding ring in my fist. I held it tightly, feeling the edges of it pressing against the sensitive skin of my palm.

"I'm sure this will blow over," Kieran said as he watched the road. "But if not, you know I'll be here for you. Anything you need…" his voice grew smooth and velvety, and he was almost pleading with me, "_Anything at all_."

I nodded slightly in response. Internally, my mind was reeling.

I was beginning to realize why I'd been having visions of the strange town called Forks. My subconscious had obviously known that Edward was going to hurt me. It had known that I wasn't enough to keep him.

Edward had turned his back on his family and friends to marry me. It was a risk he had taken that ultimately cost him very little. If he left me now, he could return like the prodigal son and all would be forgiven. I'd be nothing more than a bad memory. I should have known that eventually the stress of the life I'd forced on him would become too much.

My dreams had been a warning.

I wished I had paid closer attention and heeded the warning, maybe I could have avoided the heartache that was clawing at my chest and threatening to escape. My eyes were dry for the moment, but my whole body ached with pure exhaustion that had nothing to do with physical exertion.

I followed Kieran into his house, vaguely noticing my surroundings. He seemed to be aware of how deeply into myself I had sunk, because he was being extra careful as he led me into his living room. I sat on his sofa and stared vacantly out the window. He said something about going out to get some clothes.

Time passed.

Moments slipped by when I expected each one to drag for eternity.

My mind began to consider what had made Edward jump to such a horrendous conclusion. I came up blank each time. I had never lied to Edward about Kieran. Kieran was a friend—a great friend, possibly the best friend I had—but that was all he was to me. Except that was no longer true. Now, he was my protector, my savior, my knight in shining armor. He was one of two things holding me together—the other was the baby growing inside me.

I rubbed my stomach absentmindedly. Regardless of what happened between me and Edward, I was determined to ensure our child was raised in a house full of love. My son or daughter would always know they were conceived with love, whatever else happened.

"Bella."

Kieran's voice broke through the mist in my mind. His hand gently touched my knee, lightly bringing me back to my body.

I'd been thinking myself in circles for hours.

"Are you hungry?"

I started to shake my head, but then I looked down at my hand resting on my stomach. I needed to be strong for my baby, which meant I must eat regularly, even if stress left me with no appetite.

"I should eat," I whispered.

His lips turned up into a knowing smile. "You should."

He showed me through his house, giving me the tour I was too disinterested to take earlier. The size of his house and the opulence of his belongings lead me to believe his business was incredibly successful; it explained why he was able to afford the high tips and regular meals at _Renee's_. I had no doubt the huge house felt empty with no one to share it with. Even the modest house Edward and I shared felt vacant whenever Edward was away—which was more often than not lately.

Kieran pointed out the dining room and told me he'd be back shortly with something for me to eat.

I'd barely taken a seat at one of the twelve seats at the mammoth table before he set down a bowl of mushroom ravioli in front of me, and another bowl in front of the chair next to me.

I breathed in the wholesome smell. Despite my earlier lack of appetite, my stomach growled.

"Did you make this?" I asked.

He nodded shyly and rubbed the back of his neck as he sat beside me.

"Wow!" I took another deep breath of the wonderful scent. "If you can cook like _this_ why would you ever come in for the greasy junk at _Renee's_?"

"Well, it's no fun cooking for one," he said. "Besides, the company at _Renee's_ is much better than being here on my own."

I took a mouthful of the pasta; it was easily the best ravioli I'd ever eaten.

"I didn't know," I said after I'd finished my mouthful. "You're not alone now."

A smile lit up his face as he began to eat his own meal. The conversation was stilted, I could tell he was trying to avoid talking about anything that would upset me, and I was doing everything I could to not think of the cruel things Edward had said. I wanted time to compose myself before I confronted him over his accusations.

"I…uh…got you some clothes when I went out earlier."

I hadn't even realized he'd left the house.

"It's nothing much, just a pair of pajamas and a change of clothes for tomorrow."

I nodded. "Thank you, that's very sweet."

"It was nothing."

He packed up the dishes, waving away my offers of assistance.

I followed his directions up the stairs to the spare room I was staying in and found the clothes he was talking about. He'd purchased a set of flannel pajamas so soft I could easily picture long, lazy days curled up inside them. At first I imagined a day spent cuddling and watching DVDs with Edward, but the image was too painful to consider. The hateful words he uttered earlier rang in my mind. I grabbed the pajamas and headed to the bathroom. I hoped a shower would help to wash away the negative emotions that were starting to surface.

It didn't. If anything it only made me feel worse.

After I'd finished, I dried myself off and pulled on the pajamas. I couldn't help but reflect on how sweet and generous Kieran had been for letting me spend the night. He was a better friend than I could have ever hoped for, and probably more than I deserved.

Needing a break from my own mind, I decided to seek out my host. I'd just reached the bottom of the stairs when I heard a quiet, lilting voice float through the huge house. The voice sang a melancholy song in velvety smooth tones. I couldn't understand the words, but the language was beautiful and the mournful melody stole my breath away.

"_Oidhche mhath leat fhèin, a rùin Nad leabaidh chùbhraidh bhlàth; Cadal sàmhach air a chùl. Do dhùsgadh sunndach slàn." _

I crept toward the source of the sound and watched silently as Kieran tidied away the last of the dishes singing softly to himself.

"_Tha mise 'n seo 's an truinnsidh fhuar 'S nam chluasan fuaim bhàis. Gun duil ri faighinn às le buaidh—tha 'n cuan cho buan ri shnàmh._"

He had a small, sad smile on his face when he turned. His eyes widened slightly as he noticed me watching him from the doorway.

"That's really beautiful," I said quietly.

"It's '_An Eala Bhàn'_," he explained. His voice was quiet and full of reverence. "The last part means: Goodnight to you, love in your warm, sweet-smelling bed; May you have peaceful sleep and afterwards. May you waken healthy and in good spirits I am here in the cold trench. With the clamor of death in my ears, with no hope of returning victorious-the ocean is too wide to swim."

A shiver ran down my spine at the hopelessness that seemed to be reflected in the last sentence.

"What is it about?"

"It's a love song written in the trenches at the Battle of the Somme; from a poet to his lover. It always helps to remind me of who I am and where I came from. I've recently discovered what it really means."

With each word he spoke, his accent shifted almost imperceptivity towards a British lilt, or something similar. I was suddenly overwhelmed with an intense need to learn everything about him.

He seemed to recognize my desire for more information. He smiled and patted the kitchen bench.

"Come, sit. I'll tell you all about myself."

I stepped closer to him, unable to resist the pull towards him for even a moment.

~ 0 ~

_**A/N: An Eala Bhan is a Scottish Gaelic love song which was indeed written in the trenches at the Battle of the Somme. **_

_**Video: http:/www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=cIZvHaIlu7Q **_

_**Lyrics in full: http:/en(dot)wikipedia(dot)org/wiki/An_Eala_Bh%C3%A0n**_

***peers out from between fingers* Is it safe? Should I keep hiding? **

**Good news—another chapter will be ready before too long (read this as within the week)**


	15. Chapter 15

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**CHAPTER FIFTEEN**

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_A/N:- Banner by FatesLoveQueen __http:/yfrog(dot)com/oed60p_

_I own nothing. Boydblog helped me with this and I'll be forever thankful. _

_She fixed. I fiddled. Any mistakes that remain are on me. _

~ 0 ~

**A/N: FFn was having a little bit of a fail moment when I updated the last chapter. If you didn't get the alert & have missed the AH world chapter, go back a chapter. **

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A feral growl built in my chest as Bella's intruder stopped at the window below her room. He was upset that the wolves had delayed him; he hadn't been able to watch over her during the night. The tenderness in his mind as he thought of her made me burn with jealousy but also made me soften my stance slightly.

He caught my scent just before Bella's house and debated coming to her rescue, worried about what I might be doing. His panic was genuine—if unjustified. In the end, he decided to try to draw me out, throwing pebbles lightly against the glass before running back to seek the cover of the forest, close enough that he could keep a watchful eye on her, but far enough that we wouldn't be seen by the prying eyes of neighbors.

It provided me with some relief. It made me think once again that possibly Bella didn't know about him. Maybe she didn't have feelings for him. Maybe she would listen to me long enough to let me beg her for forgiveness.

I had to know for certain.

I reluctantly climbed from Bella's bedroom window, dropping to the ground almost silently. I followed the intruder without attempting to be circumspect.

He stopped suddenly and turned to face me.

"You must be the famous—or should I say _infamous—_Edward." As he spoke aloud I noticed his voice held a subtle Scottish lilt.

I stopped myself from asking the multitude of questions running through my mind until I could think about the repercussions of each one. I needed to get information from him without giving away anything of myself. The fact that he knew who I was when I knew nothing about him was worrying enough.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet Bella's first _love_," he said, his voice full of derision.

My jaw clenched and my body locked into place at being described in such a fashion. I knew from his thoughts that he was deliberately goading me, but I couldn't figure out why. It made me pause momentarily. It would have been easy to use him as a target to focus all of my regret for leaving Bella, but I knew I couldn't…yet. I needed information, and I was determined to make him answer every question I had.

I took in a deep breath to try to calm my voice so that it had an air of civility.

"I seem to be at a disadvantage, you know my name but I know nothing about you."

He smiled. "I know more than just your name."

I thought he was bluffing, but flashes of the night I said goodbye to Bella ran through his memory. He also had an image of me as a human, my green eyes burning brightly against my lightly freckled skin. It wasn't a real image, and it wasn't a memory, I could tell by my age—if I had to hazard a guess, it was what I would have looked like had I lived to my mid-to-late-twenties.

His thoughts without words were making me impatient. I knew it was what he wanted, but I couldn't resist.

"Who are you?" I demanded. "And why are you here?"

He smiled. "I'm a…_friend_ of Bella's. I'm here for her."

"Why?"

"Because she's my mate."

A growl ripped through my chest before I was able to suppress it. I didn't want him know he had an effect on me, although truthfully his words were nothing on the images that were running through his mind. He could envisage her as an immortal, running carefree through the forests by his side—her crimson eyes sparkling with life and excitement.

I wanted to proclaim that she was _mine_ but I knew I'd lost that right the instant that I'd left her.

"Does she feel the same way?" I seethed.

His smile faltered momentarily, but was quickly set back in place.

'_She will,' _he thought. "Of course," he said.

I wanted to confront him on the direction of his thoughts, but I didn't want to give away the one secret I was certain he didn't know. I realized I had to trick the information I wanted out of him.

"Has she actually told you that?"

His thoughts showed me what I needed to know. She hadn't.

"Does it matter?" he quipped.

Venom rose in my throat as he used the words I'd been forced to utter in an attempt to resist Bella's pleas to stay. He knew the power in those words and relished in the flash of agony that crossed my features.

"You know what? I don't think you get to do this," he said after a moment.

"Do what?"

"You left her," he said.

His voice held no anger; he was simply stating the horrific facts that he knew I was unable to deny.

"She was hurt and bleeding, and yet you left her anyway. I bet you don't even know that she cried herself to sleep after you left. _You_ did that to her, and you have to gall to ask why _I _am here."

I wanted to defend myself, but words were inadequate to express the depth of regret I felt over my decisions.

_I honestly thought it was the best thing for her. _

"I've helped Bella," he said, his voice soothing and calm. "I've helped her in ways you couldn't even imagine."

I couldn't argue. He must have been helping Bella. Jacob's thoughts showed her getting better after a time; he had claimed responsibility for that, by maybe it was because of her visitor.

"You should leave before your presence upsets her."

_He's right_, I thought to myself. _I'm only going to hurt her more if I stay in Forks._

I had a sudden desire to find the rest of my family in Alaska. My whole body tensed in preparation to run. It was only a tiny voice deep down that urged me to go back to Bella's side that stopped me. I turned toward her house.

'_I should have known it wouldn't be that easy.'_

My mind seemed to snap out of a daze in reaction to his thoughts.

_What wouldn't be that easy? _I wondered.

He tilted his head in confusion, his mind processing what he had seen.

'_That's right; he did mention that their coven had talented members. I wonder if he is the mind reader.'_

I needed to know who had told this stranger about my family. I needed to find out so much information. I decided to change tack. "I just want to know that Bella is safe."

He smiled wryly. "Since I've been watching over her, she hasn't been hurt once. And the wounds from her last encounter with you are all healed."

I ground my teeth against each other; the sound shattered the silence between us. It seemed to satisfy him for some reason.

"I want her to be happy," I said, reminding myself why I couldn't simply kill him and eliminate the threat to Bella's life.

"She is happy."

"I want Bella to tell me that. If she tells me she's happy now, I'll leave you both in peace."

"I could just kill you now. Bella would never know and you could never upset her again."

I growled and crouched in self-defense. I wasn't afraid of him. If I was fighting for Bella, I knew I would win.

"If you tried, you would never see her again—my family would ensure it," I said.

"I don't see them here now. How would they even know it was me?"

"They would know." I knew I was left with no choice but to show my hand. "_He_ was right, some of us _are _talented."

My words made the intruder replay the memory of being told of us. I froze in place at what I saw. I felt a stab of betrayal as I realized who'd given him that information—the person who had most recently entered our lives.

"Laurent told you?" I asked, even though his thoughts had all but confirmed it. "Why?"

"How do you know it was Laurent?" he asked. He was suddenly on the back-foot and was becoming defensive. He clearly wasn't comfortable when he wasn't in control of the conversation.

"That doesn't matter," I muttered through clenched teeth. "Why did you want to know about us?"

Another memory played in his mind. The horror of it instantly had me reaching for him. Nothing could have held me in place when I saw the true reason for his being in Forks.

A feral growl ripped through my chest as I leapt madly for him. My teeth were bared and I used every ounce of my strength to try to capture him. He dodged quickly when he realized I was about to attack, but I read the shift in direction from his thoughts and easily redirected myself midair.

I hit him hard from one side, knocking him to the ground; a fistful of his hair clutched in my hand and my teeth pressed against the column of his throat. My knee pushed against his body and I knew it would all be over in an instant.

I was about to bite and rip a hole in his throat—all thoughts of not hurting him because it would hurt Bella vanished as soon as I'd witnessed him calmly discussing her downfall with _Victoria_.

"Stop!" His voice was demanding but surprisingly not panicked. "You don't want to do that."

I moved my mouth away from his throat. The images of him discussing ways to hurt Bella floated back into my mind and I bent to attack again.

I pulled his hair, yanking his head higher off the ground and extending his neck to the point where his vocal cords were strained. My teeth were inches away, it would take less than a second to tear his head from his shoulders.

"Only I can bring Bella's consciousness back." His voice was high and strained, his words suddenly filled with panic.

I paused again.

"You've seen it yourself, I know you have. The vacant expression in her eyes."

"If you've hurt her…"

"She's safe. I swear she's safe. She's healing." His thoughts conflicted with the images of his conversation with Victoria. "But if you kill me, she'll be stuck there. She's so deep now she'll need me to help guide her out."

I took a moment to consider what he was saying, and how his thoughts compared with his words. He honestly had feelings for Bella. I could see the way he thought of her. The mere idea that I might kill him and he'd never see her again caused him anguish.

I loosened my hold a little. "What have you done to her?"

"She needed an escape," he said quickly, relief coloring his tone. "I offered her a place where she can be safe and loved."

"How?"

He swallowed heavily but didn't answer. I tightened my fist and yanked his head backward again.

"_How!_" I demanded.

"I guess you'd call it my talent," he said. He pictured himself exploring Bella's mind in ways I could only imagine.

"You can see her thoughts?" I asked quietly.

'_Dreams, not thoughts.'_

"But you can see _Bella's _dreams?"

I couldn't deny the pain that I felt hearing that Bella's silent mind was only silent to me. _Did she somehow block me? If so, did she allow him in? _

The agony of knowing that he had seen Bella in ways I could only imagine made me weak with sadness. He took advantage of that weakness, pulling himself to his feet almost instantly. He brushed his clothes off and stepped away from me.

"I don't see how it affects you. It's not like you care for her beyond having her as a pet."

"She's not a _pet!_" I roared. "I love her."

He laughed sarcastically, a bitter hard bark. "Well, you have an odd way of showing it."

"I left her so that she'd be safe. I don't want her soul to be destroyed because of me."

He scoffed "You'd leave her as a human? Why?"

I responded with stony silence.

_How could he even think about destroying her perfect soul? Her innate goodness is what makes her so wonderful._

"She has so much potential as an immortal. If you close your eyes and imagined it, you'd see how perfect she could be." He pictured it himself, her chestnut hair thick and luxurious as it flowed behind her as she ran without a care in the world. Bella's laughter rang through his mind and I had to close my eyes for just a moment and revel in the image. Everything about my Bella was still in her recognizable, but she had the polished, unnatural look of my kind. It enhanced her, the thought thrilled and terrified me equally.

"She's perfect as she is," I said defensively.

"Oh, don't get me wrong, I agree, but there are so many dangers faced by humans; ones which our kind doesn't have to consider."

"I won't allow her to be changed. You can't make that decision for her."

He laughed. "_I _can't make decisions for her, but _you_ won't _allow_ her to be changed?" He turned his eyes to me. "All I want is to offer her a choice."

His conversation with Victoria played in my mind again.

"What choice?" I asked. "Your way or death?"

He blanched at the thought. "Of course not."

"Why did you agree to hurt her?"

"That's what that little show of masculinity before was about?" He rolled his eyes. "Vickie asked me to do her a favor and torture the _pet_ of the monster that killed her mate James."

I clenched my fists and my jaw was locked tightly.

"I agreed, but that was before I saw her. Once I saw the way you treated her, I knew Vickie had her story wrong. That was when I decided to help the poor girl."

A look of disgust crept over his features as he pictured the way I had casually dismissed Bella's tears and pain when I'd left her. The disgust in his thoughts was nothing compared to my own.

"And you, you have a lot of nerve coming back after everything you put her through. She honestly believes that you loved her. I don't know what sort of sick, twisted jokes you yellow-eyes play on people. Just because you don't prey on humans, doesn't mean you get to mess with their heads."

I couldn't take any more of his incorrect assumptions and false accusations. "I am not going to stand here and justify myself to you. There is only one person in the world who I need to explain myself to."

"You're mad if you think I'm going to let you hurt her again."

"I'm not going to hurt her. I love her."

He shook his head in disbelief.

We'd reached something of an impasse. My initial rage at seeing his conspiring with Victoria to hurt Bella had worn off. Now that I knew it was no longer his goal, I knew I couldn't kill him. I had no idea if he was lying about being the only one who could bring Bella back, but nothing in his thoughts indicated he was.

"I think you're right," I said finally. "I think the decision should be Bella's."

He tilted his head in inquisition.

"I want to see Bella and _she_ can decide whether she wants me to stay or go."

He grinned slyly.

"That sounds like a very noble proposition." _I know she'll tell him to leave after what she's just been though._

"Be that as it may, I want to see her," I said. "Tonight."

"Perfect," he said. "My name is Kieran, by the way."

I turned my back on him.

"It doesn't matter."

~ 0 ~

**A/N: I've decided to try to post 2 chapters at a time (or close together) for the moment. **

***runs back to hide***


	16. Chapter 16

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**CHAPTER SIXTEEN**

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_A/N:- Banner by FatesLoveQueen http:/yfrog(dot)com/oed60p _

_I own nothing. Boydblog helped me with this and I'll be forever thankful. _

_She fixed. I fiddled. Any mistakes that remain are on me. _

~ 0 ~

"_Come, sit. I'll tell you all about myself." _

My heels lightly brushed against the kitchen cabinets as I sat on the kitchen bench, eager to hear all about the enigma that was Kieran. I felt myself smiling, almost happy for the first time since Edward had uttered his horrid words. I could hide my curiosity about the man who had willingly given me his friendship.

He stood beside me after hanging up the dish towel.

"I was born in Scotland, in _An t-Eilean Sgitheanac__h—_the Isle of Skye," he said, a small smile lighting his face as he lost himself in his memories. "But I left many years ago."

"Why did you leave?" I asked.

He laughed bitterly. "I joined the army."

He was quiet and so was I. The moment seemed weighted with solemnity.

"I know, it's hard to believe isn't it? _Me_, in the army."

I thought about how I'd grown to know Kieran over the course of a few short months. He was sweet and caring and went out of his way to help me when he didn't have to. However, I hadn't seen any hint of regimented self-discipline that I would have expected from someone who'd been in the armed forces.

"I wanted to be a hero. I wanted to save the world." He turned his eyes on me and the regret and pain in the toffee-colored depths made me lose my breath.

I reached out my hand to comfort him, brushing my fingers lightly against his warm cheek. He leaned into my touch, closing his eyes briefly.

"I traveled when I was in the army. I saw the world. I was even sent to France. The time I spent serving my country changed me. I was no longer the young, Kieran McLeod, who'd left a small village in Scotland. I was a man who had witnessed horrific things. I knew I couldn't go home, so I came to America instead."

"You haven't been back since?" I asked.

He shook his head 'No'.

"What about your family?"

"My parents passed away a long time ago and I haven't seen my sister since she was married. That was before I enlisted."

"So it's just you?" My heart ached for him; he must have lived a very lonely life.

He nodded. "Just me; all alone."

The sadness in those four words was palpable.

My hand reached for his and gently squeezed.

"You're not alone now," I repeated what I'd said earlier. I knew now how much that simple statement must have meant to him.

He swallowed heavily and released my hand, before stepping closer so that my knees touched his stomach. He cradled my face lightly in his hands; his eyes stared into mine, his mouth inches away from my lips. His hot, sweet breath blew across my face.

"_Bella_," he whispered reverently.

My stomach clenched tightly at the implication of my name uttered so quietly and with such need.

He closed his eyes. "I know the timing is lousy. In a perfect word, it wouldn't be this way. I wouldn't tell you like this..."

His thumbs caressed my cheeks softly.

"I have to tell you though. I can't keep it to myself anymore."

He seemed to be talking to himself more than me.

With his eyes still closed, he rested his forehead against mine. I was surrounded by his warmth as he leaned into me. Adrenaline coursed through my veins and my body shook slightly. I wasn't afraid of him, but I was worried about what he was going to tell me. I could anticipate his words. I wanted him to say them, but at the same time, I also wanted him to hold them back. I knew any revelation that started with the desperation for closeness he seemed to display, would have dire consequences for both relationships I had with the men in my life.

"I _care_ for you Bella," Kieran whispered.

My heart continued to pound and my mouth went dry. I wanted to press my fingers to his lips and silence him; I wanted him to tell me everything.

"I've tried to fight it ever since I found out you were in love with someone else, but I can't help it."

He opened his eyes and the deep pools of honey stared at me intently.

"I _love_ you, Bella."

For a moment, one tiny moment, my heart skipped a beat. In that moment, I wanted it. I wanted him to love me. I wanted to love him in return. Every inch of my body ached for him. I longed to feel his arms around me, hear him whisper his love over and over again.

Then I thought of Edward and my heart fluttered.

I knew Edward's horrid words were at least partly responsible for the surge of desire I felt for Kieran.

_Loving Kieran would be easy._

"I've tried not to," he said, his voice gravelly. "I really have, but I can't help it. _I love you._"

He closed his eyes almost instantly, as if terrified to see any hint of rejection.

My mind struggled to keep up with the conflicting emotions I felt. Had Edward not been so terribly cruel, it would have been easy to tell Kieran that I loved Edward—that I could never leave Edward. But Edward had been cruel. I couldn't help but let myself imagine how my life would be with Kieran; if I turned away from Edward and accepted Kieran instead.

My heart skipped a beat at the thought.

I looked at the almost perfect man in front of me and made my choice.

I wouldn't reject him; I _couldn't_. He was my friend and I couldn't hurt him. If I was honest with myself, I had fallen in love with him too; at least a little.

I placed my palms over his hands.

"Kieran, open your eyes…please?" I whispered.

He took a deep, shaky breath before opening his eyes and staring at me again.

"I care about you too, I _really_ do."

He shook his head slowly. The pain I saw in his eyes was obvious.

"I know there's a '_but'_…please don't say it," he whispered.

The hurt in his voice made my heart ache.

"I'm married," I said quietly. "I don't know what's going to happen, but Edward is still my husband."

Kieran closed his eyes tightly and dropped his head. His hands slipped from my face and fell to rest on the bench either side of my thighs. He was so close, but there seemed to be a chasm between us.

"I'm having his baby," I murmured, reminding myself as much as Kieran.

Part of my mind was shouting that I should accept Kieran's declaration, and return his love. It would be easy to let him love me. It would be simple to stay with him and block the pain that Edward caused with wicked words expressed in anger.

But that would be completely out of character for me.

I couldn't forget my vows and walk away from my husband as easily as he'd seemingly walked away from me.

Even after everything that had happened, my heart still beat for Edward.

My fingers brushed against my husband's wedding band that I'd slipped onto my thumb; a reminder of what Edward had once promised, and of what he'd done. The gold was cool despite the constant contact with my skin.

I reached out for Kieran, clutching at his shirt and pulling him closer to me. Tears pricked my eyes as I tried to absorb his pain on top of my own. I placed my hand on his face, stroking my thumb softly against his cheek.

"I wish things were different," I said truthfully. "And maybe one day they will be. But I wouldn't be me if I just gave up on my marriage."

Kieran met my eyes. A moment of perfection passed between us, when I wasn't a married woman and he was the only man that owned my heart. I could almost see my life with him, and I knew he would have made me happy.

"I know," he said, as he reached for me and captured a rogue tear with his thumb.

He bent forward and rested his head against the soft curve of my throat. I wrapped my hands around shoulders, providing him what comfort I could. I traced my fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. It was an intimate embrace, but I realized it was exactly what we both needed. It was a way I could comfort him and let him know that just because I couldn't accept everything he was offering I wasn't willing to turn my back on our friendship.

"Thank you," I said. "Thank you for your honesty, and for helping me out lately. I don't know what I would have done without you."

He held me tighter. "I'm sorry," he murmured.

I started to tell him that there was no need, but he stopped me.

"I didn't want to tell you, not like this—maybe not ever if it meant I would lose you as a friend—but I couldn't lie to you anymore. I couldn't just pretend, especially not after…"

I could almost hear the end of the sentence, _'not after what Edward said.'_ I suppressed a shudder that threatened to run through me at the thought.

"Bella, can you promise me one thing?"

"What?" I asked.

"No matter what happens next, remember that I'm here for you. Always and forever. _Mo chridhe*._"

~ 0 ~

I woke with a start, realizing that I must have drifted off at some point in the early hours of the morning. I'd tossed and turned for most of the night—unable to stop my thoughts for long enough to fall asleep—my mind ran on a constant cycle. I worried about saving my marriage to Edward, the health of our baby, and what Kieran's confession might do to our friendship.

Kieran and I had sat talking for a while longer, trying to move past the awkwardness and back to the comfortable place we'd been in before my world had come crashing down around me with Edward's outburst.

I rolled over, tempted to ignore the sunlight coming through the window and sleep the day away, but barely a minute slipped by before my mind began to work overtime again.

I had come to one resolution overnight—I would have to confront Edward. I needed to know what had lead to his accusations, and whether he meant what he'd said before he'd dropped his wedding band to the floor.

'_She's not my wife.'_

I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and pulled myself out of bed. I stretched gingerly; trying to be conscious of any aches or niggles in my stomach. Satisfied, I grabbed the change of clothes that Kieran had purchased for me—a plain, dark-blue silk blouse and a pair of denim jeans—and headed for a shower. If I was going to confront Edward, I was going to ensure I was in the best shape I could be first—which included cleaning away the evidence of a tear filled night.

I asked Kieran to drive me to _Aisling Milis_ so I could pick up my car. He'd offered to take me home. In fact, he'd practically insisted being with me to give me support when I saw Edward, but I refused, knowing how it would have looked. If Kieran were with me, I was certain it would make the situation worse.

As I drove home, my heart pounded and felt like it was somewhere in the vicinity of my throat. I wasn't afraid of Edward—despite his rage, I didn't really think he would actually hurt me—but I was afraid of the words he might say.

I was afraid he might tell me that there was no hope for us. I would be willing to forgive one outburst said in the heat of anger—even though the sting of his distrust still ran through me—but I didn't know what I would do if he was unwilling to listen to me.

I almost drove straight by the driveway when I saw an unfamiliar car parked on the road. I was nervous but I knew that I needed to face him sooner rather than later. I didn't want days or weeks to pass before we spoke again. I knew we would have no hope of fixing things then.

I parked the car, walked to the front door and rang the bell. It was my house as much as it was his, but I wanted to be respectful and give him some space. I didn't owe him an apology, but I was willing to be the one to make the first move toward reconciliation. That meant I was happy to do it at his pace; whatever that might be.

There was a little commotion inside and then the front door swung open. I almost threw up on the spot as the vision of blonde hair and mile long legs stood in utter perfection and stared at me through _my_ screen door.

_Rosalie_.

She had nothing on except an oversized t-shirt that barely reached the top of her thighs.

"Rosalie," I said through clenched teeth.

"What are _you_ doing here?" she asked, not even attempting to hide her disdain.

"I'm here to see _my_ husband."

"Maybe he doesn't want to see you," she said too sweetly. "Maybe he's happier without you here."

I inhaled deeply.

_Don't let her affect you. _

"Then _Edward _can tell me that himself," I said, even as I prayed he wouldn't.

She rolled her eyes.

"Eddie," she called in a perfect, sing-song voice. "There's someone at the door for you."

I bit my lip as I watched her turn and walk away from the door, her baby-pink lace panties flashing from beneath the t-shirt with each step.

I heard quiet muttering in the hallway but I couldn't make out the words.

My stomach clenched tightly as I waited for Edward to appear. I wanted him to stop talking with his ex-girlfriend and come to me. I was his wife after all, regardless of what he'd said the day before. Tears pricked at my eyes as I stood waiting for him. I could have unlocked the door with my keys, but I had come this far in an attempt at reconciliation, I wanted him to close the final distance.

I breathed deeply, trying to calm myself, and closed my eyes. I worked very hard not to get upset. I didn't know whether anything was happening between them, and I needed to show Edward that I trusted him.

When I opened my eyes, Edward was standing a few feet away from the door. He was wearing his low-slung flannel pajama pants, but his chest was bare. His hair was pressed down on one side, dark and wet, and sticking to his face in clumps. His eyes were red-rimmed and had black circles underneath that would probably have rivaled mine.

For a minute, everything was silent between us. It was almost like the calm before the storm as I watched him through the screen door.

"You didn't come home last night," he said finally, his tone accusatory.

"Did you expect me to after what you said?"

I rubbed my finger over his ring on my thumb for comfort.

"Where were you?" he asked instead of answering my question.

"Not where I really wanted to be."

"Where was that?"

I put my palm on the screen door, a silent plea to be allowed inside. "Here, with you."

Edward didn't move at all. "What about _him_?"

"There's nothing going on between Kieran and me." I felt a stab of guilt as I remembered his confession and the way it had made me feel. "You're my husband. You're the only man for me."

He shook his head, as if trying to deny the words before they penetrated the wall he'd built around himself.

"Please let me in? We can talk."

He took one small step toward me before stopping again. He paused and considered my appearance before slowly covering the last of the distance. He unlocked the door and I opened it carefully. It was almost as if we were both afraid to move too fast for fear of frightening the other away.

I reached for his hand, anxious for some sort of connection, but he pulled it away quickly.

I dropped my eyes to the floor. _He can't even stand to let me touch him_.

"Why did you do it, Bella?" he asked softly. "I know I haven't been around. I've been working so hard for you; for _us_. How could you do this?"

My heart ached as I heard the utter devastation in his voice. I shook my head.

"I never…" I swallowed the lump in my throat heavily. "I've _never _beenwith Kieran, or anyone else. I love _you_, Edward, only you. It's only ever been you."

He walked over to the couch and sank into it, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes. A second later, a heartrending sob escaped his lips.

I rushed to his side and placed my hand on the small of his back.

"Edward, _I love you_," my own voice escaped in a sob. "You have to know how much it hurt me, what you said yesterday. It hurt so badly that you didn't trust me."

Another sob ripped through Edward's body before it morphed into a hard, sarcastic laugh.

"I know _something_ was going on with you two. I saw it, Bella. I saw him holding your hand and you were both smiling, and laughing. I saw it."

I froze, my blood cooling instantly in my veins. "What? When?" I replayed all of the memories I had of yesterday, and wondered what it was that made Edward think I'd slept with Kieran.

"Rosalie went to _Renee's_ yesterday, she saw you two, the way you were interacting, and she caught it on her videophone."

He shrugged away from my hand.

I sat silent and stunned.

"You can't even deny it, can you? Not now," Edward said, his voice tinged with hysteria. "I saw it with my own eyes!"

I shook my head. "I don't know what you think you saw," I said. "But there's nothing going on. Kieran was at _Renee's_ yesterday because he wanted to know that I was alright."

My breathing was panicked and shallow. My anger and sorrow battled for dominance.

"I woke to an empty bed the morning after thinking I might have been miscarrying _our_ _baby._ I was frightened and alone, and Kieran didn't want to leave me in that state. He's a _friend_, Edward. That's what _friends_ do."

Edward shook his head again. "I wish I could believe you, Bella, but I can't."

"What about our vows, Edward? What about the fact you promised to love me forever?"

He lifted his head. The tears that he'd been trying to stop had dried up, replaced with the hard expression that had existed as he'd twisted off his wedding band. "It doesn't matter."

_It doesn't matter. _

_I don't matter._

The ghosts of the memory of my visions of Forks swirled around me.

"Edward, don't do this please…_I love you!_"

"I wish I could believe you. I loved you so much, Bella. I was willing to give it all up for you."

I wanted to yell at him to stop talking in past tense.

_We can still work this out._

The words were in my mind, but I couldn't seem to find my voice.

Rosalie walked into the room. I saw she'd slipped a pair of shorts on underneath the tee. She made a beeline for Edward and took his hand.

"I think you'd better leave," she said without a trace of emotion.

I shook my head.

"I think Edward wants you to go."

My heart pounded.

I watched as Edward entwined his fingers with Rosalie's. She brushed the hair from his face in what was certainly meant to be a possessive move. He closed his eyes momentarily and leaned into her touch.

I wanted to scream as images of the two of them together came unbidden into my mind. I met Edward's eyes.

"Are you…" I couldn't even finish the sentence. I swallowed and tried again. "Did you…"

I didn't have to finish the question, the guilt in his face spoke louder than any words. I pictured them together.

_In our bed._

I threw myself to my feet and rushed outside.

I needed fresh air.

I needed to be away from them.

I barely took a breath before emptying the contents of stomach onto the front lawn.

I knelt on the grass, trying to contain my tears, when _her_ voice carried out to me.

"It's okay Eddie, you've done nothing wrong. _She's _the one who betrayed you."

I dragged myself to my feet and ran for the car. Tears obscured my vision as I struggled to fit the key into the ignition. I had no idea where I was going; I just knew I needed to drive. I needed to go away, far away.

I threw the car into reverse and flew out of the driveway.

The road in front of me was a blurred mess as I swiped my eyes repeatedly to clear my tears. Images of Rosalie's long legs wrapped around Edward's waist invaded my mind. I pressed the back of my hand over my mouth to stop myself from heaving again.

I had just turned onto the main road when I realized my cell was ringing. I reached to grab it, releasing the steering wheel for one moment. I wiped the tears from my eyes again as I looked down at the screen. I hadn't even read the name flashing there when I heard screeching tires. I dropped my cell as I felt a jolt.

My ears filled with the horrific sounds of crunching metal and shattering glass in the moments before everything went black.

~ 0 ~

***mo chridhe = "my heart"**

**A/N:- So after saying in the last chapter I was going to try to post in pairs closely together, that plan has gone out the window this week (sorry!). I was going to hold this chapter until I had the next one ready, but after asking on Twitter I was told to 'post, post, post!' so blame the gals there for the cliffy. **

**(Just kidding, it's my fault & I take responsibility; which is why I'm back in hiding & madly writing)**


	17. Chapter 17

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**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN**

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_A/N:- Banner by FatesLoveQueen __http:/yfrog(dot)com/oed60p_

_I own nothing. Boydblog helped me with this and I'll be forever thankful. _

_She fixed. I fiddled. Any mistakes that remain are on me. _

~ 0 ~

The first thing I did after my impromptu meeting with Kieran was to seek out my family. I wanted to know what Alice could see coming, and confirm that she had seen the conversation. Mostly, I wanted to know whether she still saw the same future for Bella—the vision that had led me to break my promise and return to Forks.

I wished someone was watching over Bella, but I had to concede that no harm was likely to come to her from Kieran. He was remarkably good at keeping his thirst at bay around her.

I also had the comfort of knowing the wolves were close-by if there was an incident—Kieran would not survive if he hurt Bella.

Alice had summoned Jasper and Carlisle to the dining table. I knew she had something important to say. The last time we'd gathered like this, was just after Bella's birthday party, when I'd made the fateful choice to leave so she could live a human life devoid of supernatural danger.

The irony of where we'd ended up was so great it reminded me of how stupid I was to have left her.

Jasper's thoughts ran in a very similar vein to my own. He kept replaying the moment Bella's blood had spilled and how he'd reacted. He uselessly wished he'd done something differently, that he had the same level of control as Carlisle or me. His regret was palpable; he regretted that his actions had caused Alice and I pain.

I touched his shoulder lightly as I passed by him, silently communicating that I didn't blame him.

'_Nothing has changed,' _Alice thought. '_Not…specifically.'_

"What exactly is that supposed to mean?"

Jasper and Carlisle both watched me carefully. Alice had already filled them in on the basics, but she refused to go into detail until I returned home.

Alice showed me her new vision and I saw what she meant.

Bella was still vicious and bloodthirsty. Kieran still stood by and watched as she slaughtered her prey, a wicked, _delighted_, smile on his lips.

There was one change. One almost easily overlooked difference.

_Bella's age. _

In the earlier vision, Bella had appeared to be older than she was now. The changes were subtle, the slight softening of her hips, the fullness of her breasts, but they were there. In Alice's more recent vision, Bella looked no older than she was now; her hair was its current length.

_It could be happening right now_, I realized.

'_Edward, wait!'_

I had barely even registered the fact that I was moving until Alice commanded me to stop.

"She's safe for the moment, but we need to find out why it's going to happen sooner," Alice said, explaining to Carlisle and Jasper as much as me.

I didn't need to ask what had caused the change—I knew it was me. My presence had obviously caused Kieran to decide to turn her sooner rather than wait. It meant I needed to ensure everyone was aware of the reason for Kieran's presence and then run back to Bella's side to keep her safe from him.

I relayed what Kieran had told me about Victoria and Laurent. Alice had seen me attacking Kieran in the forest, but hadn't heard the details. As soon as I mentioned Laurent's betrayal, growls erupted from Alice and Jasper. During our time in Denali, they had come to count on him as a friend. Jasper especially had wanted to help Laurent take up our lifestyle as penance for his attack on Bella. To hear that Laurent had been instrumental in linking Victoria and Kieran in order to hurt Bella was almost too much.

"Are you sure Bella is safe?" Carlisle asked.

"He isn't going to hurt her," Alice answered. "Not yet anyway."

"He loves her," I stated, trying to reassure Carlisle and remind myself why I hadn't torn him apart…yet.

"Not as much as you do."

Jasper's words caught me by surprise. I had thought as much, but worried that perhaps I was blinded by my own love for her, merely assuming—perhaps incorrectly—that it was superior.

"I've been at the school and near Bella's house. I compared your emotions with his. Alice wanted…"

He trailed off, but his thoughts continued. _'Alice wanted to be certain we were doing the right thing for Bella.' _

Alice grimaced at me. _'I just wanted to be sure. I know you love her enough to leave if it was what was best for her.'_

I nodded. She was right, to a point. I would hide in the shadows and never speak to Bella again if that was what she wanted—what she _needed_. If I had the choice though, I would be by her side forever. I knew that I would never be able to leave her again of my own free will.

"Do you know how she feels?"

Jasper shook his head. "She loves you, I know that, but her emotions are…confusing. It's almost as if she's feeling two or three conflicting emotions simultaneously."

"Kieran," I spat his name like a curse. "It's his talent."

I quickly explained what he'd told me and what I'd seen in his mind about his gift.

Even as I spoke, I was growing anxious.

Alice, Jasper and Carlisle agreed to do some research and see if they could find out more about Kieran's gift. Alice promised to keep a watchful eye for Victoria—now that we knew she wanted to harm Bella, it was important that we kept tabs on her.

I wanted to see Bella immediately. I needed to reassure myself that she was safe.

~ 0 ~

I knocked on Bella's front door, listening to Carlisle's quiet reassurances as he drove away.

I decided it would be best if I approached Bella out of school. We'd fallen back into a semi-friendship, even though it wasn't really _my Bella_. I wanted to talk to her properly without prying eyes and ears eager for gossip nearby.

I heard her footsteps and waited anxiously for her to open the door.

"Hi, Edward." She greeted me with a small smile.

I nodded, immediately recognizing the now-familiar almost-blank stare. "Bella."

She stared at me for a moment. "Do you want to come in? I was just watching TV."

My heart plunged to my feet as I watched the empty shell that was once my love walking and talking as if everything was right in the world.

"Sure," I said, smiling as brightly as I could.

She led me into the living room, where the TV was on but muted. Once she was sitting, I sat right next to her. I clasped her hand in my own. She glanced down at our joined hands before slowly pulling hers away.

I noticed the chain around her neck. I knew it held the key I'd left with her—the key to my house and figuratively, my heart. I knew she held it close for a reason and hoped it was enough to bring her back to me.

"I left that key with you."

She blinked, but then continued to stare at the TV.

"I took everything from you, or at least I tried to. I wanted it to be like…I never existed. I couldn't though. I left your belongings under a loose floorboard in your room, because I couldn't bear to take anything else away from you. When you fell in the woods, when you were _bleeding_, I almost didn't leave. I almost convinced myself it would be better if I stayed. If only I'd known then what I know now; I would have trusted those instincts. Then you asked me to change you and I knew I wouldn't be able to say 'no' for much longer."

I thought I saw the glint of a tear in her eye, but she brushed it away.

"I could never imagine it would come to this. I thought you would survive, thrive and find someone else; someone who would give you a normal life, a human life. I can only give you death. Bella, I was too selfish to leave you without something to remember me by. I thought you might want space to recover. I wondered whether my old room would be a comfort for you but I wanted it to be your choice. That's why I left you the key."

Her fingers traced the chain down to the key before she caressed it lovingly in her hand. It was a gesture I'd seen her do a hundred times, something she seemed to do almost automatically. I hoped it was a positive signal.

"Say something, _please_?" I asked.

"Like what?" Her voice uncertain.

"Like anything!" I said. "Ask me where I've been, what I've done, _anything_ to show that there's still a chance you still love me."

I couldn't bear to think about the possibility that she no longer felt anything for me. I expected her anger, I even anticipated her hating me for leaving, but to consider she might not feel anything tore me in half.

"I don't know what to say, Edward. I just don't." She didn't even look at me as she spoke.

If it wasn't for the vagueness in her eyes and casual conversation, I might have thought she was trying to hurt me deliberately. But I knew Bella would never do that.

"I can't do this," I groaned.

"Do what?" she asked, a slight frown forming between her eyebrows.

"I can't pretend that I don't care about what has happened to you. I can't pretend that I'm not torn up inside knowing that I'm responsible for this. Bella, I _love_ you."

She looked down at her hands and stayed quiet.

"Bella, please come back to me," I murmured.

I placed my hand tenderly along the side of her face, cupping her cheek gently in my palm. I pressed my lips forward, my eyes falling closed naturally as I allowed my emotions to take control. I kissed her softly, gently, but poured every ounce of love I felt for her into the kiss.

Her lips moved in time with mine, a practiced rhythm that was impossible to forget.

For a moment, I thought I'd awoken her from whatever trance Kieran had put her under, but when her eyes met mine after we'd broken apart, the glassiness was still there.

"I need you to be you again."

She chuckled softly. "I'm always me. If I'm not me, who am I?"

I ran my finger along her cheek.

Here in the privacy of her home, I could show her how vulnerable I was without her by my side. I could show her how much I loved her.

"Bella, you have to snap out of this," I said. "Kieran has put you under some kind of spell, but you have to fight against it. You have to fight for us. You have to come back to me."

"Kieran?" She asked, confusion crossing her features. "I don't know a _Kieran_."

I rested my head in my hands and groaned quietly in frustration. This wasn't Bella. She wasn't living. It was almost as if her body was on autopilot. I longed desperately to know where she was—what was happening in those parts of her mind that made her _Bella_.

I sat immobile, uncertain what else I should do—what else I _could_ do? Finally, I heard Charlie's approach and realized it would be prudent not to be in the house when he arrived. I'd heard his mind enough to know he wasn't at all happy with my reappearance at Forks High School and the only reason he hadn't approached Carlisle was because Bella didn't seem to be upset by my return. I wondered how bad she had been when I left that he didn't even question her current state.

I said goodbye to Bella, a stab of rejection striking me when she simply nodded and went back to staring at the TV.

As soon as I left Bella's house, I ran to the forest. Kieran's scent covered the area closest to Bella's house. I was certain he knew I was inside with Bella, but didn't care. I wanted him to free her. He'd said he was the only one who could do it—I wanted it done _now_. Bella could heal in the real world. I would be everything she needed, if she'd let me.

I followed his scent until his mind came into range. His thoughts were clear, but it was almost as if part of his mind was closed off—as if something was interfering with my ability. I'd always been so focused on his direct thoughts I'd never noticed the absence of his underlying 'voice'—the part of the brain that keeps the deeper secrets hidden away.

"What exactly have you done to Bella?" I asked as soon as I was close enough that he would hear me. I didn't expect an honest answer from him, but I hoped I could sense the truth in his thoughts.

"I haven't _done_ anything to her. I told you, she wanted an escape."

"Why won't she talk to me? _Where_ is _she_?"

"She's lost deep in her world. She's so far down the rabbit hole; she won't be roused in the usual ways. Her subconscious mind _wants_to stay there."

"What does that mean?"

He sighed. "You're not going to go away until you know all of this, are you?"

"I'm not leaving until Bella herself tells me to go."

He rolled his eyes. "You're highly irritating, you know that right?"

I raised my eyebrow at him, silently willing him to just tell me his story.

"I can't explain it all. All I know is that I saw a broken, beautiful girl in the forest. Her blood…"

I heard his desire for her blood ringing through his mind. It brought pools of venom into my mouth.

I clenched my jaw tightly, thankful that he hadn't acted on his first instinct. I had been so distracted I hadn't even noticed his hungered thoughts. He had been so close to her, so close he would have been able to kill her before I could react.

"I followed you as you took her back to that house. I was confused why you didn't act on your nature. I didn't understand how you could hold her so gently, so close, while she was bleeding and not attack. I wondered whether there was something special about her, or about you, because I couldn't see beyond the blood-lust."

He dropped his eyes away from mine and shame filled his thoughts.

"Then you left her, and she was alone, and she was so, so sad."

I could see his memory playing out in his mind as he spoke.

_My old bedroom. Bella lying on the black leather seat. Her alabaster skin and the softness of her features stood in stark contrast with the dark, hard leather. Her hair covered her shoulders and red blotches marred the skin under her eyes, evidence of her tears. _

"I think I began to understand the _yellow-eyes_ lifestyle a little more in that moment."

_He knelt in front of her, his eyes lingered on the red-soaked bandage on her arm. He remembered the thirst that had struck him as the smell of drying blood drew his attention. _

"For the first time in, well, in very long time, I thought about a human as more than just a way to sate the constant ache, or house dreams for me to manipulate for my own amusement."

I was surprised, but thankful, that he'd been able to resist.

"I wanted to help her. I had no idea what to do, it's been so many years since I comforted someone, so I did the only thing I could, I tried to seek out her mind."

_He reached forward and gently brushed her hair off her face._

"_Edward…" she whimpered in her sleep. "Come back." _

_He tried to find her subconscious mind, but struggled. He doubled his efforts, concentrating on my name. _

"I've never had such difficulty locating a subconscious, especially someone who's sleeping."

_He whispered my name to her and waited, listening intently. Suddenly an image had appeared in his mind—the image of me with jewel-green eyes. _

"It grew easier after that."

_His mind traveled forward in time, watching her swallow sleeping tablets before bedtime. _

"Despite my initial fascination with her, I was still doing what Victoria asked. I expected to find a girl who was wicked and cruel, who was the instigator of trouble. I was going to place myself into her dreams and turn them into nightmares. But as I watched her dreams, I grew fascinated by her nature. I've spent so many years around vampires who are interested in nothing more than their next meal. It was so refreshing to see someone so self-sacrificing."

I couldn't help but smile at the memory his words evoked. I had fallen in love with Bella for the same reason; she was _good_.

"I had to get to know her, so I put myself somewhere I could get to know her from a distance."

_"Hello, my name is Bella and I'll be your—" _

_Her face paled and her eyes widened in shock. She stood unblinking for a moment until her pen slipped from her fingers and clattered to the floor. _

_Bella ducked down to pick up her pen, but Kieran already had it clasped in his hand. Their faces were inches apart as he held it out to her. _

_"Sorry I startled you," he said._

_"That's okay," Bella murmured, slightly breathless and still wide-eyed. "You just reminded me of…someone I used to know."_

"I fell in love with her," he said. "I don't know exactly when or where or how, but I did. I could no more hurt her than cut off my own arm."

I understood. I didn't _want_ to understand, but I did. I had the benefit of Jasper's statement to give me some confidence, but it didn't guarantee that Bella loved _me_ more. Or that she would forgive me. I still needed to talk to her.

"You said that she's too deep in her own mind," I said.

He nodded.

"But you _can_ bring her out?"

"It's possible," he said. "But it's going to take something cataclysmic."

"Like what?"

His mind ran through the possibilities until he settled on one.

"She isn't able to be woken from the outside anymore. I'll have to do something to remind her mind that her world isn't real."

I shook my head at his thoughts.

_He can't be serious?_

"It won't hurt her; she'll wake up in this world. She'll suffer some disorientation, but the effects will wear off quickly."

"You can't do it," I said.

"If you want her awake, it's the only way."

I shook my head. "You can't do that."

He held up his hands in surrender. "Fine. But you'll have to think of something else."

I nodded. "I will."

He turned to leave.

"Can I ask one more thing? Can I please see her there? I need to know she's happy."

He grimaced. "Things in that world don't always make sense. The subconscious mind acts impulsively, sometimes on misguided notions."

"Please? I want to see her." I couldn't admit to him that I'd never seen her mind. I longed to have the opportunity, even if it was through an intermediary.

He closed his eyes and brought an image to the forefront of his consciousness. His thoughts of Bella's other world seemed to be recent memories, as if whole conversations were occurring there even as we spoke. I wondered why I couldn't see the conversations as they occurred, but thought it might have been due to Bella's silent mind.

I saw Bella, sitting on a bench in an unfamiliar kitchen. Her stomach was rounded with pregnancy, and her face glowed despite sadness in the depth of her eyes.

"_I was born in Scotland, in __An t-Eilean Sgitheanac__h—the Isle of Skye.__" _

_Kieran's voice reminded me that it was his vision. _

"_But I left many years ago."_

"_Why did you leave?" Bella asked._

_He laughed bitterly. "I joined the army."_

I took a moment to study Bella. The spark of life that was missing during our conversation earlier was present in her eyes as she spoke with Kieran in the other world.

The moment seemed strangely intimate and I could see why Kieran felt the way he did. The two of them certainly seemed to have a connection. But the fact that he would contemplate driving a car into hers—even if it was only in a dream-state—proved that he didn't really understand the meaning of love.

"Thank you," I murmured begrudgingly. He'd offered me a rare insight; it hadn't been her thoughts per se, but it was a world she had created.

I had to find a way to reach her.

I _would_ find another way to wake her.

~ 0 ~

**A/N: I am very sorry for the delay. I had a chapter written for right after the last one, but it didn't quite feel right—it felt like something was missing in between. That chapter is now chapter eighteen, which means it won't be too long before it is posted. However it meant there was a slight delay with this one. **

**Thank you for sticking with me and a special thank you to Boydblog for betaing this in double time so I could post ASAP. **


	18. Chapter 18

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**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN**

~ 0 ~

_A/N:- Banner by FatesLoveQueen http:/yfrog(dot)com/oed60p _

_I own nothing. Boydblog helped me with this and I'll be forever thankful. _

_She fixed. I fiddled. Any mistakes that remain are on me. _

~ 0 ~

I gasped for air as I sat bolt upright.

My arms began to search for the steering wheel, my feet for the brake, anything that would avoid the collision that I was sure had already happened. I tried to cal my movement when I noticed the stillness around me. I kept my eyes screwed tightly shut. I wasn't ready to face what I sure to see if I opened them.

My heart beat erratically in my chest as I listened for heart monitors or anything else that would indicate I was in hospital.

_Silence_.

I began to wonder whether I was alive or dead. My hands reached to wrap around my stomach, seeking to protect the life growing within. My heart pounded as my fingertips met with a soft, flat expanse instead of the usual tight roundness.

_My baby!_

I sat upright, immediately missing the feeling of fullness. Tears of panic flooded my still closed eyes. I wanted to scream and shout and demand to know what was happening.

_Where is my baby?_

I opened my eyes. The first thing I saw was green. The deep green of a forest, viewed through an aging white window pane. I looked down and my heart tore in two as I saw visual evidence that my baby was gone.

I ran my fingertips through my hair as I struggled to make sense of my surroundings: a purple comforter twisted around my body, the crisp white sheets contorted about my legs.

Realization dawned on me slowly.

I kicked off the covers and stood up, my knees felt like jelly as the course of adrenaline ran through my body. Memories, vague and uncertain, swam through my mind.

I thought I remembered seeing Edward—not the husband who had betrayed me so horrendously— but the vampire that had appeared as a warning.

Images ran through my head: school and Edward, my house and Edward, Edward everywhere and nowhere all at once. I heard apologies uttered a hundred times with no reply. My head ached as the memories of both worlds pressed against each other and fought for coherence in my mind.

My fingers found their way to the chain around my neck and to the key attached. I needed to know whether my recollections where real.

_Is he really back? _

My stomach clenched as I thought about him—both the man I married and the vampire who broke my heart. I wanted to see Edward, but I wanted to run as far from him as possible.

I wanted to drive over to his old house and figure out whether I was in fact crazy. If I'd lost my mind entirely, it would stand empty, just as it had the last time I was there.

_If he is there, could I face him after the betrayal I endured?_

I held the key between my fingers, rubbing it absentmindedly as I walked to the window. Once upon a time, it was _his _doorway into my room. I rested my head softly against the glass, staring into the forest that bordered the backyard.

I squinted as movement in the forest caught my eye. I couldn't be certain, but I thought I saw a flash of copper-colored hair. Or maybe it was just wishful thinking.

I thought about the dream I'd just woken from.

_It was a dream, wasn't it?_

Edward and Rosalie had _been_ together. The thought of it made bile rise in my throat, but in a way it almost made sense. Rosalie was exactly the type of girl that someone as beautiful as Edward should be attracted to.

_Why would he settle for someone like me when she was around? _

I knew Rosalie was with Emmett, but my recollection of her loving touches with the human version of Edward made my heart ache. I knew it wasn't real—_unless this place is just a dream_—but I still felt betrayed.

I turned away from the window and quickly grabbed some clothes. I was about halfway down the stairs when there was a knock on the front door.

"Coming!" I called as I sped up my pace.

I wasn't expecting any visitors, so I had no idea who it would be, but I had an irrational surge of fear and hope that it was Edward. I wanted to see him just as much as I didn't. I wasn't sure whether I would be able to see beyond the betrayal I felt. He had hurt me twice, the pain I'd incurred at his hand in both lives stabbed at me; but then he had apologized countless times when we were at school together.

I threw open the door when I reached it. My eyes grew wide as I saw Kieran.

He was almost the same as in my other world only it was obvious that he wasn't human. He had smooth, perfect, yet almost chalky skin. His brown hair fell forward, almost into his eyes, but flicked outward at the last moment—perfectly coiffed. He had every trademark feature I had come to recognize in a vampire.

My voice caught in my throat momentarily. I knew I should have been afraid; James had demonstrated to me how vicious vampires could be. But Kieran's eyes were a light, honey-gold color—just like Edward's—and they implored me to listen. I wanted to reach out and touch him, to make sure he wasn't a hallucination, but I was afraid I would find his touch to be cold.

"Kieran!" I exclaimed. "But…how is this possible?"

I threw my hand over my mouth. I'd just admitted to knowing the man—no, the _vampire_—that was standing in front of me, despite the fact that I'd never met him before in _this_ life. He didn't seem surprised by my recognition though. Nor did he seem vicious. In fact, he seemed almost contrite.

He scrubbed the back of his neck—a nervous tick I recognized from the other world—and smiled ruefully. "Can we talk?"

I nodded before stepping back to allow him into the house. A tiny part of my mind screamed at me that I shouldn't, but I felt safe around him. I instinctively knew that he was no more likely to hurt me than Edward was. I trusted him.

I pointed to the sofa and he sat, certainly more for my benefit than his own. I stood behind the coffee table with my arms crossed, seeking an explanation.

A vision of him in my bedroom as I slipped between worlds floated into my mind.

"You've been here before, haven't you?" My tone was accusatory.

He nodded sheepishly.

"Why?"

"I was asked by someone I considered a friend to come to Forks and find you."

My mind immediately went to Edward.

_Did he ask this stranger to watch over me? Why?_

I nodded, trying to coax him to continue talking. I was still dumbstruck at the way my two lives had smashed into each other with his appearance. I was beginning to feel faint and I needed to sit. I rounded the coffee table before sitting on it. It meant I was within touching distance of Kieran, and directly in front of him. I felt far more comfortable around him than I realistically should have been, considering what I knew he'd be capable of.

"When I did find you, you were hurt and broken. I wanted to help you." His eyes met mine and he held me captive. Sitting so close, I could clearly see the sincerity in his expression.

"How?" The question was on my lips before I'd even really thought about asking it. I drew closer to him, captured by his presence and natural charm, just as I had been in the other world.

"I have a gift."

My stomach twisted and I pulled back again. "What is it?"

"I can see and influence the subconscious mind."

I frowned.

_What is he trying to say?_

"When I saw how hurt you were, I wanted to help you. There was somewhere else you wanted to be, you wanted Edward by your side. I…" he swallowed heavily. "I gave that to you."

My heart raced.

"It was difficult to get into your mind at first, it's almost like there's some kind of...barrier protecting it. It seemed too easy for you to slip back out of the world your mind had built for you."

"_My_ mind?" I repeated almost silently.

He nodded, and continued. He looked like he was on a mission, like he wanted to tell me everything; or perhaps like he _needed _to tell me everything.

"But almost immediately, it grew easier. You accepted me into your dreams. Your mind opened up to me, and you showed me what you wanted."

"_Edward," _I whispered.

He nodded. "You wanted a place where his…_differences _didn't have to pull you apart. I gave it to you. _Everything_ you wanted, I gave you."

I considered the other world, married to Edward, all of the bittersweet moments I'd experienced with him. The touches and caresses that had set my skin on fire. My heart ached again as I thought of the baby, and my hand fell to my stomach. It didn't matter whether it was, as Kieran was telling me, an imaginary world, I felt still felt the loss of my baby keenly. As I relived the memories of everything I'd shared with Edward, his ultimate betrayal seemed that much worse.

"You put me there?" I asked. I thought of the happiness, and the heartache, I'd felt in that world. "Why?"

He hung his head in shame. "At first, it was to help my _friend_."

The words were said with such regret I knew that his friend wasn't a friend of mine, but I still had no clue to their identity, or their goal.

"Who?" I asked, but then the second part of his admission struck me. "You said 'at first', what changed?"

He smiled slightly as he looked into my eyes again. His fingers seemed to twitch, almost as if he was as eager to reach out to me, as I had been to touch him earlier.

"Bella, what I told you last night wasn't a lie."

"Last night?" My head was spinning and I could barely keep up. Everything I'd lived for the last few months—that I had ever experienced _there_—was in my mind, but apparently some of it was real.

"I could see what you were thinking. Everything. But I couldn't control any of it, with one exception."

"_You_?" I asked, my voice barely a breath. My stomach tightened.

He reached out, brushing his porcelain-like fingers across the back of my hand. The sudden chill of his touch should have startled me, but instead it make me think of another's touch that I'd experienced so long ago.

"I've fallen in love with you, Bella. I didn't mean to, but somehow along the way, I did."

I shook my head. "No, no, that's not me. Her, there, that's not really me."

He brushed his finger lightly across my cheek, sweeping my hair from my face. "It is though. Your inner presence—_you—_shine through in every action that happened there. Every part of your subconscious was on display, and it was…" He smiled. "It _is_ brilliant."

I shook my head as both realities tumbled together in my mind.

"But I would never want Edward to…" I trailed off as the images of him and Rosalie together swamped me again. I dropped my chin to my chest, trying to hold back the tears.

Kieran's fingers swept to my chin, caressing it lightly as he coaxed my eyes back to his. "No, you didn't, but you never thought you were good enough for him either. Your mind rejected the fact that he could ever love you, especially if he could have someone like Rosalie."

I wanted to deny his statement as tears pricked my eyes, but I couldn't.

_How many times have I thought exactly that? How many times have I doubted Edward's love for me? _

"You were wrong," Kieran said vehemently. He'd sat forward and his face was just inches from my own. "He's the one who isn't good enough for _you_."

I was about to argue, when Kieran covered the last of the distance slowly. His lips met mine in an almost chaste kiss. He froze the minute our lips touched, before pressing his lips together and backing away slowly.

I easily recognized the signs of a vampire losing self-control. Edward had displayed them often enough when we'd first declared ourselves, I was sure it wasn't any different for Kieran. I sat perfectly still. I didn't even breathe.

Slowly, Kieran's rigid body unlocked and I knew the worst of the danger had passed.

I exhaled, and sat gaping at him while my mind warred with itself. Part of me was incensed that he'd actually kissed me; another part wanted him to do it again.

"I can't…" Kieran started before stopping and swallowing heavily. "I don't want to hurt you, Bella. I love you and I want you to be with me _forever_."

I gasped as I realized the implication of his statement.

_He would change me? _

My stomach twisted at the thought. It was one thing Edward had always denied, claiming that he didn't want me to lose my soul. Perhaps the truth was more insidious. Perhaps Edward just never loved me enough to want me by his side for eternity.

In contrast, Kieran was willingly offering it; in fact he almost sounded like he was desperate for me to agree.

"This is just too much to think about," I said quietly, pulling away from his touch.

I stood and crossed the living room, desperate to get away from Kieran's charm—it was all too easy to fall for his spell up close.

I loved Edward. Deep in my heart I knew that to be the solemn truth, but the adoration in Kieran's eyes was impossible to miss. I thought about the way he had treated me in the other life—in my _imagination_—and realized that he'd only ever looked out for me.

_Would it be terrible to accept what he's offering? _

I needed to know more. I needed more information.

"Tell me about yourself," I said with my back still turned to him. "The truth."

"I did tell you the truth," he said. "Or at least the part of it I knew your mind would be willing to accept."

"Then fill in the blanks."

"I was born in Scotland, in _An t-Eilean Sgitheanac__h—_the Isle of Skye," he said quietly, reminding me of the words he'd spoken to me in other life. "I was born in 1896."

I tried to hide my surprise, but I knew he could hear my heart beating faster.

"I left in 1914 to join the army. It was a different world back then, and they used propaganda to inspire young men to enlist." His voice was bitter as he spoke of it. "I thought I was going to find glory and return home a hero. Instead, I became what I am and could never return."

I found that I'd spun back toward him during his speech. His expression held such turmoil and I just wanted to wipe it away. I wondered what horrors he'd seen to cause that look. I was drawn toward him.

"I was a member of the 7th Battalion of the Cameron Highlanders. My Màthair was so proud of me." He almost spat the words, his bitterness obvious. "I was in the militia, and they sent me to the front line almost straight away. The things I saw…" His eyes flicked to me and he seemed to calm considerably. "Let's just say, they're not fit for a lady's ears."

He ran his fingers through the tips of his hair before cradling his forehead in his palms.

"I was there, when the poem I was singing last night was written. I was there for the battle of Somme." His voice was quiet and filled with pain.

I remembered that Edward had told me once that his human memories were dull and unfocused. I wondered how horrific the events in Kieran's mind were that he was able to recall them so vividly. He seemed visibly haunted by them. I wanted to offer some comfort, but I knew I couldn't. I wished I could ask him to stop, but I needed to know who he was—he knew so much about me.

My face flushed as I recalled some of the things Edward and I had done in that other life.

_Had Kieran seen that?_

"Nothing I'd ever witnessed could have prepared me for what happened there. Wave after wave of men climbed from the trenches, and almost all of them fell immediately. Some were tripped by the pock-marked ground, others slaughtered. Those who could, stood up and kept advancing. We had our orders, and knew our own side would shoot us if we didn't obey. We had to climb over the bodies of our fallen companions to reach the enemy.

"Twenty thousand men died that day. Many, many more were injured. I was shot, but I got _lucky_."

He dropped his hands, leaned against the sofa and rubbed his shoulder lightly. Bitterness crept across his features.

"My kinsman dragged me back to the safety of the trench and then the stupid fool got himself shot in the back. He died, because he was trying to save me.

"I was still waiting for a medic when a dark shadow crept by me. I didn't have a clue what he was then, but the way he walked through a rain of bullets made me think he must have been an angel. For a moment, I thought he was Death coming to claim me."

"A vampire?" I asked quietly, my voice startling us both.

He nodded. "The blood of the fallen was too great a draw for him. He'd killed four of my regiment before he was drawn to me. If he hadn't fed so much before descending on me, my fate might have been different. He took his fill, and didn't realize he hadn't killed me. He left me for dead."

I could picture a scared young man, having just witnessed the horrors of battle and the death of his friend, facing the red eyes of vampire mid hunt. Images of James, Laurent and Victoria flashed into my mind—the only red-eyed vampires I'd ever known. I remembered the way James had tortured me, and how his eyes had haunted my nightmares for so long afterward.

My heart ached for the loss of Kieran's innocence, and the loss of his life.

The story Carlisle had told me of Edward's transformation seemed compassionate in comparison to the monstrous way Kieran had succumbed. I wanted to erase some of his pain. I wanted to get to know him, and part of me even began to consider his offer.

_Could I be by his side forever always knowing that he's my second choice?_

"Why me?" I asked quietly.

He looked away. "The vampire who turned me, I eventually found him. I thought I would hate him, but he showed me what I was capable of. We parted ways shortly after arriving in America, but we cross paths regularly. About ten years ago, he introduced me to a mated pair. I recently found one half of that pair. She was very cross with you."

I felt all of the air leave my body as it became clear who he meant.

"Victoria?" I breathed, as my body began to shake with fear.

"She wants revenge." He closed his eyes. "I agreed to help her."

"What?" I couldn't think straight. My heart raced and I felt faint. I shook my head. "No, please don't."

I felt foolish that I had allowed myself to become trapped in my house with a vampire that had been sent to destroy me. I took a step away from Kieran. I stumbled. In a flash, cool arms held me firmly, halting my fall.

"I won't," Kieran whispered, his cool breath brushing against my ear. "I promise you, Bella. No one will ever hurt you again."

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**To picture the way Kieran looks at Bella just watch this video:- (imagine a slightly younger David Tennant with slightly lighter eyes) *sighs* http:/www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=UdFwLTP-Zl8**


	19. Chapter 19

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**CHAPTER NINETEEN**

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_A/N:- Banner by FatesLoveQueen http:/yfrog(dot)com/oed60p _

_I own nothing. Boydblog helped me with this and I'll be forever thankful. _

_She fixed. I fiddled. Any mistakes that remain are on me. _

_**Mobile Device warning:- Despite temptation do not throw your PDA/laptop/iPad/etc**_

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Alice already had the laptops ready and waiting by the time I arrived home. Carlisle was on the phone with Kate, trying to find out more information about Laurent or his '_friend'_; he wasn't having much success. Apparently both Laurent _and_ Irina had disappeared.

I took control of one of the laptops and tried a combination of different search options in my quest to help Bella awake back to reality. I found a number of sites about consciousness, lucid dreaming, simulated reality, consensus reality, and dreams in general, but I couldn't find anything that would help in Bella's case. I couldn't find any instruction on how to wake a dreamer who wasn't technically asleep.

I researched the sleeping tablets and anti-depressants Bella was taking, just in case something in their chemical compounds gave me a clue about rescuing her from the false world she had become imprisoned in. I refused to believe that Kieran's solution was the best one for her.

I researched lucid dreams, and wondered whether I could get Bella to take control of her environment, but realized she would need to be aware she was dreaming for it to work. After hours, I closed the laptop in frustration.

"There's nothing here that can help us," I groaned.

Alice, Jasper and Carlisle all looked on helplessly. None of them had been able to find anything useful either. It was already the early hours of the morning, and I had no idea how to help Bella. I didn't want to believe that Kieran was my only hope. I wanted to rescue her and repent for the way I'd left.

I rubbed my eyes and considered running to Bella's house. I thought about the vacant stare she'd given earlier and decided against it.

_Yet,_ _she'd definitely be asleep now_.

But I needed an answer first. I needed to bring _my _Bella back—whatever it took.

Alice rubbed her hand reassuringly on my back. "We'll find a way."

I shrugged her off.

"In the meantime," she continued. "Why don't you go hunt?"

"I can't."

'_Please, Edward? You need to. I promise that nothing is going to happen while you're out. We'll keep researching and we'll call you as soon as we find anything that might be useful.' _

I didn't want to. I wanted to keep looking. I knew I was being stubborn, but if it helped Bella it was worth it. I had to admit defeat though, at least for the moment. It'd been difficult being by Bella's side each day unable to tell her—_really _tell her—I was sorry, and that I loved her.

In the midst of it all, I hadn't been hunting as often as I should have. In fact, I hadn't hunted at all since we'd arrived in Forks. Combined with the stress I'd been under, I was well into my reserves. I didn't want to risk Bella's life because of my stubbornness.

"I'll go with you," Carlisle offered.

I shook my head. If I went, I was going alone. I wanted to hunt as quickly as possible and then run straight to Bella.

Alice grew visibly relieved as she saw my decision.

'_That's a good idea,' _she thought.

I left instantly. I just needed to sate my thirst. I leapt across the river and ran in the direction of my favored hunting ground.

It wasn't long before my path began to twist and bend. I was heading in a familiar direction, miles away from where I would usually hunt. As I ran, I began to consider the possibilities. I burst into the meadow—_our_ meadow—with the shadow of a smile on my face.

The dawn was just breaking over the horizon, finding a tiny gap in the clouds to bathe the meadow in red. The light refracted off my skin in a shimmering, almost blood-red display. I hoped it wasn't an omen.

I recalled the first time I brought Bella to the clearing to ease my mind. The declarations we'd made ran through my mind.

_Perhaps this is what she needs?_ _A reminder of _us_. _

The idea took hold until I was certain it would revive her. I could bring her to the meadow and remind her of everything she was missing hiding away in a false world.

I was about to run to Bella's when movement across the meadow caught my eye.

"Irina?" I asked as I saw the familiar shape. She was keeping her mind purposefully blank, as if she'd been trying to hide from me.

She turned and smiled warmly when she realized she'd been spotted.

"Edward, so lovely to see you."

"What are you doing here?" I asked, not too kindly.

Irina's thoughts were filled with a desire to be away from me. She knew about my ability from the time my family spent with hers, but had never learned to block me—she'd never had the need before. Her mind showed that she considered me a threat to the secrets she wanted to keep.

"I was passing through the area and wanted to say hello to your family," she said.

There was more to the story than she was telling me and I was thankful for my ability to see her thoughts.

'_I can't tell him Laurent disappeared two weeks ago or that I'm worried about his control. Edward came back here for that human girl, he won't understand.'_

"What won't I understand?" I asked, ensuring I gave her a reminder of my ability.

Her friendly mask fell away, leaving confusion and pain in its wake. "I need to find him, Edward. I'm worried he's going to hurt someone."

I thought about Kieran and the reason he'd come to Forks. I couldn't help wondering whether Laurent had returned to meet up with him.

_Was Kieran lying when he said he didn't want to hurt Bella? _

The need to check on Bella immediately became a cloying presence. I couldn't risk her safety if Laurent was unaccounted for.

"Laurent isn't welcome here, Irina. If he's hunting humans, there are protectors of these lands that will destroy him."

She shook her head in disbelief as concern pierced through her. She worried for Laurent's safety, not confident in his ability to abstain from human blood.

"What's more, I have reason to believe that Laurent put Bella in harm's way. If he goes anywhere near her, I swear I'll kill him myself. And anyone else who helps him." I made it clear with my expression that I was including her in my statement.

Irina gasped. "You wouldn't."

I infused my voice with menace. "Try me."

I knew Carlisle would be upset that I'd threatened someone we considered family, but it wasn't _just _a threat. If I had even the slightest reason to believe that she'd help Laurent to hurt Bella, I _would_ kill her. I would do anything necessary to keep Bella safe.

"Find Laurent, if you can. Then go."

I turned my back on her, leaving my threat hanging in the air. I was desperate to get back to Bella; the mere possibility of Laurent being nearby, or that Kieran was lying, made me worry for her safety.

I'd gone a few miles when my cell started to vibrate.

"Edward, you need to run faster," Alice almost shouted at me. "You need to get to Bella _now_."

I didn't wait to ask what she'd seen. I shoved my cell back into my pocket and pushed myself. I ran faster than I ever had before. I was running as if my life—or more specifically, Bella's life—depended on it.

I heard the two wolves running patrols around Bella's house, but ignored them as I pushed harder to get to her. I sought out Kieran's mind.

_If he's hurt her, I'll kill him. _

Relief flooded through me when I saw that Bella was safe. She was safe and awake. I could see it in her eyes; the blank lifelessness was gone. Exhilaration overtook me. A smile crossed my features as I realized I would be seeing Bella—_my_ Bella. I watched her through Kieran's mind, relishing her liveliness, even though my jealously raged.

"_Victoria?" Bella's body shivered with fear. _

"_She wants revenge. I agreed to help her." _

Even though he'd admitted as much to me, rage still coursed through my veins.

"_What?" Bella's heart raced. She shook her head slowly in denial. "No, please don't." _

I could tell Bella was about to faint. The blood drained rapidly from her face. I was close, but not close enough. I still had too great a distance to cover to reach her before she fell_. _My fingers twitched in an urgent need to get to her, to reach her, to _save_ her. I saw her house looming closer and grew desperate to be near her.

Kieran rushed forward and caught her before she fell. His arms reached for her.

The surge of emotions that coursed through his body set me on edge.

"_I won't," he whispered into her ear. "I promise you, Bella. No one will ever hurt you again." _

I reached the front door and pushed through it.

"Let her go," I demanded.

Kieran looked up at me, his eyes widened in surprise. He'd been so focused on his intimate conversation with Bella he hadn't even heard my frantic footsteps approaching.

"Put her down." My voice was harsh, a remnant of my conversation with Irina. My arms longed to be holding Bella; seeing him taking my place was almost too much to bear.

"I didn't want her to hurt herself," he said quietly before taking a deep breath filled with her scent.

I heard his struggle to stay in control. He hadn't been denying his natural urge for human blood for very long and Bella's scent affected him in nearly the same way it did me. He'd resisted the urge to bite much longer than most vampires would have been able to, but his control wasn't absolute, and his teeth were much too close to the soft flesh of Bella's throat.

"Please, put her down before you hurt her," I said, trying to make my voice as gentle as possible.

I was in a no-win situation with her in his arms. There was no way I would be able to ensure her safety if his control slipped.

"I'm not going to hurt her," he snapped, but carried her toward the sofa anyway.

I watched the gentleness he used when shifting her unconscious body. I wanted to push him out of the way and tend to her myself.

"Why can't you just leave us alone," he muttered as he turned back toward me. "I told you what you wanted to know."

'_I even told you how to get her back. You ignored me. You didn't really want her back. You just want to keep playing your sick games with her.'_

"You're the one who took her away from her family, from her friends," I said.

He stood and faced me. His fists were clenched so tightly, tiny fissures ran in trails over his knuckles. "I gave her what she _wanted_."

"I gave her what she _needed_," I responded. "I gave her the chance for a normal life, but you interfered."

'_Normal? Does he mean human. What's so special about a human life?' _

"What's so _special_?" I shouted, so incredulous that I didn't care how much noise I made. "How about her soul? How about everything about her that makes her so unique, so perfect."

"She will die."

My jaw clenched and my knees bent. I was preparing to attack, the only thing that stopped me was that his words weren't a threat against Bella; he was simply stating a fact.

As a human, Bella would die. One day. It was inevitable.

"And when she does, I will too."

"Stop." The word was uttered so quietly, and yet it stole my attention instantly.

I snapped my head in Bella's direction. Her eyes were open and flicked urgently between Kieran and me. Relief flooded through me when I saw that she was _there_, real and right in front of me. She wasn't lost in her own world anymore, she was with me.

"Stop," she repeated, squeezing her eyes tightly shut.

She started to pull herself into a sitting position, and I was at her side to help her instantly.

Kieran moved just as quickly, kneeling at her other side. I scowled at him, hoping he would leave. I wanted to talk to her. I _needed _to talk to her.

Bella turned to me and I saw every ounce of pain I'd been simultaneously seeking and dreading. It was confirmation that she was there, but it also meant she was being forced to feel the agony of the lie I'd told her.

"Bella," I said quietly, lifting my hand in a desperate need to touch her.

"No." She held up her hand and stopped me.

I choked down the strangled cry that threatened to escape.

"Please, don't touch me," she whispered.

I clenched my outstretched fingers tightly into a fist, but I couldn't seem to be able to force it away from her. I still longed to touch, just to stroke her soft skin and see in her eyes how I affected her.

Kieran's thoughts were exuberant. _'She doesn't want him. I knew she wouldn't.'_

Bella turned her eyes away from me, staring pointedly at a spot on the rug. She took a shaky breath, as a tremor ran through her entire body. I longed for a look into her mind to know what caused it.

_Is it shock? Is it cold? Is it _me_?_

She swallowed heavily, and I followed her lead.

"I think you'd better go," she said, her quiet voice filled with the tremors that had overtaken her body.

Kieran was beside himself with glee. He took her words as confirmation that she wanted him, that she was going to be by his side forever.

I dropped my outstretched arm to my side. Defeat raced through my body and every muscle, every sinew, locked in place and refused to move. If Bella was asking me to leave, then perhaps Kieran was right. Perhaps I'd hurt her too much for her to even want to listen to my explanation. If that was the case, I didn't want to move, I wanted to die. I could not survive if Bella was mated to another vampire. My eyes stung as my body tried desperately to produce tears that would never come.

I stared at her, silently willing her to look me in the eye. I silently pleaded with her to be merciful. One look and the statement that she didn't love me anymore; would kill me quickly.

Her head rose and I knew it was time.

I wanted to block out all sounds and sights, to lock this moment in time forever so I never needed to hear the dreadful truth that she didn't want me.

"I said, I think you'd better go."

Her head was turned.

_Away_ from me.

She'd repeated herself, but not to me.

I crumpled to the floor, my being shattered into a thousand pieces with relief that it wasn't _me _she was asking to leave.

Kieran's thoughts turned to disbelief.

'_How can she even stand to look at him after his betrayal?'_

"Please?" she asked. "I just need to speak to Edward alone."

I wanted to sob at how wonderful those words sounded. I was willing to throw myself at her feet the moment he left, and beg for forgiveness every day for the rest of her life.

"Fine," Kieran said through teeth clenched so tightly the sound of them grinding together filled the room.

'_If you hurt her while I'm gone, I will kill you.'_

I stayed motionless as he left. I listened as his murderous thoughts grew in intensity with each step he took away from Bella's house.

I didn't dare look up at first. I wanted to prolong my palpable relief. I didn't want to see the rejection and pain I was certain would be marring her features.

"I'm sorry," I murmured. "I am so sorry."

"It doesn't matter," she whispered.

I instantly hated myself for having used those words—convincing her that what we had didn't matter—for allowing her to believe that what she wanted didn't matter.

"It _does_ matter," I said, finally looking up to her. I met her eyes and the pain I saw made me whimper.

"Why did you come back?"

I thought of Alice's vision. I thought of all the reasons I could give her for why I was back in Forks. There was only one reason I wanted to give her. "Because I couldn't force myself to stay away a moment longer."

"Was it because of Kieran?" she asked quietly.

I wanted to tell her no, but I didn't want to lie to her either. I settled for, "No. At least not in the way you might think."

"How dare you tell me what I might think," she hissed. Her anger was weakened by the tears running wet tracks over her cheeks.

"I know what Kieran wants and I didn't come here to stop that." _Although I would if I could._

"Oh."

The sound was almost silent as it slipped from her lips. She sounded disappointed.

I took in a deep breath. I had one chance to explain to Bella, one chance to make things better, and I was getting it wrong. I wished, not for the first time, that I could see what she was thinking if only to avoid hurting her further.

"Let me try this again, please?"

I offered my hand slowly, giving her plenty of notice that I intended to touch her—just as I had the first time I'd deliberately glided a finger lightly across her skin. When she didn't stop me or flinch away, I swept my finger along the length of her cheekbone, collecting errant tears along the way.

"Alice had a vision."

Bella closed her eyes and for a moment I was spared the pain within. Yet somehow it was infinitely worse being cut off from her emotions.

"She saw you as _one of us_."

Her eyebrows pinched together and her eyes were still screwed shut.

"And you wanted to stop it?" she asked, her voice raw with an undercurrent I couldn't indentify.

"You can't lose your soul. Not like that. Not for him."

"For who then?" She pushed my hand away and stood up, putting distance between us again. "For you?'

"No, Bella, for no one. Stay human. Stay as you are. Don't become a monster."

"Kieran loves me," she stated. "He _wants_ me."

"He wants you to be a monster. He wants you to hurt people with him."

She shook her head. "He doesn't. He hunts the way you do."

"At the moment, yes, but that's not who he is."

"You're lying," she snapped.

"I have only ever told you one lie, Bella. Granted it was one so vast and so traitorous that I will never forgive myself for uttering it; but only ever the one. Can you guess it?"

Her heart raced in her chest, a fluttering of wings fighting against their bone cage. Her lip trembled and her tears began to fall anew. She shook her head. I crossed the room as swiftly as I dared and clutched her hands between my own. I looked into her eyes, wanting to see hope and the possibility of a second chance reflected in their depths. Instead, I saw doubt and insecurity.

"When I told you that I didn't want you. _That_ was the lie, Bella. That was the moment I committed blasphemy against everything I hold most dear in this world."

She held her breath as she waited for me to finish.

"You, Bella Swan. You're the one thing I treasure above all else."

She broke down. Her earlier tears were but a trickle compared to the torrent unleashed upon her lithe body at my confession. Giant sobs overwhelmed her chest, and caused her breath to release in rough stutters.

She dropped her forehead onto her hands—which were still joined to mine—shaking her head from side to side. I stepped closer, releasing her hands to wrap my arms around her.

"I'm sorry. I can never forgive myself for what I said. Or for how I hurt you."

She beat her arms against my chest, heaving as she tried to draw breath. She struggled against my hold in an effort to break free. As soon as I realized what she was trying to achieve, I let my arms fall slack at my sides.

She rushed backward, putting unwanted distance between us.

"They're just _words_, Edward," her voice was high-pitched, ringing with hysteria. "Meaningless. Stupid. Words!"

My throat tightened as I watched her walk away. A very real tear opened up through the middle of my dead heart. I could feel the wound weeping with every step she took.

"Bella, please, don't do this. Don't give up on us."

She turned to me, her chin high and set defiantly. She met my eyes. "There _is_ no us."

Her words were daggers, thrown with perfect accuracy to pry the wound in my heart wider apart. I fell to the floor, unable to move through the agony she'd inflicted on me; one I deserved, and one no greater than I'd caused her when I'd made the stupid decision to walk away to save her life.

"Please?" I whispered, resting on my knees and dropping my chin to my chest. "Please…"

With four words she'd taken away the hope I had that I could fix this.

Four words that proclaimed Kieran had already won.

_There is no us. _

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**A/N: - I don't want to spoiler anyone, but…have faith 'kay?**


	20. Chapter 20

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**CHAPTER TWENTY**

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_A/N:- Banner by FatesLoveQueen http:/yfrog(dot)com/oed60p _

_I own nothing. Boydblog helped me with this and I'll be forever thankful. _

_She fixed. I fiddled. Any mistakes that remain are on me. _

~ 0 ~

I couldn't believe the words had slipped through my lips; it was almost as if I had no control over them. The look on Edward's face as they'd fell from my mouth staked through my heart painfully.

_I can change it._

I could take back the words and apologize. I could tell Edward that I didn't mean them.

The problem was that I did.

Even though I'd been told that the other world—and therefore Edward's infidelity—wasn't real, it felt real. It felt _too_ real.

There was even a voice in my mind whispering that maybe _this_ world was the fake one. Maybe Kieran being here was nothing more than a safety blanket, a friend at my bedside. Maybe _he_ was the truth bleeding through into fiction.

_Maybe I'm comatose in hospital and my mind is trying to protect me so I don't have to face Edward's betrayal. _

_Maybe that's why Edward is here, apologising for hurting me. _

I was so confused and the memories of two lives battled inside my head.

Kieran's admission played in my mind and so did the timing of Edward's return. It was entirely too coincidental.

_Did he come back just to stop Kieran from changing me? _

Edward's words were exactly what I wanted to hear—that he had lied, that he really did love me—but they were just words. I couldn't help wondering if it was a trick, if Edward was here for as long as it took to drive Kieran away before he left again. I'd had my heart trampled on by him once, I wasn't sure I could survive it a second time.

_If he could lie about that, couldn't he be lying about lying? _

I had no way of knowing what was real or fantasy. I couldn't risk sending Kieran away only for my heart to be broken the minute he'd left town.

_But if Edward's telling the truth… _

If it was real, if Edward did still love me, I risked throwing that away for second best. I felt more secure in Kieran's love than I did Edward's, but I loved Edward more.

I wanted time to be rewound to before the madness started; back when it was just Edward and me. If I was honest with myself, I knew we'd never get back there. I had thought back then that the scary vampire was on _my_ side. I always thought he would be there for me. That he would protect me at any cost. His decision to leave shattered that belief.

It didn't matter whether this was the real world, or the other one was. Either way, Edward had betrayed me in both _realities_.

I wanted to scream, but it felt like my voice had been stolen away.

The simple truth was thta I couldn't _trust_ Edward anymore, and that knowledge was far more painful than I'd ever imagined it could be.

While the madness rattled away inside my mind, Edward still knelt on the floor; his shoulders slumped forward as if in defeat. He remained unmoving. His eyes, which were as black as soot, were trained on the floor just in front of my feet. The unending agony printed on his features shouted silently at me, drawing me closer. I wanted to erase the words, erase the pain; his pain and my own pain.

My cheeks stung as my tears dried again, salt crystallizing in tracks down either side of my nose. It felt uncomfortable, but was nothing compared to the hurt that seemed to permeate through my bones and sap me of my strength. I felt faint again—having never really gained my composure since I'd last fallen—but I fought against it. I struggled to keep my eyes open and my breathing steady. I forced my tears back and locked away the agony that threatened to break the dam walls once more.

"Edward," I whispered, hating how weak my voice sounded.

He looked up at me, suffering and desperation working in equal measure to twist his features into something almost unrecognizable. His mask of control had been stripped away and all that was left was a beast that had been broken-in.

I choked back a sob and blinked repeatedly to fight my tears.

"I can't…"

I had to stop or I was going to break down. I swallowed deeply and tried again. "I don't want to hurt you, but I can't do this. I can't just pretend nothing happened."

He said nothing, just watched me intently and stayed completely immobile. I wanted to step closer, but stopped myself. If I got too close, I would sink into his orbit and be consumed by him—by my overwhelming _love_ for him. I needed to think for myself, _by_ myself. I needed to be away from his influence, and from Kieran's, and try to piece together two shattered lives before I could possibly hope to live either one.

"I think you'd better leave," I said finally, fighting my emotions as Edward's head dropped forward despondently at my words.

For a moment nothing more happened. I wondered whether he would say anything, whether he would keep fighting to stay, to talk, to make me listen. Instead, he nodded.

"If that's what you want," he said so quietly I had to strain to hear it.

I closed my eyes and sunk my teeth into my lip to quiet the cries that threatened to escape at his easy acceptance of my dismissal.

The atmosphere in the room seemed to darken as Edward pulled himself limply to his feet and left. I heard the front door shut only moments later. I hung my head in my hands as sorrow and relief waged a war inside me.

I spent a few moments trying to gather my erratic thoughts before trudging slowly up the stairs. I wanted to hide under the covers in bed and forget about waking from my months-long dream.

My thoughts turned to what I'd had in the other world, and what I'd lost.

I'd never been the maternal type. I'd never played with dolls or planned my future to include children, but I could easily recall the excitement I felt when I thought I was expecting. My fingers trailed over my stomach, the way they had when I _was_ pregnant. I imagined feeling the little flutters that I'd grown to expect to accompany my 'pregnancy'.

_Would I regret not being a mom?_

It was something I would have to give up to be with either Edward or Kieran. Even if I could do what Edward had once professed he wanted, to live my life as a human with him by my side, I would never experience motherhood.

_Would it be worth it? _

I couldn't deny that now that my maternal side had woken, I longed for what I'd briefly been promised in the other place: a baby, a human life with a human husband.

_Do I want it more than a life with Kieran, who has never hurt me? More than one with Edward, who will always hold my heart—even if it's broken? _

I _did _want the life I had there; at least, I wanted the good parts. I did want a baby; I could admit that to myself in a way I'd never been able to before. I wondered what damage Renee's parenting style had inflicted on me that I could have ever doubted that I would be a good mother.

_But do I want a baby at _any_ cost?_

I realized why my mind had created that world with all the trimmings. My deepest desires and fears were on display. At least, it was easy to believe that.

My inner voice murmured doubts. Images flashed through my mind, my body lying prostrate on a hospital bed. I could almost hear the quiet hum and beep of the equipment keeping me alive; I could feel my consciousness slipping back into that world. I shook my head to fight off the feeling of floating away from myself.

My tongue felt thick and my eyes heavy. It was like I was fighting the effects of a sleeping pill. My limbs felt like they were no longer under my control. I was struggling to move and my knees buckled as I tried to take a step.

The grogginess seemed to envelope me, the white of a hospital room shining through. The beeping grew louder. I thought I could make out voices calling for me; calling me back.

_I don't want to go back. _

I made it to the bed and lay on top of the covers, staring up at the ceiling. The world seemed to shimmer and twist around me. I shook my head slowly, lolling unsteadily from side to side.

"_No!_" I cried to my empty bedroom.

If that other world was the real one, I wasn't ready to go back. I couldn't face what I'd endured there. Images of Edward ran through my mind like photographic flashes: making love in our bed, his lips as they caressed my skin, his excitement at the thought of being a daddy, his long days and late nights in the office, him calling me a 'whore', his infidelity with Rosalie...

The room seemed to brighten before my eyes, glowing white, as the sounds of life-supporting equipment grew stronger. The whisper in my mind seemed to grow louder, telling me that I needed to go back to the other place, despite the heartbreak and betrayal. That was where I belonged.

I pressed the back of my head into the pillow, squeezing my eyes shut tightly.

"No!" I said again.

"Bella," an urgent voice called to me.

I opened my eyes and tried to concentrate on the sound. It was so very, very near, and yet I found it hard to pinpoint. It seemed closer and more _real _than the other urgent whispers begging me, _'Wake up, please, wake up, I'll never forgive myself if you don't wake up.'_

"Bella, stay with me my love."

My heart began to race as I balanced on the precipice of the two worlds; the edges of both places blurring into one another. The heart monitor at my bedside began to beep faster, keeping the rhythm of my two lives.

'_Is she waking up? Oh god, baby, please come back to me.'_

"Please, Bella, please." Edward's voice was strained.

'_Come back to me, please! Baby, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Please, just come back.' _

Edward's face shimmered through my vision; his eyes seemed to flicker between deep, emerald green and coal black as I scrutinized him.

_Is he here? _

Where_ is here?_

"Be angry with me. Be as angry as you need, but _please _don't leave me here without you."

I wasn't sure which of my Edward's spoke those words.

"It hurts," I whimpered, closing my eyes to stop the tears that threatened to burst from me. "It all hurts, so badly."

"Open your eyes."

I obeyed the quiet request.

"_Look_ at me."

Edward caressed my face softly; his cool, smooth skin gave me something to focus on.

"You have to fight this," he pleaded.

He helped me to sit upright. The hospital scene slowly faded away, leaving me staring at the Edward that I'd asked to leave just a short time ago.

I blinked, but it only made him go out of focus. I realized it was because I was viewing him through the veil of my tears. He brushed the pad of his thumb softly over each eye, wiping away the salty water.

"Why are you here?" I asked.

"Because I love you." His eyes explored mine, searching for something, but I didn't know what. "I never stopped loving you."

"Why _now_?"

Edward's eyes dropped from my face, to stare at the floor. His raw vulnerability evident in his twisted mouth and the darkened shadows underneath his eyes.

"I heard you, so I came back."

"You heard me?" I asked. "When?"

"You said, 'no'. It sounded like a plea. I was worried someone had hurt you."

I wanted to tell him that I _was_ hurt—every single cell in my body ached—but there was little point, he could hear my ragged breaths and smell the salt from my tears.

His frown deepened as he focused on the floor.

"I promised it would be as if I never existed, but I couldn't," he said sadly.

In the next instant, Edward was moving, leaning away from me and reaching down to the floor. He pushed his fingers into a small gap between two floorboards. Before I could even ask what he was doing, he'd torn up a board and had reached underneath.

"Bella, you have to believe that I lied when I said I didn't love you."

He withdrew his hand, clutching items that I recognized from my fateful birthday party.

He placed them on the bed beside me. I was so shocked that I couldn't speak.

"I lied when it said it didn't matter. _You_ matter, Bella. You matter more than anything else in my existence."

I stared at the photographs, a jewel case and the airline tickets he'd extracted from the hiding space beneath my feet.

"It was so hard to leave you. Almost impossible."

I picked up the first photo, the candid photo I'd snapped of Edward in Charlie's kitchen before going to the birthday party Alice had organized for me. A smile that I hadn't seen since that day lit Edward's face.

"I thought it was the best thing for you."

I squeezed my eyes shut. Edward caressed my cheek gently.

"I know I hurt you, and for that I'll never be able to forgive myself."

"Edward, I—"

He moved his thumb to rub softly against my lips, the move tender but clearly designed to hush my voice.

"I don't expect you to forgive me, Bella, but I hope you believe me."

"It never made sense," I whispered, finally gathering the strength to look at him again.

He looked almost…relieved. I didn't understand why.

"It never made sense for you to love me," I admitted. "I've never been good enough for you."

"How can you say that?" His brow was tightly knitted in confusion.

"Just look at me, Edward."

His eyes searched mine deeply, before shifting to appraise every inch of my face.

"And then look at you."

He shook his head. "_You_ don't see yourself clearly."

He offered me his hand, and I took it tentatively. After he'd helped me to my feet, he led me to the bathroom. His hands gently caressed my shoulders and turned me to face the mirror.

"What do you see?" his cool breath whispered across the shell of my ear.

His eyes scrutinized mine in the image reflecting back at me from above the sink. My heart was in my throat as I tried to figure out what he wanted me to see. From where I stood he was proving my point, not his own. My dead straight hair and pale complexion could hardly be considered attractive, especially not when viewed side by side with his perfect features.

"I'll tell you what _I _see then," he said after a moment. His eyes held mine captive and his hands on my shoulders grounded me. "I see a strong woman."

I remained still, even though I wanted to shake my head and tell him he was wrong I wasn't strong—he of all people should know that. He'd witnessed my fragility first hand. He'd even left because of it. He shook his head slightly, clearly sensing the denial I couldn't verbalize.

"Eyes that are so expressive, it's almost as if I can see your whole life within their depths."

My heart pounded as he spoke with such passion, it was hard not to believe him.

"Someone who has a caring nature; who always puts herself second, even when she shouldn't." He frowned slightly, as if at a bad memory.

"I see someone who isn't afraid to _feel_."

He was so close that his skin cooled mine and I shivered as his breath brushed over my shoulder.

"Someone who has such incredible natural beauty and doesn't cover it with layers of make-up."

I followed his eyes in the mirror, trying to see the things he could, but coming up blank.

"A soul that is unique and beautiful."

I frowned as he mentioned my _soul_; what was it worth if it was what cost me his presence.

He stopped looking at my reflection in the mirror, turning his face toward mine instead. He turned me around and wrapped me in his arms.

"When I look at you, Isabella Swan, I see all of those things and more. I see the person that I will love each and every day of forever."

He held me tightly and I felt secure in his arms. I may not have been able to see the things he'd spoken about, but I could feel _his _conviction.

"I want you to know that whatever you want, whatever happens, I'll support you." He traced his knuckle softly along my cheek. "Even if you if you choose _him, _I will be there for you. I will _never _leave you again."

I felt so safe, so _wanted_, in that instant.

It was easy to forget the heartache I'd been through, the anti-depressants and sleeping pills. I closed my eyes and inhaled his unique fragrance, allowing myself to believe for just a moment that everything would work out the way I'd once hoped.

_But do I still want that? _

My hand found my flat stomach, a bitter reminder of what I'd lost. It was impossible to stay with Edward—his betrayal had cut me too deeply. Every time I looked at him, I was reminded of what he had cost me in this world and the other.

Even as he held me, my heart recoiled away from him.

I moved my hand to his chest and with the lightest of touches, pushed him away from me. My heart shattered as I tried to find the strength I needed.

"I think you'd better leave," I said, as I diverted my gaze to the tiles on the bathroom floor rather than see his face. If I saw the anguish he'd expressed earlier, I wouldn't be able to push him away. I _needed_ to push him away—I had to protect myself from further pain at any cost.

Edward placed his hand over mine and guided it until it rested over his heart.

"Wherever I go, you will always be in here," he whispered.

I bit my lip and nodded, still unable to look to his face.

"I'll see you in school tomorrow," he said before disappearing.

He left so fast that I was left holding my hand out to touch a heart that was no longer there.

My fingers curled into a fist as I slowly drew my hand back toward me. As I turned to leave the bathroom, I saw my reflection in the mirror. Despite everything Edward had said, I could only see what I'd seen every day since he'd left me: a weak girl who wasn't enough to keep him.

_Someone who doesn't matter. _

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	21. Chapter 21

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**CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE**

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_A/N:- Banner by FatesLoveQueen http:/yfrog(dot)com/oed60p _

_I own nothing. Boydblog helped me with this and I'll be forever thankful. _

_She fixed. I fiddled. Any mistakes that remain are on me. _

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Warning: This chapter touches on some subjects that might be sensitive to some people. Please read on with caution.

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**~ Bella Swan ~**

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I splashed my face with water, to sluice away the evidence of my tears. I didn't want Charlie to come home and find me crying again. I worried he would think I was becoming _that_ girl again—the one who didn't feed herself, who barely even moved. I shuddered at the thought.

I took one last deep, calming breath before heading back downstairs. I was determined to put everything out of my mind. I just wanted peace for a few moments—a minute where I could pretend I was just an ordinary teenager, my biggest concern: chores or school.

I cleaned the house, started dinner, washed some clothes—basically anything I could think of to stop myself from thinking. The problem was that nothing required enough concentration to completely block out my thoughts.

I wished I had someone to talk to about it all, someone who'd listen and be impartial. No one instantly came to mind. I could probably talk to Angela, or maybe Jess, but I couldn't tell them _everything_—they would probably make Charlie have me committed if I did.

Two hours after Edward had left, I gave up trying not to think. I'd metaphorically tied myself into knots thinking about the 'ifs', 'buts' and 'maybes' of my situation. I was still no closer to _knowing_ what was real and what was imagined.

The conversation I'd had with Kieran began to feel more like an illusion—maybe _that_ was my mind playing tricks and I really was in a coma. Maybe Edward was sitting at my bedside, calling to me to wake up.

_But what would I wake up to?_

I pushed open my bedroom door and froze as I saw my visitor.

Alice was sitting on my bed waiting for me. She grimaced slightly—her silent apology for leaving printed clearly on her face. She seemed stuck in the moment, as if she was paused ready to leave immediately if I asked her to. I wondered which eventuality she saw more clearly—me asking her to leave, or me begging her to stay. I felt torn equally between the two.

"I'm sorry I came unannounced, but I saw that you needed someone to talk to. I know it's probably hard to believe under the circumstances, but I can be impartial if you want someone to listen."

I hadn't realized just how much I'd missed her until that instant.

"Alice, I…" My voice caught in my throat as the emotions I'd been trying to fight off rose up within me. I rushed toward her, closing the distance between us without considering the possible consequences.

Her cool arms encased my shoulders almost instantly. She rocked me slightly and rubbed my back soothingly as I cried against her shoulder, babbling incessantly about my two lives, Edward's betrayal and my baby, Kieran and his offer, and my confusion.

After I was out of tears, she held my hands in her own.

I instantly regretted saying as much as I had. "I'm sorry, Alice, you probably don't want to hear my doubts over Edward's sincerity."

She shushed me. "I came for _you_. And I already know how much of an idiot my brother can be."

"How can I ever trust him again?"

"Do you trust me?" she asked.

"Of course," I said without a second thought.

"I left too," she reminded me, sounding apologetic. "I didn't want to, but I made the choice to support my family."

I'd been so relieved when I saw her; happy that I had someone to talk to—someone I didn't need to keep any of the truth hidden from—I hadn't given a second thought to her reappearance after months of no contact.

"I'm sorry for what it cost you. I'm sorry I didn't stand up and make him listen when I told him his plan wouldn't work. Of course I didn't know _this _would be the outcome."

"What's going to happen next?"

"I don't know. There are too many decisions still to be made."

"I want to believe that Edward is back for good—"

"But you can't?" Alice guessed.

I shook my head. "I don't know why though."

"I think you need to talk to him. He's hurting too." She gave me a sad smile. "I'm not saying you have to trust him right now, just talk to him. Really _talk_. Tell him how you feel, how you felt when he left. It won't be easy for him to hear, but I think he needs to hear it. Both you and Edward have been torn to pieces because of _his_ stupid decision. That kind of pain doesn't just disappear."

"You know the...options I have at the moment, don't you?" I asked.

She nodded.

"If you had to make that sort of choice, what would you do?"

"I honestly don't know," she said. "Having experienced true love, I wouldn't want to settle for something that's less than everything. But only you can know what that means to you, or who that is."

"It just hurts so much." I couldn't even begin to try to explain how much it all hurt.

_Was the pain worth it for true love? __Would love help me find my way back to happiness? __How could I possibly know if it _was_ love and not just Edward playing games? __How could I be certain Edward wouldn't leave again?_

"Sometimes the good is worth the pain," she said. "Maybe if you try to remember back to when you were happy?"

"I can't just wish away the pain." _Would I want to if I could? Isn't the pain a warning—the perfect deterrent against future heartbreak? _

She smiled soothingly. "I'm not saying that, I'm just saying take a night away from it." She held up the crystal CD case in her hand. "Listen to this tonight, and remember the first time he played it."

I took the case, turning it over and over again as I nodded.

"Charlie is going to be home soon," Alice said.

I wiped away the last remnants of my tears. I would not let Charlie see me crying and have him worrying about me again. I wanted him to believe the worst of it was behind us.

"Did you want to stay?" I asked. "I'm sure Charlie would love to see you again."

She frowned momentarily. "Technically, I'm not supposed to be back in Forks yet." Her face lit up in a small smile. "But yes, it's okay, the rest of the family will be back in Forks shortly."

"The rest of the family?" I questioned.

I'd been so wrapped up in my own problems—in my mixed-up lives—that I hadn't considered their situation.

"The decision is firm," she beamed. "Everyone is coming back here now that Edward has decided he isn't leaving."

My heart skipped a beat as Alice confirmed Edward wasn't leaving. It wasn't that I hadn't believed him when he said it, but the casual way Alice mentioned it made it seem more real. It made it seem almost possible that he was back in Forks to stay.

_But they could all leave again, like last time._

I pushed the thought from my mind. Charlie would be home soon and I didn't have time to dwell on the pain. Besides that, I felt better for having talked to Alice and I didn't want to ruin that mood.

_I want to be certain that _this_ is the real world. _

I spent the rest of the evening with Alice and Charlie. I shouldn't have been surprised, but Charlie accepted her reappearance readily. He seemed almost relieved when he came through the door to see Alice and I talking in the living room.

By the time Alice left, she had Charlie well and truly wrapped around her finger. I even heard the two of them whispering in the kitchen at one point—Edward's name was being bandied about and I got the distinct impression that Charlie may have been softening toward him, just a little.

Alice's stay dragged long into the evening, by the time she left it was late enough that I could excuse myself and head to bed.

After I'd changed into my pajamas, I saw the CD Alice had handed me earlier, the one I'd agreed to play and think of happier times.

Somewhat reluctantly, I dug out the CD player that I'd buried in the back of my wardrobe shortly after Edward had left, and set it up beside my bed. I put the CD in, set it to repeat and pressed play. I lay down, closed my eyes and braced myself for the flood of emotion I was certain I would feel when I heard the song Edward said he'd composed for me.

The first few haunting notes filled the room and I felt myself smiling at the memory of Edward's hands moving deftly across the piano, extracting sweet notes with every press of his fingers. As I listened to the music, my mind began wander to happier times in my other world; the way Edward's fingers would dance along my skin and elicit moans of pure ecstasy. I longed to feel that again, to feel our love manifested in that way. It was a sensation I'd missed, even though I'd technically never felt it before. I was curious what it would feel like to have _this_ Edward's cool touch trailing over my heated body.

As the melody started again, I began to imagine Edward sweeping through the window—as he had so many times before—but this time he was intent on seduction.

I could picture his eyes, darkened with lust as they roamed my warm, pink skin. I could almost feel the bed shift beneath me as he crossed the room in a flash and pressed his body along mine before claiming my mouth with his own. My fingers brushed my lips as the memory of kisses long ago crossed my mind. I skimmed my fingertips over my cheek, the way Edward had a thousand times before he'd left.

Without deciding to do it, I slowly pulled up the hem of my top, exposing my breasts to the chilly night. I imagined the cool air was Edward's sweet breath blowing across my skin.

I let the music guide my hands and it almost felt as if it was Edward's instruction that led my fingers across my chest. An ache I recognized from the other world began to build in the pit of my stomach and the apex of my thighs.

I imagined Edward's chest lying against mine as the combination of my touch and the cool air tightened my skin. My fingertips brushed across the peaks of my breasts, and along the smooth expanse of my stomach before dipping beneath the waistline of my pants.

Images of the way Edward had caressed me, his fingers and lips moving over my skin rushed into my mind as I brushed across my center, releasing a low moan in response. My fingers trailed tentatively across my body, touching each place that filled me with warmth.

I recalled the feeling of fullness I felt as the other Edward pushed himself into me, plunging two fingers into myself simultaneously. I swallowed down the sounds that threatened to escape, trying to remain quiet so Charlie wouldn't hear.

I brushed my thumb against my sensitive nerves as my fingers thrust to the rhythm of Edward's love, radiating through the soft piano piece playing in my ears. It was easy to forget everything that had happened since. It could have been a few hours ago that we were sitting side by side at his grand piano as he played it for me for the first time.

I pictured that same day evolving differently. Rather than Alice inviting Edward to play baseball—and the subsequent drama that unfolded immediately afterward—Edward and I stayed curled on his sofa. He bent to kiss my lips and became swept away in the emotions, unable to resist his desires. His body pinned mine to the black leather and I wrapped my legs around his waist. His hard length pressed against my center as he slowly began to peel away my clothing.

A feeling of euphoria began to warm my body, spreading slowly from my torso and radiating through each of my limbs. The music that Edward had composed seemed to seep into my veins and race through my body, filling me with love until I was too full to contain it anymore and my body released, pulsing around my fingers.

As my breathing steadied, I lamented what I'd lost. I thought of my fantasy and knew it could never have happened that way. Edward had never lost control the way I imagined him to. He had perfect restraint, constantly denying the intimacy I needed to survive. The euphoria I'd experienced faded away quickly, replaced by the bleak reality of his twin betrayals.

I quickly pulled my top back down, a flush of embarrassment coloring my skin. I couldn't believe something as simple as a piece of music could cause such an intense reaction. I knew it was because of the depth of my love for Edward, I just couldn't be certain I wasn't setting myself up for further heartbreak if I allowed him back into my life.

I realized that following Alice's advice hadn't change the way I felt. I remembered the happier times, and my chest still hurt just as much as before. I had tried thinking about Edward and I had tried _not _thinking about anything, and neither one had cleared my mind or helped. There was only one other way I could think of to clear away the confusion. It was one that had worked when I'd first stumbled onto the truth about Edward. I grabbed a different CD from my meager collection—one given to me by Phil—and placed it in the CD player before slipping my headphones on and turning the sound up as loud as it would go.

I concentrated on the rhythm, allowing it to fill every part of me, to disrupt my synapses and make them fire with nothing but the music. Despite working the last time I'd attempted it, the music wasn't quite loud enough to block all of my thoughts and tears began to fall as I thought over the day, quite possibly the longest day of my entire life.

When I realized my plan wasn't going to work, I took a couple of sleeping tablets, thinking they were the only thing that could cut through my anguish and help me find some peace. I replaced my headphones and let the heavy bass drown out my thoughts. I closed my eyes and tried to ignore my silent tears.

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The music I'd had playing as I'd fallen asleep had stopped, leaving a steady beeping and a mechanic hum in its place. A warm hand wrapped around mine tightly, holding on as if I would slip away if held with a weaker grip. My mouth and throat felt parched. I tried to speak, but it came out as a wordless groan. The hand around mine gripped tighter.

I opened my eyes and saw Edward, his green eyes darkened with tears and rimmed in red. His breathing hitched and he leant forward over me, looking as if he could barely believe what he was seeing.

"Bella," he croaked, his voice sounding like it was coming from a throat as desiccated as mine felt. He brought our joined hands to his dry lips. "_Baby_."

His other hand brushed phantom strands of hair from my forehead. I tried to sit up, but he placed his hand gently on my shoulder to stop me.

"Just relax, baby."

I wanted to tell him to stop calling me _baby_, and stop pretending like nothing had happened. I wanted to scream at him that he wasn't real, that this world wasn't real.

"You're in hospital, you were in an accident. Do you remember?"

I was going to shake my head, but then visions of the accident came back to me and my hand flew to my stomach, tugging a tube connected to my wrist.

"My baby," I whispered my voice hoarse and cracking.

In that instant I didn't care about what had happened in the other world. I didn't care about Kieran's confession or Edward's apology. I only wanted to know what had happened to my baby.

The devastated look on Edward's face told me everything I needed to know. A sob built in my chest and tears sprung to my eyes.

Edward sat on the bed and leaned over me, placing his forehead against mine. "I very nearly lost you too. I would never have been able to live with myself if I had."

I just looked at him with eyes that I was certain were devoid of emotion. The instant I'd seen that look on his face, my body had shut down, closing off rapidly to save me from collapsing under the pain. I couldn't even feel angry; I was beyond feeling anything. I turned away from him, unable to bear the look of pity in his eyes.

He pressed his forehead against my cheek.

"I'm so _fucking_ sorry," he whispered, his voice thick with emotion.

I curled away from him as best as I could, wrapping my hands around my stomach as if I could change the past and protect the precious cargo within. His apology, and the guilt that consumed him, broke the dam holding in my emotions and I suddenly felt _everything_.

The room filled with a wailing sound and it took a moment for me to realize it came from me. I pulled myself even further away from Edward and he seemed to understand that I needed him as far away as possible. He shifted so that he was no longer on the bed, but instead sat back on the chair he had been occupying. I felt the bed shake under the weight of his sobs as he muttered obscenities to himself about being so stupid. His sorrow tugged at my heart, a longing to comfort him and wash away his pain niggling within me, but it was almost too easy to ignore in the face of the grief I felt.

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"Bella!"

Someone pulled off my headphones that were still blaring the music loudly, and called my name.

"Bella," Charlie's voice slowly seeped through the fog in my mind.

"Dad?" My lashes were wet and my eyelids were heavy.

"You were dreaming again," he said sadly.

His face gave away just how worried he actually was. I knew he was probably wondering whether seeing Alice had sent my recovery backwards. I was glad he didn't know just how much I'd been suffering, that at least I had _appeared_ happy.

"I'm sorry," I said. "It's just been a very long day."

His moustache twitched as his mouth twisted around words he couldn't say.

"It was a good one though," I lied, trying to infuse my voice with enthusiasm.

"I was thinking it's been a while since you saw Jacob," he stated.

"I know, but he won't talk to me since our fight." I winced as I remembered how I'd thrown him out of the house for no reason. I'd been entirely in the wrong, but it didn't stop the proceeding silence from Jacob hurting me.

Charlie nodded and looked like he was going to say something more, but instead patted my legs through the blanket. "Night, kiddo."

"Night, Dad."

I lay back down and pretended to sleep, but I knew I couldn't risk it. I was in agony in that other world, both from my injuries and the loss of my baby. If going to sleep meant that I risked having to face those things, I was determined to sleep as little as possible. I was frightened of returning to that world permanently.

Once I was certain Charlie had returned to his bed, I stood and crossed to my window. I looked out into the dark forest and wondered who, if anyone, was there watching me. I pressed my forehead against the glass and my fingers found the key around my neck.

As I watched, the stillness of the night was disturbed by a solitary figure wandering across the grass. His outline was unmistakable and his face was turned up toward me. He seemed to be hovering as if waiting for something, and I guessed what it was. My permission had never been requested before, but somehow I knew that was what he was asking for.

I took a deep breath before lifting the window open in invitation, and retreating to sit on my bed to wait for the inevitable.

~ 0 ~


	22. Chapter 22

~ 0 ~

**CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO**

~ 0 ~

_ A/N:- Banner by FatesLoveQueen __http:/yfrog(dot)com/oed60p_

_I own nothing. Boydblog helped me with this and I'll be forever thankful. _

_She fixed. I fiddled. Any mistakes that remain are on me. _

~ 0 ~

**~ EDWARD CULLEN ~**

~ 0 ~

The moment Bella's warm hand pressed softly against my chest, I felt like my frozen heart would shatter. She exerted the lightest pressure, but it was enough to push me away. Yet I couldn't walk away without leaving her with one last thought.

I placed my hand over hers and guided it over my heart. "Where ever I go, you will always be in here."

Her teeth sunk into the tender skin of her lower lip, and she avoided looking me in the eye.

"I'll see you in school tomorrow," I said to remind her of my promise that I wasn't going anywhere.

I left the room quickly, pausing only when I reached the bottom of the stairs, unwilling and unable to put extra space between Bella and me. After a moment, I forced myself to walk through her door.

Almost instantly, I heard Alice's thoughts calling my name and directing me toward the forest.

"What did you see before?" I asked as I reached her. I thought back to her urgent phone call and the scene I'd run into.

Her mind quickly flittered through the scene she'd witnessed in her vision.

_Kieran holding an unconscious Bella in his arms, his control weakening as he breathed in her scent. Bella startling awake to see his lips curled into a snarl, then he sank his teeth deep into the soft flesh of her throat. _

A small cry of horror escaped my lips as I witnessed the scene. It didn't matter that it was only a possible outcome—one that I'd managed to change—it was still horrific to watch. If he _had_ lost control that way, Bella could have been killed instead of changed.

_'It's okay, Edward, you got there in time.' _

"Barely," I muttered under my breath.

_'Barely is enough,'_ she thought.

"Besides," Alice spoke aloud. "I'm here to talk strategy."

I raised my eyebrow at her. "Please don't meddle."

She rolled her eyes.

"Bella needs a friend," she said. "I'm going to be that friend."

_'I'm not going to tell her to choose you, but I can help to guide her way through the uncertainty.'_

"Alice—"

She shushed me. "I want you to be happy. I want Bella to be happy. I know you'll both be happier if you're together."

"If she chooses him—"

"Will you stop that!" she cut me off.

"Stop what?"

_'Being noble.'_

"I'm not being noble. I mean it."

"And if you keep saying it, you'll drive Bella away. She'll think you don't _want_ her."

"That's absurd."

"I'm being serious, Edward. Don't be noble. _Fight_ for her; fight for what _you_ want. Fight as if your very existence depends on it, because your happiness certainly does."

"What if it's not what she wants?" I stopped myself before I asked what if _I'm_ not what she wants_. _

Alice smiled sadly at me. "Bella isn't the only one who doesn't see herself clearly."

I ignored her comment, and the barrage of thoughts she sent with it.

"Regardless, I'm not going to force her into something she doesn't want."

_"_Stop being dramatic_. _I'm not saying you should _force_ anything. I'm just saying don't give up, don't roll over and let the other guy win. Woo Bella. Show her that you mean it when you say you love her."

"I wish I'd never given her a reason to doubt," I murmured.

"I wish I'd been more forceful when insisting we stayed," Alice replied softly. "But there's no point dwelling in the past. We live too long to surrender ourselves to regret."

I knew she was right, but I was unable to move beyond the cloud of doubt that filled my mind. I had seen the way Bella's eyes looked when they met mine in the mirror. The life might have returned to them, but they held such torment that I wondered if she would ever be able to move beyond it. I was almost certain that I was the cause of that torment, just as I was certain it was that pain that caused her to push me away.

_'I can't see what she will decide, Edward. She still has too much doubt.' _

I nodded.

_'But I think it's best if there is someone close to her at all times, for the moment.' _

I watched as Alice showed me Bella's future. It was a confused mixture of images swirling quickly: Bella with brown eyes, with burning red ones, with eyes of a soft amber and one other, with her eyes closed as she lay motionless in an open coffin.

In all of the possible futures, Bella had barely aged, if at all.

"Why?" I choked. I wanted to know what led to the most horrific of those outcomes.

_'I wish I knew.'_

Alice's thoughts were as strained as mine felt as she tried to see the sequence of events that led to Bella's death.

_'I don't know what will cause any of them. What good is seeing the future if I can't stop that from happening?' _

I rested my hand on her shoulder, to offer some comfort.

"Just keep watching out for her. I might not be able to win her back, but I'll be damned if I'll let her die."

Alice turned back toward Bella's house. "She needs a friend now."

I decided to take the opportunity while I knew Alice was with Bella to hunt. I was determined to keep her safe and I'd been pushing my own limits of control, After seeing Alice's vision I wasn't willing to take _any_ risks.

~ 0 ~

I brushed the dirt from my hands when I'd finished burying the carcasses of the animals I'd drained. I'd ranged further out than I was planning to, after inhaling the delectable scent of a mountain lion.

I felt revitalized. I hadn't realized just how thirsty I'd been until the first gulp of blood touched the back of my throat. It was a miracle that I hadn't slipped and harmed Bella. Recalling Alice's vision, I vowed to hunt as often as I needed to keep Bella safe.

It was well after dark by the time I reached Bella's house again. I expected to find Kieran skulking in the forest, but the only evidence of his scent that I detected was at least twelve hours old. I began to grow suspicious, but before I could investigate, something else caught my attention.

I heard movement in Bella's room moments before I heard the first few notes of the lullaby she had inspired. I closed my eyes and remembered Bella's reaction the first time I'd played it to her. It was a perfect moment in every way.

I was pulled from my thoughts by a low moan from Bella's room. My first instinct was to protect her—that she was hurt. Without thinking, I crossed the distance and silently scaled the side of the house, peering in through her window to check on her safety.

Instead of seeing Bella in danger, I saw the most beautiful and erotic vision I'd ever witnessed.

Her shirt was pushed up, revealing her pert breasts. Her fingertips trailed across her tender skin, brushing over the pink of her nipples and across the smooth plains of her stomach.

I barely even considered that I was invading her privacy; I couldn't look away. As I watched in awed silence, one of her hands reached into the waistband of her pajamas. She pressed her head back against the pillow in ecstasy and the scent of her arousal engulfed me.

The animal inside was delighted by the display. It whispered insidiously to lift open the window, to join her, to _claim_ her.

I dropped to the ground instead.

I closed my eyes and shook my head to clear it, but all I could see was the image of Bella exploring her own body. It almost felt as though the picture was printed on the insides of my eyelids. My body was alight with sensations I'd never really felt before. I'd seen them in the minds of others—in the minds of my siblings as they coupled with their partners—but never had I truly felt the dizzying rush of burning desire, of _lust_. I thought I'd _wanted_ Bella before, but the urges I'd had then were based on third party emotions. I'd never truly understood _need_.

I'd thought fighting my bloodlust was the worst battle I could ever face, but I'd been wrong.

I looked back up at the window as I heard Bella whimper quietly. My mind supplied an image of her biting her lip to stop from crying out in pleasure. I wondered what she was thinking about or, more specifically, _who_. I couldn't help but feel hopeful that she was thinking of me, considering it was my composition that she was listening to.

I resolved to get some answers as quickly as I could. I crept back to the tree line and watched her room from the forest. Kieran's absence crossed my mind briefly again, but was remarkably easily dismissed with the other images and thoughts I had to consider.

I couldn't help wondering what it would be like to feel the satin skin of Bella's navel with the tip of my fingers, to raise a trail of goose bumps with my touch. I could barely imagine the warmth that would accompany touching her intimately. The memory of the taste of her lips invaded my mind and with it a craving for the taste of her sweet skin under my tongue.

A howl in the distance pulled me from my thoughts and I knew I had to put the images out of my mind.

Bella wasn't mine—she might never be again—and even if she did want me, doing _that_ with her was out of the question.

_It would only take one tiny slip in my concentration… _

I could easily envisage all of the ways I could hurt her.

_Alice's vision! Could Bella's death be a result of my lack of control? _

The thought sobered my mind almost instantly. I resolved to push the beautiful image of Bella's ivory skin, flushed red and heated with desire, from my mind. It seemed like a monumentally difficult challenge, but for her safety, I could achieve anything.

~ 0 ~

A piercing scream filled the air and gut-wrenching sobs followed almost immediately after. My eyes flew to the source of the sound—Bella's window—and I was already running to her house when Charlie's thoughts stilled me.

_'The nightmares are back.' _

He dashed into Bella's room. I watched her through his thoughts. Her cheeks were streaked with tears and she was clutching her stomach as she tossed and turned desperately.

Charlie shook her awake and pulled the headphones she was wearing off. I tried to tune out their conversation, feeling guilty for invading yet another intimate moment in Bella's life.

I stepped back under the cover of the trees, refusing to take my eyes off her window. I may have wanted to give her some privacy—especially after completely disregarding it earlier—but I refused to leave her unprotected.

As I watched the empty window, Bella came into view. Her eyes scanned the trees as if looking for something. A spark of hope began to glow in my chest that maybe it was me. It was doused just as quickly, thinking that maybe she was hoping to see Kieran. She'd sent him away earlier, so maybe she wanted to confirm with him that she'd told me there _'is no us'_.

I swallowed down my fears and did what Alice suggested. I wanted to fight for Bella. I stepped forward so that she would be able to see me in the soft moonlight. I beseeched her to give me another chance. I wanted an opportunity to heal her from the wounds I'd caused.

I knew the exact moment she'd seen me; her eyes locked onto my location and her head tilted ever so slightly to the side in question. I wanted to run to her arms, but I didn't want to scare her. I felt like everything between us rested on her immediate actions.

She could turn away from me and I would know that I had damaged her too much. That I would need to fight harder and I had to consider the fact that I might lose her forever.

Or she could show me in some way that we had a chance.

She sighed heavily before opening the window. She disappeared back into her bedroom almost instantly, but I didn't care, it was clear the open window was an invitation. The flame burning inside my chest grew exponentially brighter, burning so hot it felt like it would reignite my frozen heart.

I didn't think twice about her invitation. I rushed forward to scale the wall that separated us.

"Edward," she said as I climbed through the window. Her voice sounded pained. I saw tears swelling in her eyes, as she sat on the edge of the bed.

It was almost as if I was being guided by an outside force because I knew exactly what she needed. I gathered her up in my arms and held her as she cried softly.

"I'm sorry for what I said earlier," she whispered against my chest.

"I deserved it." I closed my eyes. "I made a big mistake."

"I missed you."

"I missed you too, Bella. I can't even begin to find the words to express just how much."

I pulled back enough to look at her face. I brushed the long strands of hair away from her eyes and swept away her tears with my thumb.

"Can…can you stay with me tonight?" she asked.

Her voice resonated with such vulnerability and I couldn't have said 'no' even if I'd wanted to—which I absolutely didn't.

"For eternity I'll do anything you want."

My words were dangerous—easily twisted to become a promise to give her immortality—but in that moment I didn't care. I would have given her the world on a string if she'd asked.

She rested her forehead against my chest momentarily. As long as I was able to, I wanted to hold her. I wanted to sooth away her pain with soft touches and gentle words. I knew it wasn't forever—one night by her side wouldn't sweep away all of her heartache—but it was a start.

~ 0 ~

It was almost too easy holding Bella through the night. She'd curled up against my chest almost instantly and was soon asleep again. I realized that it didn't change anything, Bella and I still needed to talk about so many things, but I felt at peace in her presence.

Her sleep was plagued by dreams most of the night; leaving her whimpering and clutching me tightly. She spoke in her sleep, whispering my name and crying for 'my baby'. I was almost tempted to wake her on a number of occasions, but instead I stroked her hair gently and assured her I was there; it seemed to calm her.

After Bella had finally drifted into a deeper slumber—to the place where her dreams either no longer affected her or she no longer spoke them aloud—I began to examine the confines of her bedroom more closely. So much of what she'd had was now hidden or possibly discarded.

The books and CDs that used to clutter her small bedside table were gone, only two CD cases remained. One was the clear case I'd presented her CD in and the other one a black case with a red splash and the band's name. I recognized it, as I possessed the same CD in my collection.

As I listened to the tinny music echoing through the headphones that were lying on the floor, I heard lyrics that suddenly evoked new meaning to me. Without letting go of Bella, I reached over and restarted the song, an idea already forming in my mind as I did.

Bella woke in the early hours of the morning, nuzzling against my chest before opening her eyes slowly.

"You stayed," she said.

I smiled back at her. _As if there was anywhere I'd rather be. _

"Edward, I'm…" she trailed off and her cheeks flamed a soft pink. "Thank you for last night. I've just been so overwhelmed."

She still didn't understand that I had a new resolve to do anything she wanted me to—at least, anything that wouldn't endanger her life.

"Bella, I wanted to stay with you. I would have been here all night if I thought that was what you wanted."

I cupped her face with my palm.

"Ask me to stay, and I'll never leave your side again. I meant what I said last night."

"What if I want something that you don't want to give me?" Her blush grew and the delicate aroma of her arousal filled the air.

I could tell what she wanted, and I wanted so badly to be able to give it to her.

It was almost as if I had been granted Alice's gift momentarily as I imagined the future unfolding before me. I pictured Bella beneath me, her body stripped of all clothing. I could almost imagine my tongue tracing patterns across her skin.

I leaned forward and kissed her softly.

Our kiss quickly morphed from the almost chaste ones of our past, to something heated and desperate. Bella climbed onto my lap and wrapped her arms around my shoulders. Her hands balled into fists as she clutched onto my shirt, pulling me closer to her.

I was so intently focused on the passion of our shared kiss that I was taken by surprise when she bucked her hips against mine. I felt a new sensation rip through my body, fierce and unrelenting but so, so sweet.

I wanted her.

I needed to feel her warm skin pressed softly against every inch of me. I wanted to take her, to claim her, to make her mine _forever_.

I recognized my thoughts were a warning for me to stop before it was too late; before Alice's vision could play out.

I slowed the kiss before breaking it off completely.

Bella screwed her eyes shut almost the instant our lips parted. The ache of rejection was etched into her soft features.

"I don't want to hurt you," I whispered apologetically.

She pulled herself from my lap.

"It's fine," she muttered dismissively as she quickly adjusted her skewed clothing. "I don't know what I was thinking anyway. I…I'll see you in school I guess."

She fled the room and I was left alone to contemplate the fact that I'd inadvertently hurt her once again.

~ 0 ~


	23. Chapter 23

~ 0 ~

**CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR**

~ 0 ~

_A/N:- Banner by FatesLoveQueen yfrog(dot)com/oed60p _

_I own nothing. Boydblog helped me with this and I'll be forever thankful. _

_She fixed. I fiddled. Any mistakes that remain are on me. _

~ 0 ~

**~ BELLA SWAN ~**

~ 0 ~

I burned with embarrassment as I thought of how I'd thrown myself at Edward.

I'd experienced the rapture that came from being with Edward in my other life, and I wanted that feeling of fulfillment and love that accompanied our time together.

I wondered how far I would have gone if he hadn't put a stop to it. I knew I would have pushed it as far as Edward was prepared to go. I would have given him my body if he'd been willing.

If what Kieran had said was true—if this was in fact the real world—I could only imagine what being with Edward in this life would be like. The fantasy of his cool touch over my heated body rolled through my mind again and I longed for him.

It was only after Edward had pulled away that I realized how foolish I'd been. I'd thrown myself at him without a thought for how much it would hurt me when he left again. It had momentarily been too easy to forget the pain he'd caused me.

I climbed out of bed and headed straight into the bathroom to shower. I stood under the hot stream of water and thought back to the rollercoaster I'd been on since the previous night.

As soon as I'd seen Edward come through my bedroom window, I'd wanted him to hold me so badly. I wanted to hear his declarations of love and promises that he was going to stay this time. Yet, I despised being in his arms because it was a reminder of the pain he'd inflicted on me. I was torn between the two emotions, but in the end there was no way I could have willing left his embrace.

Whenever I stirred, I was wrapped in Edward's arms and for just one moment everything was as it should be, but then the awareness of my losses would seep in and I would feel my heart breaking again.

In my dreams, I was back _there_—back in the hospital with every inch of my body aching—and Edward was at my bedside. Whenever I dared to look, Edward's green yet blood-shot eyes were watching me, filled with pity and dread. He never spoke while I looked at him, and never held me as I sobbed. He'd sat silent most of the time, only murmuring apologies to me when he thought I was asleep. I wasn't sure whether the words were being said in only one world or whether they were whispered admissions in both of my realities.

The dreams seemed to be peppered throughout the night making it hard to keep a grasp on what was reality and what was an illusion.

As I dressed, I couldn't stop the feeling of dread when I thought about having to face Edward at school.

_How can I pretend everything is normal after the night we'd had and the way it had ended? _

I'd all but thrown myself at him and he'd turned me down. I wasn't sure I would survive the embarrassment of his rejection.

I thought briefly about staying at home, but figured he would probably come to my house to check on me if I didn't show.

_Or would he?_

I still wasn't certain about his feelings for me.

_Was he was only back to stop me from choosing the life Kieran offered?_

He'd seemed genuine when he'd held me as I drifted in and out of sleep, but I had no way of knowing if that was just an act.

_What would happen if I asked Kieran to leave, would Edward disappear shortly after?_

I tried futilely to turn off my mind. I worried about our awkward reunion all morning, despite promising myself that I wouldn't. And I'd continued to stress about it during my drive to school. As it turned out, my worries had been needless because Edward wasn't at school when I arrived. My eyes scanned the parking lot twice for his car.

His absence surprised me, because it was a perfectly overcast day and he had no reason to avoid school.

_Unless he's avoiding me._

He didn't meet me after my first class like he usually did either.

I wondered whether I'd driven him away—or maybe his distractions had already chased him from the sleepy town of Forks. An ache burned my chest and reverberated throughout my body.

_Has he left again without even saying goodbye?_

My heart stuttered and my body trembled. Even if it wasn't true, my lack of faith in him shook me to the core. It proved that I wasn't ready to forgive him; I wasn't ready to be back with him.

The one overriding thought was that he didn't even care enough to let me know he wasn't going to be at school after telling me he'd see me.

_Do I matter that little to him? _

It was after second period that I finally saw Edward. He smiled wryly and tilted his head in question when he caught my eye. I guessed he was waiting for me to run away—or leap at him. I was debating hotly between those two actions myself.

While I stood motionless trying to decide what to do, he approached me slowly. My mind raced with possibilities about where he'd been most of the morning. I wanted to scream and shout at him for not telling me he'd be late.

"Hi," he said quietly, a hint of questioning coloring his tone. 

I exhaled shakily, unsure what to say. I felt my anger dissipate, fading quickly into shame. I had doubted him needlessly.

_Should I apologize? _

He beat me to the punch.

"I'm sorry I was absent this morning. I had some business to attend to." His lips lifted into his crooked grin and I felt my own mouth tilt upward slightly in response.

He reached one hand out slowly, as if trying to calm a cagey beast, and trailed his fingers along the outside edge of my hand. My arm lifted in response and he held my hand a little more firmly.

"About this morning, Bella, I—"

I held up my free hand to cut him off. "Forget it," I said. I didn't even know how to begin to discuss it with him.

I didn't feel like I had done anything wrong per se, but I'd made him feel uncomfortable even though it hadn't been my intension. I'd just wanted to feel him, _every_ part of him. I wanted to be able to share with him what I'd felt in that other world. I didn't want to feel ashamed for the desire I felt for him.

"You're so fragile," he murmured.

I bristled against the word even though I knew it was true. I was fragile—in ways that I didn't think Edward even realized.

"I could hurt you so easily. Without even meaning to..." he trailed off and his eyes darkened with his thoughts.

His words were more accurate than he even realized. Slowly but surely I was allowing him back into my heart and I knew that was a dangerous place for him to be. It was the one place he could wreak the most havoc. I felt like I could suffer almost any hurt physically, but I didn't think I could handle the emotional blow of him leaving again.

"I don't know if we'll ever be able to share _that_," he dropped his eyes shyly and whispered the word 'that'. "But I don't want to lose you."

Tears pricked my eyes and I was uncertain how to respond. The place in my heart that he'd forced his way into opened a little wider.

"Do you really mean that?" I asked, knowing he could easily lie to me but needing to hear the words he'd said yesterday again. I wanted him to tell me how he really felt in the harsh light of day.

He traced my cheek with the back of his finger. "I love you and nothing will keep me from being by your side. That is, if you'll have me."

I watched his eyes intently. I saw the emotion swirling in their depths and somehow sensed that—at least for the moment—he meant the words.

Yet I still hesitated, unable to swear my love in return. I wanted to, but I was still so scared of being hurt.

"Can we go somewhere private to talk later?" he asked.

I nodded, feeling both terrified and excited about the prospect. The two times we'd tried to talk hadn't exactly worked out.

"Can I walk you to class?"

I tentatively offered him my hand. I knew reality—whatever that was—could come crashing down around me at any moment, but I decided to take whatever happiness I could get.

~ 0 ~

Jessica confronted me after I'd finished changing for gym.

"There's something different about you today, but I just can't quite put my finger on it."

I couldn't help smirking because I _felt_ different. It was hard to quantify, but it was almost as if I'd been walking around in a daydream before now. I could remember talking to people and what I'd learned in classes, but I hadn't noticed the smaller things. I'd seen the grand brushstrokes but not the intricate detail.

Before today, I'd completely missed the pity in Mike's eyes as he asked how I was feeling. I'd been ignorant to the feeling of Edward's eyes weighing down my every move when he wasn't by my side. I could remember him apologizing to me when we were at school together, but not how I felt when it happened. It was as if my life had been devoid of feelings and emotions…at least until Kieran's confession on Saturday.

"So you and Edward are back together then?" Her voice was dripping with a fake enthusiasm that was impossible to ignore.

"We're taking it slow," I said.

She looked at me as if she thought _I_ was slow. "So you're _not_ together then?"

"We're… it's complicated."

She rolled her eyes. "If you don't want to tell me, that's fine, but the cats out of the bag. The two of you are all anyone's talking about."

I groaned as she began to launch into all the sordid details that people were apparently saying about Edward and me. I ducked away from her as quickly as possible, anxious to forget about what she'd said. Luckily, Angela seemed unwilling to listen to the latest gossip and helped change the subject to something she'd seen on TV last night. I had no clue what it was, but it was something that launched Jessica into an entirely new monologue. I smiled gratefully at Angela.

After my conversation with Jess, I wasn't sure that being more aware of my surroundings and myself was necessarily a good thing. I wondered whether it was better to be ignorant and blissful. I was just glad there wasn't much left of the day—or of the school year for that matter. There was less than two weeks before the year was over and summer vacation started.

~ 0 ~

I drove home wondering where Edward would take me to talk. He'd left a note in my truck asking me to be ready by four and to ensure I was dressed comfortably. I wasn't sure what I was going to tell Charlie, but I figured I'd cross that bridge when I came to it.

Almost as soon as I climbed from the truck, I felt a cool breath blowing across the back of my neck. My mouth curved naturally into a smile. If I was honest, I was half expecting Edward not to show. The fact that he was waiting for me just helped to force him even deeper into my heart.

"You're early," I said as I whipped around to greet him.

"I didn't even know we had an appointment."

My eyes widened as I realized it was Kieran, not Edward, who was waiting for me. Seeing him brought his confession and the subsequent events crashing into my mind.

The things Edward had told me about him replayed in my head. I'd almost forgotten about his presence, and Edward's goodbye, until that moment. Seeing Kieran stirred up so many feelings that I thought I'd finally been able to bury. I felt my smile start to fall.

"You don't seem very happy to see me," he sounded sad.

_Am I happy to see him?_

I was definitely shocked to see him, but regardless, the answer was yes. I was happy to see him. After all, Edward may have found a way back into the depths of my heart, but I was still grateful to Kieran for helping me—in his own way—even if that help did end up muddying the waters. He was always so sweet to me in the other world; he was a good friend. It was almost unnatural just how comfortable I was in his presence.

"I am, definitely, you just caught me by surprise that's all."

A smile slowly spread across his face. "Well I'm glad to hear that at least. I was a little worried you might never want to see me again after yesterday."

My guilt spiked. "I'm sorry about that. I just really needed to speak to Edward alone."

"And?" His golden eyes illuminated with a mischievous glint.

"And, we talked."

"So you're ready to run away with me now?" He winked, but his voice sounded like he was trying to mask his doubt.

I laughed nervously. "Despite what we talked about yesterday, I really don't know you. Certainly not enough to make that sort of decision."

"Just say the word and you can have forever to get to know me."

My heart thundered as I considered how easy it would be. He was offering me the one thing Edward never would. From what I knew of Kieran from my other world, I was certain he would offer me everything. I could have a magnificent existence with him—he would treat me well at least—but I knew it would never be enough. Even if Kieran could offer me everything, he could never compete with Edward.

"Edward's back now. I can't just turn my back on what we had."

"Goddamn it, why not?" he hissed. His smile fell away and he frowned. "Why would you stay with him? He hurt you. Don't even try to deny it. I would never leave you the way he did."

He paused and watched me carefully.

"I'm sorry," he said, after calming himself almost immediately. "I actually half expected that you would say that and I promised myself I wasn't going to react badly. I love you, Bella, and I don't want you to get hurt."

I nodded and stepped closer to him. "I understand, and I appreciate it, I really do. I just…_he's_ what I want."

It was only as the words slipped out that I realized the absolute truth in them. Despite my concerns—which were still very real—I loved Edward. I just wished I could learn how to trust him again.

"Just promise me that you'll be careful, and keep your guard up. I don't think you can trust him," he said.

I knew he was lashing out in anger, but his words stirred up the doubts I still had.

"Remember that even your own mind doesn't trust Edward. In the world you created, he cheated on you."

Kieran touched my face gently with his hand. His eyes were full of sorrow and regret, his human mask torn away. Tears stung my eyes as I was faced with his pain. I might not have known _this_ Kieran as well as his counterpart, but he was such an important part of my life in the other world it was hard to see him hurting.

"I won't cause trouble for you, because the one thing I want is for you to be happy. But I'm not just going to walk away either. If he hurts you again, I'll make sure it's the last time."

He leaned in quickly, his lips brushed softly against mine and then he was gone.

I wondered if I'd done the right thing.

I'd said 'no' to Kieran, and I knew Alice would have seen my decision. If Edward was near her, he would have seen it too. He would know that I'd thrown away my chance at being loved forever, as an immortal, to be with him.

_Would he leave now that the threat to my humanity was gone? _

I had no way of knowing the answer to my silent question but the thought was enough to break me in two. I fell back against my truck, my legs no longer able to support me.

~ 0 ~


	24. Chapter 24

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**CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR**

~ 0 ~

_A/N:- Banner by FatesLoveQueen _

_I own nothing. Boydblog helped me with this and I'll be forever thankful. _

_She fixed. I fiddled. Any mistakes that remain are on me. _

~ 0 ~

**~ EDWARD CULLEN ~**

~ 0 ~

I felt happy. I hadn't _been_ happy since I'd made the fateful decision to leave Bella.

My happiness stemmed from one little action; a nod from Bella.

She'd agreed to meet me so that we could talk, and it was more than I could have hoped for after everything I'd done wrong. I was determined to remind her once more that I was going to be there for her for as long as she would have me at her side. I needed her to know that I _loved_ her and I wanted more than anything to get us back to how we'd been before I'd stupidly walked away.

I set our 'date' for four o'clock, to give her time to go home and change into something more appropriate for the short hike to our meadow. I hoped it would also give her a chance to discover the gift I'd left in her room; something that might help to restore her faith in my love. I wasn't going to rely on it though; I refused to leave anything to chance any more. With Bella and I, something always seemed to get in the way of our happiness and I refused to let that happen again.

On the way home from school, I stopped at the store to buy some basic picnic food so that Bella would have something to eat if our conversation continued for as long as I hoped.

When I arrived home, I slipped in quietly. Everyone was busy preparing the house for the arrival of the rest of our family. Only Alice openly acknowledged my return, silently assuring me that I was doing the right thing and Bella would love my gift.

As anxious as I was to get back to Bella, I wanted to give her the opportunity to appreciate the present I'd made for her. It had taken a good part of my morning to make sure it was perfect. If it made her smile, even a little, it was worth it.

I was in the middle of packing the picnic into a backpack when Alice called to me with her mind. Her visions suddenly filled with images of Bella.

Bella was standing by her truck and Kieran was standing in front of her. He whispered something to her before leaning in to kiss her. Almost as soon as his lips touched hers, he raced away. Bella slumped against her truck and tears began to well in her eyes.

I saw red. I didn't know what he'd said or done, but he'd upset her.

I was already in Carlisle's Mercedes and halfway down the driveway before I replayed the scene again in my mind. I couldn't help wondering what had come before it; what he'd whispered to Bella and why she was crying.

_Was he saying goodbye? _

_Had he hurt her?_

I knew it was hypocritical of me, but the idea that he had said or done something that hurt her made me furious. I'd made that mistake once, through my own ignorance, but he knew how fragile she was. He knew how easily she could be broken.

I clenched the steering wheel, twisting until the leather groaned in protest beneath my fingers.

My mind kept returning to Alice's vision.

I wasn't sure what to expect when I arrived at Bella's house, but I knew I needed to get there as quickly as I could. I drove like a madman through the streets, not caring about anything but my final destination. It was only the fact that I wanted to keep up a modicum of humanity when I took her on our 'date' that I hadn't run the whole way—it certainly would have been quicker.

As soon as I rounded into Bella's street, I saw her. She was standing in front of her house in the exact position she'd been in Alice's vision. She was slumped heavily against the side of her truck. Her red-rimmed eyes were shimmering slightly with the few tears which remained unshed.

I was out of the car the instant it had come to a stop.

"_Please_…don't leave me!" She cried out softly when she saw me.

I wrapped her securely in my arms and held her as tightly as I dared.

"I'm not going anywhere," I promised.

Her body seemed to melt against mine and a fresh stream of tears started. After a minute, she pulled away slightly before brushing away her tears.

She laughed mirthlessly. "All I seem to do lately is cry."

I cupped her cheek with my hand.

"I seem very good at causing that reaction," I said sadly.

"I thought you'd leave. I thought you'd see what happened and you'd leave."

"What happened?" I asked softly.

She looked at me wearily. I wanted to tell her that she could trust me, but words wouldn't be enough to convince her.

"I told Kieran…" She took a deep breath. "I told him that I wanted _you_."

Her last words were barely a whisper, carried to me softly on the breeze and yet they sent my heart soaring with renewed hope.

"Are you going to leave again now?" Her voice held so much pain and uncertainty that it sliced straight through my happiness.

I didn't know how to tell her again that I was back forever, so I pulled her into my arms, in an attempt to relay my promise to her wordlessly.

"You haven't been inside the house yet, have you?" I asked after a moment.

She shook her head 'no'.

I thought of the gift I'd left for her.

_She doesn't know about it yet. _

She didn't know why I was late to school or of the effort I'd gone to for her. With everything else that had been going on, it was no wonder she was shivering in my arms.

I held her tightly, relishing the way her scent caused my throat to burn. I would never be able to give up the feeling of having her close.

"Do you mind if we leave a little earlier than planned?" I asked.

She shook her head.

"Does Charlie know you're going out?"

"Not yet. I was going to leave him a note."

"I'll do it," I said.

With Bella's sharp intake of breath, I instantly remembered that I'd left a note for Charlie _last time_, when I'd done the unthinkable.

"I'm sorry," I said, apologizing not only for the reminder I'd unwittingly given Bella, but for the mistake I'd made initially.

"I'll just be a minute," she said quietly, extracting herself from my arms.

I was reluctant to let go. I had so much I needed to confess, so much more I needed her to know.

I waited outside, giving her as much space as I could bear, but when she hadn't returned after a minute, I followed her inside. I found her bent over the kitchen bench with a pen in hand. Her brow was furrowed into a frown.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Huh?" She shook her head slightly before lifting her eyes to meet mine. "Oh, sorry, I guess I just spaced-out for a moment."

I closed the distance between us and rested my hand on the small of her back. "If you'd rather stay here, we could—"

"No," she said. "It's fine. I'll just finish this."

She scribbled a note to Charlie that said she was out with a friend and would be home later.

"Shall we?" she asked when she looked up again.

I nodded before wrapping my arm across her shoulders as I led her from the house.

~ 0 ~

I refused to release Bella's hand as I drove toward the meadow. I was determined to show her with every action and tell her with every word that I was here to stay. I'd barely taken the turn-off before she tilted her head in thought. A small, reminiscent smile crossed her lips.

"Are we going hiking?"

"I can carry you, if you prefer?"

She turned her head to look out the window. "We'll see."

I couldn't deny that the idea of running with her the way we used to was enticing. We would certainly get to our meadow sooner, and have more time to spend together.

I parked the Mercedes near the hiking track. I raced around to open Bella's door before she had a chance to open it herself. I reached in and grabbed the bag I'd packed for her picnic.

"Can I help you to the meadow?"

She sunk her teeth deep into her lip before nodding.

As Bella wrapped her arms around my neck, I felt like everything was right in the world again.

"Close your eyes," I murmured.

"I'm ready," she said, then whispered almost-silently, "Please don't hurt me."

I was certain I wasn't meant to hear the second part of her statement, but I was determined to take note regardless. I ensured she was secure on my back and then ran as quickly as I could to our meadow.

When I stopped I expected Bella to be pale or sick. It had been a long time since I'd carried her in such a fashion. I was worried it might have been too much for her. Instead when I looked at her, she had a small smile on her face.

"I missed that," she admitted.

I touched my finger to her smile. "I missed _that_."

I laid the rug out on the ground, smoothing it before patting it lightly. "Would you like to sit?"

She sat beside me. "This is so surreal. I thought…I thought you were going to leave. I didn't think I'd ever have this again. At least, not _here_, and not with you."

"I promise to give you everything, _anything_ you want." I was starting to doubt that there was anything I wouldn't give her if she asked—yet I just didn't want to risk her safety.

"I want what we had."

"We can go back to that," I promised. "I'll do whatever it takes."

"Actually I meant…" She trailed off and looked away, absently picking at the rug.

"You mean in that other place? Where we're married?"

She looked a little surprised at my knowledge but nodded.

"Will you tell me about it?" I asked.

"It's…" She seemed to hesitate and I began to wonder how different it was. "It's almost like it's real. Like I am that person, feeling the things she feels. It's me, but it's not me. I'm older there, and wiser, at least in some ways."

A blush rose up her cheeks and I wondered in what ways she was _wiser_ there.

"That world is filled with people I know from this life, but not in the same way."

"How do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, Renee isn't my mother there, she's my boss, and a bit of a bitch. Your family hates me; they blame me for driving you away from your ex."

"My family could never hate you, Bella," I said, not knowing what else I could say to reassure her.

"It's just so different. There's no such thing as vampires, no supernatural intrusions on life. We were married and we were happy."

_How many times have I wished I'd met Bella when I was still human?_

Her dream world reflected some of my own desires. If we were both human, I wouldn't have to worry about hurting her; I wouldn't be faced with the constant internal battle of desiring her blood.

"It sounds perfect," I said.

She wrapped her arms around her legs, hugging them into her chest. A shadow seemed to creep over her features. "It wasn't."

She dropped her head to her knees and I wanted nothing more than to reach out and comfort her. I needed to find out more about that world if I was going to help her move beyond whatever pain it was inflicting on her. I stroked her cheek, tilting her head back up so she'd meet my eyes.

"Why not?" I asked.

Her lip quivered as she looked at me.

"You…you _cheated_ on me."

It was a breathless admission, yet it was enough to send me reeling.

"You have to know I would never do that, Bella," I said.

"But you _left_ me." The quiet hurt in her voice screamed through my mind louder than a banshee cry.

"And I will never stop regretting it."

She turned away for a moment, her breaths hitching slightly. She was trying to get control of her emotions. I wished I could find a way to erase the hurt I'd caused.

"Kieran explained why you did what you did…in that other place."

I bristled at the mention of his name. "What did he tell you?"

"The truth."

She was so quiet and sounded so broken I wanted nothing more than to fix her. I had no idea how to do it, or even where to start.

"I'm not good enough for you, Edward."

I wanted to tell her that she was wrong, but she held up a hand to silence me.

"I mean I don't _feel_ like I'm good enough for you. You're just so…so _perfect_." She pushed herself to stand and stepped away from me.

I followed behind her. "I'm far from perfect, Bella. I make mistakes. The biggest one of all was the day I said goodbye to you."

"Part of me still can't believe that."

I wrapped my arms around her, breathing a sigh of relief when she relaxed back into me rather than pulling away. "Please, Bella, you have to believe me when I say that I love you. I understand that I hurt you; I hurt myself as well. There's nothing I want more than to fix it. I couldn't bear it if I lost you."

She bristled and stiffened in my arms.

I held her tighter. "What's wrong?"

"You said something similar to that before; in the other place."

"I can't even imagine what it would be like to have to deal with two worlds."

"The hardest thing is trying to reconcile what's real and what's not."

"You know now though, don't you?" I asked.

She shrugged. "I guess. I mean I'm pretty sure this world is real. Everyone keeps telling me it is, but that other place…it just _feels_ so real. I can't believe it's nothing more than a dream. Dreams don't hurt like that."

She turned around in my arms.

"The mind is a strange and complicated thing, Bella. Trust me," I tapped my forehead. "Add the influence of a talented vampire and it's not surprising that it feels so real."

"I was pregnant there," I could hear the tears threatening in her voice, "but I…I lost the baby. It made me realize what I want, Edward. I want a family, and the human life you wanted for me."

Although it was something I'd always waited for—and that part of me had hoped for—the idea that she now desired normal, human things that I couldn't give her broke my heart.

"But I don't want any of that _more_ than I want you."

"What?" My whole world seemed tilted on an axis.

Her body shook lightly in my arms. "I understand what I need to give up in order to be with you. I know what I'll be missing now. But if you're really going to stay, I'm willing to give it up to be with you."

The news made me both ecstatic and sad.

"I need something though..."

She pulled away from me and sat down on the rug, tapping it lightly to ask me to join her. I sat quickly, desperate for her dissipate my misery and tell me what it was.

"I need you to change me."

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**A/N:- *Raises hands in the air* Mea culpa for the long delay, my life has been a boiling pot of work, colds, flus & study. I've been writing furiously lately though & I will be working to reduce the delay for the next chapter. **


	25. Chapter 25

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**CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE**

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_A/N:- Banner by FatesLoveQueen /oed60p _

_I own nothing. Boydblog helped me with this and I'll be forever thankful. _

_She fixed. I fiddled. Any mistakes that remain are on me. _

~ 0 ~

**~ BELLA SWAN ~**

~ 0 ~

"I need you to change me," I said.

Maybe Edward was genuine when he said he was staying. I tried to block the doubt; too many reminders of him leaving crept back into my consciousness.

I knew that I had to be honest with Edward. I owed it to myself to tell him how I felt. I needed him to know that I understood what I would be giving up to be with him. But there was more than that. I had to tell him everything about my other world and what I expected in this one. I wasn't entirely sure how Edward would react, but I was hopeful he would at least listen to my proposal.

"Bella, we've talked about this."

His voice held a warning, but I ignored it. I wanted to push him; I had to know how serious he was when he said he would give me _anything_. I needed him to know that I wasn't going to back-down.

"You've talked, now I think it's time you listened."

Despite my determination, my heart hammered in my throat. I hated that Edward could easily see through my false bravado.

Edward raised his eyebrow, but stayed silent.

"One day, I'm going to die."

He blanched at my statement.

"Maybe it won't happen for fifty years, but at some point it will happen. And when it does, we'll be parted."

"I—"

I cut him off. "I don't want to hear about your plan to end your life once I'm dead," I said.

He frowned at me.

"That isn't going to happen. I _won't_ allow it."

A small smile played on his lips as I issued him my directive.

"I'm not asking for you to change me now, just to not take it off the table. If something happens, if I'm in an accident or get sick, I want you to save me, in the way that only you can."

I wasn't sure whether Edward would give me an answer, but I didn't necessarily need one immediately. I wanted him to consider what I'd said; things that I'd told him before when he was too upset to really listen.

"Most of all, I want you to _want_ me to be like you."

He shook his head and chuckled. "Don't you see, Bella? I do want that. I want that more than you could possibly imagine, but you don't appreciate what you'd have to give up. It's too much."

"If I'm going to die anyway, then I'm not giving up _anything_."

"What about your soul?" he whispered.

"My soul will be wherever yours is, and I'll be with you. That's what I want most of all."

He seemed almost ashamed when he admitted, "I want that too. I just can't help wondering if the price is too high."

I worried we were going to end up where we'd been for so long, him refusing to change me, the argument turning in constant circles.

"I'm not going anywhere, Bella, I promise," he murmured against the top of my head. "And I won't rule out changing you."

I could hear the hesitance in his voice, but the fact that he was willing to talk about a compromise gave me renewed hope.

"Actually, I thought you might have wanted something else."

There was a vulnerability to his voice that made me curious.

"Really?" I unwrapped myself from his body to look at him. "What did you think I wanted?"

He looked away and seemed genuinely embarrassed about whatever it was he was thinking.

"You thought I wanted a continuation of this morning?" I guessed.

"Maybe."

"I did. I mean, I do. Of course I want that." I tried to stop myself from babbling. "But I know you don't."

He chuckled. "But I do."

"But you said—"

"I don't want to hurt you, Bella, but I do _want_ you. More than you could imagine. Then again maybe you can..."

He trailed off and fell silent so I gave him a questioning look.

"There's something I need to tell you," he admitted quietly.

I was confused by his sudden reticence. "What is it?"

"I saw you last night."

He looked so vulnerable as he spoke, as if he expected me to suddenly jump up and run.

"Of course you did, I opened the window for you."

"Before you invited me inside, I heard noises from your room. I thought you were hurt."

I cocked my head in confusion.

_What noises did he hear?_

"I didn't even think. I just ran toward your house."

Slowly, last nights events unfolded in my mind and my cheeks began to burn.

_Surely he hadn't seen me…_

"I wasn't trying to pry, but I saw you…" his eyes held an almost dream-like quality.

My face flamed hotter as I realized just what he was admitting.

He leaned closer to me, his cool skin somehow igniting the flames and making them burn hotter. The heat was new though, much less to do with embarrassment and more with desire.

"I saw the sexiest sight I could ever imagine," he whispered into my ear. His voice had taken on a new tone, lower and huskier than I'd ever heard before.

"Edward…" I wasn't sure what I wanted to say.

Part of me was angry that he'd intruded on such a private moment. Yet, it wasn't like he'd lied to me about it. He was freely admitting. I hadn't even tried to coax it out of him. I wouldn't have known, if he hadn't told me. It was also very hard to be cross when his voice alone made me ache for his touch.

After witnessing what he had the night before, and then with me practically throwing myself at him this morning, it wasn't surprising he thought that was what I wanted most. I couldn't deny that part of me wanted nothing more—it was almost too easy to cast my mind back to the other life and recall the way that Edward had made me feel. I'd experienced the best aspects of a physical relationship; the way his body had wrapped around mine as his fingers and mouth explored my most sensitive areas. And Edward was right—it was what I wanted, but not more than I wanted Edward by my side.

"I'm sorry. I know I should never have seen it," he said. "But I can't regret that I did."

His eyes held a need that seemed to call to my own.

"It was so beautiful." He pressed his lips against my cheek. "So _erotic_."

I moaned slightly as he breathed the words against my skin.

"I want to make you feel like that," he whispered. "But I don't want to hurt you."

He moved his lips to touch softly to mine.

"I want to try something," he murmured.

It was so reminiscent of our first kiss that I couldn't do anything but nod. It wasn't something I had expected when I'd agreed to meet Edward; in fact it had been the furthest thing from my mind when I'd said yes. I wasn't going to stop him from trying anything he wanted.

He moved his mouth against mine, softly at first but building in intensity. The kiss was as tender as all of our others, but there was a new hunger humming through it. My body tingled with sensation. I moaned into his mouth and he swallowed the sound eagerly.

"_Bella_," he breathed against my lips.

With the lightest pressure, he guided me backward until I was lying down on the rug. He hovered over me, resting his weight on his elbows, his body barely grazing mine.

He peppered kisses across my cheek and down the column of my throat. "You have to tell me if I hurt you."

I nodded.

"I couldn't live with myself if I hurt you."

"I trust you," I murmured as he kissed me again.

He seemed hesitant at first, then he raised himself and his hands gently ghosted over my waist. With each pass, he seemed to gain confidence, caressing my body through the material of my shirt.

"Tell me if you want me to stop."

I shook my head. "Don't stop," I whimpered.

His hands cupped my breasts over my shirt, his thumbs glided softly across my nipples. As his fingers embraced me, I needed more. I longed to feel the smooth, coolness of his touch. I unbuttoned the top half of the shirt and pushed it aside, allowing his fingers access to the satiny cups of my bra. He groaned as his finger stroked along the top of my breast.

"_Bella_," he said reverently, bending to press his lips to my collarbone.

We moaned in unison as he pulled the cup of my bra down and took my sensitive skin between his cool fingers. My nipples puckered instantly, a reaction to both the chill of his skin and the fire he was igniting within me. Almost quicker than I could imagine, he had worked the rest of my buttons and pushed my shirt aside. His long fingers stroked and caressed my chest and I ached; wishing he would move lower.

"Is this OK?" he asked, brushing one finger over the trail of goose bumps. "We can stop if you're too cold."

I shook my head 'no'. The heat building in my body warmed me more than I could have imagined and his touch both cooled and set fires as it trailed across me.

"I want you, Edward," I said. "Anything you can give."

He looked guilty for a moment, and I knew it was because he couldn't promise me more. He couldn't even promise that he could go further than we already had.

I brushed my hand across his cheek. "It's okay, I understand."

He continued his gentle ministrations—soft caresses and feather-light kisses over my exposed skin—until the sky began to darken. Then he rested his cool cheek against my chest and closed his eyes; his expression was one of complete serenity.

"I swear there is no sweeter sound in the world," he whispered against my heart.

I stroked his hair, brushing it away from his face, as we relaxed in each other's embrace.

It was such a contrast from the tumultuous few days we'd had. Being so close to him after having reached a compromise that I'd long given up hoping for, gave me peace that I hadn't expected to find again.

I felt my eyes drifting shut as darkness encroached on our meadow.

~ 0 ~

My body ached and my head throbbed slightly.

I tried to stretch to shift the pain from my limbs, but I felt like I was being pinned down by a weight.

I tried to lift my head, but my neck felt stiff and unwilling to move.

Instead of the soft ground of the meadow, it felt like I was lying on a hard mattress.

"Edward?" I panicked when I realized he wasn't holding me anymore. He'd been so close, our bodies entwined as I'd fallen asleep. It didn't seem right that he would have left. He might have been able to carry me back to the car without waking me, but I didn't think he would have made it all the way back to my house.

"Edward?" I called again when I got no response.

"He's not here."

I opened my eyes and saw Kieran standing over me. He offered me his hand to help me sit up.

I looked at his hand with confusion but didn't take it. "Kieran? What are you doing here?"

"I'm here for you. I want to show you something."

I pushed myself into a sitting position and realized that I wasn't in the meadow anymore. I wasn't even in Forks. I was back in the hospital—back where Edward and I were torn apart and my body was broken.

I closed my eyes again, hoping that when I opened them I would be back in the meadow with Edward. Things were finally improving there; I realized Edward loved me. He still wanted me. He wasn't going anywhere. That was where I wanted to be, not in the world of pain and heartbreak.

"Bella, I haven't been completely honest with you," Kieran said quietly. He reached down and took my hand. His skin was cold, the temperature I would have expected in Forks, not in this other world.

A rush of wind roared by my ears as Kieran pulled me to my feet. The world around me seemed to be filled with the richest scents I'd ever experienced and the dim light filtering through my eyelids felt warm against my skin. He let go of my hand, but I didn't want to open my eyes. There were so many unfamiliar noises and smells around me, I wanted to curl up and hide away from them all.

"I told you I couldn't control the people in your world," Kieran continued.

He stood behind me, resting his hands on my shoulders.

"That's wasn't a lie. But I didn't tell you that I can take _you_ anywhere I want."

"What are you talking about?" I grabbed for my throat as soon as the words came out. I had asked the question, but it definitely wasn't _my_ voice. It sounded more like Alice's or Esme's.

"Open your eyes and you will see the world I want for you." His hands left my shoulders. "The world I want to give you."

I was confused and I wanted to know what was going on. I trusted Kieran not to hurt me, but he was worrying me. I knew that by hearing Kieran out, I would be able to find a way to get back to the real world sooner.

I opened my eyes and was instantly assaulted by a new way of seeing…_everything_. The forest was alight with life; richer than I was used to. New hues, shades I'd never seen before and couldn't even hope to name, mingled with colors which I knew, but even those were brighter and more intense.

I turned slowly on the spot—or as slowly as I was able—and absorbed the new world in front of me.

"Where are we?" I asked, surprising myself again with the strange voice coming from my mouth.

Kieran stepped back behind me.

"We're in Forks," he whispered in my ear. "Or at least, a version of it."

I took a deep breath, relishing in the new scents and sensations that accompanied the simple act.

"Why does everything look so…different?"

"This is the way I see the world every day. It's the world I want to give you. I wanted to give you a taste, to show you what you can have."

He circled around so that he was standing in front of me. His skin shone softly; drawing in the subtle sunlight that filtered through the grey clouds and dispersing the light in a glittering display of color.

He reached his hand toward me.

I held my hand out to meet his, surprised to find my own skin glittering. Startled, I snapped my hand back quickly. "What's happened to me?"

Kieran's grin widened. "I couldn't give up without showing you the world I can give you—the world I _want _to give you."

He took my hand, caressing the back of it as he lifted it up in the soft light. He entwined his fingers with mine, the skin on both of our hands reflecting the pale sunlight back in a burst of colors. I raised my eyes to his face; his handsome features were even more attractive with my new eyes.

"We're the same here," he said. "This is what I want for you; a world free of pain, a life that will never end. Everything you want."

"Forever," I said.

I wanted forever. I wanted this world, but there was something missing something that would make it perfect. But I couldn't quite put my finger on what was missing.

He met my eyes and smiled widely.

"Forever. All you have to do is ask." He stepped a little closer, so close I could feel his breath on my skin. "If you say 'yes', everything will change. Your human memories will dim and your heartache will fade. It won't matter who you were, only who you will be."

As he spoke it was as if he was delving through my mind, tugging at the remnants of my human memories and pulling them all from me. By the time he finished his sentence, even the vague notion that something was missing was gone.

"I want to show you true freedom."

He pulled my hand lightly, and I realized he wanted me to follow his lead. I took a step after him and then suddenly, I was flying. We raced side by side for miles. I'd never before experienced the pure exhilarating joy or freedom of running uninhibited through the forests around Forks.

Kieran held my hand as we ran; his face split into a manic grin each time I looked over to him.

"I can give you this. I _want_ to give you this."

Remarkably, I could hear him perfectly despite the distance between us and the wind whistling around my ears. I ran faster, surprised at how little effort it took. I was certain I could outrun just about anything that moved. Kieran laughed as I tugged at his arm, making him keep up to my speed.

"You want this too don't you?"

I stopped suddenly, pulling Kieran to a stop.

"Of course I do," I said, reveling in the fluidity of my movements. "Who wouldn't want this?"

"Exactly," he said. "And you can have it now. Just don't leave."

I looked around and took a deep breath. The sights, sounds and smells that had been overwhelming initially, suddenly became new things to discover.

"Why would I want to leave?"

~ 0 ~


	26. Chapter 26

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**CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX**

~ 0 ~

_A/N:- Banner by FatesLoveQueen /oed60p _

_I own nothing. Boydblog helped me with this and I'll be forever thankful. _

_She fixed. I fiddled. Any mistakes that remain are on me. _

~ 0 ~

**~ EDWARD CULLEN ~**

~ 0 ~

Bella's heartbeat was steady and her breath was rhythmic. I smiled to myself when I realized she'd fallen asleep, relived that she felt safe with me again. The day had progressed differently to how I'd imagined, exceeding all my expectations.

I stayed wrapped around Bella as she napped peacefully in my arms. At least, until the temperature began to drop and I was worried she could get sick if I didn't take her home soon. Just thinking about an illness striking her down brought her statement from earlier back into my mind.

'_I'm not asking for you to change me now, just to not take it off the table. If something happens, if I'm in an accident or get sick, I want you to save me, in the way that only you can.'_

The simple truth of her statement was clearer to me than it had been before.

_Bella would die; she would leave me_.

The worst—or possibly best—part was that it was within my power to make sure that would _never_ happen.

_Was it selfish to grant her wish, or to continue to deny it? _

Once I wanted Bella to live a long, human life and when she eventually died I would follow her into whatever afterlife was waiting for me. Now, I couldn't imagine a world without Bella in it.

I still worried about risking her soul and her humanity. However, I was certain that I wanted to have her by my side for as long as possible. Forever was now a possibility, one I was becoming less afraid to hope for.

I slowly untangled myself from Bella's embrace and refastened her shirt for both modesty and warmth.

"Bella, my love, we need to head back to Charlie's house." I touched her gently to wake her.

Her eyes slowly fluttered open and I smiled as she focused on me.

"Did you sleep well?" I asked.

In an instant I realized something was horribly wrong.

The dazed absence had reappeared in her eyes. She was lost to me again; she had retreated into her other world

"Bella?" I pleaded softly, hoping to rouse her.

"Edward," she replied in a voice that held an almost dream-like quality.

"Come back to me," I implored, whispering my pleas against her skin.

She looked over my shoulder to the sky. "It's late. Charlie will be worried."

I closed my eyes as the pain encompassed me.

I wanted to scream at the unfairness. How could she disappear into her other world given the afternoon we'd spent together? I didn't know what I'd done wrong. I wanted to ask but she wasn't in a position to give me answers. And I could guess the reason why.

_Kieran!_

He had somehow stolen her from me in our most perfect moment. I had no idea how he'd done it, but I had no doubt he was behind her relapse into that would.

I wanted to stay in the meadow until I could figure out how to bring her back to me, but I knew I had to get Bella out of the cold and somewhere safe.

I helped her to her feet and onto my back.

As I ran back to the car, I held her tighter than usual. After she was in the car, I stepped back into the forest. My fist connected with the closest tree before I'd even thought about what I was doing. The sound of the trunk cracking echoed loudly, masked only by the primal scream of frustration that ripped from my body. I felt like I _wanted_ to lose control; my anger and sorrow battled for dominance. If it hadn't been for the fact that Bella was sitting silently in the car waiting, I probably would have.

~ 0 ~

I thought I was going to lose my mind. The trip from the meadow to Charlie's house was quick, but I'd struggled to get Bella to speak more than one or two words.

I opened the passenger door and helped her from the car. I fell in step behind her as soon as she started to walk toward the house,

Charlie was already home. He held the note Bella had written, reading it in the hope of finding a clue as to her exact location, worrying because of the late hour. His mind kept wandering back to the night she didn't come home.

I felt renewed guilt over the pain my careless choice had caused Bella and her loved ones.

_If I hadn't left, Kieran would never have found her. She'd be happy and healthy. She'd be _here_. _

I waited beside Bella as she opened the door, listening to Charlie's mind and the relief that flooded through him.

"Hey, Bells," he said in a calm voice that belied his stress level. "Did you have a good time?"

"It was good. Edward and I went for a walk."

He frowned at her mention of my name and a moment later, his eyes came to rest on me.

His worry and concern manifested into anger in his mind, and it was aimed squarely at me. I couldn't blame his reaction—I had hurt his daughter and now I was back in her life.

"Thank you for bringing her home."

'_Unlike last time. At least she seems happy, but I need to get her away from this boy! I don't like him and I don't trust him.' _

"I'm sorry if we worried you, sir. We were talking and lost track of the time."

I tried to ignore Charlie's increasingly hostile thoughts.

"I should get home; my parents will be worrying about me," I said hastily.

Bella pouted. "Do you have to go?"

I cupped her cheek and looked into her eyes, longing to see that glint that signified she was back. "I'll see you soon."

After I'd said a subdued goodbye, I left the house. I drove home, parked Carlisle's Mercedes and ran immediately back to Bella's house.

I scaled the wall and climbed straight into her room, wishing that she would be herself again, yet knowing I had no way to reach her if she wasn't.

I was disappointed as I slid her window closed. Bella was physically in the room, but her spark was still missing.

She sat on the end of her bed, turning a CD case over in her hands.

I heard the final notes of the lullaby—_the gift that I'd left for her to discover._

A small smile played at her lips as she listened to the music. I wondered how she would feel about the other songs I'd selected to sing for her. A moment later, the piano changed to the first of the cover songs I'd recorded on the CD.

"May I have this dance?" I asked, offering her my hand.

My Bella might have been immersed deep within her own mind, but I needed to feel her body in my arms again. I needed the burn of thirst in my throat. It had once signified my struggle for control but now reminded me that I was intimately close to my love.

When she nodded, I pulled her into my embrace and began to move in a slow circle. _"When I see your smile, tears run down my face. I can't replace."_

I began to sing along with the lyrics.

"_And now that I'm strong, I have figured out. How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul."_

I wished that she knew the meaning behind the words. I hoped that she'd realize I'd chosen the songs very carefully, each one imparting a message that I needed her to hear. Part of me even hoped that the outpouring of my emotions through song while I held her close would bring her back to me.

"_And I know I'll find deep inside me, I can be the one."_

This song was the one that had sparked the idea of creating a new CD, adding to the songs I'd already given her.

"_I will never let you fall. I'll stand up with you forever. I'll be there for you through it all."_

Even as I sang the lyrics—with my lips against the skin of her neck—they took on new meaning for me. I wanted to bring Bella back to this world, but if I couldn't I would ensure she'd never be hurt again. I wouldn't treat her differently. And when she did come back to me, I would do whatever it took to ensure she never left me again.

"_Even if saving you sends me to heaven."_

I stopped our gentle swaying and raised my hand, gently drawing her chin up to look at me.

"I love you, Bella."

She rested her head against my shoulder. "I love you too."

I knew her words were true, but the sentiment, which had been so clear during our afternoon together, had been lost since she slipped away to the other reality.

We slow danced to the rest of the songs I'd recorded on the CD and I savored every second that I could hold her close.

~ 0 ~

As soon as Bella was asleep, I reluctantly slipped from her room. The rest of my family would have arrived already and I wanted to see them again. I ran home through the dark forest, feeling somewhat relieved when I detected fresh wolf trails. I'd never been so happy to be inundated with such a putrid smell.

_They will protect her._

The whole journey home, I exerted concentrated attention searching for Kieran's scent or thoughts. I knew he was behind Bella's sudden withdrawal into herself but I hadn't detected him near the meadow or in the woods behind Charlie's house.

I had no idea how great the reach of his gift was. The last I'd seen or heard of him was in Alice's vision almost six hours ago; for all I knew he could have been miles away.

Yet, his absence worried me because I felt blind to his scheming.

I knew Alice would be keeping a close eye on Bella's future. Part of her concern stemmed from the fact that she knew, that my existence was entwined so tightly with Bella's that any harm that befell her also harmed me. Ironically though, Alice would have been watchful of Bella regardless. Alice—in fact everyone in my family—already considered Bella to be an integral part of their future.

I arrived home to find Esme waiting outside. She opened her arms as soon as she saw me and I fell into them, desperate to experience the comfort that only a mother could bring.

I rested my head against her shoulder and let out a massive sigh in an effort to release the stress and concern that I'd been holding in all night.

"It'll be okay," she soothed.

I wanted to demand that she tell me how she knew, but then I heard the sincerity of her thoughts. She believed that Bella and I were soul mates and it was destined that everything would work out. I couldn't find it in my heart to tell her that I'd seen evidence that it didn't always. Instead, I nodded and straightened up.

"Welcome home," I said.

The guilt of knowing the only reason we'd left Forks was because of my bad decision, crept back into my mind.

"Home is where my children are." She smiled genuinely, picturing Alice and Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett, and myself and Bella.

I kissed her forehead before walking inside to see everyone else.

It was a long overdue family reunion with just one member missing.

I promised that I'd bring Bella home straight after school the following afternoon.

As soon as I could, I pulled Alice aside. She'd been hiding something from me and I wanted to find out what it was.

'_Don't panic, but there's another vampire in the area.' _

I couldn't believe what she was saying.

"How am I supposed to _not_ panic about that?"

It was the last thing I needed with all of my other concerns; it made me anxious.

'_I know what he means, Bella's a danger magnet. That's got to be…' _Her thoughts trailed off as she gained control over them. _'Sorry. I don't see him anywhere near her., As far as I can see he's just passing through.'_

She showed me a picture of a tall, blond, male vampire running through the forest. The area he ran through was one I'd frequently hunted and was therefore free of Bella's scent.

"Keep an eye on him, please?" I asked.

"That goes without saying, Edward."

"I know. Thank you."

Knowing I'd performed my familial duties and welcomed everyone home, I was anxious to return to Bella. I changed my clothes quickly before running back to Bella's side.

~ 0 ~

**~ BELLA SWAN ~**

~ 0 ~

The sun had sunk below the horizon, yet the dark didn't hinder my sight. Kieran and I had run for miles and miles and I didn't even feel a little exhausted. I'd never felt so carefree before.

There was only one problem—every time I stopped moving, questions niggled at my mind. There was something I'd forgotten; something important. The answers were elusive and each time I tried to focus on them, Kieran found something new to show me.

We were currently standing on Columbia Crest, at the summit of Mount Rainier. I couldn't believe how easy it had been to reach the peak. The view was breathtaking and the thinner air changed Kieran's scent slightly.

"Where to next?" he asked, smiling in amusement at my wide grin.

I shrugged. Part of me wanted to leap off the mountain just to see what would happen, but a small voice in the back of my mind whispered of the danger involved. I figured it was the survival instinct that although now completely unnecessary, was so ingrained I couldn't assuage it.

"How about Goat Rocks?" he asked. "It's just a short run from here."

I paused as something he said trigged a memory. I managed to cling to the tail of the thought as it raced through my mind. As I concentrated, words came into my consciousness but I couldn't get a clear picture. It was like watching a badly tuned TV.

"_Dad, do you know a place called Goat Rocks or something like that? I think it's South of Mount Rainier." _

"_It's not a good place for camping. Too many bears. Most people go there during the hunting season." _

As soon as I heard my father's voice, images of his face flooded into my mind.

_That's what I've forgotten?_

"Charlie."

I hadn't even given him a second thought.

Without another word, I spun around and ran back toward Forks, following the trail of my own scent.

"Bella, wait!" Kieran called behind me, but I didn't stop.

I heard his footsteps following me as he struggled to keep up, but I was on a mission. I needed to see Charlie. I needed to know he was okay.

_What does he think happened to me?_

I pushed myself as hard as I could, still surprised that even running as fast as I could I didn't break a sweat or lose my breath.

I turned away from the trail I'd been following when I got closer to Forks, trying to find landmarks that I recognized so that I could find my way back home.

While I was stationary, Kieran caught up with me.

"This isn't a good idea," he said under his breath.

"I have to know that he's okay. He's my father."

Kieran stroked my cheek gently. The move reminded me of…_something_.

"What about your thirst?" he asked, running his hand gently down the column of my throat.

I closed my eyes and tilted my head back. The feeling of his fingers brushing across my skin was almost—but not quite, familiar—but definitely not unwelcome.

"We don't have to do this, we can go anywhere."

I nodded. "I have to know."

Kieran sighed. "I can't deny you anything."

I leaned forward and kissed his cheek. "Thank you."

He shifted his head slightly and cupped my cheek again. He stopped breathing and leaned closer to me.

I knew what he intended to do, but something stopped me from claiming his lips. I turned my head away.

"I need to do this," I said quietly.

I took his hand in mine and ignored the look of disappointment on his face.

As we ran I kept wondering why I couldn't kiss him.

_It's only natural, right?_

He was my creator, and there was attraction between us. Yet there was something stopping me; it was reminiscent of the way I'd felt at the mountain summit. Some instinct, buried deep inside, was warning me against it.

Kieran clutched my hand tighter as we approached Charlie's house. I realized he was holding me back and it occurred to me that I was at risk of losing control.

_That's why he was warning me?_

I squeezed his hand gently to let him know I was in control. I didn't need to go into the house; I just had to make sure Charlie was okay.

I crept forward slowly, crawling on my stomach as I edged as close to the house as I dared. Then I focused all of my attention on the noises coming from within. I heard Charlie talking on the phone. His voice didn't sound sad and he didn't seem to be upset.

I heard my name mentioned and paid more attention to the words.

"Bells? Yeah she's good. She's found her soul mate and they've gone traveling together."

I looked over to Kieran, who gave me an encouraging nod.

"I don't know when I'll see her again, but I'm okay with that. She's happy, that's all that matters."

An insane amount of relief raced through my body. I felt better knowing Charlie wasn't in pain over my new existence.

"Shall we go?" Kieran whispered to me.

I nodded and pushed up from the ground. I paused momentarily when a strangely familiar tune started. I tilted my head as it played.

_Is it coming from inside the house? _

I listened as the melody rose and fell until it eventually ceased.

"_Bella_, we should go." Kieran pulled my hand lightly, trying to get me to move.

I nodded. The music had stopped anyway. I just wished I could remember where I'd heard the song before.

I took a step toward Kieran when another song started. A soft piano introduction filtered through speakers somewhere inside Charlie's house.

"_When I see your smile, tears run down my face. I can't replace."_

The voice singing the songs was so familiar. Images of intense amber eyes filled my mind together with a name.

"Edward," I murmured. I couldn't picture his face, but I felt an overwhelming feeling of love and security wash over me at the thought of his name. An image of a field filled with wild flowers came to me unbidden.

"I wish you hadn't remembered," Kieran said.

"Why?" I asked, taking a step away from him; there was something in his tone that worried me.

He reached out and grabbed my hands. "I didn't want you to remember the pain he'd caused you. Remember how I found you?"

I shook my head. I struggled to recall anything from before Kieran showed me how to run. Even when I thought of Edward I could only picture his eyes.

Kieran ran his fingers along the top of my arm. "You were bleeding."

An image clarified in my mind. Edward's face, emotions I couldn't identify battling across his features. My voice cutting through the silence between us, _"Well, if we're done here."_

I remembered turning and running.

"I tripped," I said to myself.

He smiled. "And I found you."

I recalled looking up into hungry black eyes as the pain overtook me. Edward's and Kieran's faces merged until all I could remember was one set of eyes.

As Kieran traced the place on my arm where my cut had been, I could see the faint outline of a bite mark.

"I saved you," Kieran whispered.

"Edward left me."

"And I love you."

~ 0 ~

**A/N:- The song is "Your Guardian Angel" by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. **

**The mojo that I lost on this story was found somewhat safe & sound recently. Hopefully the next chapter should be chugging along soon. **

~ 0 ~


	27. Chapter 27

~ 0 ~

**CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN**

~ 0 ~

_A/N:- Banner by FatesLoveQueen /oed60p _

_I own nothing. Boydblog helped me with this and I'll be forever thankful. _

_She fixed. I fiddled. Any mistakes that remain are on me. _

~ 0 ~

**~ EDWARD CULLEN ~**

~ 0 ~

I was back by Bella's side when she woke, yet she still hadn't _returned_ to me. I tried not to panic about her condition, but the truth was I couldn't help but worry. I didn't want to leave her alone; she seemed too vulnerable. I made the decision to run home to retrieve my car. While Charlie was still in the house, I knew Bella would be safe. I could then return and offer to drive her to school.

Through the morning and as I said goodbye, Bella nodded in all the right places and answered when she should, but not how I wanted her to. I wanted sincerity, not automation. I needed to come up with a solution because despite my desire to be there for her, I wasn't sure how I would cope if _my_ Bella never returned. If I had to live with just a shadow of the woman I loved I knew it would slowly destroy me.

I called out for Alice as soon as I got home. I wanted to know whether she'd seen Kieran. I wasn't content to wait him out any more. I was sure Bella was being held in her own mind against her will. She wouldn't have left me after such an important conversation and she certainly wouldn't have stayed away. The worst part was that I had no way to determine whether she was happy where she was. When she'd told me about her other world, it had seemed filled with pain. I couldn't bear to think of her in agony especially as I was unable to help her.

'_I haven't seen him.'_ Alice scrunched up her nose. _'I've even tried looking for him, but it's almost like he's not making any decisions.'_

It just didn't seem right and I needed to know more.

"I'm going to try to find him," I said.

Alice nodded. "You'll need me."

"I'm coming too," Jasper said.

Emmett raced down the stairs. "There's no way you're leaving me behind this time."

All of my family volunteered to help me find Kieran. Almost as soon as they'd all spoken, Alice had a vision.

The other vampire, the stranger, was close to Forks and would track the scents of my family when he crossed them. I didn't want to risk him catching Bella's scent mingled with mine. I had the idea to help fate along and provide a welcoming party for him.

It was soon decided that Carlisle, Esme and Rosalie would meet the stranger. If we'd sent Emmett the other vampire could have viewed him as a threat, and I needed Alice and Jasper with me.

_Bella will be unprotected. _

I realized I needed to call in another favor from the wolves—specifically Jacob Black. It was a favor I was sure he would be happy to oblige.

With the plan set, I grabbed the keys to my Volvo that my family had returned. The rest of our possessions had been swiftly reestablished in the house.

_It's as if we never left._

On the way to collect Bella, I pulled the car to a stop close to the forest so I could find the wolves. I knew they were still patrolling near her house.

"I need to speak with Jacob," I said in a volume just loud enough that those with supernatural hearing would be able to hear me.

A minute later, I saw Jacob phase to human form and pull on a pair of cut-off shorts. As he walked closer to me, I took a moment to assess his appearance. There were black shadows under his eyes, his frame seemed slightly buckled and he looked as worried as I felt.

'_What's he looking at?'_

"I apologize. I just…you look _tired_."

"Aw, are you worried about me, _bloodsucker_?"

"I'm worried that you're run down."

'_He doesn't think I can protect Bella.'_ "Did you want something specific or are you just checking in on my health?"

"I need to ask you for another favor."

He stared at me and waited for me to ask.

"I need you to talk to Bella. She needs a friend right now, and I think talking with you will help."

I was lying. I didn't think that he would be able to fix her any more than I could, but I didn't want her to be alone; especially with a stranger in the area and Kieran AWOL.

"What makes you think she'll talk to me?"

I remembered how nonchalant she'd been towards me on my return to Forks, when she'd been 'trapped' in her other world. I was certain she'd be just as apathetic to Jacob. "She's not the type to hold a grudge."

"Fine."

"I have to warn you though, she doesn't need another suitor. She just needs a friend."

'_She was just a friend.'_

"But you want more," I stated. "Put that aside, for her sake."

'_What does he know? And what am I supposed to just let her run off with a leech while I stand by applauding her stupidity?' _"I'll pick her up after school and take her back to La Push." _'She'll be safe there, away from the bloodsuckers.'_

I ignored his thoughts and thanked him before walking back to my car. I knew the school day was going to be torturous, but at least I knew Bella would be safe with me so close.

I wanted to get it over and done with as quickly as possible; the sooner I was done with school the sooner I could find Kieran and get _my_ Bella back.

~ 0 ~

As soon as Bella and Jacob left in his car to drive to La Push, I rushed home. Anxiousness consumed me because I was no longer at her side. I had to focus. We were tracking a scent that was over twenty four hours old, it wasn't an easy task and would be even harder if I continued worrying about Bella at the same time.

Unfortunately, the cold lead was the only one we had. Alice, Jasper, Emmett and I ran to Bella's house and tried to find the trail that lead away from there.

Tracking the old scent proved to be as difficult as I thought it would. The four of us fanned out in a wide arc, moving slowly to detect even the smallest shift in his direction. We remained as quiet as possible; I listened to everyone's thoughts and directed them with hand signals. There hadn't been too many times we'd needed to exercise our tracking skills to find a vampire, but we had honed our method over the years while hunting.

We followed the trail for miles, slowly, but feeling like we had to be getting closer. I was certain Kieran wouldn't have left the state, not while he had Bella within his mental grasp. I wasn't sure whether Kieran had experimented with the reach of his gift but I was certain he wouldn't risk being too far away from Bella.

The trail of Kieran's scent stopped at the river and I felt my hope fade. He was still outside my range and we had no way of tracking him further.

"It's okay, Edward. Bella's safe and when he tries to contact her again, we can make him wake her then." Alice's words were hollow when matched with her thoughts. She was just as upset as I was that we hadn't been able to find Kieran.

We were just about to give up completely and return home when a vision stilled Alice.

"Something's happening with Carlisle, Esme and Rosalie," she said, dictating her vision for everyone else's benefit. "Their futures disappear before they get to their meeting. It might just be the wolf pack, but I don't know why they'd be there."

Emmett immediately turned in the direction that the other three had taken when they'd left the house. Alice and Jasper followed him without giving Kieran much further thought. I was torn; I didn't want to see any of my family hurt, but I wasn't willing to give up finding Kieran.

I stood stationary. I'd never felt such uncertainty.

_Alice is right, Kieran will want to see Bella again soon._

Reluctantly, I turned to follow my siblings.

_Kieran's not an immediate threat. _

I just hoped my instincts were right.

~ 0 ~

Although I focused on the thoughts of my family, as they raced to find Carlisle and Esme as quickly as possible, I kept searching for Kieran's scent too. I realized it was unlikely that I would randomly find a recent trail, but I held out hope that some greater force would guide me to him.

I slowed my run when I heard Carlisle's thoughts. There was nothing to indicate he, Esme or Rosalie faced any immediate danger. In fact, they'd encountered unexpected visitors in the forest and were talking fondly with them.

"Irina and Laurent are with them," I stated for my siblings.

I recalled my last conversation with Irina and felt remorse over what I'd said to her and how I'd acted.

_At least I'll get a chance to apologize._

Everyone except Emmett slowed a little when they realized there was no imminent threat.

In amongst the now animated thoughts around me, I heard other's thoughts. The separate and combined minds could only belong to the wolves. I tried to focus on how many individuals I could hear, but it was too difficult. They were focused so intently on their hunt.

"The wolves are coming," I said. "They're tracking Irina and Laurent."

"Why? Did they…?" Alice trailed off, but her thoughts showed me what she didn't vocalize. She was worried that one of them had tried to take a human life.

It was unthinkable to everyone that Irina would have slipped, she was as determined to protect human life as any of us.

Unfortunately, no one had the same faith in Laurent.

"I don't know," I said truthfully.

The wolves weren't thinking about the crime they were avenging, just the desire for justice.

Urgency increased our speed. I managed to reach the small gathering before anyone else.

'_Edward, what's happening?'_ Carlisle asked. _'I thought you were tracking Kieran?'_

I shook my head. "Change of plans."

'_Why?'_

"The wolves are on their way." I turned to Laurent and Irina. "What have you done?"

Before I'd even had a chance to hear their thoughts, the sound of the approaching wolves filled the air. Laurent's mind filled with images of fleeing from the great beasts as their teeth and claws reached for him. He reached a cliff and was able to dive deep under the water to escape.

"You've met them before," I stated.

"Once," Laurent said.

The fear in his voice was palpable, but it didn't make me feel sympathy for him. Only one thought was in my mind—he might know how to find Kieran. I was determined to resolve this situation as quickly as possible and press him for answers.

"I was drawn to a small village but I found it protected."

"Did you hurt anyone there?" I asked.

'_Why does that matter?'_ he wondered.

"It matters because I need to know whether to hand you over to them."

Shocked gasps erupted around the small group at my words and Carlisle walked over to me, placing a hand on my shoulder to calm me.

"If you only encroached on their territory, we might be able to reason with them," I explained. "If you hurt, or killed, one of their tribe we won't be able to save you. I won't allow my family to suffer for your crimes."

He shook his head and his thoughts seemed to confirm his denial.

"Edward, we should talk to the wolves," Carlisle said.

I nodded.

"Just us though," I said. I didn't want the wolves to think it was an ambush; as much as it pained me, I _needed_ them on our side to help protect Bella.

Carlisle and I ran toward the wolves, in an effort to increase the distance between us and everyone else.

"Stop, please!" Carlisle said in his authoritative 'doctor' tone.

'_It's the Cullens.'_

'_Why are they here?' _

'_What's going on?' _

"Please, we just want to talk," I said.

'_Is it a trick?'_

'_What can they possibly have to say that's more important than catching the leech?'_

"He's with our family," I said. "He didn't know about the treaty. We will explain it to him. He won't trespass on your land again."

'_He tried to hunt in La Push, he needs to be punished.'_

'_He's not one of _them_, he was hunting.' _

'_Enough! We need to hear them out, if only for the treaty. Besides, there are more of them here than there are of us.'_

"We're not going to hurt you," I said reassuringly. "We don't want you to hurt our family."

'_Are they listening?' _Carlisle questioned me silently.

I nodded. My words had certainly slowed the pack and I was hopeful there wouldn't be any bloodshed. I needed answers from Laurent.

By the time the wolves reached our position they were significantly calmer.

'_The trespasser, you say you know him?'_ the wolf I recognized as their leader, Sam, asked.

I nodded. "His name is Laurent. He is mated to our cousin from Alaska. We didn't realize they were in the area or we would have warned them about the treaty lines."

'_He was going to hunt on our land, we're certain of it. Are you willing to vouch for him? Are you willing to stake the terms of the treaty on him?' _

Realistically, the treaty was always more for the benefit of the wolves than us. We'd outnumbered them when we'd last lived in Washington and nothing had changed.

I looked to Carlisle. I knew his desire for protection of life over everything else. I was certain I would have his backing when I nodded. "We are. He's new to this life, but he is committed."

I could tell the wolves were reluctant to leave it at that, but a barrage of images ran through Sam's mind: Charlie and Billy's friendship, telling Jacob it was too dangerous to be around Bella when he'd first phased, Jacob's need to protect Bella.

'_Very well, we'll leave him in your care for now. But be warned, if he comes onto—" _His thoughts cut off when a howl pierced the air.

The wolves' minds descended into anarchy as new information flooded to them from someone back at La Push. The images and words bombarding them were confusing, yet in the cacophony I could tell something was _very_ wrong.

I heard two words that made my stone heart sink.

'_Billy's house.' _

The accompanying image was of a rundown shack that looked as though it had been demolished. Huge holes had been punched into the walls, the door hung loose on its hinges and a number of the windows were shattered.

"What's happening?" I demanded.

_Bella is there. Please let her be safe._

'_Three bloodsuckers attacked Billy's house and Jacob is missing. Do _they_ belong to your _family_ too?' _Sam thought, sneering the word 'family' to me.

I disregarded the new venom in his thoughts. I recognized it was a manifestation of his concern. Instead, I felt frozen by the fear and dread that suddenly weighed me down.

'_He mustn't have phased. Why wouldn't he phase?'_

"Is Bella still there?" I asked quietly, my voice as cold and brittle as ice as I waited for the answer I was most dreading.

Sam's mind filled with the same fear as mine. He'd forgotten Jacob had bought Bella home from school. His initial concern had only been for his missing brother.

'_I'm sorry. No one was there.' _

"NO!" I shouted, trying to deny the horror of his statement. "No, no, no."

Without another word, all of the pack except Sam turned as one and ran toward La Push.

"What is it, Edward?" Carlisle asked. _'Where is Bella? What's wrong?'_

I ignored Carlisle for a moment. There was a greater priority.

"You have to let me track them," I said to Sam.

I was going to do it with or without his permission, but I didn't want to have to fight with the wolves as well as hunt whomever had taken my Bella.

Sam nodded his permission and showed me the way.

'_I'll allow you to help us track the trespassers, but only you. I cannot allow more vampires, even _safe_ ones, near my village.' _

"All right," I said as he ran to join his pack.

I turned to Carlisle. "Three vampires attacked Billy's house. We think they've taken Jacob and _Bella._"

My voice broke as I said her name; once again I had failed her. I'd allowed my need for answers to hinder my obligation to keep her safe.

"Sam's agreed to bend the treaty so that I can find her, but only me."

"What can we do?" he asked.

"I don't know," I said. "Just do what you can, I have to go."

He nodded and returned to the rest of our family, leaving me to follow the path Sam had shown me in his mind.

~ 0 ~

**~ BELLA SWAN ~**

~ 0 ~

I was running through the forest with Kieran when he suddenly stopped.

"What is it?" I asked as I turned back to him.

His face was lined with worry. "I'm sorry, Bella. I thought I could make this pain free, but there's been a change of plan. Just trust me and I'll get you out of this as quickly as I can."

The whole scene faded to black as ice ran up the skin of my right arm seconds before a horrid snapping sound filled the air. A stinging sensation burned instantly through my arm. I had barely processed the feeling when it quickly morphed into a blinding agony.

Something gripped my hair and twisted my head roughly to one side. Cold breath, sweet smelling and enticing, flowed rhythmically over my face.

"You said she wouldn't get hurt." I recognized Kieran's voice; although it was filled with an anger I'd never heard.

"Oh, relax," a girlish giggle filled the space between the sing-song words. "Your way was far too boring. Besides, it'll all be fixed as she burns and she won't remember anything once you do your little mind-trick on her."

I tried to ask what was happening, but I couldn't talk around a great wad of cloth that filled my mouth. I opened my eyes and recoiled in fright when I was greeted with a mess of red curls and red eyes filled with malice.

"See, she's back with us now. This will be much more fun."

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	28. Chapter 28

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**CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT**

~ 0 ~

_A/N:- Banner by FatesLoveQueen /oed60p _

_I own nothing. Boydblog helped me with this and I'll be forever thankful. _

_She fixed. I fiddled. Any mistakes that remain are on me. _

**Warning: Violence ahead…squeamish people should avoid or at least read on with caution.**

~ 0 ~

**~ EDWARD CULLEN ~**

~ 0 ~

By the time I reached Billy's house, the wolves' stench dominated the scents of the vampires, however I instantly recognised two of them.

"Victoria and Kieran," I said to myself.

The scents had confirmed my worst fears, my secret dread.

"You do know them?" Sam was back in human form, trying to comfort Billy who'd arrived home after hearing what had happened.

"Yes and Bella's in danger."

_If she isn't already…_

I couldn't finish the thought. I refused to believe I was too late.

"They're dangerous?" _'They have Jacob too. At least Jared, Paul and Embry are already tracking them.'_

I nodded. "Especially to Bella."

I ran after the three members of the pack that hadn't stopped at Billy's and were already tracking the scents into the forest. I caught up with them fairly quickly. They were being driven by a desire to get their pack-mate home safe; I was being hurtled forward by the need to rescue my love from certain death. It gave me speed that I'd never experienced before. It wasn't long before I had overtaken the wolves. I raced along with every sense heightened to detect any sign of my Bella or her captors.

Before long, one of the trails began to split off from the others. It was the scent I didn't know and was the least of my concern. I was certain Kieran would have Bella—I didn't think he would have handed her over to Victoria without staying by her side.

_He loves her._

I tried to remind myself of what I'd seen in his mind and what Jasper had confirmed. I hoped that his love would be enough to keep Bella alive until I could reach her, but I feared it wouldn't be enough to hold-off Victoria's wrath.

I heard the wolves behind me arguing about which trail to follow until they saw the unknown vampire—I recognized him immediately as the stranger Alice had seen in her vision. As much I wanted to get my hands on him and demand he tell me what he knew, I focused on a more vital mission. I had to find Bella and stop her from being hurt.

As one the wolves began to chase the vampire; the pack instinct to kill took over, and lead them away from the trail I'd taken.

Before long, they had run so far from me, I couldn't hear their thoughts and only knew they were still in the forest by the occasional howl that would pierce the air.

I could smell the river and began to lose hope that I would find my Bella; if they'd taken her across to Seattle I might never find them. I refused to give up, but the odds began to seem almost impossible. I stopped running and concentrated around me. I saw snippets of thoughts from a familiar mind; initially patchy but becoming clearer as I concentrated.

_Jacob's mind. _

It wasn't comforting though; in fact what I saw was almost terrifying enough to bring me to my knees.

~ 0 ~

**~ BELLA SWAN ~**

~ 0 ~

I screamed but it was muffled by the cloth and made my dry mouth burn.

A cold hand traced the outside of my arm and Kieran's cool breath whispered in my ear. "Don't worry, this will all be over soon and then we can be together."

I shook my head, 'No'. I didn't want eternity with Kieran. I just wanted Edward. In the most recent vivid memory I had of this world, Edward and I were together in our meadow. It was the perfect afternoon. I wanted to go back to that moment and live it forever.

"See, she doesn't really love you," Victoria's girlish voice laughed. "You should just let me _kill_ her."

"No!"

The chair I was tied to jumped forward as Kieran stood swiftly. As I was pushed forward, my knees bumped against something warm and hard. I twisted in Victoria's grip to see what I had hit and saw Jacob chained to a large concrete girder directly in front of me.

"You wouldn't believe how hard it was to chain up the _mutt_," Victoria whispered to me. "But he's my insurance policy. I have some inside information about the Cullen's gifts. I've learned that the little one's gift has two weaknesses—she can only see the vision if a decision is made and your furry little friend here, makes her blind."

She let go of me and stood over my lap, practically wrapping herself around Jacob.

"And better yet, he can't phase because he's too close to you. Isn't that right, _doggy._" She clapped her hands gleefully. "He knows that he'll kill you if he tries to shift."

I met Jacob's eyes to silently implore my apology. It was my fault he was here, being introduced to the world of the supernatural in the worst possible way while he was forced to listen to the delusions of a deranged vampire.

_Why would Jacob blind Alice's vision? He's just a normal person._

Jacob's head lolled down to look at me. His eyes were slightly unfocused. They reflected a sorrow I didn't understand but felt responsible for.

"Victoria, please. Show some decorum."

I closed my eyes when I heard Kieran's voice again. I couldn't believe he'd lied to me. He'd told me he wasn't going to allow Victoria to have her revenge.

_How could he do this?_

"Can I please do this now?" he asked. "Her arm…"

I wondered what he was talking about and turned my head to look at my arm that had been throbbing in agony since I woke. I almost passed out from the sight of the twisted bone pressing against the skin. A deep purple bruise extended from my shoulder to my wrist and even as I watched the muscles seemed to throb and swell. I tried screaming again, but it was useless.

"No!" Victoria snapped; all trace of the girlish glee from earlier was absent from her tone. "I want her screams to be the last thing _lover boy_ hears. I want him to die with her pain ringing in his ears. You can't do anything until I know he's close enough to hear her."

Tears began to flow freely down my face. I wanted her to un-gag me so that I could beg for her to take my life instead of Edward's. I could only imagine the torment she wanted to inflict on him.

Her cruel hand pinched my chin as she tilted my face toward the light.

"Oh, how droll, the human is _crying_." She dipped down and licked the path of my tears on one side of my face. "It really is such a shame that Kieran's so smitten with you. I could have had some _real_ fun."

Her hand dropped until it was pressed tightly against my throat. She applied just enough pressure to cut off my air supply. I struggled to get enough oxygen and felt my mind slipping out of consciousness.

"I could crush your windpipe right now," she threatened.

The room went dark with bright white pinpoints overtaking my vision. Suddenly she released my throat, and oxygen flooded back into my lungs.

"But where's the fun in that."

Kieran wrapped his arms around me again and whispered in my ear. "I'm sorry, this will all be over soon. I promise."

His fingers stroked my arm—the one that wasn't broken—tenderly. The feeling of his cold skin against mine made me want to gag.

I blamed him. He'd done this to me! He was the reason Victoria was in a position to hurt Edward.

_No! It's not his fault. It's mine. _

I dropped my chin to my chest, crying unabashedly. I thought about all of the things I could have done differently to avoid this outcome.

Victoria grabbed my face roughly, squeezing my cheeks until I opened my mouth. She yanked the gag out and immediately poured warm, brown water down my throat. I coughed and spluttered as I choked on the putrid liquid.

"Edward's coming to _save_ you," she taunted. "Is there anything you want to say to him?"

I closed my mouth tightly. I didn't want him to come. I would die before I allowed him to be harmed because of me.

"Oh, a tough one, are you?"

She grabbed my index finger and neatly snapped the bone in two. I bit back the scream that wanted to fly from me and issued the smallest whimper instead.

Victoria frowned at me. "That won't do."

"Be brave, Bella," Kieran whispered as he stroked his fingers along my arm again. His voice sounded pained and pitiful. "It'll all be over soon."

She kicked my leg, shattering it in almost the same place as James had. I cried out a little louder, but was still able to clamp my lips shut enough to muffle most of the noise.

Victoria tilted her head as if listening for a sound that I couldn't hear.

"Oh, this is going to be _too good_." An evil smile lit her features, showing off almost all of her razor sharp teeth. "He's probably close now enough that he can hear our thoughts. You show him how brave you can be, how hard you fought to keep him away. He'll see it all, and then…he'll _die_."

"No!" I cried.

"Yes! His last thoughts will be consumed by this vision of you—your red, tear-stained face."

She ran her finger along my cheek so hard that I was certain it bruised immediately.

I whimpered in agony and tried to pull my face away from her grasp.

"Your pathetic whimpers of pain."

She pressed her finger to my neck, running her fingernail along my jugular. A warm trickle of blood ran down my neck and chest.

"And then your _death_."

The pain of everything else that had happened faded away when I felt Kieran's arms stiffen around my body. His tongue ran up the fresh wound on my neck. He made a small sound of absolute pleasure and then he sank his teeth deep into my throat.

I couldn't hold back any more. The scream that issued from me was ear-piercing, at least until it was silenced by the pressure of Kieran's jaws as my world faded to black.

~ 0 ~

**~ EDWARD CULLEN ~**

~ 0 ~

Bella was being tortured. It was an image I knew would haunt my memory forever. She was tied to a chair; her hands bound together and secured in her lap. Her skin was pale and tears streaked down her face. One of her arms was twisted and swollen; one of her fingers bent at an awkward angle.

Rage and sorrow surged through me at the sight of her. I felt sickened that this could happen to someone as sweet and gentle as Bella.

Kieran sat behind my love, tenderly stroking her arm and whispering into her ear.

The sight of her bruised body, the smell of her tears and the sounds of her rapid heartbeat and soft whimpers spurred me to run faster, but I worried that it wouldn't be fast enough. I couldn't stand to think of the fact that I was so close—close enough to hear the familiar mind of Jacob Black—but not close enough to rescue her.

I felt helpless watching her experience so much pain and agony while being too far away to help. The feeling was intensified listening to Jacob's thoughts as he felt the same way. The only way he stood a chance of destroying the vampires was to phase, but they had chained him up far too close to Bella. She would die if he tried to save her. The guilt he felt over their capture was palpable, but misplaced.

_It's my fault. _

After all, Bella should never have been in La Push. She should have been safe at my side where I could have protected her. If I hadn't been so obsessed with getting answers, she wouldn't have been tortured.

I watched helpless through Jacob's eyes as Victoria spoke to Bella. Her voice was too sickly-sweet, filled with the venom and ugliness that inhabited her body. Without warning, she kicked, smashing her foot into Bella's leg. The sound of the bone snapping broke my heart.

A feral snarl rose from my chest and shattered the near silence around me.

_I'm going to make her pay!_

I could see a building in the distance—an abandoned logging shed_. _

"_He's probably close now enough that he can hear our thoughts. You show him how brave you can be, how hard you fought to keep him away. He'll see it all, and then he'll die." _Victoria's evil voice filtered to me through Jacob's mind.

Victoria grabbed at Bella's face, an ugly purple bruise rising beneath her fingertips.

I had to save Bella. I couldn't even think of not making it in time, not when I was so close.

I wasn't afraid that Victoria was expecting me; I didn't even worry about how she knew I was coming. All of my attention was focused on getting to Bella. I knew Victoria would only be happy playing cat and mouse with Bella for so long.

I saw Kieran's mind at the exact point in time Victoria tired of the game. Through him, I smelled the intoxicating scent of Bella's spilling blood. My speed pushing me toward Bella ratcheted up to another level—one I hadn't known existed—driven by both the desire to protect her and the need to consume the source of the delectable scent.

Kieran's willpower crumbled as quickly as Bella's blood flowed. He pounced on the wound hungrily, eagerly lapping up the sweet nectar running from her throat.

I heard Bella's scream pierce the air and shouted my own cry of agony. Victoria's laughter floated to me on the breeze. I watched through Jacob's eyes as Victoria surveyed her handiwork. Kieran had pressed himself against Bella's wound so fiercely that he'd knocked the chair she was tied to over. Bella's shoulder shattered as it struck the hard floor, but she didn't cry out in pain because she was already unconscious.

_Not dead, she can't be dead._

I was finally close enough to help. Without thinking, I smashed into the door, throwing it off its hinges and flying across the room.

"HOW DOES IT FEEL?" Victoria screamed at me with delight and malice. "Seeing the one you love _destroyed!_"

Victoria hadn't realized she'd made a fatal mistake as she stepped toward me. Jacob caught my eye and I nodded to let him know Bella was far enough away. A tearing sound filled the air followed by the groaning as the iron chains that had held him in place shattered.

Victoria spun around just as Jacob launched himself at her. As soon as he was close enough, she grabbed handfuls of his fur and twisted roughly. He yelped as his body smashed to the ground. I wanted to help him, but I was drawn to the failing heartbeat of my love.

I leapt at Kieran, grabbing for his hair and twisting him away from Bella's neck. As I clutched his hair to pull him from Bella, he dropped her and snarled at me. Bella fell limply to the ground as Kieran's lips pulled back to reveal teeth stained with her blood. His eyes changed to a ruddy amber as her life flowed through his system.

I interjected myself between Kieran and Bella, pushing him further away from her. I crouched over her prostrate form, growling ferociously at him. Despite how much her blood had called to me earlier, seeing her bruised skin and shattered bones up close was too much; the temptation of her blood was almost non-existent.

'_What have I done?' _

Kieran's thoughts flowed to me as he regained control of his senses. He moved to check on Bella, but the growl in my chest deepened.

"LEAVE. HER. ALONE!" I roared.

"I just want to make sure she's okay."

"You did this!" I snapped.

'_I didn't mean for her to get hurt. I didn't realize…' _He raised his eyes to meet mine and I saw a mind torn apart by guilt. Even still, I couldn't find it in myself to forgive him. It was his fault that Bella was lying unconscious and broken.

Jacob yelped again as Victoria used his attack momentum to swing him against the wall. I knew he needed help—it was almost like she had a sixth sense when it came to evading his attack—I just couldn't tear myself away from Bella.

There was only one other hope for Jacob, and for Bella. I turned back to Kieran.

"Help him!"

Kieran's eyes flittered from Bella's limp body to the fight between Jacob and Victoria. I heard his hatred for Victoria building as he mentally catalogued Bella's injuries.

Finally, his anger was too much to contain and he launched himself into the fight.

I longed to be the one to remove Victoria's head. I wanted to hear her screams as recompense for the pain she'd caused Bella. But I was more focused on the slowing heartbeat and horrid gurgling sounds issuing from the love of my existence.

I ignored the fighting around me and turned my full attention to Bella. As I unbound her hands and feet, I realized the full extent of her injuries. She was so abnormally pale that I was certain she'd lost too much blood. Her throat was slashed and her larynx had been crushed from the pressure of Kieran's bite. I lamented I didn't possess Carlisle's surgical skills, but I wasn't sure even he could save her.

I despaired that I might be facing the final moments of her life.

"Bella, my love, I'm here," I whispered to her soothingly.

I couldn't reassure her that everything would be alright because I didn't see how it could be. Her heartbeat slowed as she struggled for breath. Each exhale was followed by a sickening burble as she tried to suck air through her collapsed throat. I knew it was up to me to do everything I could to save her. I worried each heartbeat would be her last. Each second seemed to drag for an eternity, and yet I knew she only had a precious few left.

I refused to give in to my fear.

_I will save her!_

I recalled everything I learned while studying medicine. The techniques were probably out of date and I hadn't performed them in a real emergency, but I had no other choice. I reached for the remnants of the chain that had secured Jacob, snapping one of the links and sharpening it against the concrete floor. I cradled Bella in my arms, lifting her chest so that her head fell back against my arm, exposing her throat. I prayed to whomever was listening to guide my hand.

"I'm sorry, Bella," I whispered, knowing there was nothing I could do to anesthetize her. She would still be able to feel.

I searched Bella's pockets and found a pen. I snapped it and ripped out the insert to leave a make-shift tube.

Using the crude scalpel I'd fashioned from the chain, I punctured an incision into Bella's throat at a point below the damage. I held the edges of the wound apart before I pressed the pen into her flesh. The sound of air flowing in and out of the hole gave me a profound sense of relief.

With her breathing normalized, and her heartbeat strengthening, I turned my attention to the wound on her neck. The edges of the ragged bite-mark glistened with venom and I knew her fate had been sealed. It wasn't like the last time she'd been bitten and I was able remove the venom from the wound. This time, it was her jugular that had been attacked and there was no way of knowing how far the venom had already spread. She'd already lost so much blood it was too dangerous to risk her losing any more.

There was only one possible outcome to her situation.

I kissed her lips softly, saying a final goodbye to their warmth. Then I bit into the soft flesh on the other side of her neck. The taste of her blood was every bit as enticing as her scent had promised, but that was only a fleeting thought for me. I stopped myself from drinking and licked the wound. I continued around her body; biting then licking to seal the wound. It wasn't the way I imagined turning her, but I knew it was what she wanted.

'_I want you to save me, in the way that only you can.'_

I brushed the remnants of the tears that stained her cheeks away.

"I'll never leave your side again," I promised.

"Oh how sweet." Victoria's voice was full of hatred.

I turned quickly into a protective stance. The sounds of claws striking hard vampire skin still filled the air. I hadn't paid attention to what was happening because I hadn't expected Victoria to be the victor. I saw that Jacob and Kieran were fighting two other vampires—newborns by the look of their eyes—leaving Victoria free to escape the fray.

"You will not hurt her again," I hissed.

"And who's going to stop me?" Victoria laughed cruelly as she advanced. "_You_?"

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	29. Chapter 29

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**CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE**

~ 0 ~

_A/N:- Banner by FatesLoveQueen /oed60p _

_I own nothing. Boydblog helped me with this and I'll be forever thankful. _

_She fixed. I fiddled. Any mistakes that remain are on me. _

**Warning: Violence ahead…squeamish people should avoid or at least read on with caution.**

~ 0 ~

**~ EDWARD CULLEN ~**

~ 0 ~

"_And who's going to stop me?" Victoria laughed cruelly as she advanced. "You?"_

I growled out a vicious, 'Yes'.

She shifted to the right and I matched her. She moved left and I followed. I cleared my mind of every other thought except hers. I wouldn't allow her to get past me. I knew she would stop Bella's heart. I could hear the hatred in her mind; despite the lies she'd told Kieran, she was never going to let Bella live.

Even as she struggled to find a way around me, she wondered how her newborns were faring. In her mind, she imagined the death of Kieran _and_ Jacob at the hands of her newborns and Bella's death by her own hand. She mentally catalogued all the ways she could stop Bella's heart beating.

I snarled as I blocked another attempt to get to Bella. I managed to force her further away from Bella with each of her failed attempts at breaking through the barrier I'd created to protect my love.

"You're _never_ going to hurt her."

The sound of vampires being torn apart outside drew both mine and Victoria's attention. The wolves were celebrating the destruction of the blond vampire and had cornered the two newborns outside.

"You've lost," I said. "The wolves have killed your friends."

"My _friends_?" Victoria cackled. "You mean Riley and his hapless crew? You think they matter at all to me? Those filthy beasts have done me a favor."

"They want to finish you too, but they'll have to beat me to it!" I growled.

Victoria hissed at me, her plan was disintegrating with every passing second. She eyed the door and I knew she was going to make a break for it.

One thing had become clear to me during the time I'd spent in Victoria's mind; she would never allow Bella and I to live peacefully. She would continue to attack until one of us was dead. I couldn't allow that to happen.

I reached for her just as she tried to make a run for it. My fingers scraped across her arm, unable to find purchase. Each step I took to get closer to her took me another step away from Bella. Victoria twisted around, weaving from side to side as she raced for the door. I had her exactly where I wanted her, a few more steps and she would be at the doorway. I was closing in on her; I felt almost joyful as I pictured reaching her and tearing the head off her shoulders.

A whimper from Bella shifted my entire focus.

I instantly turned away from my pursuit of Victoria; she fled through the door, bent on escape, and ran further away from Bella. Once Victoria had left the shed, she was no longer my main concern. I needed to make sure Bella was safe. The pain contained in the tiny sound from Bella was so palpable, it made my dead heart ache.

The force of Bella's whimper built quickly until she was crying out softly. I fell to my knees beside her. The makeshift tube I'd inserted to help her breathe had been pushed from her body and the wound on her neck was almost completely healed. My heart leapt at the thought that she was returning to me, albeit at the cost of her humanity.

Bella took a deep breath before issuing a blood-curdling scream.

'_Bella's alive? She's alive!' _Kieran's mind filtered to me; I tried to tune out his elation.

"It's all right, Bella. I'm here my love," I brushed her hair back from her forehead. "I'm here."

I felt terrible that I could do nothing to help relieve her pain. I lifted her into my arms and cradled her gently. In the moment of peace, I listened to everything happening around me. The pack had torn the two newborns to shreds and a fire was burning; consuming their remains.

Victoria had evaded the wolves. Their focus had been diverted when she'd leapt through the doorway and raced into the forest.

I lamented that I'd let her go when she'd been so close to being in my grasp, but as I held Bella close, I couldn't regret my choice.

'_She put Bella in danger! She said she wasn't going to hurt her. She lied to me.' _Kieran raced after Victoria; his desire for revenge comparable with my own.

My greatest need was to stay by Bella's side while she suffered through the worst agony she'd ever experience.

Kieran's need was to temper his own guilt with revenge as well as retaliation for the part Victoria had played in harming Bella.

He managed to grab Victoria's wild, flowing hair and slowed her just enough to allow the wolves to descend. As soon as they did, he stepped away wary of their teeth.

I smiled with a sense of sick satisfaction as I watched claws tear into Victoria's skin from a multitude of angles. I listened in delight as her screams drowned out Bella's.

The pack circled Victoria, but hung back to allow Jacob to end her. He relished the moment her screams silenced—almost as much as I did.

Bella's screams and the crackling of the fire were the only sounds remaining in the air.

'_Bella!' _Jacob's mind focused on the sound of her cries, until he saw Kieran race from the forest towards the shed door. _'He did this to her!' _

The pack turned as one to close in on Kieran. Jacob issued a low growl as Kieran entered the doorway to the shed. He spun toward Jacob and held his hands up in surrender. He slowly backed away from the advancing wolves.

When Kieran saw Bella cradled in my arms his thoughts for his own safety fell away. _'I can take away her pain! If she's in the other world her pain will be gone.'_

I growled. "Don't you dare! If you try to take her from me I'll kill you!"

"I can _help_ her," he said to me. _'Please let me help her! I could have killed her!'_

"No!"

Jacob phased back into human form and followed Kieran inside. He was wearing nothing but a pair of cut-offs.

'_She's changing. This is wrong, so wrong.' _

I saw his mind filter through the options that he could see for her: death or walking death. He was wrong though, there was only one option. I wouldn't allow any harm to befall her; I would protect her to the end.

'_I listened to Victoria. I thought she was going to help me get Bella.'_ Kieran's thoughts continued on their guilt-ridden loop.

"What happened?" I asked Jacob.

"Bella and I were talking when I heard howls from the pack at the treaty line. I knew there was something wrong, but I didn't want to leave Bella alone. Leah was on patrol near my house and I asked her to check it out for me. I had to know whether they needed me." He scrubbed the back of his head. "That's all I remember."

'_Victoria ambushed them. She set up a decoy to lure the rest of the wolves away.'_ Kieran pictured Irina and Laurent racing through the village.

'_Riley attacked the wolf.' _Kieran recalled Riley jumping to attack Jacob before he phased. The sound of the back of Jacob's skull cracking as Riley's fist smashed into it hung over the memory.

'_He knocked him out. I took Bella; I didn't want her to get hurt.'_

Kieran's thoughts riled me up. Not only had he put his faith in the one person who was bent on destroying Bella; he'd convinced those I'd once considered family to help.

"She _was_ hurt," I said harshly. "She almost _died_!"

'_She's as good as dead._' Jacob thought.

I growled at him. "I didn't want this for her, but I won't let her die."

"If you don't like my thoughts, stay out of my head!" Jacob seethed.

"Jacob?" I asked calmly

"I know the rest of the pack are on their way here. Can you please ask someone to find my family—_for Bella_? I need Carlisle to check on her."

I also wanted to make sure I had someone to fight alongside me if the wolves tried to stop Bella's transformation.

Jacob looked at the tears on Bella's cheeks, and listened to her sobbing cries. He nodded to one of the wolves.

"Embry will look for them."

Kieran pulled at his hair wildly. He went from standing as still as a statue watching Bella to pacing madly back and forth. _'What have I done?'_

Kieran's mad behavior drew Jacob's attention. _'What are we going to do about this leech?'_

Kieran needed to pay for risking Bella's life, of that I was certain. However, he'd also helped destroy Victoria's newborns and had ultimately stopped Victoria.

"Please let me help her," Kieran begged.

"Like you helped her yesterday?" I hissed.

"I didn't want her to get hurt. I just wanted to show her what I was willing to give her."

"You put her life in danger."

"I couldn't accept Bella wanted you," he admitted. "I thought Vicky understood when I told her I loved Bella. She promised to spare her life."

'_I was wrong.'_

"Nothing was more important to Victoria than revenge," I stated.

"I know." He closed his eyes as Bella's screams pierced a new octave. "Please let me _help_ her, I can stop her pain. I know you don't want her to be in days of agony!"

I was torn between mistrust for his motives and the certainty that he could take her into her subconscious and numb the pain. This world wouldn't hurt her anymore.

_I have to let him try._

I didn't want Bella to suffer any more than she already had. A niggling in the back of my mind worked to convince me to let him. I could tell it was Kieran's influence—the way his gift worked on immortals—but it worked.

I closed my eyes and nodded, praying it was the right decision.

"Fine, do it. But if you hurt her, or try to take her away from me..." I let my silent threat hang in the air between us.

Kieran instantly concentrated on reaching Bella's mind, submersing himself into her subconscious. I could tell the exact moment Kieran's mind reached Bella's. Her screams stopped. While he was concentrating only on Bella, I couldn't hear his thoughts.

It made me realize that he could have been closer than I thought yesterday; he could have been within range of my ability if it weren't for Bella's silent mind. It made me wonder whether Kieran had seen Bella and I in the meadow. I tried to imagine what it would feel like if Bella confessed her love to another while _I_ watched. The thought of it was agony and I couldn't be certain I wouldn't have done something rash as well.

I only hoped I wasn't making yet another mistake.

~ 0 ~

**~ BELLA SWAN ~**

~ 0 ~

"Bella, I'm sorry. Come back to me."

The fire surging through my veins changed. Rather than an all-consuming agony which I couldn't see the beginning or end of, it became an inferno in the forest. The trees around me raged in an intense blaze, but I knew if I ran hard enough I could escape.

I raced away from the flames; the heat that threatened to engulf me cooled a little more with each step.

"Bella, stop. You're safe now."

I turned toward Kieran's voice.

Fear stabbed at me. I remembered a chair and some ropes. I remembered broken bones and his teeth. _He hurt me!_

"No, I'm not safe. Not with you."

"I'm not going to hurt you, I promise. I just want to talk."

"I don't trust you."

"I deserve that. I made a mistake, but I want to make it better."

I stopped running and faced him. "You tricked me into staying with you, you made me forget Edward!"

His face contorted with shame. "I hoped you'd realize how much I loved you—what I was offering you."

"I knew what you were offering. But I chose Edward, because despite his mistakes he is _it _for me. He's the only one who can offer me what I want! I _love_ him, I _want_ him!"

Kieran stepped back as if my verbal blows were physical ones. "I know that now, I just didn't want to believe it. I loved you too much to believe it."

I shook my head. "You may think what you feel is love, but it's not. It might be attraction or desire, but it's not love."

"How can you say that?"

"Because, I _know_ what love is. Love is sacrificing your own happiness to ensure the one you love is safe. Love is being big enough to apologize when you make a mistake and then try to fix it. Love is to understand the other's point of view and work to reach a compromise. Love is all the things I have with Edward."

"I've made some bad choices, but I did it to be with you, Bella."

"You tried to trick me into being with you! You manipulated my world and my mind to try and make me believe things that weren't true. That's not love."

"I realize that now. _I'm sorry._ I want to make it right."

"How can you possibly do that?"

"At the moment, your body is suffering through the worst agony you'll ever experience. I wanted to give your mind somewhere to hide."

"What's happening to me?"

All I could remember was Victoria, Kieran's bite and then darkness.

He scrubbed the back of his neck. "You're going through the change. Soon you'll be like—"

"_Edward_," I breathed. _Did Edward do what I'd asked? Did he save me?_

Kieran chuckled. "I was going to say _me_, but yes."

"What happened?"

He looked guilty. "I almost killed you, but Edward…he saved your life."

I couldn't help the smile that crept onto my face.

"We've got to go," Kieran said. "There's one more thing I need to fix. I'll let you know when it's time to return."

~ 0 ~

The beeping of the heart monitor filled my ears again. It felt like forever since I'd last heard the noise. I blinked my eyes open.

"Kieran?" I called out, my voice raspy and unused. "What's going on?"

"_Baby_?" Edward's voice croaked. His face came into my view and his green eyes locked onto mine. "Are you okay?"

I blinked. I knew this world. This world held nothing but pain and heartache.

_Why am I back here?_

My hand fell to my stomach, the loss I'd experienced flooded back into my mind.

"Where's Kieran?" I asked.

He'd been right with me a moment earlier but now he was gone.

Edward flinched.

"You don't remember?" he asked.

I shook my head; my memory of this place was sketchy at best. I could remember the way Edward had made me feel, the way his betrayal had hurt and the loss which haunted me. My mind began to remind me that this world wasn't real.

_The hurt here isn't real. _

"Kieran was driving the car that ran into yours…he didn't make it," Edward said. "_I'm sorry,_ Bella. I know how much he meant to you."

Edward's words helped me realize that Kieran had brought me back here to make things right.

Even though this world wasn't real, the things I'd felt here were. This world was my subconscious. I was going to take full advantage of it.

"Edward," I said, reaching for him. My fingers brushed against his chin, feeling the soft bristles of an unfamiliar beard and he leaned into my hand.

"Bella," he breathed out. "I've missed you."

I traced his cheek.

"I'm sorry for ever doubting you," he murmured. "And I'm sorry for making you doubt me."

I winced; his apology reminded me of the reasons this world hurt so much.

I remembered my determination to make things right. This world wasn't real—the pain I felt couldn't hurt me in the real world.

_It's nothing more than a dream, a very realistic dream. _

I refused to let anything or anyone stand in the way of what I wanted. I took a deep breath. I wasn't going to leave this world with any lingering doubts; over Edward, his love or my own self worth. I was going to do everything I could to fix my marriage and I wasn't going to take no for an answer.

"We need to talk," I said. "About _us_."

Edward screwed his eyes shut in pain. "There's something I need you to understand," he whispered. His face was inches from mine. He opened his eyes again, his green irises awash with unshed tears. "_Nothing_ happened between Rosalie and I. She convinced me to let you think something did. It was stupid. I shouldn't have listened to her."

Tears pricked my eyes.

"When you drove off like that, it just about broke my heart. Then the police called me. My god, Bella, do you understand how fucking crazy I went?"

I sobbed. His words radiated such heartache that it cemented my belief in his love.

"Then I found out about the baby. _Our_ baby. Bella, I can't live without you."

"Edward," I breathed.

His mouth closed the last of the distance and met mine. His lips were wet and warm as we kissed. I sighed against his mouth and he swallowed it eagerly.

"I missed this," he said. "I'm sorry. I was stupid and I lost focus of what was important. Nothing is more important to me than you."

"It's my fault too; I allowed this rift to widen between us. I never felt good enough for you. I never believed you could love me, that anyone could. It always made sense for you to be with someone more like Rosalie."

"You shouldn't sell yourself short; you are 100 times the woman Rosalie could ever hope to be. Besides, I don't _love_ Rosalie. I will never love _anyone_ else. I love _you_. I love your mind. I love your sense of humor. I love your smile and I love every inch of your beautiful body."

"I won't even doubt your love again," I promised.

"There'll never be a need," he whispered.

He kissed me sweetly then yawned widely.

"When did you last have a good night's sleep?" I asked.

He looked at me sheepishly. He admitted that he hadn't left my side since the accident. For almost a week, he'd slept at the foot of my hospital bed. He'd cleaned himself in the sinks of the toilets in the hospital. His sister had brought him food and changes of clothing.

After our apologies, I convinced him to go home for the night. He was reluctant at first, but I reminded him that I wasn't going anywhere. We'd taken the initial steps toward fixing the damage we'd done to our relationship, but he needed a good night's sleep, a hot meal and a proper shower.

"Be safe," he whispered as kissed my forehead before walking from the room.

~ 0 ~


	30. Chapter 30

~ 0 ~

**CHAPTER THIRTY**

~ 0 ~

_A/N:- Banner by FatesLoveQueen /oed60p _

_I own nothing. Boydblog helped me with this and I'll be forever thankful. _

_She fixed. I fiddled. Any mistakes that remain are on me. _

~ 0 ~

**~ EDWARD CULLEN ~**

~ 0 ~

Just as I was beginning to grow concerned about Kieran's true intentions, he began replaying his interactions with Bella for me.

I saw his apology to her and I smiled when she told him, _'Love is all the things I have with Edward.' _

It was the greatest gift he could have given me at that moment, effectively assuaging my concern and reassuring me that she felt no pain.

It didn't make up for his putting Bella's life at risk, but I was relieved that I knew what was happening in her mind.

I was willing to disregard his transgressions—for the moment. I still wanted him to pay for allowing the harm that had befallen Bella, but I was all too willing to give Bella a reprieve from the pain her body was going through. I could still clearly remember the agony of my own change, and I was thankful Kieran could save her from that.

I felt confident that I'd done the right thing.

I felt joy that there were no major obstacles remained between Bella and me anymore.

_She's going to be by my side forever. _

Shortly after dispatching Victoria, most of the wolves left. Jacob remained in human form, hovering over Bella and me, and watching with horror while she underwent the change. Two other wolves, Jared and Paul, had stayed on Jacob's orders. They ignored me sitting on the floor and Bella still cradled in my arms; their entire focus concentrated on Kieran. They could see his red eyes and had witnessed what he'd done to Bella. It was clear from their stance that one false move from Kieran would forfeit his life.

My entire family arrived and I breathed a sigh of relief. Despite their apparent acceptance, I wasn't entirely sure that the wolves wouldn't try to stop Bella's change. Jacob kept vacillating between joy that she hadn't died and worry about what she was becoming.

'_What happened?' _Carlisle asked.

"Where are Laurent and Irina?" I asked, noticing their absence immediately. I needed them to pay for their role in what happened to Bella.

"They said something about heading home before running off," Carlisle said. "Why? What's wrong?"

"I'll tell you later," I growled. "Right now, can you please take a look at Bella?"

I needed to let him know about Laurent's and Irina's involvement, but having him assess Bella was more pressing. Although her breathing was steady, and her was heartbeat stable and increasing, I wanted Carlisle's opinion. Before he'd even knelt at her side, Alice spoke.

"She's going to be _perfect_."

Her mind showed me an image of Bella and me together. Bella's eyes were fading to amber, the color that signified a newborn following our 'vegetarian' lifestyle. I was relieved as I saw the beautiful smile gracing Bella's lips. She was with me, and she was _happy_.

Esme placed her hand on my shoulder and beamed at me. _'They're going to get their happy ever after.'_

Carlisle chuckled. "I'll check on her anyway, just to be sure."

He started to run through her vitals and checked the wounds. He saw the make-shift chain link scalpel and the tube I'd fashioned from Bella's pen, and silently guessed at their purpose.

I nodded to confirm.

'_You did a good job, son.'_

His thoughts were full of pride, knowing how easily it would have been for me to succumb to temptation and drink from her. Then his thoughts changed direction. _'We need to think about what to tell Charlie.'_

I hadn't even given Charlie, or any of Bella's family and friends, a second thought. I was just so happy that I'd saved her. Now that I had the opportunity to think though, there was only one option I could see.

"We need to make it appear as if we've run away together," I said.

"Aww, are things that bad at home, Eddie?" Emmett asked.

Unlike Rosalie, who was uncertain how to process what she saw in front of her, Emmett was practically bursting at the seams with excitement. As far as he was concerned, things were finally how they should be. Bella was going to be officially part of our family.

"I think you're right, Edward," Alice said, ignoring Emmett's outburst and concentrating on the visions of the future dancing through her head. "Charlie will be upset, but if Bella calls him regularly, he'll eventually accept it."

"Right now, I think we need to get Bella home," Esme said.

Jasper kept casting uncertain glances at Kieran—sensing the guilt that practically rolled off him—but mostly relished in the joy my family exuded.

I'd never really appreciated how much joy my family would derive from Bella's change. I'd been selfish in denying them this simple pleasure for so long.

"Kieran must come with us," I said. Then I turned to the wolves watching him. "We'll take care of it from here. I'll make sure he doesn't hurt anyone else."

Fear raced through Kieran at my words, but he soon concentrated on Bella's mind again.

"I'm coming with you too," Jacob said.

I looked at him in surprise. I couldn't believe that he would willingly walk into a house full of vampires.

'_I just need to make sure she's okay.'_

I stood, holding Bella tightly to myself. "If you want to, you're welcome, but if it makes you too uncomfortable, I'm sure Bella will understand."

"I want to see her before you _disappear_."

"Okay." I nodded. I turned to my family. "Let's get Bella home."

_Home. _

The word held new meaning.

Bella was, and would forever be, _my_ home.

~ 0 ~

**~ BELLA SWAN ~**

~ 0 ~

I had the night to myself to think about what was happening. I was aware that the world around me wasn't real, but I was willing to play along with the fantasy.

I knew Edward loved me.

_He changed me._

I didn't know whether he'd done it because he felt he'd been left with no other choice, but there was always a choice. He could have let me die, but he didn't. He chose to keep me by his side. The thought of it made me incredibly happy. I was thankful that Kieran had given me the chance to make things right in my subconscious before it was too late. I didn't want any lingering doubts. I was strong now.

Edward and I would be strong together.

Having time to think about my worlds and my mind gave me greater insight into so many things I'd felt. I thought about my relationships with the people in this world and what they reflected. Some of my interactions now came with a new clarity, but some things would always remain a mystery, locked in my subconscious.

My mother; I'd scripted her into a role that was aloof and uncaring. I wondered whether it was because I felt she hadn't fought me when I'd made the choice to live Charlie.

_Had I felt unwanted by her?_

I thought about poor Jacob. My subconscious had fashioned him into a villain. In reality our friendship had been easy, but there was an undercurrent of something else. Deep inside I realized that he wanted more. My mind wasn't ready to accept another romance so soon after Edward's departure. The only reason I couldn't reject Kieran in the same way was because he was an intruder who had control over his own presence. The Jacob of this world was nothing more than a puppet of my mind and a warning from my heart not to let him in.

And Edward. Though we'd suffered so much in this world, I knew now that it was because he was a reflection of my own doubts and my own fears.

My mind turned to the real world and I wondered exactly how much my body was suffering. The pain I'd felt when I'd regained consciousness was excruciating. I could remember Edward's cool hands caressing my skin but they weren't nearly cold enough to extinguish the burn racing through my veins. I shuddered as the short memory assaulted me.

I was happy to be in this place rather than the real world, I only hoped that Edward wasn't suffering too much by my side. It was almost ironic for me to think that I'd gone from Edward waiting at my bedside in one reality to him waiting by my side in the other. The circumstances were wildly different, but it once again helped to cement my certainty in his love.

Edward came back to the hospital long before visiting hours officially started. It was a welcome relief to see him looking happy, refreshed and clean-shaven. It was like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. For the first few hours, we joked with each other, dancing around the tensions of a new day together.

Edward seemed to skirt around the edges of a conversation he wanted to have multiple times but changed the topic at the last minute each time.

_I believe in our love. I'm ready to hear anything he has to say. I'm ready to claim everything I deserve. _

I had no doubts any more, but I could tell Edward needed to give his confession. Almost as soon as I'd had the thought, Edward turned to me. A new, serious look was in his eyes and I knew we were about to have the serious conversation we needed to have.

"I can't believe I almost lost you for the second time. I'm going to have to ban you from driving cars." He chuckled softly, but it was almost a broken sound. "I would never have forgiven myself if you hadn't survived."

He sighed and turned away slightly. He stared unseeingly at the wall.

"I've asked myself why I let you think I'd cheated a thousand times since the accident. I think partly it was because I let Rosalie into my head, but that's giving her too much credit. I love you, Bella. I love you so much that sometimes it sends me crazy." He looked at me intently. "I saw red when I realized how close you were becoming to another man. I was so fucking jealous I couldn't see straight.

"You are beautiful, smart and so much more desirable than you realize.

"I panicked when you told me about the baby; not because I was scared of starting a family with you but because I worried that I wouldn't be enough. How was I supposed to provide for the two of you? I didn't know if I could support you the way you deserved. I wanted to make sure I did everything in my power to ensure neither of you went without."

I nodded. I'd known, or at least suspected, that much.

"Rosalie came in to see me at the office one day, with an incredible business deal. It was going to take some work to win the pitch, but if I did it…well the commission value would have been life-changing for us. You could have given up your job at _Renee's_ permanently.

"Then everything started to change. I know I was working so much but it was almost like I didn't know who you were anymore. I thought I was losing you because when I saw you at the diner, you were flirting with…_him. _I didn't even know who he was to you, and yet I was so insanely jealous that he got your smiles."

I wanted to say that I wasn't intentionally flirting with Kieran, but I replayed our interactions in my mind. I tried to picture what it would look like to someone else witnessing our secret smiles and inside jokes.

"Then you started the new job with him and I thought it was because you wanted to spend more time with him. I couldn't ask you about it because I was so terrified you were going to tell me that I was right. I didn't want to be right.

"When you had to go to the hospital, I almost lost it. I was so mad at myself for not being there when you needed me and I was so scared for you and the baby. I just about lost my fucking mind when I heard that a man I didn't even know had taken you to hospital and taken care of you. I worried that I'd already lost you, but I didn't know how to fix it. I threw myself into work, stupidly thinking that if I could just seal the deal, we'd have the money and time to reconnect.

"Then Rosalie came to me with the video of you on her phone. Now I can see that it was innocent, but on top of everything else it just felt like it was too much at the time. I couldn't hold any of it in any more."

His hand squeezed mine tightly. I bought our joined hands to my lips and kissed his fingers softly.

"I tried drowning my sorrows but when that didn't work, I went to see you at work. You looked so happy when you were around him. I was certain it was proof that my worst fears had come true. I'm so sorry for what I did next. What I said…it was unforgivable."

He swallowed heavily and I could tell he was desperately fighting his tears.

"When I saw the fear in your eyes as you looked at me, I thought it was because you thought you'd been caught—it didn't even occur to me until I was by your side in here that it was because I was being such an asshole."

Tears flooded my own eyes. There'd been so many missteps and miscommunications over the past few months. Both Edward and I were to blame for the state of our marriage. I vowed that I would never allow the same doubts to enter my real relationship with Edward. I would never doubt his love. I would talk to him about my feelings. If I could avoid any of the same issues in the real world, my time in this place would be worthwhile.

"I'm saying all of this now, Bella, because when you get out of here, I want to walk through our front door and into our future together. I love you and I want to work this out. I want to get everything on the table. No more doubts."

I cupped his face and bought his lips to mine. "No more doubts."

~ 0 ~

After our conversation, the day passed quickly. Edward disappeared for a while in the afternoon and then brought back a romantic dinner. He even remembered candles so we could eat by candle-light.

I didn't know how he bribed the nurses to allow him to be by my side longer than usual visiting hours, but I wasn't going to complain. I enjoyed that he was spoiling me because he loved me and because I deserved it.

On the second night since I'd woken, shortly after Edward had made yet another begrudging exit, a doctor on his usual rounds came to give me some news. He gave me clearance to go home the following morning. I was still battered and sore, but healing.

I was incredibly happy that I would soon be out of the hospital bed. It was almost as if the healing of my physical body in this place was a manifestation of the repairs to my mental state.

I was already off the machines by the time Edward arrived the next morning. He practically beamed when I told him I was able to leave. He seemed to realize, just as I did, that although things weren't perfect between us, they were improving. We both agreed that we wanted to be together and were willing to move on from the issues of the past.

Edward helped me to secure my seatbelt when I was seated in the car. He asked if I was okay when I winced as the seatbelt exacerbated the pain from the bruises across my shoulder and chest. He checked on me regularly as we drove home. We said little to each other, but the silence was more thoughtful than uncomfortable.

We pulled into the driveway and he killed the engine. Rather than getting out of the car though, he took my hand in his. He traced my palm with his thumb. "Are you ready, Bella? The future awaits us; it's just inside that door."

I took a deep breath and turned to him. I knew now what I needed to do and I knew it was the time to do it. His words were too perfect, almost as if someone was calling to me, trying to coax me out of a dream.

"I am ready. But this isn't real."

He looked at me in surprise.

"You're a manifestation of the concerns I have in my _real_ life. I thought I wasn't good enough for you. A tiny part of me was even slightly scared of you; of the damage you could cause my heart. This place, this life, it showed me what I wanted and what I'm strong enough to do without. I know what I'm giving up, and I know what I'm gaining. I have no doubts about you or about how you feel for me. I don't want you to have any either. Not any more, not ever again.

"When I walk through that door, it will be the beginning of the new stage of my life. It's a little scary because I don't know everything that's waiting for me, but I'm more than ready to find out. It won't be you that I'll be embarking on this next stage with though. It won't be an idealized version I have of you. It won't be a version of you that I've projected my fears onto. It will be the _real_ you, Edward. Flawed but still perfectly _you_, and I can't wait."

I leaned forward and kissed his cheek.

I was filled with anticipation but no trepidation.

"Will you walk me to the door?"

Almost as if he understood what I needed to do, Edward nodded.

Hand in hand, we walked toward the front door of the house we'd shared. Light poured out of the cracks around the door. I reached for the key, suspended on a necklace around my neck.

Edward squeezed my hand lightly.

I pushed the key into the lock and twisted it.

I paused before pushing the door open, taking the opportunity to press my lips softly against Edward's.

"Thank you for being here when I needed you. Thank you for helping me to heal. I'm going to leave you now, but I will carry you with me forever."

_Forever. _

I pushed open the door and light flooded my vision. In the middle, standing like a dark angel in the brightest day, was Edward. His eyes were like liquid honey and intently focused on me. He smiled as I stepped toward him.

The Edward beside me held my hand, supporting me silently as the light enveloped me. As I stepped through the door, his hand released mine.

"I love you, Bella."

"I love you too."

I closed my eyes as the warmth of the light flooded through me. It built in intensity until it became almost unbearably hot and scorched through my veins. My heart pounded desperately fast, each beat running into the next one without reprieve. It felt as though it was trying to break free from my chest.

The fire that burned through my body began to recede as it consumed all the fuel in my muscles. As it contracted, each of my limbs was left feeling cold and bursting with energy. I couldn't enjoy the sensation though because my heart beat faster still; smashing against my ribs with so much force I thought it would shatter them.

"It's time, Edward," I heard Alice's voice but it sounded different. I could hear new bell-like tones and subtle qualities I'd never noticed before.

"I know," Edward's voice, also richer and sweeter than I'd ever heard before, was filled with joy. "Bella, my love, I'm here."

My heart flew faster still.

"Try to relax," Edward's voice soothed me. "It's almost over."

I reached my hand in the direction of his voice. His fingers wrapped around mine and he held it tightly. His hands no longer felt cold, his skin no longer like stone. Instead, his hand was the same temperature as mine and his skin yielded to my touch.

"I told you she'd be perfect," Alice said.

My back arched involuntarily with the pain of my throbbing heart. Edward murmured quiet, soothing words. I thought my heart was going to give out, but everyone else in the room seemed cheered by the racing thuds.

I thought I'd made a mistake and come back to this reality far too early.

The pain in my chest reached a peak and then, with one final exhausted effort, my heart stopped beating.

~ 0 ~

**A/N:- Thank you everyone who has supported, favourited, reviewed, etc this story. There is still a little more to come, but I wanted to say thanks now to make sure I never forget. Thank you to everyone who reviews even though my reply rate is unintentionally terrible (I figure you'd rather the next chapter...right?). **


	31. Chapter 31

~ 0 ~

**CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE**

~ 0 ~

_A/N:- Banner by FatesLoveQueen /oed60p _

_I own nothing. Boydblog helped me with this and I'll be forever thankful. _

_She fixed. I fiddled. Any mistakes that remain are on me. _

~ 0 ~

**~ EDWARD CULLEN ~**

~ 0 ~

I cradled Bella carefully in my arms, anxious not to cause her any additional pain.

Emmett and Jasper raced ahead to get a car and drive back as quickly as possible. I would need to carry Bella some distance to the rendezvous point. I could have carried her all the way home, but I worried what would happen if Kieran's influence faded. If she fought her way back to this world, she would be in agony.

I ran as fast as I dared, but nowhere near as fast as I knew I could.

Kieran, Alice and Esme restrained themselves and ran beside me. Carlisle, Rosalie and Jacob all raced ahead to prepare for our arrival at home. Alice and I began to have an almost silent conversation; her thoughts and visions helping to guide my choices. I only hoped Bella would understand what I had to do to protect our secret and ensure her parents' peace of mind.

We reached the road where Emmett and Jasper had agreed to meet us. I listened out for their minds, happy to discover they weren't far off. Once the Jeep had come to a stop, Alice climbed into the car and helped me get Bella onto the back seat. I wanted to continue to cradle her in my arms, but the safest option was for her to be secured properly. I climbed in as soon as Bella was in the vehicle. Alice helped Bella stay upright so I could secure the five-point harness.

As I fastened the last clasp on the harness, I examined the damage to Bella's arm. I was relieved to see the swelling was reduced and the bone aligned.

'_She's going to be fine, Edward. She's going to be wonderful.'_Alice smiled at me as she sent me positive thoughts.

I nodded in thanks before turning my attention back to Bella. Her eyes were unfocused and I realized she wasn't even partly in this world. She was wholly under Kieran's influence and I was certain she would remember nothing about the change. It was a great relief to me to know that she was free from pain.

Kieran and Esme ran behind the Jeep as it tore a path through the forest. As he ran, Kieran kept Bella's thoughts flowing to me in a constant stream. I was able to witness Bella and _I_ beginning to heal the rift she'd told me about in her other world. In the meadow she'd told me about the pain she'd experienced there at my hand.

_Was that really just yesterday?_

The rest of the drive was relatively peaceful. Alice explained the plan we'd concocted to Jasper and Emmett. Even before they'd heard all of the details, they were on board and excited to play their parts. I was glad that, for the most part, my family was willing to accept Bella into their lives so easily. It would make Bella's transition so much easier.

~ 0 ~

The instant we got home, it became a madhouse. With barely another word spoken between us, everyone seemed to assign themselves to the tasks they were best suited.

Jasper called his 'contact' to obtain a marriage certificate and new documentation drafted for Bella Cullen.

Alice began to photoshop pictures of Bella and I together, expertly doctoring photos of a phony Vegas wedding.

Rosalie and Emmett ran to Charlie's house to leave evidence to show Bella had run away. They packed some clothes, not that Bella would be wearing any of her old outfits once she was immortal if Alice had any say in it.

Carlisle and Esme began to prepare themselves for a difficult conversation with Charlie.

I carried Bella up the stairs and laid her gently on the black sofa that resided in my bedroom.

Kieran and Jacob followed me, both determined not to let Bella out of their sight.

I felt a possessive streak run through me. I wanted Bella and I to have privacy in my inner-sanctum. I wanted to shut them out and stay with my Bella while she completed her change.

Yet, I still worried that Kieran could end his influence and leave Bella to endure the burn as the venom coursed through her veins, changing every cell in her body.

I took my place beside Bella. I'd made too many mistakes where she was concerned and this time I wasn't going to move from her side until she'd returned to me.

Jacob stood by the door, trying unsuccessfully to escape the concentrated vampire scent.

Kieran rounded the room to Bella's other side, but I shot him a venomous look. I may have spared his life so that he could help Bella, but I wasn't willing to just forget everything that he'd done. I certainly wasn't going to allow him a place at Bella's side while I waited for her transformation to be complete.

He backed away quickly, standing by the floor to ceiling window.

I heard Carlisle speak to Esme to let her know that it was time. I listened as he picked up the phone and called Charlie's number.

"Hello?" Charlie's voice had an edge to it that I recognized from when I dropped Bella home last night.

"Hello, Chief Swan, it's Carlisle Cullen."

"Doctor Cullen."

"I'm afraid this isn't a social call."

Charlie's breath hitched. I wished I was close enough to hear his thoughts but I had to judge his attitude by his tone.

"Perhaps this is something we can discuss in person?" Carlisle said.

"No, if something has happened, I want to know now."

Charlie's voice practically seethed with anger. I knew without the benefit of reading his mind that his anger would be directed solely at me.

"I'm not sure how to say this, but I think Edward and Bella may have run away."

"What do you mean?" Charlie was definitely angry.

"After Edward arrived home last night, we sat him down and spoke to him about breaking curfew in order to spend more time with Bella. We didn't feel it was in his or Bella's best interest to get so invested in their relationship again."

There was silence on the other end of the line. I could easily imagine the agreement running through Charlie's mind.

"I'm not sure how Bella was after we left Forks, but Edward was inconsolable while we were in California. He took their break-up far too hard and that's why I brought him back to Forks. I hoped he could finish the school year and maybe get some clossure. Esme and I didn't think his reaction was healthy and we tried to caution him. We asked him to stop spending so much time with Bella. He didn't take it well. He stormed out last night and we didn't see him again until this morning."

"What happened?"

"When he got home, we tried to talking to him again. We just wanted him to understand that he had the rest of his life ahead of him and that it didn't make sense to sacrifice his education over a teen romance."

Charlie grunted in agreement.

"We told him that now was the time to focus on school and his career. We thought we'd reached him because he was so calm when he left for school. But he didn't come home this evening. His car is gone and so are most of his clothes. Then we found the note."

"_What note_?" Charlie's voice pitched with anger.

I worried that maybe we'd made the wrong choice telling him this particular lie. I was about to say something to try to get Carlisle to calm Charlie down.

'_He'll be okay, Edward. He's going to take it hard, but he'll be okay.'_ Alice's thoughts practically shouted at me before I could speak and risk ruining everything.

"Edward left a note saying that he and Bella have decided they don't want to be apart any more, and that they're going to get married."

"_Married_?"

"I'm afraid so. It looks like they left straight after school, they could be just about anywhere by now."

"They won't get very far if they don't have money."

"Edward has money. His parents left him a small fortune in a trust fund. He gained access to it on his eighteenth birthday."

"I'm going to call the station and have them send out patrols to look for them."

"Thank you Charlie. We just want Edward home, but we're afraid there isn't much we can do. They _are_ both over eighteen."

I heard Charlie's reluctant agreement. "I'll still do everything I can to bring my baby home."

I felt guilty that I'd taken Bella away from him so soon after he'd got her back, but holding her hand as she became my equal, I couldn't regret the choice.

A fake marriage certificate was being drawn up to convince Charlie that Bella was happy, but I was determined to make it reality at the earliest opportunity.

~ 0 ~

Once he'd finished the call with Charlie, Carlisle came upstairs to check on Bella again and to talk with me.

"Thank you," I said. "I know that call wasn't easy."

'_I wish we were able to put Charlie's mind at ease. There isn't another way to do this though.'_

"No. There isn't."

'_I'm glad that everything seems to have worked out.'_

I growled. "Not everything. Irina and Laurent are still out there."

"What did they do?"

"They helped Victoria," Kieran said before I had a chance. "They drew the pack away so that Bella would be vulnerable."

'_I can't believe that Irina would knowingly hurt our family. Maybe she didn't know Victoria's plan?'_

"Maybe," I said doubtfully.

Knowingly or not, they'd put my family at risk. They'd risked the lives of the people in La Push—people who had helped keep Bella safe—and worst of all, they'd put Bella's life in danger.

That was unforgivable and somehow I would make them pay.

~ 0 ~

Over the next couple of days, the house remained a hive of activity. Carlisle and Esme each contacted Charlie regularly. During the first night, Rosalie and Emmett had driven non-stop to Oregon. They purchased a postcard and forged Bella's handwriting on the back.

'_Dad, I'm sorry I couldn't talk to you before I left, _

_but I felt this was my only choice. _

_Just know that I'm happy._

_I'll call you as soon as I can. _

_Love Bella.'_

We hoped regular contact with my family and the postcard from Bella would help assuage Charlie's worry. He was upset that Bella had felt running away was her only option. Alice kept assuring me that it was the right decision, that eventually Charlie would begrudgingly accept 'Bella's choice'. His tone when he spoke to my parents didn't seem to support Alice's confidence. In fact, it was obvious that he absolutely hated me.

Jacob went home early in the morning, after I promised him someone would call as soon as Bella woke. I promised we wouldn't leave until he'd had the chance to say goodbye. He still wasn't entirely comfortable with what she was becoming, and worried that Sam would try to end her life.

Kieran stayed close, but mostly huddled against the glass, watching me and Bella in the reflection as he continued his influence over her mind. I could hear his jealousy, but overriding everything else was a burning desire to make everything right.

On the second evening, Alice hacked into Bella's email account and sent the photoshopped wedding photos to both Renee and Charlie. Each time Charlie received new communication from 'Bella', he called Carlisle to see if they'd heard anything from me.

In the last email, 'Bella' advised her parents she was going to honeymoon for a week and would call them after we'd decided where to settle. I understood that she wouldn't be able to see them for some time to come—if ever again—but this way she could at least have contact if she wanted to.

By dawn the following day, Charlie was the least of my concerns. Bella's heartbeat had begun to race, her body temperature had fallen, and her skin was paler than it had ever been before.

_It's almost time_.

Kieran seemed to realize the time was right too. In her other world, Bella was leaving the hospital to go home.

In all of the rooms around me, everyone heard Bella's ever increasing heart rate. The mood in the house began to lift as all of the scheming and plotting to cover Bella's disappearance from Forks began to become redundant. Her change was almost complete and soon she would be one of us. She could call her family and put their mind at ease, and then we could actually disappear. We didn't have to worry about Charlie storming the castle to find his lost daughter.

Esme called Jacob to let him know to come back. I couldn't break my promise to him. He said he would be over as soon as he could. I had no idea whether he was planning on bringing reinforcements. I had no choice but to trust his friendship with Bella. I was certain we could convince both Jacob and Sam that it was Bella's choice to be immortal rather than…_dead_. Once they knew she would be happy, and that I would ensure she would never be a danger to humans, I was positive they would accept her.

Over the next few hours, my family began to migrate to my bedroom. They all knew Bella was in the final stages of the change and wanted to be by her side when she was roused from her dream-state. Again I was spurred by the positive thoughts of my family. Even Rosalie eagerly anticipated Bella's assimilation into our family.

Kieran began to give Bella mental clues that it was time to return to us. He wasn't sure how long it would take before her mind would accept them—or even if she would accept them. He warned me that she wouldn't wake until she was ready.

I watched her other world in awe. I saw Bella slide a key that was identical to the one I'd left with her, into the door of her imaginary house. An almost blinding light surrounded her. She moaned as the light faded around her and she became firmly entrenched in the real world.

"It's time, Edward." Alice spoke, showing me what was to come.

Through her vision, I saw Bella's eyes open to reveal crimson irises. The sight was one that had once made my dead heart ache, but now made it soar. The prospect of forever with Bella by my side made me incoherent with excitement.

Bella was my mate and I would never doubt the strength of our connection again.

"Bella, my love? I'm here. Try to relax," I whispered.

Bella's face contorted with pain and I knew she was experiencing the last of the fire racing through her veins. I was glad she hadn't been conscious for most of her ordeal; I don't think I could have survived being by her side for three days while she screamed in agony. The thought of her pain made my own body ache in sympathy.

"It's almost over," I soothed.

Bella reached her hand out blindly and I encased it in gently in my own. Her fingers weren't fragile and breakable. Her skin was the same temperature as mine. I wanted to run my hands over her body and relish in the feel of her. For the first time ever, that thought didn't petrify me. For once, I didn't worry that I would hurt her.

I studied the changes in her. She was still undeniably Bella: her face was still love-heart shaped, only her cheekbones were more prominent; her bottom lip was still just slightly too full for her top lip, but it served to make her pout appear fuller. She was Bella, refined in ways she hadn't needed to be refined but that served to make her infinitely more beautiful.

"I told you she'd be perfect," Alice said. _'You can't keep your eyes of her.' _

I smiled knowingly. I could have happily kicked everyone out of the room and stayed alone with Bella for hours…days…_weeks._ I knew I was never going to be able to get my fill of her or her love.

Bella's back arched off the sofa and she issued a low, pain-filled moan.

"It's okay, Bella, it's all going to be okay. You're doing so well. Soon we'll have all the time in the world to be together. I have no doubts. I love you."

I longed to reach out and stroke her forehead or her pale cheek, but I restrained myself. She was my Bella and I knew she would never intentionally hurt me, but she was also just about to be reborn as a being of incredible strength. She could hurt me so easily without even realizing. Bella would be stronger and faster than me and I would need to exercise caution around her.

Bella's heartbeats relentlessly pounded as they began to practically overlap each other.

Until suddenly, there was silence.

~ 0 ~

**A/N:- I wasn't going to post this until I had the next chap ready to go because I know everyone is chomping at the bit to know what happens next, unfortunately I know that with everything that's has been and will be going on with me at the moment I won't have another chapter for another little while. So this is a peace offering and a promise to post something more as soon as I can. **


	32. Chapter 32

~ 0 ~

**CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO**

~ 0 ~

_A/N:- Banner by FatesLoveQueen /oed60p _

_I own nothing. Boydblog helped me with this and I'll be forever thankful. _

_She fixed. I fiddled. Any mistakes that remain are on me. _

~ 0 ~

**~ BELLA CULLEN ~**

~ 0 ~

The silence after my heart stopped was deafening.

I kept my eyes closed, in fear that I'd find myself somewhere else entirely. I worried I could be in a place where nothing existed; where the knowledge I gained from my other world or the pain of my transformation meant nothing.

Slowly, sounds began to register. I could hear a dog barking in the distance. I could hear cars passing by at high speed. I could hear the distant howl of a wolf.

In my immediate vicinity though, there was absolute silence. Not even the sound of breathing.

"Bella?"

I opened my eyes quickly and turned my head to the side when I heard _his_ voice. I smiled involuntarily as I saw his eyes; happiness radiated from their depths as he looked at me.

"Edward," I whispered reverently.

I'd never truly understood just how beautiful he was. Even in the soft light filtering through the windows, his skin was slightly luminescent to my new eyes. I watched in awe as the refraction of light caused a kaleidoscope of colors to dance across his features. It was beautiful and mesmerizing. I wanted to stay in that moment forever; watching him watching me.

He raised our joined hands to his face and stroked the back of my hand across his cheek. The gentle touch seemed to rush through my body in an electric jolt, sending life and vitality to every cell. It was like I'd been reborn a second time in as many minutes. The simple touch wasn't enough—not nearly close to enough—I needed to feel more than the soft contact he had allowed. I rolled my body toward him, captured the back of his head with my free hand and pulled his head towards mine.

"Omph," he grunted as our lips met with an almost-violent crash.

I was going to apologize but instantly he'd sensed what I needed—or perhaps he needed it as well—and was kissing me back. I allowed the sensation of his lips, his teeth, and his tongue—every part of his mouth—to consume me.

He released my hand and then his fingers were running through my hair to caress the back of my neck.

I pulled him closer to me as I rolled over onto my back again, dragging him along with me. He moaned against my mouth; his chest rested against mine. He caressed my cheek and ran long fingers back and forth over my jaw.

The memories of my other world lingered in my mind and I thought about the heat Edward and I had shared there. I thought about how our bodies wrapped naturally around one another and how we moved in fluid motion. I was ready to experience all of that and more with this Edward—my _real_ Edward. The one who was no longer worried he would hurt me, he'd made that clear in the urgency of his kiss.

A throat cleared somewhere close—too close to be in another room—and I was alerted to the presence of others. I was unwilling to release Edward, but realized it would be far too indecent if we continued. Reluctantly, I broke from our kiss. Edward seemed just as unwilling to break the contact and rested his forehead against mine.

"Hi," I whispered.

"Wow," was all he could respond with.

I knew that if I'd still been human, I would have been blushing red. Edward seemed to have the same thought. He brought his hand to my face and stroked my cheek lightly.

"I'm going to miss that," he said wistfully.

_Did he hear my thoughts? _

I sat up, at least that was my intention, but I ended up standing, tipping Edward off me in the process. He righted himself immediately, and flew backwards away from me.

The atmosphere in the room felt thick with tension.

"What's the matter?" I asked.

It was almost like there was a threat in the room. I was instantly alert by the change. I turned one way and then the other, looking for the intruder.

A slow smile spread across Edward's lips. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing."

I watched his smile and then glanced around at his family again. They were visibly more relaxed as soon as the words left Edward's mouth.

Then I realized _I _was the threat.

"What did I do wrong?" I asked.

Edward chuckled. "_You_ didn't do anything wrong."

"None of us have ever seen a newborn so…_in control_," Jasper said. "We're waiting for the moment when the thirst gets too much."

Almost as soon as he implied it, the fire that had raged in my throat since waking, became the sole focus in my mind.

Edward frowned at Jasper before stepping closer to me. He traced a finger along my throat. "You need to hunt. There'll be time to talk later."

I shook my head. "I want to talk now, there's so much I want to know."

Edward's hand shifted so that he cupped my cheek. "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

I raised my hand to find Edward's and interlaced our fingers.

"What do you want to know?"

"Everything."

Edward laughed. "You might need to be just a little bit more specific."

I tried to focus my mind back to my last memory of this world. The fear and pain I felt was muddled with feelings of overwhelming love for Edward from the other world Kieran had sent me to.

"I want to know what happened after Kieran…" I trailed off, wondering how much Edward knew about what happened. I recalled Kieran confirming that Edward had changed me, but I wasn't sure whether Edward had rescued me from Kieran's jaws or whether Kieran had found the strength to do it himself. "Just tell me everything that I don't know."

"I'll tell you anything you want to know, on one condition," Edward said.

I tilted my head in confusion.

"You hunt, I'll talk."

"I do believe I've heard that somewhere before."

A vague human memory flooded into my mind. '_You eat, I'll talk.'_

Edward laughed, no doubt recalling the conversation in much greater detail than I could. He had the advantage of being immortal at the time. Even with only a few brief moments of immortality behind me, I realized just how differently the world appeared through my new eyes.

I was about to ask where we would go for my first hunt when Edward growled softly. I felt and heard movement behind me, which drew my attention.

Kieran offered me an anxious smile as he moved closer to where Edward and I stood.

I could feel Edward's body stiffen beside mine and I squeezed his hand gently in return.

"Bella," Kieran's voice was soft and full of regret. "I…I…" He sighed heavily.

Edward pulled me closer to his side; the touch of my hand in his did little to ease the conflict radiating from him.

"I don't even know where to start," Kieran said, scrubbing the back of his neck nervously. "I've done so many things, some I'm not proud of and some I'd do again in an instant."

I wondered which was which and whether he really knew what he'd done to hurt Edward and me. But as angry as I was to him for the pain he'd inflicted, I owed him 'Thanks' for giving me somewhere to recover from heartbreak and rediscover myself after Edward left, even though it may not have been his original intention. He'd given me a place where I could relive Edward's love for me.

Kieran had hurt me and intentionally bewildered me, but he'd also saved me.

"Why are you still here?" I asked.

I had no doubt he'd had multiple opportunities to flee. I wondered why he'd risked his life and stayed. There was so much I didn't know about what took place while I was unconscious.

A look of hurt that crossed Kieran's features for just a microsecond. He opened his mouth to respond, but I held up my hand to silence him. I wanted answers, but I wanted them from Edward first and foremost.

My throat began to burn with a renewed vigor and the precious few seconds since hunting had first been mentioned suddenly felt like an eternity. Edward seemed to sense on my discomfort and he squeezed my hand.

"You _need_ to hunt, love. We can deal with everything else afterward."

Kieran stepped to the side and allowed Edward and I to pass. An instant later we were at the back door and running into the forest. I could barely believe the speed I had at my disposal. I felt a smile creep across my face as I pushed myself to go even faster. I heard Edward's laughter beside me and turned to look at him. Unlike when I'd been trapped inside Kieran's fantasy of what my immortality might be like, this felt completely right. I felt like I had finally found my place in the world—side by side with Edward.

The sound of Edward's happiness echoed through the forest. I slowed my pace so I could watch him run, momentarily carefree. My thirst and all thoughts of hunting flew from my mind as I watched the muscles on his smooth arms flex and ripple beneath the soft fabric of his shirt. I stopped running completely and within seconds Edward had stopped too.

"Bella, is something wr—"

He wasn't even able to get the sentence out before I had thrown myself across the gap between us and met his lips. My arms wrapped around his shoulders and I pulled his body against mine. His hands were instantly on my hips pulling my body even closer to his. Our tongues dueled for dominance in a kiss that was mind-blowingly different from any that we'd shared while I was still human. He used every part of his mouth to explore every part of mine. His lips melded against mine in ways that were unfamiliar but wonderful. It was an extension of our first kiss once I'd woken, deeper and completely unreserved. There was nothing he was holding back any more.

He moaned with pleasure and his hand began to rub gently from my waist down to my thigh, each pass seemed to generate greater desire in my body.

"Oh, Edward," I murmured into his ear after breaking the kiss to taste his jaw and throat.

His hand followed the same trail again, only when he reached my thigh, he lifted my leg and wrapped it around his waist. The change in position left his body pressing against mine with just the perfect amount of friction. I grabbed his other hand and guided it to my breast. Without hesitation his fingers began to explore the curves of my new body.

My hips bucked against his unashamedly as I caught his lips again. I went to push his shirt open just a little more but the fabric tore apart in my hands. I stopped kissing him for a moment, aghast at what I'd done, but when I met his eyes they contained such lust I couldn't stop myself from attacking him again.

He fingered the hem of the dress I'd been dressed into, pulling it off over my head in one swift move. The dress fell to the forest floor and Edward stood still for a moment, his eyes blazing a trail across my body. He traced one hand across my cheek, allowing it to follow the path of his eyes; along my throat and over my collarbone.

"So beautiful," he murmured reverently.

I reached for him, pulling his lips back to mine. His words inspired emotions deeper than anything I'd ever experienced before. My fingertips traced over the hard planes of his chest, his skin supple beneath their caress. I wanted to touch every inch of his skin, to kiss every part of his body. My mind and body reveled in the sensations felt by my newly enhanced senses.

I lifted my lips from Edward's long enough to ask, "Is this how you always feel?"

He chuckled. "Only when I'm with you, my love."

Instead of renewing our kiss, he bent to kiss my throat and neck. His lips travelled across my body, dropping lower with each pass. First his tongue grazed my collarbone and then, moments later, it caressed one of my nipples. His fleeting, gentle practice while I was still human was nothing compared to how the urgency he seemed to touch me with now. I kept waiting for the moment that he would pull back and say we should stop; instead he seemed to press on more desperately. There was something almost animalistic in his touch, as if he'd unleashed parts of himself that he'd previously restrained. I wondered at just how careful he'd had to be all the time and how much he'd had to hold back. The love I felt for him, which I already thought was more than enough to overwhelm me, swelled until I could practically feel it radiating from me.

As if he could sense the way I felt, Edward's touch grew more intimate. He helped me gently to the ground before pressing his body over mine. He brushed a stray hair from my face and kissed me sweetly while his other hand explored my stomach and dropped ever lower. He looked at me seeking approval and I responded with a small nod.

He kissed me again; his tongue exploring and tasting. His fingers brushed against me once before he slowly pressed one inside. I gasped at the unexpected feeling of another's touch—a shadow memory from my fantasy world—but this was so much better than what my mind had dreamed up.

I spread my legs wider to give Edward more access, feeling both wanted and wanton. A second finger curled inside me with the first and I felt like I was going to burst with the sheer intensity of feelings racing around my hypersensitive body.

I mumbled Edward's name as he slid his fingers inside me at a pace that seemed to speed with each second that passed. I wasn't sure how long I would last before I exploded into a thousand pieces of pure bliss. Before I could reach Nirvana, Edward whispered in my ear, "I want you."

I knew what he was asking, and what he was offering, and I knew it wasn't being given lightly. I wanted him so desperately, so urgently all I could do was nod. In the next second we were both completely undressed and I could feel Edward pressing against me, taking a second to relish in the moment before everything changed for both of us. I cried out in relief when he pushed himself into me, filling me so completely, so perfectly that I wished we could spend eternity in that moment.

I wrapped my legs tightly around his waist, barely giving him enough room to maneuver. I needed to feel him, to touch him, so badly. I reached around his back and pulled his head toward mine until our foreheads met. He smiled as he met my eyes.

"Hello, beautiful," he breathed as he thrust into me again.

I tilted my head back as a wave of pleasure rolled through me. When I met his eyes again, I smiled in return. "I love you."

He pressed a soft kiss to my lips. "And I, you."

~ 0 ~

Our time on the forest floor was over all too soon. Almost as soon as I experienced the pure bliss of vampire love, the pain in my throat flared and reminded me of the real reason we'd left his family. Edward waited while I dressed before guiding me toward my first hunt.

The blood from the deer I'd drained hadn't even reached my stomach before the sight of Edward stalking his prey shirtless, with his pants hanging loosely from his hips because of the missing buttons, gave me a new, desperate need to have him.

In less than a second, I had knocked him off his feet and had him pressed against a tree. I kissed him hard, pouring every ounce of desire I felt straight back into him. I hitched my legs around his waist and he easily held me in place. Without breaking the kiss, I slipped one hand between our bodies and pushed his loose pants to the ground. In the same move, I guided him back inside me.

He guided my hips over his again and again. To enhance the feeling of his rough, desperate movements, I held onto his shoulders and leaned my head back. He used the space between our bodies to bring his lips to my chest, kissing and gently nibbling on my sensitive skin. It wasn't long before my world exploded with ecstasy again. Still supporting me, Edward sunk to the forest floor, to rest below the tree that we'd been leaning against.

"Am I ever going to stop needing you this much?" I asked.

Edward's lips caressed my throat as he breathed, "I hope not."

I placed my hands on his cheeks and guided his lips back to mine. He moaned as I shifted against his chest.

"Me either."

I couldn't believe how happy I was, the pain and heartache I'd experienced, as a human, seemed to fade into the background—only able to be recalled with the greatest concentration. I spent a moment trying to remember my life in the weeks leading up to Victoria's attack. I turned my mind onto the pain I'd been in, then on the confusion I'd felt.

"I wish I knew what you were thinking," Edward murmured, touching his fingertips to my temples.

"You don't know?" I asked.

He'd seemed so in tune with my every need since waking, I'd assumed that whatever had caused my mind to be silent to him had corrected itself during my change.

He smiled, utterly carefree for the moment. "Unfortunately not, I'd thought maybe—"

I cut him off with a laugh. "Me too."

"Now who can read thoughts?" Edward teased.

I leaned against his bare chest. "I was just thinking how different everything is now."

He wrapped his arms around me, holding me securely. "Not everything."

~ 0 ~

**A/N:- As I said to the ever-lovely Boydblog when I sent her this chapter to beta, please don't die of shock. I know it's been a long time—too long—but unfortunately that's the way life is sometimes. Thank you to everyone who is still with me, I appreciate the effort it can sometimes take to find time in your day to read & review so thank you. **

**There is more to come, hopefully soon if my mojo holds—if not I apologise in advance for any delays. **


	33. Chapter 33

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**CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE**

~ 0 ~

_A/N:- Banner by FatesLoveQueen /oed60p _

_I own nothing. Boydblog helped me with this and I'll be forever thankful. _

_She fixed. I fiddled. Any mistakes that remain are on me. _

~ 0 ~

**~ EDWARD CULLEN ~**

~ 0 ~

Bella and I lay in an intimate embrace underneath the tree for hours.

She eventually began to ask the same questions she'd asked when she'd first woken. I was initially apprehensive about how she would react to my answers.

I explained to her, how people I considered to be part of my extended family had been instrumental in her pain.

When it came to the part in the story when I had to tell her what I'd done to save her, my instinct was to hold her tighter. I was sure she would try to break free and run from me. Instead she listened calmly to the story, interjecting occasionally to ask a question or add some information she knew that I didn't.

"How do you do that?" I asked.

She looked at me with confusion clear in her eyes. "Do what?"

"Control your emotions so well."

"What do you mean?"

"I was worried all of these memories would be too painful. I still remember what it's like being a newborn. It's so easy to lose control of your emotions."

She shrugged. "I'm just too happy that I'm here, with you, to worry about those things. None of that can hurt me anymore."

"_Nothing_ will ever hurt you again. Or come between us," I promised.

"I know."

She kissed me, her mouth hard and desperate. I was wrong when I'd said she was entirely in control. She seemed to vacillate wildly between thirst, happiness and lust. However, when compared with Rosalie, Emmett, Esme and even myself, Bella was the most controlled newborn I had ever encountered. I just hoped she remained in control when I shared the next part of the story. I had to admit to her the measures we'd taken while she was unconscious.

"Bella, there's something else I need to tell you," I admitted, knowing if she kept kissing me like she was, we'd be wrapped up in each other again in no time. Not that I would complain about taking her again, and again, and again—in fact I was very possibly becoming insatiable for her touch—but I wanted to be honest with her.

Bella stilled and waited for me to continue.

"We had to tell Charlie something to explain your disappearance."

She gasped. "Charlie!"

I could tell by the change in her demeanor that she felt emotional. I wondered that in the excitement and rush of new sensations from her change, she hadn't given her father or mother much thought.

I understood. When I woke from my transformation, my parents were already a vague shadow in my memory. It was only that I could see them in Carlisle's mind that I could even recall what they looked like.

"It's okay, love," I reassured her. "He's not happy with you at the moment, but he knows you're safe."

"What did you tell him?"

"I didn't want to say anything that would hurt you when you woke. I wanted it to be your choice when you broke off contact. You know it won't be safe for him to see you, but if he thinks you're still alive you may be able to talk to him on the phone."

"So he knows I'm okay?"

I smiled slyly. I wasn't entirely sure how she would feel about our deception. Personally, I was elated to be able to call her my wife, even if we hadn't actually taken our vows yet.

"Tell me," she demanded.

I bit down my nerves. "Charlie thinks we're on our honeymoon."

To my surprise, she laughed. "Why would he think that?"

I tilted my head in confusion, and then I realized what I'd said and how she'd taken it. She assumed Charlie just _thought_ we'd eloped, not that he'd been presented with so much evidence over the last few days that he had no choice but to accept our marriage.

"Our family is very skilled in deception, Bella."

She smiled and nuzzled closer to me. "_Our_ family. I like that."

"Me too."

"What did they do?"

"They've sent postcards, emails and photos. The paper-trail they've created would be enough to convince anyone that you and I have run away together to get married and live the rest of our lives."

"I like that." She smiled. "How is he taking it?"

I didn't want to lie to her. "He's angry, but that's only to be expected."

She wrapped her arms around her chest protectively; I wrapped my arms around her as well.

"Don't worry, my love, Alice has assured me he'll understand."

She nodded but her face still showed her sorrow.

An ill-feeling began to build inside me.

_Is Bella having second thoughts about this life? _

_Does she regret asking me to save her?_

"I'm sorry," I said.

Her finger whipped up to press against my lips. "No! Don't apologize. Do I wish that we'd had more time to discuss and prepare for this? Yes, of course. But I'm not sorry that I'm going to have forever to spend in your arms. I'm not sorry that all my dreams have come true."

My cold, dead heart was so filled with joy and life that I almost thought it might beat again.

"I am happy," she assured me.

"Me too, more than I could have ever imagined."

She kissed me again and straddled my lap. "I know how to make you happier."

My fingers found the curve of her hips and guided her over me. I couldn't believe how insatiable I was for her after spending so long stifling my desire and reining in my touch. Perhaps it was because of how careful I'd had to be and how unrestrained I could now be. I trailed my lips down the soft column of Bella's throat, loving the sounds that my lips could elicit from her.

'_I was supposed to be there when she woke up. When I arrive, I find they've already left. It's pretty typical really, what else did I expect when it came to Bella?' _

I stilled my movements as soon as I heard Jacob's internal grumbling. I gathered her dress and handed it to her. "We'll have company in a few minutes."

She pulled on her clothes and quickly stood to allow me to do the same.

"Who is it?" She asked quietly.

"Jacob."

"We need to go."

Her entire demeanor shifted, she was actually beginning to show some of the fluctuating emotions I would expect from a newborn.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I can't be around a _human_."

I wrapped my arms around her, which seemed to ground her a little—at least she no longer looked like she was ready to flee at any second. "I've got you, but there's something you need to know about Jacob."

"Please don't hold me, I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want to hurt _you_."

"You won't," I promised her. "But you need to know that Jacob isn't human."

"What do you mean, not human?" She chuckled nervously.

"Do you remember the Quileute legends? The ones Jacob told you on First Beach, when you didn't know what I was."

Her brow puckered in concentration for a moment before she shook her head.

I knew Jacob wasn't far off; he was close enough that he could hear our conversation. He was in human form and walking at human speed. Bella heard his footsteps and tensed in my arms.

"It's going to be fine," I said, as much to myself as to Bella. I still wasn't entirely sure where the Quileute's stood on her change.

_Do they regard the treaty as broken? _

"Bella?" Jacob's voice rang out through the air. _'I hope they're decent.'_

"Jake? What's going on?"

Jacob's mind processed the difference in Bella's voice. He mourned for her lost humanity, but I was relieved to hear the relief that colored his thoughts that she was alive—or at least an approximation of it. I hoped it was a positive sign when it came to the way the wolves viewed her change.

He didn't answer for a moment as he closed the distance between us. When he came into our view, and when he could see Bella in return, he stopped. I watched her through his eyes, her tousled hair, her smooth, white skin. I growled in reaction to some of the thoughts that ran though his mind when he saw her. Bella's hands tightened around my arms, it was her turn to ground me.

'_Don't worry, _leech_, you won. She's just… more beautiful than I would have thought. I didn't think it was possible.'_

He took one step closer to us and Bella tensed.

"Please keep back, Jake. It's not safe for you to be near me."

He frowned. "I'm not going to hurt you, Bella."

"You don't understand. I know it seems impossible, but I'm worried _I _might hurt you."

Jacob grinned and then cocked an eyebrow. "Wait, for real? You think I'd _let_ you hurt me?"

Bella started to explain, but I shook my head to silence her.

"Jacob knows what we are," I stated. "He has secrets of his own. You're both a danger to each other. I don't think either of you would intentionally hurt each other, but let's just stay where we are for the moment."

"What do you mean Jake's got secrets?" She looked between Jacob and I.

"She doesn't know?" he asked.

"As hard as it may be to believe, discussing ancient Quileute legends and how they pertain to reality hasn't really been the most important thing for us to discuss."

Jacob rolled his eyes. _'There's no need to be rude.'_ "I'm a wolf, Bella."

She laughed until she realized that neither Jacob nor I were laughing. Her eyebrows puckered together in concentration.

"That's what Victoria meant?" Bella said. "_'Isn't that right, doggy.'" _

Jacob nodded. "I'm sorry I couldn't do more. I was so close to phasing that whole time, but if I had, I know I would have killed you."

Bella shook her head. "I'm sorry that you were caught up in this mess. It's my fault."

"It wasn't your fault. No one is to blame for what Victoria did to you, no one but Victoria and her friends," I told her, rubbing her arms soothingly.

'_Including the ones your family vouched for.'_

I recognized Jacob's angry thoughts as instinctual and not trying to assign blame. Nonetheless, he was right and it was a reminder of another thing I'd done wrong that had hurt Bella. I just had to remind myself that she was strong now, she was unbreakable, my mistakes might have been fatal to her but despite everything she was by my side.

"The stories you told me..." Bella was concentrating hard, no doubt trying to recall old human memories. "Enemies of the wolves are the cold ones. Does that mean we're enemies now?"

Jacob crossed his arms. "What do you think, Bells? Do you hate me?"

"I don't think so."

Jacob took a few steps toward us. Bella patted my arm before stepping away from me. Seeing my mate step unprotected toward a werewolf, even one that I would almost regard as a friend, went against my every instinct. It was only the calmness in Jacob's thoughts that stilled me. The two of them stepped closer to each other while I stood behind Bella. I listened to Jacob's thoughts for any indication that his intentions were to hurt her in any way. The only thing his mind gave away was his discomfort from her new smell.

The wind shifted to blow his scent back toward us.

"What on Earth is that stench?" Bella asked turning back to me.

I had to laugh. "That would be Jacob."

Jacob screwed up his nose. "Well at least I don't smell like I bathed in a bucket of bleach."

I could see Bella's discomfort, no doubt caused by her proximity to Jacob. I closed the distance between us to help put her back at ease.

"I know your body wants to flee, but underneath that is the way you really feel."

She relaxed against me. "No, Jake, we're not enemies."

"Unless there's something you need to convey from the pack?" I interjected, seizing the opportunity to ask about the treaty.

He shook his head. "Sam appreciated what you did for the tribe, you helped hunt down our attackers and you only did what was necessary in order to save Bella. The treaty will be extended to Bella if she agrees to abide by the same rules."

"I will," Bella said before the rules had even been explained. "If it's something my family agreed to, then I'm willing to agree as well."

"We're not allowed beyond the treaty lines around La Push and we mustn't _bite_ a human," I whispered into her ear in explanation.

Her fingers brushed her neck where she'd been bitten. "Does that mean you broke the treaty saving me?"

I nodded. "Technically, yes."

"But we're willing to overlook it," Jacob said. "Bella, the thought of you…dying. When I came to and saw you being tortured, I knew I would do anything I could to get you out of there."

Bella looked to the ground. "Thank you, and I'm sorry."

"Don't say sorry," he admonished. "Like Edward said, it wasn't your fault."

"Sorry." I chuckled.

"Actually, Jacob, there is something I have to apologize for," Edward said. I didn't anticipate Bella waking as suddenly as she did, or I would have contacted you earlier. Once she had woken, I wanted her to hunt as soon as possible or we would have waited."

He cocked an eyebrow. "Sure, _hunt_."

His thoughts painted vivid pictures of what he thought I was using the word as a euphemism for, especially considering our current dress. He wasn't far off base, but I didn't want to confirm that.

"Newborns need to hunt regularly, especially if we expect Bella to be able to control her instincts and only feed from animals."

Bella looked between Jacob and I, seeming to understand the non-verbal communication between us.

"I'm sorry I didn't wait for you, Jake," she said. "I really did need to hunt, and I wanted to get some answers."

He nodded. "I know, Dr Cullen explained it to me when I arrived. I wanted to give you some time, but I couldn't wait all day, I need to get back to Sam and see what his next plan is."

I could see in his thoughts the plan was about hunting Laurent and Irina, they wanted to make accountable all of those involved in the raid on the village. They'd already destroyed the blond vampire and Victoria.

"What about Kieran?" I asked.

Bella whipped her head around to look at me. "What do you mean?"

"The wolves plan to hunt everyone who attacked their village."

"You can't stop us," Jacob said. "My family was attacked and I want justice."

"I'm not going to try to stop you, my family were hurt by their actions too."

"You can't hurt Kieran," Bella said suddenly. "I know what he did was wrong, I know he hurt me, but I don't think he…"

As she began her worried rambling, Jacob's thoughts showed me exactly what happened with Kieran. I couldn't say I was happy with it, but at least it meant that Bella wasn't forced to make a similar, painful choice.

"Shh, Bella, don't worry," I assured her. "They're not going to hurt Kieran."

Jacob reached for her hand. After an initial reaction to flinch away, Bella took his hands.

"I saw what Kieran did for you, Bella. I saw him try to save you. He made a bad choice, a terrible choice, but you know what, I can understand why he did it." His eyes flickered between me and Bella. "I understand what it's like to see the person you love, in love with someone else. I know the pain that causes and how easy it is to make a mistake."

Bella frowned. I couldn't be sure whether she knew he meant he was in love with her or not, but I could tell she felt sorry for him regardless.

"Alice and Jasper were going to make sure Kieran didn't leave," I said.

"And _I_ insisted he could. As much as I hate to admit it, he's going to be valuable to the pack. And if he steps out of line, we'll take care of him."

"Jake, you can't hurt him," Bella said.

"I won't, unless I have to. I promise."

Bella pulled him into a hug. "Thank you, Jake. I'm not sure what happens next, but please take care of Charlie."

She looked at me and I could tell by the set of her features that she was beginning to burn again.

"Thank you for seeking us out, Jacob, but Bella really needs to hunt again."

"I don't suppose I'll see you again, Bella. Take care."

"Don't say that, Jake. You're still my friend."

He nodded. "We'll see."

He pulled himself away from her arms and ran a few steps before bursting into his other form. Bella gasped with shock as the mountainous wolf appeared in front of her. He snickered internally at his reaction.

'_See you 'round, Cullen,'_ he thought back at me as he disappeared from view.

~ 0 ~

Bella took to immortality better than I could have imagined or hoped for. Within a week she felt ready to call Charlie to tell him she was okay. He was unsurprisingly angry at the start of the call, but calmed as she told him of her wonderful 'new' life and promised to come visit him once we were more settled. He made it clear that I wasn't welcome, but Bella had just laughed off his concerns.

Sam visited our family to officially discuss the future of the treaty, but we weren't worried after Jacob's visit. I was able to glean their plan from Sam's thoughts. Jacob, Paul and Jared had all left La Push with Kieran to hunt Laurent and Irina.

After Sam had left, we contacted Tanya from Denali again to discuss her sister's betrayal of our family and my mate. I explained what Irina had done for love, the misdeeds she performed with Laurent, the danger she'd helped place Bella in. Kate and Tanya wanted us to forgive their sister but I explained we could not be responsible for the wolves reaction. We tried to be the voice of reason, but I worried about what might happen once the wolves caught up with Laurent and Irina.

Our family began to debate what to do next. Bella and I couldn't risk being seen in the area, if we did Charlie would undoubtedly find out and want to see her. However, as the rest of my family had just moved back to Forks it was deemed too dangerous for them to move again so suddenly. In the end, we agreed Bella and I would stay with our Denali relatives until Bella was able to control herself around humans. Then we might be able to risk returning to Forks, at least temporarily.

Bella and I took our time packing the few possessions we were taking with us. It was almost a week later before we finally decided we were ready to move. We took our time on the drive, stopping at a few different hotels along the way.

When we finally arrived in Denali, Kate and Tanya were distraught.

"We've had another visitor," Kate explained. I saw in her mind a surprise arrival and the news he had to deliver.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"Irina?" Bella asked, the horror of the situation evident in her voice.

Kate nodded sadly.

"There is some good news though," Tanya said softly. I was in disbelief about what her thoughts showed.

"Kieran?" I asked. "Really?"

Tanya smiled softly.

"What's happening?" Bella asked.

"Perhaps it's best if I explain it to you?" Kieran's voice floated from the house and indicated that she should follow him inside.

Bella looked at me and I nodded and squeezed her hand gently. She took a hesitate step toward the house, turning back with concern as I released her hand to allow her to go on her own.

"Go," I said. "I'll be right out here."

~ 0 ~


	34. Chapter 34

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**CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR**

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_A/N:- Banner by FatesLoveQueen /oed60p _

_I own nothing. Boydblog helped me with this and I'll be forever thankful. _

_She fixed. I fiddled. Any mistakes that remain are on me. _

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**~ BELLA CULLEN ~**

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I followed the sound of Kieran's voice into the house, feeling like I was the only person who didn't understand what was happening. I noticed his scent permeated every room as I continued to search for him, finally finding him in one of the back bedrooms. He sat on the end of the bed and stared up at me as I entered. His amber eyes explored my face, searching for something unknown.

"What's happening?" I asked. "Why are you here?"

"Jake and I found Irina and Laurent," he confirmed.

I raised my eyebrow. "Jake?"

He laughed. "It's strange isn't it how someone that is built to be an enemy can become your closest confidant."

"I'm lost."

"There were times when I worried for my life, especially with the other wolves. But Jake and I had an _affinity_," he said. "We both thought we were in love with the same girl."

I found myself looking at my feet. Jake's words about why he'd helped Kieran escape from Alice and Jasper made more sense. "Kieran, I—"

He held up his hand. "Please, don't. It's not like that anymore. I understand now, I really do. I still love you, Bella. I care about what happens to you, and I want to protect you and make sure you can never get hurt, but I'm not _in _love with you. To be honest, I don't really know if I ever actually was. It took coming here for me to finally get it."

"I still don't understand."

"It started when we caught up with Laurent and Irina."

He seemed concerned about continuing, so I nodded in encouragement.

"Jake and Jared destroyed Laurent."

I winced away from his words. I might have been a vampire—in theory, a blood-thirsty monster—but I didn't like to hear about senseless loss of life.

"After Laurent's death there was a moment where I was willing to consider granting her a second chance, but then she looked up at me with her _red_ eyes. The wolves wouldn't let her live after they saw them and, to be honest, I supported their choice. As soon as Irina realized her fate, she fell to her knees and begged for her life. As the wolves attacked, she warned them about her family, her sisters, and promised they'd avenge her death."

"You fed like that once," I accused.

He looked ashamed. "I did. And I have you to thank for re-awakening my humanity. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have what I have now."

"Which is?"

"I came here to confront her sisters, to take whatever punishment they felt I deserved. The wolf pack offered to back me up, but I refused. I didn't want to risk their lives if the sisters were intent on revenge."

"But you risked your own?"

"I had nothing to lose. I came here thinking that the love of my existence had mated with someone else. I was ready to die."

I shook my head. I couldn't believe I had broken him so thoroughly.

"Don't feel bad for me, Bella. I know the truth now. I know that everything happens for a reason and it was all designed to lead me where I need to be."

"Here?" I asked.

With Tanya."

As he said her name his eyes softened and a smile crept across his lips.

"Tanya?" I asked. "Do you mean…"

I trailed off as his smile widened. His answer to my unfinished question was obvious, he was happier than I'd ever seen him.

"I came expecting death and found love instead."

I wondered if he now understood why there was never really a contest between him and Edward. I could see in his eyes a new contentment that had never been there before, that told me he did. I felt relieved that he'd experienced true love—not just the initial infatuation that had drawn him to me.

"I'm happy for you," I said. "I really am."

"Thanks, Bella. I have to say, I get it. I finally get why it all happened. I don't know how to explain it, other than to tell you all the facts, even those ones that are not very pretty."

I knew life wasn't pretty, and knew I'd never had to face half of the horrors Kieran had seen during his existence.

"There was a time, not long after learning the truth about what I was, when I felt like a god. With little effort on my part, I could see every person's greatest desire. I could take them to a place where those wishes could come true."

He sounded almost angry with himself.

"I thought that I was being _generous_ by giving them their desires in exchange for their life-blood. I fooled myself for so many years that I was better than other vampires because I gave people a few fleeting moments of pure joy."

I couldn't believe what he was saying, the words were horrific, but so was the clear contempt he had for his old ways.

"Then I saw you. I saw the way Edward was when he turned away from your spilling blood. I began to realize that however noble I thought I was being, I was still cursing people with the same fate that could have easily been mine—an early death. A life unlived. I longed to have my humanity back but I didn't know how to get there. Seeing _your_ deepest desires made me realize that the one thing I'd been looking for all along was love.

"I saw the way you loved Edward, and the way he loved you in return. Through the two of you, I felt things I'd never felt before. I thought what I felt was love."

"You nearly destroyed what Edward and I had because you _thought _you loved me?"

He nodded sadly. "I think I was in love with the _idea _of being in love. Certainly the reflection of love I experienced from you made me feel more alive than I had in a very long time. But like I said, Bella, I do love you. Since that day I discovered the real you, I learned what it was like being close to you. I felt affection for you, but I know now I was never _in_ love with you."

I stepped closer to him and he stood. I reached for his arm, touching his shoulder lightly in a sign of support.

"Who would have thought we'd end up here." I grinned at him, knowing that despite the heartache and pain we'd caused each other, we'd emerged on the other side of it exactly how we should have. We'd both grown and become exactly who we were supposed to be—and found the people we were truly supposed to be with.

"You are my Rosaline," he said eventually.

I tilted my head in confusion.

"You are the one who opened my eyes to love, but Tanya is my Juliet; my indestructible, perfect Juliet. I really do have you to thank for it. Now that I've found her, I can't imagine my life without Tanya in it."

I still owed him for the chain of events that had led Edward back into my life and secured him by my side forever. "I know the feeling, so let's just call it even."

"Deal," he said with a smile.

We turned and headed back to our mates, ready to enjoy the rest of our respective eternities.

~ End ~

**A/N:- I have a few apologies to make for this chapter. **

**Sorry it took so long and sorry it's not longer. I've had it sitting more or less **(I've just made a few minor edits today) **in this current state for a few months while I waited for the time and inspiration to finish it with a longer chapter. I have now admitted to myself that this isn't going to happen any time soon. I have new characters that I am playing with now, original characters and original settings, that are taking up so much of my time that I just can't dedicate the time to Bella and Edward that I would like. I wanted to finish this story though being that I've been so close to finishing for a while now. If you read His Bite, I have put that on hiatus because although I would like to finish it one day, I just can't see that happening any time soon. **

**Any o/s's that I planned on continuing will no longer be continued. I'm not trying to make a big deal of this, I'm not making any big announcements anyway, but rather I'm hoping to slide quietly into obscurity with little more than a 'thank you for reading'. It's been a blast writing FF & Twilight has brought so many wonderful things into my life that I can't even begin to explain them all. **


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